32. HOLDEN

HOLDEN

M y cock jumps at the low sultry tone in her voice as she looked up at me through thick lashes. It's working. It really, really, is working. Kadence doesn't wait for me to answer. Instead, she takes my hand in hers and steps back, tugging me towards the small attached bathroom.

She leans into the shower, her eyes never leaving mine as she bites that plush pink bottom lip of hers between her teeth. I try to push back the images I saw of her in the file Fisher gave me. The bruises that littered her skin, the evidence of trauma no woman should have to go through. Now, here she is in front of me, covered in bruises. I know I didn't physically put them there but knowing I was partially responsible kills me.

I believe what Dex told me and a part of me knows that she loves me. The fact that she's still here, not running for the hills and wanting more of me proves it.

I step forward and grip the soft flesh around her hips, being mindful to avoid any of the dark splotches that litter her skin.

"You know I would never hurt you, right?" I whisper. My voice is rough with the swirling tornado of emotions working their way up my throat and threatening to spill. "I would never do... or force you to..."

Her brows knit together as she cranes her neck to look up at me. Her eyes become glossy the longer we sit in this weighted silence. It's killing me, but I need to hear her confirmation. To hear her confirm I'm not the same.

"I'm not a good man, Sunflower, but I would never--"

"Stop," she chokes out, silencing me so quickly that my head spins for a moment. "I know you wouldn't hurt me- where is this coming from?"

I drop my head slightly, shaking it to try and clear the thoughts sucking any sort of sexual tension between us out of the room. Her small hand cups under my chin, lifting it to force my gaze to hers.

"I've seen the file, Kade, I just... I don't want you to be scared of me."

Her features soften as the night we first kissed replays in my mind. Her words burning my soul.

Are you scared of me?

Not in the way you think I am.

"Holden, I wouldn't have run after you if I was. I wouldn't have let you kiss me and I sure as hell would not have made you move from sleeping on the floor to the bed." She steps towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist. "A bad man would not have jumped into a freezing cold river to save me."

With every word, my body starts to melt into hers and I wrap my own arms around her. Her cheek presses to my chest undoubtedly hearing the thundering within it. If she believes in me this much, it is time I start doing the same.

"Please stop second guessing this," she whispers so quietly that if I hadn't settled into the brief silence, I would have missed it. Kade lifts her head to look up at me, resting her chin where her cheek had just laid. "I want this. I want you . No one else." My gaze flickers down to the tiny tremble in her lip. "If you don't want this, tell me now because I don't know if I could handle the fallout later down the road."

I swear my heart cracks. The last bit of cement I had around it turning into shattered debris at her feet.

My hand slides to the nape of her neck, tangling into her hair there as my gaze finds hers. Seeing and feeling every bit of doubt that my words just gave her.

"I want this," I rasp firmly, with as much reassurance as I can muster.

A soft sob leaves her lips and a wave of relief crashes down over us both. I suck in a breath of my own before feeling her hands snake around my body again, moving frantically as she begins to tear at my clothes. She pushes my shirt up and over my chest as everything we've both been holding back comes crashing through each of our walls.

I help her with the rest of my shirt, tossing it aside before peppering her cheeks and nose with soft kisses as her fingers work my jeans. She tilts her head back giving me access to the soft column of her neck. Her fingers roll down the waistband of my pants, pushing them down past my ass and to the floor. Her fingers are featherlight against my skin, sending a shudder up my spine and forcing a chuckle out of me as I kick the article aside, freeing my legs.

"Are you laughing at me?" She asks and even though my face is still buried in the crook of her neck I can hear the playfulness in her words.

"I'd never laugh at you, Sunflower," I say, gliding my hands down to her sweats and tasting the sensitive spot just below her ear. I lift my head, seeing her narrowed eyes at the smirk planted on my features, as I tease her midriff with my fingertips. Slowly, I start to kneel in front of her and loop my fingers within the waistband of her sweats.

"Hold my shoulders," I demand softly, peering up at her through my lashes. Her hands slowly climb over the muscle forcing the smirk on my face to turn into something softer. "Good girl," I rasp.

She tilts her head back and groans. “You can’t say things like that to me.”

I raise a brow, slowly peeling the sweats down her legs and helping her out of them before standing again.

"Why's that?" I ask, pulling her impossibly close to me. The heat of her skin against mine is enough to send me into a frenzy but I know I have to be careful and in control of my own needs.

Her tongue flicks over her bottom lip. "Do I really have to say it?"

I smile, kissing the tip of her nose and back her into the shower letting her take the rainfall of warm water first. "You don't have to, sweetheart, and we don't have to do anything you aren't ready for."

Her head tilts back as she lets the warm water run through her hair before looking back at me again. Even with both of us standing here exposed to one another I could still sense the hesitation lingering off of her. Hell, her eyes haven't gone farther than my waist. It makes my heart flutter at the idea that she has this innocence still within her but it also angers me that she was shoved back into it by someone who never deserved any part of her.

