44. COLE

COLE

H olden's exhaust fills my nostrils as I watch him peel through the gate. I wasn't planning on telling him the truth. Ever. It was a secret that was meant to die with me. Even if it kills me every time he calls me brother. I don't deserve the title. I haven't since that night.

Watching him with Kadence grows harder and harder each day. Reliving every fucking haunted memory I have of Becca while watching them grow closer. I'm not angry that they're together. I'm angry that I don't have that anymore. That picking Becca up in my arms isn't an option. No matter how much her touch haunts me or how her peach and cinnamon scent still lingers in my bedroom.

Everything is falling apart and no matter how much I'm told it's not my fault, I know it is. Everyone is relying on me. Everyone looks to me for answers. I never asked for that. I never asked to be President of a motorcycle club at twenty. Barely a kid myself and still falling for a girl who was forbidden to me. I don't know if I can handle the pressure anymore.

“Will you quit it?” Her laugh echoes through the shop. “We’re going to get caught.”

Becca’s arms wrap around my neck after failing to shove me off of her. I laugh and bury my face into her neck, nipping at her collarbone. "I thought you weren't going to wear these dresses to work anymore," I mutter against her skin, taking in her scent. Peaches mixed with motor oil from being in the office all day.

"I don't remember making such a deal," she says in a breathy voice as my lips graze the column of her neck. "I do remember you telling me that if I wore one again, you'd murder every man that looked at me."

I growl. "I haven't done enough murdering today then."

Becca shoves my shoulder, pulling back from me with a frown. "You'd never murder your brothers."

"If they stare at your ass in these dresses I will," I say, capturing her lips.

Slotting myself between her legs, I tug at the hem of her dress. As soon as the garage doors shut, I had her back against my toolbox. With the lid flipped closed it took me two seconds to plant her there and kiss her how I've been wanting to do all fucking day.

My favorite smile grows on her lips as my hands roam up her thighs, sliding further to where I knew she wanted me. "We have to tell them sometime, Cole."

I hum, dropping my head to her chest and kissing along the swell of her breasts. Becca pulls back again leaning against the wall behind her and digs her fingers into my beard as she cups my face. "I'm serious. We've been secretive for long enough."

Sighing, I relent on my attack on her skin. We've had this conversation a million times and it's always the same. "Your brother is going to kill me."

"My brother is in prison," she says, nipping at my bottom lip, making it harder to focus on what she's saying.

"He also gets out today," I counter. "If he knew what I've been doing to his sister, he'd kill me."

She lets out a soft whine as my hand cups her breast. "I need you to tell him the truth. I can't lie worth shit to Holden, you know that."

"Baby, I really don't want to be having this conversation with my hand practically in you and the other around your tit," I huff against her skin again and pull back. I cage her in with my hands on either side of her hips on the toolbox. "You really want to tell him?" I ask, searching her eyes.

Becca nods as she combs her fingers through my hair. “Tomorrow though. Tonight, after your meeting, I want you all to myself before shit hits the fan.”

“That’s a great vote of confidence,” I laugh. “You mean you want one more roll around the sheets before I’m a dead man.”

She grins and I swear it lights up the entire shop despite the fluorescent bulbs still lit above us. “Better make it worth it then.”

I groan, pulling her into my arms and nuzzle against her neck again. "Fine, but I'm haunting this perfect ass if I die."

"Deal." She giggles as I dig my fingers into her ribs.

The meeting went far longer than I fucking expected. Stokes droned on about getting new girls at Moon. I wasn't interested. I was pretty sure where the girls were coming from and I wanted nothing to fucking do with it but I didn't have a choice because I couldn't prove it.

More than once, I checked the time on my phone and each time after the first I hadn't missed the way Holden watched me. I knew I needed to chill but all I could think about was getting back to her. For years, Becca invaded my mind. Her laugh, her smile. Everything about her felt like sunshine on the cloudiest days and I want nothing more than for my darkness to be swallowed whole by her light.

Once Holden was picked up by Stokes, we grew closer until one night I couldn't take it anymore. That kiss was still burned in my mind and since then she had rooted herself so deep in my veins I never wanted her to leave.

