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Aisling Chapter 7

Looking at the bags open on my bed, I tried to generate some enthusiasm for what I was about to do. You’d think I’d be excited at freedom being hours away, but I couldn’t seem to generate any. The past six weeks since the wreck had been tough, but the weeks since the blow-up on Valentine’s Day had been trying in more ways.

After the abscess was drained, my healing was uncomplicated overall. Dr. K made sure to keep checking on me. He signed off on me being back to one hundred percent yesterday. My broken arm healed without delay. I was lucky it was a simple break overall. The weeks of recovery were more painful because I couldn’t do things the same way as a person with two functioning arms. I was frustrated when I had to accept help with everyday tasks.

I was working to get the strength back to full functioning, but it was healed. My ankle was good after two weeks. My shoulder ached at times if I overused it, but it was fine as well. My various cuts and contusions were gone, and my incision was scarred over. I knew I had to wait until it was a year old before Judge would tattoo something pretty over it for me. I called and asked him what he suggested for a wait time. I hated the idea, but it wasn’t a huge deal.

It was the rest that had me not only confused but anxious for a change. Only the change I had intended to make wasn’t what I really wanted. Things had been rather uncomfortable for me and the whole family. I received a group apology from those present who’d been a part of the gift snooping debacle. Alistair had come and spoken to me alone and made his apology.

I didn’t just automatically accept them, though. I informed them how they had disrespected and hurt me. I left it with all of them that I would have to get over my hurt. With Alistair, it was different. Although I didn't tell him this, I was hurt on two fronts by him. My response over these past weeks had been to distance myself from him as much as I was able, which was surprisingly hard to do. The man wouldn’t stay away or leave me in peace.

He was constantly dropping in and cornering me. Sometimes, he’d want to watch television with me or talk about anything and everything. He was always asking how I was feeling and if I needed anything. He didn’t let a thing like a locked door keep him away, either. If I locked myself in my house or room, he’d sit on the front porch or in the hallway and talk through the door.

Our conversations were never dull. He didn’t just ask me about myself and my day, he seemed to want to know how work was going with the winery. After the first two weeks, everyone backed off about me working. In addition to wanting to know about my day, he would share about his work or the parts he could. I was shocked he hadn’t been sent out on a mission. There must’ve been an unprecedented lull in requests for the Hounds’ aid.

I’d been in contact with Chris as well. He kept me entertained with his anecdotes and tales about what he was doing. No one on his end or ours had been able to determine who was behind the attempt. There had been no new incidents, though, which made everyone nervous. I knew my family was, even if they worked hard not to show it. All the women were covered by double guards whenever they left the compound. Cara and Siv complained to me about it. Mam and my aintíni , aunts, had less to complain about. They tended to go out to do things with their husbands or in groups, so it wasn’t as big of a deal to them. Plus, they recalled the old days and how much security went with them.

Chris had been eager for me to get the green light from Dr. Keim. He was pushing for me to come back to California as soon as I did. He swore he’d have more than enough men to watch over me when I arrived. He kept hinting at a talk we needed to have. It was the talk I knew deep down I wanted to avoid. As much as I thought I wanted to ask him to marry me so I’d be able to move on, I didn’t want to. My stupid heart was holding onto the idiotic hope that Alistair would suddenly declare his undying love for me and beg me not to leave. Stupid, I know, but no matter how many times I told myself I was a fool, it didn’t seem to sink in.

It was my last pep talk with myself, which had me packing my bags. I knew I’d never get out of here with them and to the airport without being seen or stopped, so I was working up my courage to speak to the family tonight. I would lay out my intentions and let them know there was nothing they could say or do to stop me. When I got to California, I’d decide how to broach the talk Chris wanted to have. Maybe if I were away from Alistair, it would make it easier for me to do it.

Everyone planned to be at the main house to have dinner together. I would go over there and have it, then tell them my decision. Thankfully, I moved back to my house three weeks ago. When I was done telling them, I’d be able to escape back here. Checking the clock, I saw I needed to get my butt over to the house. Leaving the bags open on the bed in case I had any last-minute things to throw in them when I got back, I went downstairs and headed over to the main house. My house, along with Cathal’s, were the farthest ones back on the compound. It was a hike to the main one so I took my car rather than walk. It was nice outside, but I thought I might have to make a hasty retreat later, and walking wouldn’t make it possible.

Parking outside in front, I went up the steps and walked in. No one bothered to knock. This was our family home, and despite having our individual ones, it would always be that. Our parents encouraged us to treat it as if we all still lived there. The loud chatter of voices led me to the main living room. It was the one we used for family, not guests. The fancier one for those times was in another section of the house.

