31. HOLDEN

HOLDEN

“ Y ou know I can walk, right?” Kadence chuckles softly as I open the truck door, helping her out. My eyes scan her, something I’d started doing since the moment she woke up a week ago. Just searching for a wince or any form of discomfort I can help with and ignoring the pang in my chest every time I find any of it on her face.

My hand wraps around her forearm, the other curls around her waist. “I know you can, but…”

“But you’d rather be my own personal walking cane?” She laughs again. No winces this time as my eyes search her face. The last few days she’s started to feel better. She’s been able to get up and move around. Not a lot, but enough that she isn’t stuck in bed.

I grin at her, pressing my lips to her temple. “I like to think of it more as your personal leaning post,” I murmur against her skin.

She smiles, that beaming smile that I missed so much was back. At least during the day. Nights are still the hardest. She always wakes up in a jolt, her body trembling and teeth chattering as if she’s still in that frigid water. It pains me to see her like this. The only thing I can do is pull her into me and hold her tight, keeping her warm with my own body heat and shushing the soft sobs that fall from her lips.

“I don’t know why we needed to come all the way down here,” she sighs. “I’m fine, Holden.”

I flash her a pointed look as we walk through the hospital’s automatic doors. “I just want to be sure, okay?”

Kadence looks up at me, her brows furrowed. “Are you still worried about what Shawn said?”

“Aren’t you?” I ask, helping her towards the receptionist's desk. I rest my hands on her shoulders and move to stand in front of her. “Look, this is just a precaution. Something to put us both at ease. If nothing is wrong, then we get to spend some actual alone time together. But on the off chance that there is something else wrong…” I pause and my stomach drops with the implications of what could be. “Shawn’s good, Sunflower, but he’s limited.”

I know worry litters my voice. It’s something I can’t help at this point. Cole and Dex have told me that she needs space and that I need to stop hovering over her, but Kadence doesn’t seem to mind it, and I’m not about to let her out of my sight. I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared to leave her alone again.

She reaches up, her hand cupping my cheek as her fingers dig into the beard I still haven’t shaved down yet. I feel myself lean into her touch and I feel her warmth as my eyes search hers.

“My sweet man,” she whispers and gives in. “Okay.” Kadence nods.

The corners of my mouth turn upwards as I turn my face and wrap my hand gently around her wrist, pressing my lips to her palm. My fingers rest along her pulse, feeling the light flutter of her heartbeat beneath them. “Good girl.”

Her tongue pokes out from between her lips, wetting them as a beautiful blush creeps over her cheeks. The words have done something to her, that’s clear and something in the look in her eye makes my cock twitch.

Forcing myself to ignore the warm sensation in my belly, I pull her hand from my cheek and link our fingers. I check in with the receptionist, who gives us directions to the doctor’s office. We make our way through the maze of hallways and two elevator rides after getting lost the first time.

Over the past few days of us sleeping in the same bed, I feel myself going mad. She’ll kiss me, egg me on for more but even I know that it’s not the right time. It kills me every time I put a stop to our make-out sessions. Cursing under my breath every time she looks disappointed. I want her as much as she seems to want me, if not more but I can’t risk hurting her. I won’t risk hurting her. Though there is no denying the sexual tension building between the two of us is a ticking time bomb.

Her appointment feels like a blur after the words everything looks fine , fall out of the doctor’s mouth. Even Kadence feels the long exhale I let out in relief when her eyes meet mine and that beautiful smile returns to her face as if to say I told you so .

We make our way back down to the tow truck. I help her inside and jog around to the other side, climbing in. As soon as my door shuts I sit for a moment before starting the truck. Everything looks fine. The words keep repeating in my head. My hands wrap around the steering wheel as my eyes close. Images of her in that purple dress, lying face down in the sand, flood me.

“Holden?” She whispers, the seat creaking underneath her as I feel her move closer to me.

I didn’t think it would hit me this hard. Hearing she was fine when I was so close to losing her. Shawn had told me before, the same from Cole and Dex. Even Wyatt and Scottie tried to comfort me whilst all I got was dirty looks from Blake. I still don’t blame her for being mad that I left. That, because of my actions, Kadence ended up in the water. Hell, I’ll gladly sit in that blame because it seems like Blake is the only one willing to punish me.

Kade’s fingers dig into my forearm just enough to force my eyes open again to find her looking at me. Her brows furrow and worry is written all over her face.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” She asks softly.

I smile gently, shaking my head and the horrible images away. “Nothing,” I lean into her, pressing my lips to hers. “Nothing at all.”

She smiles against my lips for a moment until I pull away. “You want to try that again a little bit more convincingly this time?” Kadence says gently.

I chuckle at her ability to read me so easily. The only other person who could do that was Becca. Her free hand combs through my hair, pushing it back. Something so soft, so intimate that I didn’t think I’d enjoy so much. The feel of her hands on me, tangling in my hair. I still want to cut it, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’d miss it for this exact reason.