As soon as the meeting finished, I climbed on my bike and headed towards our spot. The bridge we'd go to as kids and one that Becca and I claimed over the last year and a half while Holden was away. More than once we've snuck out during the day or at night to get a few moments of peace. Which usually leads to us crawling into her bed at an ungodly hour and spending our time lost in each other until the sun comes up.

Flashing lights flicker on the road ahead of me. Odd for Highway Two. I know the patrols only come out here at night for animals or straggling hitchhikers, but the ambulance and firetruck that come into view make my stomach roll. I pull off behind Watson's squad car and climb off my bike, hanging my helmet over the handlebar and move towards the lights.

“Sir you can’t be–” An EMT starts but as soon as her tail lights come into view, I push past them.

“Becca!” I yell, shoving past the young man.

Watson spins around, his eyes wide as I round the edge of her car. Her door is wide open, the dome light still lit, and her keys still in the ignition.

"Becca!" Frantically I look through the windows, hoping to see her sitting there and that this is just a misunderstanding but as soon as Watson's arm stops me, holding me back I know it isn't.

"O'Neil, you can't be here," he shakily says.

"Where is she, Watson?" I yell. "Becca!"

He shakes his head. "We got a call about an abandoned vehicle..." he starts but stops and swallows tightly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't! Don't fucking apologize, Where is she?!" I shove Watson back, pushing my way through the row of firefighters and EMTs that stand surrounding her.

Her foot comes into view first and my stomach drops. My entire world tilts on its axis as the rest of her body comes into view. "No, no, no, no," I whine, "Becca?"

"O'Neil!" I hear Watson yell behind me but everything begins to fade. The lights of the trucks and cars turn dim and the only thing I see is her. The bruises on her face make her almost unrecognizable. The dress I teased her about earlier was ripped, exposing the rest of her legs that have their own smattering of dark bruises.

My legs give out and I collapse to the ground next to her, tears stinging my eyes as I move to touch her. Barely a centimeter away but she already feels cold to me. I choke back a sob, my head dropping as I cradle her face. "What happened, baby?" I cry.

My forehead presses to hers as my shoulders shake and I lose it. "No," I whine," don't do this."

"Cole," Watson's voice is right behind me, "this is a crime scene, I can't--"

"WHAT HAPPENED?" I yell, picking my head up from her to glare back at the man I've hated for years.

"We don't know yet," he answers solemnly, "but you have to let us do our job."

I shake my head, falling back into the grass, and carefully cradle her against my body. "Who did this to you?" I whisper into her hair. No longer did it smell like peaches and motor oil like it had before. Now, she smelt like a mixture of grass, dirt, and iron.

Tears drop down onto her cheeks as I hold her, running my thumb along her swollen and broken cheekbone. It's then I notice the handprints around her throat and look at Watson. "you find out who did this."

"Cole," Watson starts but I silence him with a shake of my head.

"You find out who did this, or I will," I warn. "I'll fucking kill them if I do, Watson. I promise you that."

"Sir," a soft voice filters from the other side of me, "we need to take her now."

I look up to find a younger female EMT looking down at me with glossy eyes. I shake my head but when I glance back down to the woman I've loved for years, my eyes slide closed. I'm going to have to tell Holden. I'll have to tell everyone.

"I can't," I sob into her hair again, "I can't do this without you."

Minutes pass while I hold her still body. Sobbing into her cold skin.

"Sir," the woman tries again.

"Just give me a fucking minute!" I boom, holding her tighter to me until I couldn't any longer.

I stare down at her, taking in everything that this fucker had done. Not understanding any of it or why they would choose her. Shit like this doesn't happen in Pine River. So why did it have to be her? My sunshine snubbed out. For what?

I cup her face again, pressing my lips to hers for the last time and whisper the one thing I know I never said enough.

"I love you."

Everything became a blur as I lay her back down and watch the EMT's zip her into a body bag and carry her away from me, taking my heart along with her. Slowly I stand, running a hand over my face and turning to Watson.

"Find them," I say through clenched teeth as I pass him, "or I fucking will."

My heart is still with her. Six feet under the earth and I know that's exactly where it will stay. I've failed everyone I know and the guilt I had from that day had sunk so far into my bones that I deserve everything that was being thrown at me and most of all, I know I deserve to lose Holden too.