Despite how big the room was, with everyone there, seating was scarce. We had several large sectionals and chairs scattered everywhere but several people wound up sitting on the floor or the arm of a chair or couch or even on large pillows they tossed on the floor. I noticed some had a pre-dinner drink in their hands. Along one of the walls was the bar, which held a wide selection of alcohol for those inclined to have one. I wish I could, but I had to keep my wits.

“There she is. Can I get you a drink, sis?” Shane asked as soon as he spotted me.

“No, I’m good.”

I went to sit on the floor, but Rory got up. “Sit here.”

“Ror, I can sit on the floor. I can get up and down just fine now,” I assured him.

“I know you can, but still take it.”

“Agatha said dinner will be ready in about ten minutes,” Maeve announced. The groans of appreciation were loud. It appeared everyone was hungry tonight. My stomach was flipping too much to be hungry. I sat back and let the conversations flow around me.

I was deep in thought when I was jerked out of it by the arrival of Alistair. I thought for sure he wouldn’t be here tonight. He’d make my announcement harder if he hung around after dinner, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Agatha said dinner is ready and to come to the table,” he announced with a smile.

This caused a mass exodus to the dining room. I brought up the rear. Somehow, Alistair ended up next to me. He gave me a probing glance.

“Are you okay, Ais?”

“I’m good, just have nothing to say.”

“Hmm,” was all he said.

When we reached the table, he paused to pull out my chair and then scooted me in. At the table, no one had assigned seating, really, but over the years, we’d all claimed what we saw as our spot, and we gravitated to those. Alistair had joined us enough times he, too, had one. It was just a couple of spots down from me on the other side of the table. In the past, I loved it because it meant I was able to sneak peeks at him. Now, I hated it because no matter how hard I tried not to, I would still do it.

Dinner was a loud affair with lots of chatter and everyone talking over each other as they talked about their week and asked questions. The food was wonderful as usual, but I wasn’t able to enjoy it, which was a shame since I had no idea when I’d have one of Agatha’s home-cooked meals again. By the time dinner was done and we all retired to the living room again, I was a ball of anxiety. My prayer, wishing Alistair would leave, wasn’t answered. As soon as everyone was seated and those who wanted a drink had one, I knew there was no use waiting. If I didn’t do it immediately, I’d chicken out. I stood up. Everyone’s attention settled on me.

“Can I have everyone’s attention, please? I need to talk to all of you about something important. It’s a good thing we had dinner together tonight. This saves me time.” I began to keep their attention and hopefully keep them silent. I saw some side glances while the rest were merely alert.

“Of course, muirnín, you have the floor,” Mam said with a smile.

“Thank you, Mam . As you know, I went to see Dr. Keim yesterday.”

I was interrupted by Aidan. “What’s wrong? I thought he gave you a clean bill of health.”

There he was, my impatient oldest brother. “Aidan, don’t interrupt. I need all of you to listen without jumping in every two seconds.”

He sighed but didn’t say anything more. When no more comments were made, I continued. “As I was saying, I saw Dr. K yesterday. Yes, he gave me absolute clearance to resume all activities. Everything has healed as good as new. Now that there’s nothing to stop me, I’ve made a decision.” I paused to see if anyone would say something. No one did but they were exchanging looks.

“Tomorrow, I’m taking the plane back to California. I’ll be staying there for the foreseeable future while I decide if moving there is the best decision for me. Who knows, I may end up settling somewhere else. I know this isn’t likely to be something you like but it’s my decision to make. I’m an adult. I want to focus my attention on my work and life. I can do it better there than here. Before any of you object, know that nothing you say will change my mind. I’m not happy here. I need a change. I hope you’ll support me, but if you can’t, at least don’t get in the way.”

The protests and curses were loud and came from all directions. I knew it was gonna go over badly.

“What the fuck?”

“We need to talk about this.”

“You can’t mean this.”

“Please don’t go.”

“I can’t stand it.”

“Like hell, you’re moving.”

The worst though was my mam and daid . Daid had such a dejected expression, and I saw him glancing around the room. Mam burst into tears. I’d tried to prepare them for this. I’d been talking openly about my plans for the winery and all the things I wanted to do in Temecula when I got back there. I hinted more than once that I was only waiting for my medical clearance. I knew if I told them outright beforehand, they would’ve had the whole family after me. My determination was shored up with shaky walls. Knowing it was a cowardly thing to do, I still did it.

“I’m sorry, but that’s it. There’s nothing more to say. Excuse me.”

I beat a hasty retreat for the door. The loudness behind me grew louder. They were all talking and yelling at the same time. I was shocked when I made it to my car without being accosted by any of them. The drive back to my house was quick. I went inside, but instead of going to my room to finish packing, I wandered the house, trying to calm myself down and not go back and tell them I changed my mind. I had to do it. It was possibly my only chance at trying to grab a tiny bit of happiness for myself. Without it, I’d end up miserable and hateful.

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