I dip my head, ridding myself of the blooming rage, and kiss her, letting the water cascade over both of us. "You're in control here, Kadence," I whisper against her lips. "You say stop and we stop."

She swallows hard and I see her bottom lip tremble softly again. I know that giving her the power to stop this is a huge thing and one that I would never deny her. I pull back slightly and wait for her to work through whatever is going through her mind.

"I'm okay," she reassures with a shaky breath, "I've never had someone—" Kadence cuts herself off. I wrap around her again as she presses her cheek to my chest once more. "I've just never had the choice before." The words come out thready and strained and it takes everything in me to extinguish the hatred in my chest for the man that broke her.

Instead, I press my lips to the crown of her head and rock her gently under the waterfall. "You'll always have the choice with me."

"I'm sorry," she says against my skin. Leaning back I tilt her chin up with the crook of my finger and smile taking in the glowing jade green of her eyes.

"Don't you ever apologize for what he did," I say firmly. "What happened was not your fault and I will spend every day proving to you that what he did was not affection, it wasn't lust, and it sure as shit wasn't love."

Her eyes flicker between mine, the tears gathering in them quickly well up until she blinks and they spill over her cheeks. Gently, I swipe them away, caressing her cheek. "He doesn't deserve your tears, Sunflower. He never did."

Kadence lets out an exhale as if another weight is being lifted off of her and it kills me yet again to see another brick fall away from her walls. I meant it when I said I'd break them all down to make her feel safe. To wrap myself around the parts of her no one else sees, the parts that she hides away from everyone else to shield her from the bad in her world. If only she'll let me.

I move in to kiss her gently, tangling my hands into her hair. I'm tentative and careful as I press against her. I want her to know that she has access to every part of me. Every jagged edge I have, I'll help her around, and every soft part I hide from everyone. She breaks the kiss and takes another breath to look up at me.

"Tell me what you need, Sunflower, anything at all, and I'll give it to you."

She stares back at me, swallowing tightly with whatever she is working through in that beautiful mind of hers.

"I need you," She finally says after a moment.

The corners of my mouth turn upwards. "You have me," I counter and feel her shake her head as I nip at her jaw.

"I need you." Her hands came up to rest over my chest, her right palm planted over my heart. " Please ."

My only answer is a kiss as I pull our bodies closer. Slick from the water and just as warm. I hear her whimper as I swipe my tongue over her bottom lip and without hesitation they part, granting me access to delve into her the way I want. Keeping one hand tangled into her hair, I slide the other down her body, barely touching the sensitive area over her hips before gripping her hip, digging my fingers into the soft flesh. In one swift motion I press her against the cool tiled wall and drag my lips to nip at her jawline wrapping my hand around her thigh.

"Lift your foot here," I mumble against her skin and help steady her foot against the corner edge of the shower. She's pliable under my touch and it only makes me harder realizing that she's trusting me this much. Combined with the flutter in my chest, I know she's it.

My hand slides up her thigh, teasing her and watching the way her body shudders and arches towards my hand. My lips find her neck, sucking on the sensitive spot below her ear, only grinning when she moans and grinds against my hand. My cock twitches with every tiny movement and noise she makes.

My thumb slides over her clit, pressing gently and making her gasp. I can feel her nails dig into my back, and knowing that she's leaving small crescent moon-shaped marks stokes the fire in my stomach.

"Tell me if it's too much," I breathe against her ear, nipping at her lobe.

She manages to shake her head. "Keep going," she moans and nips at my collarbone. "Please don't stop." Her fingers tangle into my hair, tugging gently.

"Only if you tell me to," I groan, continuing to work her with my thumb while exploring her folds with my fingers.

She's so wet that carefully sliding my middle finger into her is easy. Kadence gasps as another shudder rolls through her, pebbling her nipples. I smile when she begins to rock against my hand, taking more of it each time and using me for her own pleasure.

I pull back to watch her lose herself. Her cheeks are flushed and her hair sticks against her cheeks from the water. She's addicting.

I add another finger, watching as she tenses and relaxes in my arms all within moments. I'm not a small man, and after everything she's been through, I want to make her savor this. I want to show her what sex should be.

My lips attach to her neck, marking every inch of skin I can while bringing her to the edge and enjoying every pretty little sound that she makes. All of it sends jolts of pleasure straight to my cock. I latch on to her nipple, swirling my tongue around it before moving to the other and showing it the same attention.

"Oh my," she breathes, clenching around my hand and forcing a smug grin over my features, against her skin. She's close and it's taking every ounce of my control to hold back. Her lips move to my neck as her hands explore every part of me.

"I can feel you, Kade," I groan. "Fuck." Her moans echo off of the shower walls as I curl my fingers against her, finding that soft spot within her that has her knees weak. My lips hover over hers, our breath mingling. "I've got you, Sunflower, let go."

