CHAPTER 29
“King Of My Heart” – Taylor Swift
“I’M IN LOVE,” I CONFESS to Georgia as I wistfully stare at our apartment wall once we’re back from the airport.
It’s actually pretty funny. I’ve said these exact same words to her maybe about a trillion times. Yet those were all in reference to the crushes I’d daydream about. This time, it’s real . This time, it’s about my boyfriend .
“Well you sure did a 180,” she says, while laughing.
“Are you going to keep teasing me or do you actually want to hear about it?” I reply.
“Both, but go ahead.”
Where do I even start? “He’s funny, respectful, smart, stupidly attractive, and almost as foolish as I am.”
“Are we sure this guy actually exists?” Georgia grins at me, but there’s a happy twinkle behind her eyes. And I know it’s there just for me.
I playfully hit her with a pillow.
Her lips curve a bit more mischievously. “So are you finally going to tell me if you hooked up or not? ”
“More.” I glance at my fingers demurely. “We slept together.”
Georgia’s eyes immediately widen, almost the way mine did during and after the fact. “You slept together?!!” she repeats.
I bite down on my smile. “A few times…”
She covers her mouth. Georgia looks as proud as someone would be after hearing their best friend got railed. “Well? How was it?”
“ Devastatingly good ,” I reply, feeling warm again. “Like I don’t even need a means to compare it with. He’s that good.”
“Okay now. Someone’s a little horny.”
“Georgia.” My eyes widen.
“What?” She raises her shoulders. “Am I wrong?”
“Okay, maybe I am.” I quickly add, “I definitely am.” Both chuckling, I ask, “Is Prince Charming still a jester?”
She chortles. “You know our last date actually went pretty well.”
“So you saw him again?”
“I mean, he’s a pretty convincing jester,” she says as I grin. “No, but he’s really sweet. I think we were both just really nervous on that first date.”
“So we’re both in relationships now?” I say in disbelief.
“I know. What’s happening with the world?” She shakes her head, laughing. “Honestly, I’m still so shocked that you did all that. Like going to Spain, putting yourself out there like that. I’m so proud of you Jasmine. Although, deep down I always knew you had it in you.”
My eyes get all tingly with joy. “Thanks Georgia.”
Sometimes our best friends are the ones who remind us that we were always fearless, even when we didn’t know it yet ourselves.
“Who would’ve thought that a summer vacation would lead to this ?” she adds.
“I know,” I reply. “It still hasn’t really sunk in that I have a boyfriend. AH. I have a boyfriend !”
As she laughs, I pull her in for a tight hug, reminding me just how much I missed her. And how happy I am to be back even though I’m already missing Luca like crazy. Despite the one day that’s barely passed.
_________
Although I’d love to just sit in this bliss forever, I know that avoiding my parents can only go on for so long. So when my mom texted me to come over for dinner this weekend, I decided to go, missing them deep down but also fearing that I won’t hear the end of it once they learn more details about the trip.
Having prepared for the worst, I’m a bit surprised to say the least when my mom practically leaps into my arms as soon as I step foot in their front door. “Jasmine, we missed you so much,” she squeals.
“Your mom was about to fly to Spain last week,” my dad adds, while we all laugh. As he shuts the door behind us, his eyes grow lighthearted. “We’re proud of you.”
Hearing the words that I seldomly get told will always mean a lot to me.
I give a smile of relief. “Thank you.”
Learning my lesson last time, I wait until after we finish dinner as we’re sitting in the living room to bring everything up. “I met this guy,” I start with a timid smile, “that I really like.”
My dad’s posture immediately tenses up, while my mom says, “Does he live here or in Spain?”
“In Spain,” I reveal, my palms beginning to sweat.
She cautiously asks, “Are you dating? ”
“Yeah. We are.” I offer an easy smile, hoping that this doesn’t lead to another argument.
My dad decides to include himself in the conversation only to say, “How are you dating someone who lives that far away?”
“We want to make it work. It’s mutual,” I try to persuade.
His furrowed brows soften as he sighs. “I’m not trying to be unsupportive, but it’s not going to work, Jasmine.” He says it so bluntly, so simply, like it couldn’t not be true.
I tilt my head skeptically. “Well it sounds like you are.”
“I wouldn’t trust dating a guy that’s living in another state than you let alone another country,” he says mockingly.
Not liking what he’s indirectly implying, I defend, “You can cheat on someone regardless of how close you live if that’s what you’re suggesting.”
“That’s not the only issue,” he argues. “You just met, and you think that establishing the start of your relationship this far away is healthy? It sounds to me that you’re fantasizing it to be a relationship.”
It dawns on me how this conversation started just a second ago. How he told me that he was proud of me. So what happened in the two minutes that have barely passed since then? I’m immediately reminded of Enrique’s frustrated mumbles that night. Where he also shared a similar comment. Feeling as if the people you look up to the most value you, but only temporarily. So fluctuating. Leaving you an anxious mess. And then wondering why you behave the way that you do.
