16. WARREN

It was typical for someone from my past to show up when things got good. Benny wasn't exactly from my past, but that didn't stop me from having issues with him. He'd argued daily with my friend and his ex-boyfriend, Richard, but he stuck with him, something about passion. I didn't care to hear more than I needed.

To see Benny again, I wanted to text my friend, but I didn't want to bring him up to anyone. He was a scab, and I didn't want to scratch it.

Nick took over with help from Gareth as I took Alexi back to the flat.

Alexi hadn't said a word for over ten minutes, sitting on the floor, his back against the sofa. He had Sugar on his knee and a small glass of water clutched near his chin.

"You feeling any better?" I asked, watching him from behind the sofa.

He glanced at me, his lips pressed together, trembling.

"What happened?" I'd asked him on the drive back without any response. "Do you want me to make you something to eat? Is it your belly?" I sat on the arm of the sofa, stroking a hand through his hair.

"I—I—"

I didn't pressure him into speaking. I continued to stroke his shoulder, massaging it slightly. He'd almost gone mute on me. "Everything is fine, you can still be friends with Benny, but I don't want him putting words in your head about me," I said.

"What like?" he whispered.

My friend, Richard was probably also to blame for everything that happened. "He—he might say I was jealous, or that I broke them up. I just saw their relationship as toxic. They fought a lot. I never liked him much, but that was years ago. He's probably changed."

"I don't—" he said, almost sobbing. "I don't like conflict."

"There is no conflict," I tried my best to reassure him. "I don't know him like you do. How about I can make you something light to eat, then we can lay on the sofa and watch some Studio Ghibli."

He looked at me, smiling. It sounded like a nice plan, especially for a sick boy. "Benny isn't like you described him," he said, softly, his eyes welling, filled at the waterline like he was about to burst at any moment. "He's different."

"It's ok," I said. "I shouldn't have raised my voice near you." Leaning across, I laid on the sofa. Patting the sinking sofa cushion. "I knew him years ago. He's probably different now."

Alexi kept cuddling the kitten. "Ok," he said, lying beside me. "I've only told you little bits of my life."

"Whatever you want to tell me, feel comfortable to do so," I said, pulling him into my embrace, his back at my chest.

Sugar stretched out against his chest, his small claws in the fabric of his sweater.

"When I was eleven, I had to move away from my mum," he said. I could hear the gulping in his throat, and the light sniffle in the tip of his nose. "So, I lived with my grandma. She died when I was—I was sixteen."

"Aw, baby." I held him firmer at the waist. "I'm here for you."

"When she died, I—I went back to live with my mum," he let out, rushing to speak. "So, I stayed with her for a year and—a year and a half."

"That's ok, you don't have to tell me if you don't feel ready." He needed to know I wasn't forcing him. I kissed the back of his neck.

"She kicked me out because her boyfriend—her boyfriend didn't like me," he let out through a choked breath. "I was always—I was always—everyone was always arguing."

I cooed and kissed his neck, letting him soak back into me. He was precious; I didn't want what happened today to get him down. He didn't need that in his life or head. "It's ok."

"When people shout—when—" he continued, his shallow breath in the back of his throat. "When people argue, it makes me feel sick and I panic."

"You can stay right here for as long as you want," I said, "keep Sugar company, watch TV, play games. The outside world is too ugly."

"No, no," he said, "I need to get back out."

I could feel his heart race under my touch. His skin hot then cold. He was precious, and he needed saving. It was fate we ran into each other because I had all he needed. I was here to save him.

"If you want to, we can, but—" I paused, Alexi was strong for what he'd gone through, I couldn't control him. "I'll be there with you, every step, if you want me to be. No more shouting, no more letting people get the better of me."

Shuffling around to face me, the kitten now on my shoulder. Face to face, he kissed me gently. "You're the best Daddy I could ever ask for," he said. "I only know Benny from online. I never thought—I never thought—we'd meet. But I knew he was—was bratty."

"You're right," I said, "bratty is the word for it. I guess I didn't want him getting in your head or turning us against each other. I guess I have my own insecurities."

"And what about your family?" he asked, his hand on my face, stroking the unshaven hair. He liked the stubble but not too beardy.

"Well, I'm the eldest, I have a younger sister, she's in London," he said, "my family is small, my parents live in Kent now. We don't see much of each other. They're not supportive of me being gay, but that's fine, because I'm strong and I get to feel supported by pride celebrations every year." I'd already come to terms with it, it's what made me strong, the lack of my parents' support is what made me caring and supportive.

"You're too nice for anyone to not like you," he said, snuggling his head under my chin.

I couldn't get teary eyed in front of him, but as his head went beneath my chin, there was heat in my eyes. It built, waiting for me to sniffle and breakdown. I was stronger than that. I had to be for Alexi.

"We should eat, then see how you feel," I said. "Maybe we should open the blinds too and get more vitamin D."

"Vitamin D, or vitamin dick," he giggled.

"The sun," I said, smooching him.

"When can we take Sugar for walks?"

"Once he's bigger," I said, "he'll need a cat collar and a lead, but once we've got those and he's older and bigger, we can take him on walks."

Alexi hummed. "Is he an indoor cat or an outdoor cat?"

"That's up to us, I think. I'll ask my friend," I said, raising a hand up his body. I stroked it down his cheek. "I'm guessing he'll be an indoor cat that we take for walks."

His hair brushed under my chin as he nodded. "Ok. I'd be sad if I lost him."

"Don't worry, I'll make sure you never lose him. We'll get him chipped," I said. "And I'll make sure you never lose me."

"Are you going to chip me too?"

"I've already planted my seed deep in you," I said, snickering. "I'm sure that's enough."

Alexi giggled. "I love you."

It was the first time. I wrapped him in my arms.

"Love you too."

Our relationship had been intense, and quick. It didn't feel unnatural to confess my love to him. I wanted to do it again, and again. Forever.