35. Mal

35

MAL

S he fell asleep pretty quickly after the movie started, around the scene where Jack and Rose were dancing together. Her head was slumped over onto my shoulder where light, adorable snoring sounds poured out of her. I didn't want to move her.

I wanted to stay like this forever, but there was no way I could fall asleep like this, let alone let her sleep on the couch. Not when she deserved a bed.

I let her sleep for about another hour or so, just enjoying her closeness. Every now and then, I would tear my eyes away from the screen to check on her. Using the pad of my finger, I'd lightly brush back the strands of hair that would fall in her face and sometimes, I'd lean in close to kiss her forehead, but right before I would, I'd pull away.

I was afraid she'd wake up.

Or worse, wake up and leave.

Now, about halfway into the movie where I was more invested than I thought I would be, mumbled words fell past Wren's lips. I couldn't make out what she said, but only a few short seconds later, she began mumbling to herself again.

"No… no, don't go."

I froze.

"Please…" she begged as her eyes were still tightly shut, but a pained expression now marred her features.

She was having a nightmare.

"Hayes… please, don't…"

My heart fractured as she called out his name. I felt hopeless knowing I wasn't the one she ultimately wanted or needed. That the moment she'd wake up, she'd realize I wasn't him.

Hayes.

Tears started to stream down her face. So many that it was breaking my own heart to watch her fall apart in her sleep. I couldn't even imagine what she was dreaming about, but it had to be fucking terrible.

And just when I didn't think it could get any worse, it did. She began to thrash around. Barely at first, but then it turned more violent.

More desperate.

"Wren," I called out her name and tried reaching for her face. "Wren, I need you to wake up."

She wasn't hearing me, though.

A few times I had to dodge her from hitting my shoulder, but luckily I was able to grip her hands in mine and hold her down.

"Wren, listen to me, baby. It's just a dream." I tried the best I could but she still wouldn't wake up. "You're just having a bad dream."

Fuck, this wasn't working.

Panic was starting to kick in and soon, I just took ahold of her face and brought her close to me. Tears and all, she looked beyond wrecked.

Beyond the woman I knew.

"Doe, it's me. It's Mal." I gently shook her head. "I need you to wake up for me, please."

She stopped moving. Stopped thrashing, but her eyes were still closed.

"There you go, Doe," I praised. "It's me. I'm here."

Slowly her eyes began to open. It took her a second to adjust and when she finally did, her lips wobbled as she met my worried stare.

"Mal?" Her voice cracked as she searched for something in my eyes.

"Yeah, Doe. It's me. I'm here."

With her face cradled in my hands, I used the pads of both of my thumbs and took away the fountain of tears that stained each cheek.

"You just had a bad dream, but I'm here, though. You're safe."

She let out a painful cry that made my heart clench in the most agonizing way. Immediately I dropped my forehead against hers, clutching onto her tighter as I let her cry.

The painful sounds that ripped through her were like a knife to the chest. I could barely handle seeing her like this.

I was the broken one. Not her.

Never her.

I wouldn't allow it.

With her forehead still pressed up against mine, I almost didn't notice that she ripped off the blanket covering her, and was now climbing into my lap. I would have been shocked if the feeling of her in my arms didn't feel so natural.

She belonged here.

Just like this.

Where I instinctually wrapped my arms around her waist and she fell into the crook of my neck. I didn't care that she had fallen into the side of my shoulder that was injured. I couldn't fight through the pain, but I couldn't stand to see her like this.

"Doe, you need to take a breath and calm down," I tried to soothe.

Splaying my palm on the back of her head, I kneaded my fingers through her scalp.

"I'm so sorry, Mal."

Jesus, she was apologizing.

For something she had no control over.

"Listen to me, you have nothing to apologize for. You had a bad dream, that's all."

She then pulled herself from the safety of my neck and wiped at her face.

"It's been so long since I've had one and I hate that you had to see me like that."

My head tilted to the side as I cupped her cheek again.

"You don't need to worry about what I think. I don't think any differently of you. If anything, I feel…" The words started to fall off my tongue as a wave of hesitation hit me head-on.

"Feel what?" She searched my eyes again, begging, pleading for me to finish what I was saying.

"I feel…" I swallowed, taking in this amazing, brave woman who even at her worst, was and still is the most beautiful soul in the world. I wanted to be courageous like her.

Fearless.

Before I said any more, I made sure her full attention was on me. I needed her eyes, her everything. "I feel like I've known you my whole life, Doe," I admitted.

Her mouth opened on a short gasp from my confession. Even her chest had expanded as if the intensity of my words had hit her hard, but it was the way her eyes softened that made me aware that this wasn't one-sided.

With my hand still cradling her cheek, I noticed she was slowly closing the distance between us. Her chest rising and falling as she did so.