The last part of my father’s comment just now is also so reminiscent from his previous remarks that it leaves me with a sudden sense of déjà vu.
So maybe that’s why it doesn’t sting like it used to .
“That’s not fair,” I say. “I’ve never met anyone like him. He’s a really good person and is very close to his family. If you meet him, you’ll see what I mean,” I add, knowing how if they met Luca even for a few minutes that they’d agree with this sentiment.
“I’m not denying if he’s a good person or not.” He sighs. “I know you’ve clearly been swept up by his words, but don’t be surprised by how this ends.”
If I had something else to say, there’s no point in even saying it.
He’s only reminding me that nothing I’ll say will ever change how he wants to continue thinking like.
And he doesn’t stop. He shakes his head with disappointment, before adding, “There are so many people here . You had to find someone that lives that far away? For a second I thought that this trip made you more mature. But when are you going to grow up Jasmine?”
He pauses, his voice growing more exhausted. “When are you going to do things that are more normal ?”
Oh look. His favorite word.
My mom thankfully intervenes as she brushes his shoulder. “Let’s not talk about this right now. There’s so many other things we could discuss.”
I expected all of this. But I didn’t expect to feel this indifferent .
I told myself I wasn’t going to hide things from my parents. Now I’ve accepted that I won’t be able to enjoy a lot of things with them. But that’s a decision that they’ve made for us. Not one I ever agreed upon.
I almost feel bad for them and not in an entitled way.
I don’t know what convinced them to think the way that they do, but now I’m finally learning that it has nothing to do with me. It probably never did. Even when I took it personally all these years .
Maybe that’s why I also used to feel so behind from people my age. Youth, I realize, feels lost when you don’t recognize how you should have been treated when you were younger until you get older.
I know how much I’ve grown in the past few weeks let alone the past few years. And if they don’t want to see that, it’s no longer my problem to make them see it.
If I’m not normal in their eyes right now, I’m afraid I’ll never be.
I guess this just makes Luca even more special. That he didn’t just try to reassure me that my doubts, desires, and frivolousness are all normal . But for the fact that he loves me because of my quirks and chaos that set me apart from others.
Besides, I’d much rather be myself . The whole unrealistic, imaginative, dramatic, complete version of it that they find so utterly abnormal and foolish .
They say that you receive certain signs when you really need them.
I still believe that when my phone lights up with Luca’s name on it. This alone brightens up my whole face, and everything else just fades into background noise.
It’s in this moment that I’m reminded again that life will never be perfect. Yet, with Luca, it feels pretty damn close .
_________
3 Weeks Later
After three weeks of nonstop texting and FaceTime calls, when Luca’s name appears on my phone again, a joyous warmth still rushes over my entire body as I read his message :
Luca: Any fun plans for the day?
Jasmine: Georgia and I are going to have lunch by the marina :)
Luca: What’s your favorite restaurant there?
Jasmine: Probably the French café. That’s where we’re going
Luca: I used to go there all the time. Now I want their parmesan fries
Jasmine: I’ll save you some
Luca: Perfect
Giggling at his wit that’s palpable even through my phone, it’s a given that I wish he was actually here.
Putting our exchange on a temporary pause, Georgia and I arrive shortly after to our favorite spot by the marina. The same seaside restaurant that we came to on The Fourth of July last month. And the same one we’ve been coming to for years where you’re guaranteed to spot a cute guy.
If there’s an attractive guy walking by right now though, I wouldn’t even notice. My mind’s pretty stuck on this one annoyingly gorgeous guy …
But also not wanting to turn into someone who suddenly neglects her friends just because she’s dating someone, I put my phone away as Georgia gives me an amused glare. “Still texting Luca?” she asks.
Before I can even respond, my phone vibrates again. Fighting the urge to check his latest response, I eagerly reply, “Yes.”
She smiles. “Well you can respond if you want.”
“No. It’s okay. I’ll respond later.” I exhale all the tiny, scattered butterflies out of my system as I collect myself. “So do you know what you’re ordering?”
“I think the branzino tacos. Do you want to share the parmesan fries? I don’t know why, but I’m really craving them. ”
My eyes lights up at the reminder of Luca’s message. “I was just going to suggest that.”
“Jasmine,” Georgia’s voice hints coyly before I look up to meet her even more mischievous eyes.
My brows furrow, while I put my menu down. “What?”
“I think you know that guy,” she comments with a knowing smile.
“What?” I say, more puzzled than the first time.
She points over my shoulder as I turn around, not even considering to think the unimaginable.
Instead, my heart just jumps out of my chest.
It’s only been three weeks since I saw Luca, I remind myself. Three weeks too long.
My hands start to shake. My palms feel sweaty. The sound of my heartbeat most likely resembles that of fireworks. And most of all, the butterflies immediately reenter my veins as I get up from my seat and push myself toward him, still not believing my eyes.
With every foot I walk closer to him, I blink a few times to make sure he’s really here. No, he really is.
