17. ALEXI

Anxieties had me unable to look at the messages Benny had sent. I could only imagine he was apologising, but he hadn't hurt me, he'd hurt one of Warren's friends. I wondered what might've happened if I'd sent him a picture of Warren, although I knew that would never have happened.

The only thing that was giving me any relief was knowing that Benny and Warren had never been together, but it was still stressful to know they knew each other.

I'd run myself emotionally dry. After telling Warren about my family life, and how I'd depended on myself for so long, I never thought I'd be able to lean on someone else. But here I was, leaning on him for cuddles and comfort.

In my mind we were cuddled on the sofa with cartoons on the TV and Sugar nestled against my chest. Warren's words floating around in my mind, comforting me. ‘One day, you'll fill a house with fur babies, I would be the Daddy, of course, but they'd be yours.'

We were back at the food festival stand again. I was pouring drinks out while Warren and his marketing aides handed out flyers and asked for feedback.

My mind went clear as I only thought about getting home to see Sugar. I thought about all the exciting things in the future, like taking him for walks, or maybe getting him a friend from the cat café. Maybe that's where I should've gotten a job. It sounded fun to be surrounded by all those cats and kittens.

"Hi," a voice spoke.

In a world of my own. "One per person," I said on automation.

"Alexi." The voice was behind a hooded person. The height gave them away. It was Benny. The one scenario my mind hadn't touched was him coming around to haunt me.

"What are you doing?"

"I wanted to talk, I felt awful for yesterday," he said. His hood still up, probably so Warren didn't see. "I'm not here to cause drama. I'm so over what happened all those years ago."

"It was a lot," I said, "I—I—I hate people shouting."

"I'm sorry," he said. "For what it's worth, Warren's nice."

A cough interrupted us. Warren appearing at Benny's side, his arms crossed, his chest pushed out like Superman, or at least, my Superman. "Didn't you cause enough trouble yesterday?"

"Me and Alexi are friends?" he said.

Warren shook his head. "Alexi?"

I looked from Warren to Benny. "We were friends," I said. "I'm not sure—I'm not—not sure, if I want to be anymore."

"Listen," Benny said. His softer voice was much more pleasant. "We should talk, clear the air. I'm not here for drama. The way Alexi spoke about you. You're happy, and that's all you've ever told me you wanted." He sighed, looking at Warren. "You don't even know my ex, and I'm a different person."

Warren looked at me for my answer. "Ok," I said, "but I want to go to the cat café."

"I don't think it's fully open yet, babe," he said, his hand at his side. I could see him wanting to reach out and embrace me. "But I'll see."

"We spoke for months online," Benny said. "I'm glad we get to meet. I definitely didn't think it would happen like this."

It was true. I'd spoken to Benny nearly every single day. It was the shouting, the anger in their voices that caught me. I'd spent my life-giving people chance after chance, especially my own family, telling me from a young age about how I needed to be quiet, and to hide myself, or occupy myself.

"How's the kitten?" Benny asked, as Warren walked off to take a call.

"He's good, he sleeps on my knee and likes to chase my feet." I found myself smiling, thinking about Sugar's little pink beans on the bottom of his paws.

"My ex wanted a cat when we were together too."

My head shook. "Don't—please, I think we can only be friends if we don't talk about your ex and Warren's friend."

"Sure," he said, pulling the hood back. "And I didn't mean to get loud yesterday. I guess, it was a shock to see him. I kinda blamed him for breaking me and Richard up. And that will be the last I mention it."

I sucked in through my nose, trying to stay calm. A cat café was a good idea, because being around cats had always calmed me. I wouldn't feel like I was going crazy because there would be little fluff bundles everywhere.

"Great," Warren said with a chuckle coming back to us. "They're not open properly, but my friend there said we can stop by." He glanced to Benny. "You have about twenty minutes, then we've got to head back to the flat."

My eyes lit up at the thought of going back to see Sugar. "Who's going to—" I looked around, seeing Gareth and Jane beside Nick, handing out letters.

Warren met me by the slip through the back. "You want one of those strawberry milkshakes again?" he asked.

They were delicious. I nodded, feeling his hand take hold of mine. "Please."

Benny appeared at my other side. "I always love visiting Manchester," he said. "Do you like it here?"

"It's nicer than where I grew up, some small town filled with—" my tongue caught on my teeth. Warren squeezed my hand. "I'm ok."

We walked together, mostly quiet, Benny asked questions and Warren stayed quiet. His hand growing a little more comfortably firm around my hand.

Pink Pawswas quiet, with only one table occupied. The woman who spoke to me last time approached with a large smile.

"Thanks again," Warren said as we took seats at a table.

"It's no bother, we had a booking system for the soft open, and someone cancelled," she said. "I'm Marcella, the owner. My brother, Grant does the marketing."

"Yeah, we went to university together," Warren said. "Is he around?"

At my side, I grabbed Warren's hand. He was looking for a reason to leave. I knew it.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said as if he was listening to my thoughts.

"So, what can I get you?" she asked. "The kitten pen is free, but make sure the door is shut."

My eyes were wide and growing. I wanted to go into the pen. Warren's hand tugged mine. "You can have a milkshake in there," he said. He knew I was trying to leave. "He'll have a strawberry milkshake. I'll take a coffee, strong."

She looked at Benny. "I'll just have a—a chocolate milkshake?"

"Sure," she said, "I'll be right back."

Warren eyed Benny, his hand on mine, squeezing slightly.

"I apologise," Benny said, "I don't want to bring old things to the surface, but I apologise for blaming you with what happened."

"Richard blamed me too," he said. "I came to peace with it a while ago, and so did he."

"I really was the worst back then, and I'm not trying to bring any of that old stuff up. I've matured. And I'm trying to be a good friend now."

I stayed quiet; it was already uncomfortable. It was strange to say anything. I wasn't the one with a history. I only knew Benny through the forum, and even then, I barely knew him really. He was always so outright and sexual there, but here, he looked resigned and sad.

"I've been trying to find someone who completes me the way I know you two do," he said. "My ex didn't do that."

The couple at the table near us were busy making eyes at each other, sucking down their one shared milkshake as a cat climbed the table between them. That could've been me and Warren. But instead, there were no cats around us, almost like they could feel the stress we all brought to the table.

"I won't stop him being friends with you," Warren said. He lifted my hand to the table, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. "But I don't think we'll be friends. I'm still friends with Richard," he said.

Resigned back to the silence of my mind, looking for anything to occupy myself with.

"Ok," Benny said. "I can only apologise for how I was. I'm a different person now."

"If it's ok, once we've finished our drinks, we're going to leave, and I don't want to see you again," he said calmly. His voice controlled. "Stay friends, but don't visit, and don't do anything that will poison his mind. Ok?"

Benny nodded. "I understand."

"Can I play with the kittens now?" I asked, breaking the tense breath I'd been holding in.

Warren placed his hand behind my neck, pulling my head closer. He kissed my forehead. "For five minutes."