43. HOLDEN

HOLDEN

H avoc’s crew follows behind us, creating a wall of Skulls that do nothing but raise the hair on the back of my neck. I peer behind us, catching a glimpse of a nervous looking Kadence and a wide eyed Blake who looks ready for a fight.

“That your girl?” Havoc’s voice brings my attention back to the men surrounding us.

“Old lady,” I correct, crossing my arms over my chest. Ignoring the ache in them from riding all day. I catch Cole’s gaze for a moment before turning back to Havoc.

A hollow laugh booms between the group as Havoc shakes his head. “Never thought I’d hear those words outta your mouth there, Nash.”

I shoot Havoc a glare, unamused by what he’s alluding to.

“Guess I didn’t need to bring all the girls out tonight right?” Havoc goads, clapping his hand over my shoulder. “That’s alright, more for the rest of us.”

“What’s the word?” Cole asks, undoubtedly sensing the slow rolling anger forming around me like a cloud.

This is one place I can’t let the notches on my bedpost get to me. Not while we’re away from home and not where Kadence can realize just how fucked up I am. We’d just gotten over my line of conquests back in Pine River, the last thing I need is having them brought back here.

I shrug out of Havoc’s grasp, turning my body to keep an eye on the men around us as well as Kadence in my peripheral. I clench my fists open and closed a few times trying to get the unwavering need to protect her and her feelings to tamper down.

“Just wanted to give a warm welcome outside of the women’s ears,” he said, tipping his chin towards Kadence and Blake. “Though I have to say Porter sure has a mouth on her. I’m surprised she still got that Prospect patch.”

I narrow my eyes at him. Something in the way he says it doesn’t sit right with me and soon that uneasy feeling churns in my stomach. I open my mouth to question it but before I can Cole squares his shoulders.

“She’ll make a fine member,” Cole solidifies, “pretty sure she proved that the last time she went on a run with your crew.” His own arms cross over his chest as the smirk plays on his lips. “How’s Chauncey’s nose?”

“Still healing, or so he claims.” Havoc chuckles. “Your girl did a number on him.”

I watch as Cole’s hackles rise ever so slightly. Anyone else would have missed it but I know my friend and Blake’s a sensitive subject for him.

“If memory serves correctly, he deserved a lot more than a broken nose.” Cole bites, narrowing his eyes at the other club president. I grab his shoulder, holding him in place as Havoc once again laughs.

“Probably. Let’s not dwell on the past, yeah? All I wanted was to give a proper welcome. We can argue tomorrow.”

Cole nods. “Probably a good idea.”

“C’mon, man.” I pull back on his shoulder.

The last thing we need is a brawl in the middle of a crew who are already on shaky ground with us. It doesn’t matter if the bullshit Havoc spews about Blake makes my temper flare. I’m thankful that Cole actually breaks away from the group.

“Guy’s still an asshole,” Cole mutters as we head back towards the women.

“Yeah, nothing’s changed there. You think this meeting tomorrow is gonna work out?”

Cole shrugs. “We can’t walk away with them as our enemy. So it’s going to have to.”

“And if they ask for something we can’t give?”

“Then we figure out how to give it to them.”

Before we get back to where the girls have been standing I step in front of him, putting a hand to his chest.

“Dex’s right, man, something about this meeting doesn’t feel right.”

The devil himself, Dex, steps up to us with West on his heels. “I fucking told you,” he growls.

“We can’t afford to take on Stokes and these guys.” Cole glances between the two of us, his eyes landing on me. “We have to figure it out.”

“Tomorrow,” I say. “I’m sick of club shit tonight.”

I turn from my brothers and make my way to Kadence. Her brows furrow as soon as her gaze catches mine. I shake my head before wrapping her in my arms, holding her to my chest as I bury my nose into her hair. Without hesitation her arms wrap around my waist making that stupid grin form on my face again.

“Everything okay?” She asks softly, only loud enough for me to hear.

“I don’t know yet,” I answer honestly.

Kadence lifts her head to look up at me. Those green eyes I love so much search mine.

“Will it be?” She asks and I know I can’t lie to her. Not that I want to, but sugarcoating things would have been a hell of a lot easier than staring into her eyes and still uttering, “I don’t know yet.”

The next morning everyone gathers back at the Skull’s compound. I glance around at everyone, including my girl. None of them look like they got a lick of sleep. Kadence looks more exhausted than normal and a part of me wants to run away with her. To let Cole and Dex deal with the bullshit here and spend my time burying myself in her but I know I have to wait until tomorrow and a part of me feels like shit for even bringing her on this trip. Even if it’s the safest place for her to be.

“You ready for this?” Cole says as he steps up to the two of us.

