Alistair

It was fucking time to end this. No more waiting and holding back. She was leaving and didn’t have plans to return. No goddamn way I’d let her do it, especially without telling her how much I loved her. Trying to picture my life without her in it was one of utter darkness. No one knew what kind of animal lived deep inside of me, and without her light, who knew what I might do? The room was in an uproar, after her hasty exit. The women were all in tears. The men were angry and threatened to force her to stay. A loud whistle cut through the loud din of voices. It was Cormac.

He resembled a man who’d received the worst news of his life. Cyndi was huddled in his arms as she cried into his chest. He was rubbing her back. His perusal of the room ended up focused on me. There was both fear and determination in his eyes.

“It’s time. You go talk to my girl, and you tell her how you feel. You lay it all out and hold nothing back. It’s the only way I see we have not to lose her. She’s hurting and has been for a very long time. She’s about to do something I know she’ll regret. I can’t have it. Alistair, if you have any doubts about how you feel about her, then tell me now so I can come up with another plan.” His voice was rough with emotion.

“Cormac, I have not a single doubt about her. I love your daughter. I’ve been a damn fool. The only thing that held me back was waiting for her to heal. I’ll do anything to stop her going to California or being with him.” I sneered the last bit.

The thought of her with Brynes made me insane. Wild thoughts were racing through my head. I had places off the grid where it was possible to take her. No one would be able to find her and I’d have her all to myself to prove beyond a doubt I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her.

“It might take me doing some drastic things. Will you be able to let me do those? I’ll never hurt her.”

“I trust you with her life, and I’m trusting you with her happiness. Go,” he ordered.

I didn’t wait to hear anything from the others. For all we knew, she might’ve decided to leave tonight. Rushing out of the house with their chorus of good luck in my ears, I ran to my car. Jumping in, I hightailed it to her house. Pulling up outside, I saw there were a few lights on. Getting out, I ran to the door. Knowing they rarely locked their doors inside the compound, I didn’t bother to knock or ring the doorbell. I just opened it and walked in. I headed toward the closest light, which was the kitchen.

Not finding her there, I went down the hall to the living room. She wasn’t there either. Frowning, I began to wander the first floor, where I saw the lights on from outside. Eventually, I found her. She was in her office. I watched her from the doorway as she muttered under her breath and jammed papers and stuff into her briefcase.

“I’ll need this. Maybe this, too. I’ll take it just in case. Hmm, let me see. I can’t forget anything because I won’t be able to ask anyone to forward them to me, and I can’t come back,” I heard her utter.

“And why the hell can’t you come back? In fact, why are you so damn determined to leave?” I asked.

She jumped and swung around to face me. Her eyes were wide, and her face was pale. She gripped the edge of her desk and stood so it was between us. I had news for her. That desk wouldn’t keep me from her. Nothing would.

“What’re you doing here? Did they send you? Never mind. Go back and let them know there’s nothing they can say or do that’ll make me stay. I’m leaving.”

“I’m not leaving until you and I talk. It’s past time for us to do it. I want you to come sit with me.” I held out my hand. I hoped she’d at least meet me this far. She shook her head no and didn’t move an inch.

“We have nothing to talk about. Didn’t you hear me? I don’t want to hear any of your arguments. I’m an adult. It’s my life. I’m doing what’ll make me happy.”

“And do you think living thousands of miles away from your family among mostly strangers will do it? Come on, you know it won’t. You love your family too much.”

“I do love them, but it doesn’t mean I have to have them crammed up my ass all the time with their noses in my business. I’m tired of it. That’s been the way of it my whole life. I have friends out there. I won’t be alone.”

I snorted. “And is one of those friends Christopher Brynes?”

She stiffened. “What if he is? Again, it’s not anyone’s business. However, yes, he’s been asking me to come back. I’ve thought about it, and it’s the best thing for me.”

“Like fuck it is! Answer me this, and if you tell me the truth, I’ll walk out this door and let you go without a fight.”

“Shoot,” was her only response. She had her arms crossed over her chest now. I recognized the mutinous look she wore. The woman could be as stubborn as a mule. She’d been this way since she was a toddler.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you love Brynes more than your own life and want to spend the rest of your life with him. That you want to grow old with him and have him be the father of your children. Tell me he makes you feel so much you can’t breathe, and to continue to live without him will kill you. To be away from him is agony. Tell me the absence of his touch hurts and you burn for him and can’t sleep at night because all you do is dream of him,” I snarled. I was telling her all the things she made me feel only she had no clue, but she would.