"Tell me this is a bad idea and it shouldn't happen," she begged as her gaze fell onto my lips.

"Fuck no."

I caressed her cheek as a single tear fell from her eye.

"Tell me you don't want to kiss me."

My heart crashed violently against my chest. I could practically feel the warmth of her breath brushing against my quivering mouth.

I was a goner.

So gone.

So hers.

I knew I was undeniably and utterly fucked.

"I've wanted to kiss you for a long fucking time, Doe. Now please let me."

Then like a bolt of lightning that had just crashed, I yanked her down onto my mouth. Lips smashing, hearts hammering, I put everything I had into the kiss.

Her unworldly soft mouth matched mine in tempo, slow at first, as if savoring this moment.

Memorizing.

Learning.

And when that wasn't enough, she began to take the lead with stronger, more confident kisses that had me spiraling.

Fuck right or wrong, there was nothing wrong about this kiss. Nothing wrong about how perfect it felt to have her in my arms as we finally gave in to whatever this was.

Moving the hand I had on her face, I supported the back of her head with my palm, directing her where I wanted her. Then with the other hand, I laid it across her thigh.

Squeezing.

Feeling.

She tried shifting herself up more toward my body, as if she wasn't already close enough to me.

She wanted to be closer.

Every part of her wanted to be flush against me.

But in doing so, she subconsciously began to rock in my lap. It was subtle at first, but even then, it didn't take much for my cock to get excited when Doe was around.

Fuck, she felt good.

Even better than I had imagined.

It only took eleven years to know what the girl of my dreams tasted like.

Seconds had turned into minutes and I had no intention of stopping anytime soon but suddenly, the loud crashing sound of the remote onto the ground had Wren pulling away from me as if I were on fire.

I immediately sensed her regret when her palm covered her mouth.

"Oh my god."

She gasped.

"Doe…"

She shot off my lap and landed hard onto her ass on the floor. I rose to my feet instantly.

"Fuck, are you all right?" I kneeled down until we were at eye level, but she refused to look at me.

"No, Mal, I'm not," she confessed. "We… We just…"

"Kissed. I know," I finished for her. "And I'd really fucking like to do it again."

Her eyes shot over to mine in disbelief.

"You want to do it again?"

Her mouth was puffy and red and I had a strong urge to make it even more raw.

"Yes, every second of every day, preferably."

She laughed.

"Mal, you don't want me. You're just confused because of our past and now… whatever we are now. You only think you want me."

My nostrils flared at her assumptions of what she thought I wanted. She had no idea the depths of what I wanted. That despite my apprehensions and standoffish nature, I had desires far greater than anyone in this world.

I yearned to be brought back to life again.

And Doe was slowly becoming the person that could ultimately do it.

So, rising up to my feet, I held my hand out for her to grab, but she stared at it like it had two heads. Reluctantly, without telling her to do so, she laid her hand in mine.

"What are we doing?" she asked in a small, meek voice that sounded nothing like her.

I waited until she was standing and I had a firm grip on her hand before answering.

"Going to bed."

"Bed? As in singular?"

My mouth twitched but I refused to answer. Instead, I pulled her along with me until we were finally in my bedroom.

Nerves that I wasn't experiencing seconds ago had finally hit me like a freight train. I knew she would argue and I knew my anxiety would only worsen the longer we stood at the foot of my bed, so with my hand still wrapped around hers, I pulled her into bed.

Thank fuck she went in willingly.

I shoved the covers to the side and let her climb in beside me. Every movement seemed smooth and practiced as if we'd been doing this for years. Even when she found her place with her head on my chest and a leg sprawled over mine, I knew there was no turning back now.

Wrenley Baker belonged with me.

Maybe not before, maybe not even a few weeks ago, but right now, here, she felt like mine.

As I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her in close, I finally took this as my chance to respond back to what she said only minutes ago.

"I can remember wanting you when I was in the hospital. I can remember wanting you when I knew I shouldn't have. And I can remember wanting you when I saw you in my Orchids jersey." Her head had tilted so she could look at me and what I saw was awe. "It's not a matter of confusion, or trying to desperately cling on to my past. This is me, a man who has tried his damned hardest to forget about you and fight off his feelings for so long that I think I'm officially a lost cause when it comes to emotions. When it comes to you." I felt her fingers brush along my face, soft and tentative.

"I wished that what I felt for you was superficial. I wished it meant nothing, but I'd be lying to myself and you if I said that. So, no, Doe, I don't only think I want you, I do fucking want you. Even if it's wrong. Even if it hurts." I paused. Then finding her hand that was stoking along the curve of my eyebrow, I grabbed her fingers and brought them down to my mouth.

Gently, I laid exactly three kisses down each finger before pulling her hand away and mumbling into the air, "At least I'll have you."