“You heard from Trey?” I ask, glancing at Cole.

“Everything is fine, no one’s left the compound even though the girls tried to sneak out.” He sighs. “Fuckin’ Jane and Layla apparently tried to go back to the club. For what reason I have no fucking clue because it’s closed.”

“Probably to do what they do best,” Kadence mutters next to me.

I roll my tongue over my bottom lip before biting it to stifle the laugh that wants to burst out of me. Instead I turn to her and press a chaste kiss to her lips.

She melts into me, just as she always does when I kiss her. I groan before pulling away, eyeing her with a mocking glare. “You’re making it real hard to do my job right now, Sunflower,” I whisper against her lips.

Kadence brushes her lips against mine and sighs. “Well then I suggest you hurry this up so you have me all to yourself.”

With that she kisses me once more, pulling back before I can deepen it and links arms with Blake, a shit-eating grin on her face as she watches just how the kiss affects me as much as it did her.

“I really don’t need to see that shit,” Cole mutters.

“Too fuckin’ bad,” I mumble back. I turn my attention to the girls. “Blake–”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t let her out of my sight, I know, Nash,” She chastises. “Go play with the big dogs, Kadence and I have some shopping to do.”

“You know, for a mechanic, you like to shop a lot.” Cole raises a brow.

“Just cause I’m a mechanic, O’Neil doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy shopping.” Blake bites back. “Besides, these guys give me the fucking heebie jeebies, I’m not sticking around for longer than I have to. Go do your thing, we’ll be back.”

“You have your phone?” I ask, my eyes back on Kadence. She pulls it from her back pocket and waves it at me. “Good, use it if you need anything.”

“Yes, sir.” She mocks a salute and grins.

I roll my eyes and watch as the two of them climb into the van. As soon as they pull through the gate onto the street, I turn to Cole. “She’s going to be the death of me.”

Cole’s gaze is still on the gate while he nods in response. His jaw ticks and though he looks fine, I see something deeper in his eyes.

“You okay, man?” I ask, nudging him.

Finally his eyes meet mine. “Yeah, why?”

“You were miles away just now,” I say, raising a brow.

He frowns. “I’m fine.”

I hold up my hands and shrug. “Just want to make sure your head is clear before we go in there, that's all.”

“It’s fuckin’ clear,” He grinds out before marching toward the clubhouse door.

I know he isn’t just from that, but now isn’t the time to push it. Dex and West are already inside as I follow Cole in. Both nursing black cups of coffee as they eye the men around them.

“Should we do this then?” Havoc’s voice booms through the room as he stands in the doorway of their own version of Church. Another room with a large wooden table in the middle, chairs surrounding it just like back at home.

“Guess we’re skipping the niceties this morning,” Dex grumbles as everyone filters into the room.

Everyone takes their seats. The Hounds take one end of the table while the Skulls take the other half. All of Havoc’s higher ranks sit before us. Cole sits at the head of one end, and Havoc sits at the other. The tension in the room begins to build the longer we all sit in silence, each crew observing the other one. Taking stock of what’s to come.

“We’ll just get into it, yeah?” Havoc states. “Nevada is getting nervous with how many hits you’ve been taking lately.” He pauses as if that’s supposed to scare us. It’s not anything we didn’t already suspect but still I glance at Cole who has turned stoic.

“Since when do you deliver messages for Nevada?” Cole finally says.

“Since your men keep getting picked up by backwoods cops,” Havoc fires back. “Three runs in a row, O’Neil. You’re haulin’ my product to my customers.”

“Then say what the real issue is,” Cole challenges. His voice is strained and low in the way I know is only asking for trouble. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Lately, Cole’s temper has been a powder keg hoping for a match and I’m worried Havoc just lit it. “ You're worried. Don’t blame that shit on Nevada.”

Havoc leans back in the large leather chair and taps his fingers along the edge of the arm. Assessing the anger that’s brewing deep between the two sides. “Word is that these cops are connected to you. Local assholes that run your club.”

“ I run my club,” Cole booms. “Nobody else.”

“Then you better start fucking proving it,” Havoc says in a murderously calm tone that, if there were anybody else sitting at the table, it would only scare . To us, it’s another challenge. “We’re holding off on shipments until your shit gets figured out. Prove that it is, and we continue business as always.”

“That’s not going to work for us,” Dex cuts in.

“Was I speaking to you?” Havoc asks, turning his attention to a tightly wound Wolfe. “Keep your enforcer on a leash, O’Neil.”

I lean forward, clasping my hands over the table, trying to break up the current of frustration between the men. I’m already having a hard time holding it back myself and want nothing more than to shove my foot through Havoc’s jaw, but one of us needs to have a level head and West isn’t equipped to deal with men like this yet.

