59. Wren

59

WREN

I wasn't expecting company tonight, but when the firm pounding of a fist on my door increased, I began to fear the worst. In only a pair of cotton shorts and an off-the-shoulder top, I rushed over to the front door and quickly swung it open.

What I didn't expect to see was a frantic Mal peering down at me like he wanted to pull me into his arms.

"Mal? What… What are you doing here?" I asked in stunned confusion as I crossed my arms over my chest and looked skeptically at the beautiful man in front of me.

God, he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

Did he drive here overnight?

"Can I come in?" His voice sounded strained and almost pained as he looked so unsure of himself.

Instead of answering, I stepped to the side to let him in. At first, he just stood there unmoving. I hated it.

I hated how uncertain he looked.

How we were acting like total complete strangers when in reality we were anything but.

His eyes wavered into my home before sweeping over to me and as I watched his chest exhale, he shot forward.

"Fuck it."

His hand had found the curve of my cheek and before I knew it, his lips were colliding with mine. Lips that I had dreamed about. Lips that I had missed so much, were finally pressed against mine as if he never wanted to separate us again.

After being away from him for the past week, I needed him closer. So, finding his arm, I moved it to the back of my thigh where he had quickly caught on and lifted me into the air where I could wrap my legs around him.

"God, I missed you so much," he said between kisses.

I didn't care that I was still mad at him for pushing me away. I didn't care that he would probably do it again, all that I cared about was that he was here.

He was here for me.

Tangling my hands in his hair, I couldn't get enough of him. I wanted more and more but as his mouth slid down to the slope of my neck, I knew I couldn't let anything more happen.

As much as I wanted more.

"Mal…" I groaned as he nipped along my collarbone.

"I'm so sorry, Doe," he spoke along my skin, causing a cluster of goosebumps to emerge. "For everything. All the terrible fucking things I said, for pushing you away."

My eyes filled with tears and I knew I needed out of his arms to hear this. So using the heel of my palm, I pushed on his chest until his mouth separated from my neck and I was being lowered onto the ground.

He looked panicky and distressed at my sudden wanting to stop, but he gave me space.

"Blue's Words," he said, causing me to go stiff. "I read it yesterday. I didn't know about it until James told me to look it up."

Dammit, James.

"You were only trying to protect me, weren't you? Trying to save me from drowning in my own sorrow?" He ran a hand through his hair as his eyes never once wavered from mine.

My lip wobbled on a nod.

"All you ever wanted was the best for me."

I always will, I wanted to add.

"And I broke your heart."

He did, but I wanted him to be the one to fix it.

"Did I, baby?" he asked with worry etched across his face, and I knew my answer would only worsen it.

"Yes." I nodded as my vision went hazy.

His whole body deflated.

"Fuck…" he swore as his eyes closed and he looked seconds from falling over. "God, Doe, I'm sorry… I'm so fuckin' sorry for hurting you, baby. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you."

"Why did you do it? Why did you push me away?" I asked as he finally met my eyes again and this time, I almost fell over from the tears I could see forming.

"Because I'm insecure, and have no fucking clue what I'm doing when I'm with you. All I know is that I never want to hurt you again."

God, I wanted to believe him.

I really did.

"Why are you here, Mal? To get me back? To tell me you're sorry and go back to Seattle?" I threw my hands up and felt more tears streaming down the sides of my face.

"It was time to come back," he shouted desperately. "It was time to face Hayes, Greg and Shelia, and it was time you knew that I'm not going anywhere. That you're my world now and I'll do anything you want… Fucking anything if it means you'll love me again."

My heart stuttered at the mention of all the Deckers. Was that where he came from? Did he go see them?

"I realized that without all of you, I am nothing. I need every single one of you in my life and I won't accept anything less. I won't accept a life without you in it, Doe, so please, tell me I still have a chance. Tell me I haven't lost you yet," he begged, and I knew right then and there, this man was never going to live another second without me.

On a sob, I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his neck. He instantly circled his arms around my waist in the most secure hold that told me he knew.

He knew that I never stopped loving him.

"You haven't lost me, Mal. Not even close." I cried into his neck as he squeezed me tighter. "I love you so much."

"Fuck…" He buried his head into the crook of my neck. "I love you too, Doe, so goddamn much. I promise I won't let you down."

"I know you won't." I whimpered. "I know you won't."

"Whatever happens." He pulled back slightly before placing a palm onto my chest. At that moment, I realized he was talking about my heart.

The uncertainty of what the future holds, and I couldn't help but melt into him.

"I'll always be here, Doe. I won't let you go through this alone, never again. You need me at your appointments, I'll be there. You need to sleep all day because you're tired, I'll be right next to you. This will never define us and I promise for the rest of my life that I'll love you to the very end." He emphasized with his hand on my heart as he watched me with unblinking eyes.

Tears that I couldn't stop still streamed down my face as my heart tripled in size for the man in front of me.

Never once had I expected for him to happen.

For us to happen and sweep me off my feet.

But it did, and I wouldn't change it for the world.