"Hol-den," her voice is strained in response and her head tips back against the wall as she falls over the edge. I don't dare stop as she rolls through wave after wave of her orgasm.

Sweet mewls and praises fill the bathroom, floating through the steam as she comes down from her high. She might have needed me, but watching her in pure bliss only fuels the need I have for her. To mark every part of her as my own if she'll let me.

"You're so pretty when you come," I praise, kissing her again as her arms wrap around my neck. I pull back hearing her chuckle softly. I smirk at the blush that graces her skin. "Don't go gettin' shy on me now, I'm not done with you yet." My hand wraps around her thigh, wrapping it around my waist. My cock nudges against her already sensitive clit forcing another moan from her. I nip at her chin, sinking my teeth into her neck and wrap my other arm around her waist.

"Jesus," she breathes as the tip of my cock works through her folds.

I'm careful as I start to slide into her. Her mouth drops open and I can feel her tense around me again.

"Are you okay?" I ask, searching her eyes. She nods but it's not enough. Not now. "I need your words, Kadence. Nothing happens without your words."

She whimpers and buries her face against my shoulder. "Please, I'm okay. Just please , I need more."

I smile at the neediness in her voice only because it matches what I feel. The ache of wanting her sits heavy in my core like a weight I never want to get rid of.

"Keep telling me how much you need it, Sunflower," I rasp, pressing my lips to the shell of her ear, nipping at her earlobe as I push further inside of her.

Every muscle in her body tenses for a moment when I fill her completely. I know better than to move until she is used to the size of me. The last thing I want to do is hurt her while proving to her she's safe with me.

I wait until she slowly begins to melt against me, her body relaxes and clenches around me. The combination was deadly and addicting. Her toes struggle against the wet floor of the tub while I start to move in long slow strokes teasing us both.

A ragged moan leaves her and her arms tighten around my neck until I can't hold back anymore and lift her fully. She doesn't hesitate to wrap her legs around my waist as I press her against the wall.

She kisses me this time, biting down on my bottom lip as my pace quickens. Those sweet moans fall from her again and I swallow each one, unable to hold back any longer.

"Such pretty noises," I rasp. "Show me how to make you sing, Sunflower."

Soft praises start to fall from her lips and I can't get enough of the sound of her falling apart under my touch. I pull almost all of the way from her before sliding fully in. A squeal of pleasure fills my ears before she starts to giggle. I can't help but chuckle with her while marking her skin with little red splotches.

She flutters around me and my pace falters. I want more of her, need more of her, but right now, watching the way she comes has me on the brink. The tip of my cock hits that soft spot within her and she gasps, her body tensing. I freeze and pull back to look at her.

"What's wrong?" I ask, trying not to panic on the off chance I hurt her.

Kadence shakes her head, moving her hips in a gentle wave against my pelvis, still chasing her release. "Nothing, that just felt new."

Her admission makes my brows furrow. I chase that spot once more and her body reacts the same way only this time her head falls back again and a sinful moan leaves her lips.

"Interesting," I grin.

The fact that no one has made her feel like this before only eggs me on and a smug smirk falls over my features as I drop my head to suck on the soft skin of her breasts. In time, I'll show her everything I can do with that perfect little spot. I only want to make her feel good, and right now, with the moans dripping from her and her cunt fluttering around me, it was only pushing me further and further over the edge and into my own pleasure.

My movements become erratic, my hips stuttering as I move to kiss her again letting our tongues tangle together. "Come with me," I command softly against her lips, "I can feel you, Sunflower, come over that edge with me."

I grunt as her nails claw at my back again, the pain adding a sickeningly sweet combination to the rubber band tightening in my belly.

Kadence lets out a moan that sounds every bit pornographic and bites down on my shoulder as her climax hits her, sending me hurtling over the edge. Her name leaves my lips against her skin. Our bodies shudder with release as I spill into her.

I brace us both on the wall. Her body is jelly in my arms as the water spraying us turns lukewarm. It didn't matter though, with the way her body fit perfectly around mine. It could turn cold and I'd hold her here for as long as she'll let me.

"That--" She breathes, completely wrecked with her head resting on my shoulder, "that was..."

"How it's supposed to be," I finished kissing her shoulder. I carefully let her down and make sure she's steady on her shaky legs before letting go of her and turning off the water. She doesn't respond to me, only stepping back and looking shy again. "We'll shower when the hot water is back."

"Okay," she whispers, and I can tell that she's retreating back into her head and into whatever dark memories are surfacing.

I wrap a towel around her, rubbing her arms gently. "We can talk about it, but we don't have to."

"No," she shakes her head, "it wasn't bad--fuck--it was more than good." A slightly awkward laugh leaves her lips. "I guess I'm just.. shellshocked."

I can't help the smug look that returns to my face. Determination floods me to show her everything this could be, what making love should be. I wrap around her again, peppering her cheeks with soft kisses, something I had grown to love only because it usually coaxed a stream of giggles to spill from her like it did now.

"It's only going to get better from here, Sunflower."