“What do you need from us to get shipping back on track?” I say in the most level voice I can muster.

Havoc’s gaze swings to me before landing back on Cole. “Get rid of your Five-O issues.”

“Done,” I interject. “What else?”

I can see Cole’s fist clench on the table next to me.

“We double the shipments each month once your little problem is handled.” One of the men next to Havoc finally speaks up. I recognize him as Piper, the vice president, who prefers the sharp edge of a blade over a bullet to do his dirty work.

“We’ll need more manpower,” Cole grits out. My eyes slide shut before I turn to look at my prez.

“Then I suggest you start patchin’ in more prospects, O’Neil. That shit ain’t my problem,” Havoc states, reading my mind.

Cole nods. “One more run. I’ll head it myself with Nash. Then you can pause it.”

A laugh booms from across the table as Havoc loses his shit. “You want what? A second chance?”

“No,” Cole states. “One more run, which we’re overdue already, and then you hold off on shipments.” He leans back in the chair as I stare at him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I hiss at Cole. This isn’t the pres that I knew, this is some bullshit dick measuring contest that Cole’s trying to win. Still he doesn’t answer me, doesn’t even spare me a glance as Havoc’s laughter dies.

“One more run. You get stopped, you’re done.”

“Deal.”

“Cole,” I hiss again and this time my eyes catch his. “This is a club vote.”

“Problem?” Havoc asks as I turn to look at him.

“Nope,” Cole says. “Are we done here?”

“For now.” Havoc nods.

His eyes linger on me before his men stand, signaling that the meeting is over. With fucked stipulations. Cole stands with the rest of them and waits for Dex and me to do the same. I glance over at Dex, who looks like he’s about to rip Cole’s head off. A part of me doesn’t blame him.

We begin following the Skulls out of the room, a hell of a lot further from diffusing the powder keg that is Cole. Once again we’re going to have to figure out a way to keep the compound secure for days. Falcone can only do so much, and having fewer men at the clubhouse, along with leaving Kadence there, already has me on edge.

“Should’ve offered up Porter too,” one of the Skulls chuckles. “Woulda loved to see that sweet piece of pussy walk around here again.” He shoves his buddy next to him as Cole and I follow behind them.

“He should’ve put her on the pole, that ass looks too good to be covered up,” The other member says with a howling laugh.

Before I can even register what’s happening, Cole’s on the member. His hand wraps around the nape of his neck as he slams him into a neighboring table.

“What the fuck man!” The first guy yells, catching the attention of the rest of the crew.

“You fuckin’ speak about her like that again,” Cole growls into the man’s ear, “I’ll let her castrate you my fucking self.”

“O’Neil,” Havoc yells, “you’re outnumbered brother, think about your men before you start threatening mine.”

“Tell your men to have some respect for my crew then, Havoc,” he bites out, keeping the murderous gaze on the side of the pinned man’s face. “Patched or not, she’s a Hound. You treat her as such.”

“Think you’ve proved your point, Pal,” I say, grabbing the back of Cole’s cut and hauling him off of the guy. With a shove I push him towards the door. Ignoring the fuming Skulls that surround us I turn back to Dex. “Clean this shit up.”

Dex gives me a curt nod as I shove Cole again, forcing him out of the door.

As soon as it slams behind me, I throw my hands up. “What the fuck, man?”

Cole’s hands fist at his side until they find his hips. He paces back and forth like a cornered animal.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” I bark. “Because that was not the fucking plan, Cole!”

“I’m fucking done, man,” Cole says under his breath.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re done?” I ask, watching Cole pace back and forth across the pavement.

“You’ve got your fucking happy man!” He halts pointing into the air.

My brows furrow. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Cole blows out a shaky breath and it’s then I know this has nothing to do with the meeting or proving the size of his dick to Havoc. His ego took over because something else has been bothering him. I saw it the other night and I saw it this morning.

“I don’t even know anymore,” Cole breathes. “It fucking hurts, man.” He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head letting it drop. “I’m happy for you,” he says after a moment of silence between the two of us. “I really am, but watching you and Kadence have what–” His voice cracks and he swallows hard.

“Ah, hell, man,” I say, taking a step towards my friend.

Cole shoots his hand out stopping me. “I failed your sister. Why are you even still here?”

“What?” I ask.

“Why the hell didn’t you leave after she died man? I’d deserve it. Hell, I wouldn’t even blame you if you were pissed at me.”

“Cole, you told me Becca’s death wasn’t my fault. So how the hell was it yours?” This is an argument we’ve never had before. It feels strange to be on the other side of it, but I know where the guilt stems from. I may have been her brother but Cole was in love with her, and from the hurt littering his features, he still is.