He looks so good. With the blue in his eyes shining just as bright in the California sunshine.
Jumping into Luca’s arms like I haven’t seen him in years, I ask, “What are you doing here?” The shock in my voice cannot be contained.
Too focused on my unexpected adrenaline rush, I now clock his softly flushed cheeks, freshly cut hair, and a smile that’s timid but also filled with longing. His lashes almost flutter when he reaches for his jean pocket. “I forgot to give you this,” he replies before taking out a bracelet .
When his incomparable touch reaches my palm, a ripple of shivers dances over my skin along with the sound of his charismatic voice in person again.
“You flew all the way here just to give me a friendship bracelet?” I tease.
Smirking down at the string of lemon drop yellow beads now in my grip, his lips curve to the side as he requests, “Read what it says.”
I read out loud, almost gasping, “‘All at once’—”
“—‘you stole my heart,’” he completes. “I’d like to have it back, actually.” I still can’t say anything, as he continues, “It was originally supposed to say ‘you're my Invisible String,’ but then I thought, maybe we maxed out on the Taylor references for the month.”
My composure finally returns just to add, “ Never .”
Reminded of the night when Luca first played Taylor’s “Invisible String” for me on the beach, I feel myself start to get choked up, realizing how intertwined our lives have been all this time.
“I missed you,” he confesses, while tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. I lean into his touch, almost trembling at how much I’ve missed it. His eyes fix on mine. “And I wanted you to know that I meant what I said. I want to make this work.”
Still too shocked to process any of this, I ironically remember one of the first things that Luca said to me, now taking the chance to tease him back at how full circle this all feels.
“Wait, let me see if I understand…,” I say with my best, cockiest voice. “You traveled to another country on another continent for someone you just recently met?”
He bites down on his bottom lip even though his smile is practically beaming through his cheeks. “Fuck. You’ve really rubbed off on me, haven’t you?” I nudge him gently as he tilts his head a bit smugly. “Yeah, I guess I did. And honestly? I’d do it again if that meant I could see you.”
“Oh you’re good.” I shake my head, while he scoffs. As the magnitude of his gesture sinks in, my arms wrap around his neck, my heart fluttering at the feeling of his warm skin beneath my cold fingers, counting the seconds until our lips meet again. “I can’t believe you came here. And if I didn’t make it clear yet, I’m so in love with you.”
“God, I love hearing you say that.” Luca smirks as he leans in temptingly closer. “And I guess I feel the same way since I’m here…”
Both grinning and pulling the other in, he teases my mouth with his as the vibration from our smiles gently parts our lips open. When his lips slightly tug down on my bottom lip, mine immediately curve at the feeling I’ve dreamed about on a constant loop the past few weeks. The one that no daydream I’ve had before could ever, ever live up to.
I guess there really can be a love story waiting for you the way you’ve been waiting for it, except even better than you could have imagined.
It’s then when it hits me.
That Luca didn’t owe it to me to come here. But he still did it.
Even in my wildest fantasies, I could have never imagined this: finally having my first kiss, a boyfriend, and still to my surprise doing plenty more than holding hands with a guy.
In a way, it all comes down to the fear of change.
I used to blame fear on pretty much anything. It was an easy excuse to make. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a perfectly valid reaction to things, and I will be the first to admit that I still have plenty of it. But in retrospect, I used my fear quite a few times to hide behind and frankly, it made me complacent. I wish I had faced them sooner even though I have been working on them for years.
Even more so, I’m convinced now that the best is yet to come no matter how much you fear you might have missed out on.
Maybe you have missed some chances. But it’s nothing compared to what’s ahead of you.
A few weeks ago, I wanted everything to change. And then it did. All at once . Now I don’t want anything to change.
Sadly, life doesn’t work like that. And more often than not, things will eventually change.
Maybe that’s a good thing. That nothing awful or mundane will linger on forever even if it means something magical is also not guaranteed to last.
But one thing that has a chance of remaining the same is how true you decide to stay to yourself. No matter how peculiar someone thinks you are for waiting to do something you’re not ready to do. For all the times you might have been ridiculed for liking that one pop song or that one “silly” show. But, really, who determines what’s foolish and what’s not? Someone who’s older than you who claims knows better? Or those younger than you who cannot possibly grasp that you too were their age at some point and shared the same aspirations and shiny dreams that they currently have?
Guess what? There will always be something to criticize in every single person.
For all the things that people who’ll never understand about you, who are not supposed to understand, will try to convince you to change, you might just find that they’re the same qualities that make you the best version of yourself.
You’re told to believe something as you grow up because that’s what everyone’s been told .
The same way reality shapes our perspectives of what we accept is “normal” and “realistic,” imagining a different perspective is the only chance we have to accept something that’s better . Even when it feels like it’s taking years to come to fruition. Almost a decade for me to be exact. But that same decade would have felt like a century if it wasn’t for my creativity.
In many ways your imagination is there for you until your experiences get you to where you want to be.
So from one fool to another, stay foolish .