58. Mal

58

MAL

E ven after eleven years away from this place, I knew exactly how to get to the Deckers' house. I'd been going there ever since I was little, causing chaos with Hayes as we rode our dirt bikes up and down these roads a million times and crashed only a handful.

As I pulled into the driveway, I couldn't help but notice that everything looked the same. Endless trees surrounding the familiar white home that I wished I could have grown up in as a young kid.

It felt like yesterday I was here, and the thought only made my chest throb more.

Slowly, I approached the front of the house where I came to a stop and on a deep, heavy breath, I finally turned off the car.

Everything inside me was telling me to get out of there. I couldn't handle their rejection and I knew if that's what they wanted, I would give it to them. It would be my fault anyway.

No contact.

No calls.

Not anything.

I cut them out of my life without a second thought and as I sat here now, I couldn't think of one good solid reason why.

Because I was a young, idiot college student who didn't want them to despise me for losing their son?

Because I couldn't handle losing Hayes and in the presence of the ones who loved him most?

Maybe it was a mixture of everything, and just as I decided to get out of my car, I heard the front door swing open and smack the house.

Immediately, I peered over the top of my car and that's when I noticed Greg.

Standing with his one hand on the door and the other as a visor to block out the sun.

I froze.

Not knowing what to say or do, I clammed up.

"Mal? Is that you?" he shouted, causing my heart to skip a beat at the sound of him calling my name.

With my throat all clogged up, I swallowed quickly before nodding my head and taking hesitant steps around the car and toward the front porch.

"It's me," I confirmed with my hands in my pockets and my head slightly downward as a sharp gasp filled the air around us.

Shelia.

Mom.

In a flash, a flurry of blonde came running toward me and arms encased my waist in a tight hug.

"Mal! You're… You're here. You're actually here." She cried into my chest as I wrapped my arms around her and held on for dear life.

"I'm here," I reassured her, hating that I was the cause of the torment she had to live with when I left.

Both of them.

My hazy eyes lifted and I found Greg watching us. Still the same man, only older and grayer, he looked torn on what to do. Almost like he couldn't believe that I was actually here and was struggling on how to handle it.

"It's okay, Mom. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere again, okay?" I tried to calm her down, but I knew my words meant nothing right now.

Neither of them could trust me.

Eventually her cries settled and I was able to finally get a look at the woman who had raised me more than my own mother did.

Still beautiful, she reminded so much of Hayes and the brightness he radiated.

"Let's… Let's go inside for a minute." Her voice wobbled with emotion and on the tilt of my mouth, I followed her up the steps until I stopped next to Greg.

Unmoving and silent, I cautiously took a step toward him.

"I know I'm probably not your biggest fan right now, but I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for all the pain and confusion I caused you. Neither of you deserved it and I hope that one day I can make it up to you."

He looked at me like I was someone foreign to him. Like he was trying to figure me out, but then when I went to take a step back thinking that he needed a moment to process this, he reached for me and pulled me in for a hug.

Still, he had no words, only an overdue hug that told me everything he needed to say.

That he missed me.

That I was still his son.

A n hour later, we were all inside the house, sitting in the living room and talking about everything and anything. They couldn't emphasize enough about how proud of me they were and how they never missed any of my games on TV.

It made me feel good knowing that they never gave up on me.

I just wished I would have gotten my head out of my ass sooner because there was now eleven years without them that I could never get back.

I apologized over and over to them and expressed how guilty I was for making such a rash decision. They told me they understood and didn't hold it against me, but it didn't stop me from apologizing some more.

I'd apologize the rest of my life if I had to.

And I probably will.

With a cold water bottle in my hand, and another weight lifted off my chest, I felt like I could finally breathe again.

But what I was about to confess was something else entirely.

Already I was feeling uncertain of how and what exactly I was going to say, but it was something they needed to know.

"I need to be honest with you. I know about the plan you made with Wren." I peered over at the two of them and immediately saw the regret in their eyes. "I'm not upset about it, if anything I should be thanking you…"

Shit.

I didn't want to put it like that.

"What I mean is… That Doe… I mean, Wren…" Shaking my head, I knew I was fucking this up majorly. Face now the shade of a tomato, I went to open my mouth again, but Shelia quickly intercepted.

"Mal, hey, it's okay," she tried to comfort me.

"No, it's not okay, you need to know everything. When I first saw Wren, I wanted her gone. I didn't want to see her, talk to her, anything, but she refused to listen to me. And I knew at that moment, I was utterly fucked."

I didn't care if I was saying things I probably shouldn't have, but this was me.

The words I was saying might not be pretty, but it didn't matter. The way I felt about this woman was the only thing that fucking mattered anyway.

"I was an asshole. I pushed her away, I didn't let anyone get close to her, and still she managed to make me want to be a better man. And somewhere along the way, I don't know when it happened, or where, I fell hard for the woman I knew could never be mine."

Shelia's eyes filled with tears as Greg looked damn near close to crying too.

"Then I saw her phone and all the messages you were leaving her, and I made her confess everything to me that night and in the end I broke her heart."

"Mal…" Shelia cried and soon she was moving to sit next to me.

"I pushed her away because I couldn't stand the thought of sharing her heart with anyone else," I admitted and immediately, I regretted it.

"Mal, listen to me, please." Shelia grabbed my hand and forced my attention on her. "We know, baby. We know everything. We know you love her, and we know she loves you."

When I should have felt relief, I didn't.

"It's none of our business who the two of you fall in love with. And don't think for one second that we would hate you because you fell in love with the girl Hayes had loved. Wren has been through so much and over the years, we've had the privilege of watching her grow into the beautiful, strong woman she is today. We would have been stupid to not think that something would happen between the two of you."

Shelia glanced over at Greg.

"We never expected Wren to remain single her whole life. We know how much she loved Hayes, but it would be selfish of us to expect her to cling on to his presence forever. I only prayed that had she met someone, it would be someone who deserved her." Greg then looked back over at his wife, who then looked at me.

Taking the hand she had on mine, she lifted it to my cheek.

"Someone like you, Mal, because I know how truly wonderful of a person you are."

Fuck.

All my life, all I ever wanted was to be someone worthy. To be someone good. And hearing it from both Greg and Shelia… I could barely find any air from the shock of it.

"We love you, Mal. When you were ten, twenty, thirty, and when you're a hundred. You will always be our son." Shelia rubbed her finger along my cheekbone, causing my chest to expand.

I spent a few more hours with them, then decided that it was finally time to go get my girl.

Or, at least apologize and see where things go from there, but with a promise of returning, Shelia whispered one last thing to me before I made my journey to Doe.

"Thank you for coming back."

And with one final response, I dropped a kiss on her head and said, "I never should have left."