“I was supposed to protect her!” He yells. “And I couldn’t even do that and now I’m not even sure I can protect this fucking club.”

“We were all supposed to protect her. It wasn’t one person’s fucking job, man. We all fucking failed Becca.”

“You don’t get it,” he says incredulously, “She was–” Cole’s voice breaks off again as he shakes his head. “She was supposed to meet me that night. Dex was on watch, but she was coming to see me.”

Pain shoots through my chest as my heart begins to beat rapidly. “What?” I hiss. This is new fucking information. “No,” I say shaking my head. “We were with Stokes, why the fuck–”

“We planned to meet after the meeting. She snuck out earlier than she should have.”

His admission feels like a dagger to my chest as I spin around sucking in a breath. “You never fucking told me.”

“Because no one knew about us,” he says, “and when she died it didn’t feel important–” “Don’t you fucking dare say what I think you’re going to.” I turn on my heel pointing at him. “ Don’t. ” I stare at my friend who’s slowly turning into a stranger. The realization hits me like a sack of bricks and it feels like all of the air in my lungs is suddenly sucked from me. “That’s why she was on Highway Two,” I say glaring at him. “She was going to the bridge.”

Cole stares back at me before nodding.

“She was on Watson’s route that night,” I state as the puzzle pieces start to fall into place. “No one fucking knew why she was out there,” I say, “no one except you.”

Cole’s eyes gloss over, pain etches into his features as he stares back at me. How the fuck am I supposed to sit here, standing across from him when he’s the reason my sister ended up on that highway that night. Ended up dead in a ditch. Rage clouds my vision as I shove passed Cole.

“Where are you going?” Cole yells.

“To find my girl and fucking leave this shit hole!” I yell back. I hear Cole’s boots behind me and shake my head, “Fuck off, O’Neil. I’ll do this run for the club and then–”

“Then what? You’ll actually be out this time?” He bites.

I throw on my helmet and shake my head. “For a whole month, you told me shit wasn’t my fault. You watched me drink myself blacked out, you watched me lose my fucking self and you still couldn’t tell me the fucking truth. I don’t owe you shit right now.” I start my bike. “We aren’t coming back with you guys, figure out how to protect this club on your own, Cole. You said you were done.” I curl my lips and shake my head. “I’m fucking done.”

I rev my bike lurching forward and riding to the gate, leaving my best friend behind me. There’s only one person in this world I need, and right now, she’s the only thing that’s keeping me from killing the only other person who I thought I had.

My hands grip the handlebars harder than I need to and it does nothing to ease the ache and anger spreading through my body. I know Blake and Kadence wouldn’t go far from the Skull’s compound and it doesn’t take long for me to spot the van parked outside of a row of boutiques.

I park next to it just as they stumble out of a small leather shop. Kadence is now wearing a dark green worn leather jacket. If it weren’t for the sun beaming down on them, I wouldn’t have noticed it isn’t black. My presence catches Blake’s attention first. She nudges Kadence and points to where I’m parked.

She smiles at me, bright and wide, just like I figured she would, but as they draw closer to me, her smile fades. It’s like no matter what’s going on we’re always able to sense the other one. Always aware of how the other is feeling. Fuck, she looks happy coming out of that store and I’m determined to keep her happy. For as long as she’ll let me.

“Everything cool?” Blake asks, shoving the bags into the van. I shake my head. “Fuck.” She curses.

“The others are headed back. I’ll go with you back to the compound, make sure you get there and then I’m taking Kadence out of here.” My gaze flickers to my girl as she steps up to me. Her fingers wrap around my chin as she searches my eyes.

“What the hell happened?” Blake asks.

“O’Neil can fill you in,” I say, not breaking my gaze from Kadence.

“That bad?” She whispers, assessing my reaction as she usually does.

“Worse.” Is all I can say before handing her her helmet. My eyes meet hers again and I know the emotions I’m swallowing are hiding in my eyes. “Just get on the bike,” I say softly, whispering, “ please .”

She searches my eyes one last time and nods, pressing her lips to mine. “Whatever you need.”

“Thank you.”

Kadence takes the helmet from my hands and shifts it over her hair before climbing on the back behind me. Her arms circle my waist as we wait for Blake to climb into the van and I follow her back to the compound. We watch her drive through the gate and as soon as it closes I flip my bike around and drive. I’m not sure where I’m going or how long I’ll ride to get there, but as soon as she squeezes my torso gently, my hand finds hers, covering them.

She intertwines our fingers and rests her chin on my shoulder. I don’t give a fuck where I go. As long as she’s riding behind me I have everything I need, right here in my grasp.