Neither of us have spoken about the accident since after Shawn left that day. I don’t want to relive it and it’s something I’m not going to force on her. I’m only going to bring it up when she’s ready for it or asks questions. I won’t force her to relive that nightmare like she did her others.

“I am alright, babe,” I rasp as I release the vice-like grip I have on the steering wheel and tangle my fingers into her hair at the back of her head. “You’re alive, safe . I’m more than alright.”

Kadence presses her forehead to mine, shaking her head. “I am both of those things because of you, Holden.”

“You were in this mess because of me. ”

She pulls back from me. “Is that what you think?” Her brows knit together again, “I chased you, I went after you because I lo-” she cuts herself off and something in my gut wants her to finish the sentence, “because I wanted to. Because I wanted this .” Her hand falls from my arm and she presses her palm to my heart.

“You should run for the hills,” I chuckle, “it would be easier.”

Kadence smiles. “I already ran for the hills, Holden,” she presses her lips to mine again, dragging out the kiss before pulling back. “Those hills led me to you.”

I stare at her for a moment, the realization that this woman isn’t going to leave me hit like a sack of bricks. And not in the way that makes me sick or anxious but almost…giddy? I’m a grown man. Grown men don’t get giddy. But if that is the case, why does it feel like a seventy-five-degree sunshiny day every time I look at her? Why does seeing the flecks of gold in her green eyes make me feel like I’m the richest man on earth or the way her laugh makes me feel the same as when I’m flying down an empty highway with nothing but my bike and the feeling of her arms wrapped around me.

I feel my brows furrow gently. That last part is new, and suddenly, everything I knew before feels irrelevant.

“You look like you just saw a ghost,” she laughs, combing her fingers through my hair. “Where did you go just now?”

I chuckle along with her, leaning my head back into her touch as her fingers curl around the back of my head. My eyes search hers for a moment before I dip my head and kiss her. “To a happy place.” I mumble against her mouth.

She pulls back gently and a grin spreads across her features. “If that look is your happy place it makes me a little worried, baby.”

This time I let myself laugh, really laugh. “I promise it was.”

Kadence hums in response. Her tongue darts over her bottom lip and she drags it between her teeth as she watches me for a moment.

“Can we move back into the apartment when we get home?” Her eyes glaze over me for a moment before moving away. “I just…I want to have you to myself and I can’t do that with the guys and Blake, as much as I love them, hovering around us all the time and I really think that it’s time. I can walk pretty much on my own and it doesn’t hurt as bad and the doctor–”

I press my lips to hers again, cutting off her cute rambling and earning myself a small gasp at the movement. I cup her face with my left hand turning my body into her before pulling back.

“You don’t ever have to ask to have me to yourself and…” I pause, debating on the stairs being a good idea at all even with her semi-clean bill of health. Other than the few bruised ribs she’s fine to move about on her own, as much as I hate the idea of leaving her side. I watch the light in her eyes fade with my pause before shaking my head. “I think it’s a good idea.”

She smiles again. “Really?”

“Really.” I mirror her. “The clubhouse was never supposed to feel like a prison, Kade. I just worry about the stairs, but you’re better than before, so I think it’s a good idea.”

“As much as I love wearing your clothes, I don’t think I pull off Badass Biker chic,” Kadence laughs, curling into my side as I turn the key to the truck, letting it come to life. “I’m keeping this sweatshirt though.”

“I could have grabbed your clothes!” I laugh heading back to the shop. “I just figured comfy would be better.” I shrug as she looks up at me.

I glance down at her, taking my eyes off the road for a moment to notice the freckles poking out from her cheeks that I hadn’t seen before. I dip my head and kiss her nose before looking back at the road.

Once we get back to the shop, we make our way through the clubhouse, saying our hellos to everyone and giving them the news that everything is fine. Wyatt moves to hug Kadence with a huge sigh of relief before I move in front of him, tossing him a warning look and earning a smack to my ribs from Kadence who moves around me swiftly to hug the prospect.

We gather a few things from the room we’ve been staying in and make our way across the parking lot to the apartment. I help her get settled, watching her every move for any discomfort even though she’s told me about twenty times since the front door shut that she’s fine.

“I’m gonna shower,” she says softly, carefully trying to pull my sweatshirt over her head. It only takes one soft whine for me to jump up and help her, pulling each arm out and helping it over her head as her hands trail along my sides. Kadence stares up at me for a moment, my body coming alive with each gentle touch she grants me. “Do you want to join me?”

I swear my heart stops. Eyes wide. I watch her. “Are you sure?” My hands run down her arms and when she smirks I narrow my eyes. “Are you trying to seduce me, Andrews?”

She raises a brow and tilts her head to the side, my back arching forward slightly at the feel of her index finger trailing along the middle of my chest.

“Is it working?”