A flush entered her face. I saw her swallow, but she maintained eye contact. “I refuse to discuss my feelings for Chris with you. It’s none of your business, Alistair. Your brotherly concern is sweet but not necessary. I have more than enough real and extended brothers. Go back and tell them you tried. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish packing. I plan an early flight tomorrow.” She presented her back to me, dismissing me. Well, I had news for my princess. She wasn’t getting rid of me that easily.

I darted around the desk and grasped her upper arms. I was careful so I wouldn’t hurt the one she just broke or the dislocated shoulder. I twirled her around to face me. Her mouth was open, and I saw alarm on her face. It turned my stomach to think she might be afraid of me. I had no problem being a bloody monster when the situation called for it, but I’d never harm a hair on her head.

“Don’t do that. You have to know I’d never hurt you, Ais. This is important. Tell me how you feel about him,” I pleaded. I felt like I was drowning.

“What difference does it make how I feel about him?”

“Just tell me,” I said louder.

“The things you want me to tell you, they’re ridiculous.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t need to feel that way in order to want to be with someone.”

“You do if you want to be with your soulmate.”

She snorted. “Soulmates, it’s a nice dream but the reality is most of us don’t get one of those. We have to learn to settle for what we can have.”

“So you’re settling for Brynes because you don’t believe you have a chance at a soulmate? You don’t love him?” I prodded. I had to hear her admit that much. It was tearing me apart inside, the slim possibility she did.

“Fine, no, I don’t love him, but I like him, and we get along well. We’re sexually compatible. He’ll make a good husband.”

The mention of their sexual compatibility pushed me to the edge. I growled and hauled her closer. “Have you slept with him?”

Her mouth gaped open. “That’s none of your business! Let go of me.” She tried to get away, but I held her firmly, still careful not to hurt her.

“Like hell, it’s not. Tell me. Has he been inside of you? Has he made you scream from so much pleasure you almost can’t stand it? If you don’t love him, then it was just fucking,” I snapped.

“So what if it was? A good fucking works for me.”

That snapped the restraint I had been trying to hold on to. I let out a loud roar then I pushed her back until she was trapped against the wall. I made sure not to be too rough with her, but I crowded her.

“You deserve more than just a good fucking. You deserve a man who, even if he is fucking you, he loves you too. He desires only you and would do anything to have you and make you happy.”

She gave me a humorless laugh. “Oh really, well, show me this wonderful man. Where is he?”

“Right in front of you. He’s here trying his damndest to get you not to leave and to stay with him. He’s dying because the thought of you being with anyone but him is driving him insane. He wants to go out and kill Brynes for being inside of you,” I confessed.

To say she was stunned was an understatement. I saw disbelief warring with hope. I let what I said sink into her brain and heart. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she was able to say something.

“A-Alistair, don’t say that. Please. It’s not fair. I never thought you’d stoop to lying. Christ, what did my family say to you?” There were tears in her eyes as she hoarsely asked.

“ Leanabh , baby, I’m not lying. The only thing your family said was it was time I told you the truth. No lies or hiding.”

“You don’t love me. Not like that.”

“Oh, you have no idea how I feel about you. I’ve been a damn fool, and I’m done. Do you hear me? Done. You accused me of trying to be another brother. I can promise you what I feel for you isn’t brotherly love. I am full of passion, lust, desire, love, and so much more for you. I have been for years. Please, don’t go to him. Stay here with me.”

I wasn’t able to stop myself as I lowered my head to kiss her. I did it slowly to give her time to say no, but she didn’t. As our lips met, I swear sparks or something shot throughout my body. The fire inside of me, which always was there burning for her, flared into a bonfire. She whimpered and moaned. Her lips were so soft, and I had to nibble on them. I nipped her bottom lip and tugged on it. Letting go of it, I licked across where I bit. She gasped, and her lips parted. I took advantage without a bit of remorse. My tongue wiggled its way inside her mouth.

I’d kissed plenty of women over the years. Not a single one tasted like her or made me crave them even a tenth as much as tasting Aisling. I could easily continue kissing her for hours, I had no doubt. Her mouth was sweet, and she tasted like the apples we had in our dessert. I explored her mouth and teased her tongue with mine to get it to play. As they twined together, I fought not to tear her clothes off and take her against the wall. My cock was so hard and aching to be inside her, but this wasn’t the time. I was here to convince her to stay, not to ravish her.

I have no idea how long I kissed her before I was able to tear myself away. We were both breathing hard. I knew I needed to tell her all of it, but I wondered if I’d blown it. God, I hoped not. I placed my forehead on hers as I stared deeply into her eyes. She was dazed.

“I love you, Aisling. I want you. I need you. Please, don’t go. Stay here with me,” I whispered. The big speech I’d rehearsed in my head was forgotten. I might be messing the whole thing up, but she had to hear my honesty. This wasn’t something I’d lie about, no matter the reason.