36. Wren

36

WREN

T he kiss Mal and I shared replayed in my head all night as I tried to sleep. Different scenarios, different settings, but the kiss never changed once.

I couldn't have imagined it better anyway.

For so long I had wondered what it would be like, what it would feel like to kiss Mal. I'd imagined something angry and desperate. Like a tactic to shut me up or assert dominance, but I never expected it to be like the way it was.

Tender.

Extremely heartwarming.

It was everything he tried so hard to hide.

And he poured every ounce of himself into that kiss. Every unsaid word, feeling, doubt, I felt it all and answered back.

Though it was a moment of pure selfishness, I knew I needed it. We both did and despite what may come of it, I would never end up regretting it.

At least, I hoped I wouldn't.

So, when the early morning sun began to peek through the slits of his window curtains, I awoke feeling better and happier than I had in years. My whole body felt refreshed and a sense of eagerness for the day flooded me head to toe.

I let out a yawn, stretching my arms out until I accidentally nudged Mal who was still sound asleep next to me. Luckily, my movements didn't wake him, so I took the opportunity to turn onto my side and get a good look at him.

It was difficult to hold eye contact with Mal for an extended period of time without feeling flustered. With him being asleep, I could look as long as I wanted.

With my palm holding up my head, I took in the sleeping man beside me. He looked peaceful, almost serene in a way as he laid on his back with his good arm underneath his pillow and the other stretched out toward me.

The blanket was partially resting on his abdomen, leaving the rest of his chest and upper body exposed.

I'd never seen anything more perfect.

I was tempted to drag a finger down the dip in his chest, just to see what it felt like, but I decided it wasn't a smart idea given the current status of our so-called relationship.

Even just thinking about what all this meant made my stomach churn violently.

So, instead of diving deeper into the murky topic of Mal and I, I dragged my stare up toward his sleeping face where flutters began to take over.

The man was a god.

In another life he could have been, with his carved stone features and a rare beauty that sunk deep into my bones. There was no denying that he was undoubtedly handsome, but it was more just the attractive things that made my heart bounce.

The scar along his right eyebrow. The small indent just beside his mouth, and a slightly crooked nose from endless years of fighting on the ice.

Mal had his imperfections, but they were beautiful.

To me, they were what made Mal, Mal and there was no one else quite like him.

A smile lifted on the corners of my mouth as I saw his arm subconsciously try to reach for me. His face scrunched when he realized he couldn't find me, but then ultimately, he shifted onto his side where he fell back to sleep.

Adorable.

Suddenly feeling parched with an extremely dry mouth, I pushed myself off the bed and rose onto my feet. As I made my way out of his room, my eyes had caught onto a picture frame that was resting on top of his dresser.

At first, I couldn't tell what it was, but on a closer look, I realized it was an old picture of Mal.

And right beside him was Hayes.

With a sudden intake of breath, my heart rate had dangerously skyrocketed.

A young Mal with a dirt-streaked face, a buzz cut and smile that rendered me speechless, he looked so happy in that moment. And next to him was a bright-eyed, blond boy who had his arm around Mal's shoulders while he grinned cheekily at the camera.

God, they looked so happy.

So innocent and almost immediately, tears began to blur my vision.

Had I made a mistake by kissing Mal last night? By kissing Hayes's best friend?

Guilt like no other had flooded me as I stared at the picture. The idea of coming between the two people I cared about felt like I had a knife in my chest.

I wasn't here for love.

I wasn't here to find happily ever after, and yet, here I was.

In Mal's bed, falling deeper and deeper with each passing day.

As tears poured down my cheeks, I shifted my gaze over toward Mal who was still sound asleep, and I knew I had to get out of here.

I needed time to think and I knew I couldn't do it properly here.

So with one final look at the picture, I quietly ran out of his room where I gathered all of my belongings and ordered an Uber to get back home to Kate's.

Where I could think.

Where I could bask in all my mistakes and lies that I'd been keeping from him.