34. Mal

34

MAL

D oe made me dinner.

She made me my favorite dinner and she didn't even know it. When she mentioned she wasn't a good cook, I was expecting sandwiches or a frozen pizza, but not spaghetti. Definitely not something that involved a stove and oven. Though it might not be considered as an accomplishment for some, I was so fucking proud of her for trying. It couldn't have been easy.

Even in her nervous state, when she placed the plate in my lap, I wanted to tell her that this was the most anyone had ever done for me in a long time. That it didn't matter to me whether it tasted good or bad, I was beyond grateful to have her here.

Though my mood was still in a dark place, it helped knowing I had someone who cared enough about me to be here.

After she practically draped herself over me to get an ice pack on my shoulder, I've been waiting patiently for her to return. With her scent still lingering over me and the sensation of her legs brushing against mine, my cock began to stiffen in frustration.

I wanted her badly despite every reason I shouldn't.

Unfortunately, my body didn't give a fuck about right or wrong and the second she stepped out into the living room with a full plate of food in her hands, I nearly dropped to my knees in front of her.

She was painfully beautiful and pink.

A complete contrast to me, but the minute her mouth curled into a smile, it didn't seem to matter.

"You haven't taken a bite yet?" She frowned as she noticed my still full plate and took the spot directly next to me.

"Been waiting for you."

I shot her a glance and observed the way her whole body melted from my words.

"Well, aren't you just a gentleman?" she teased and nudged me gently with her foot.

I loved this playful side of her.

I wanted to be like that with her, but I wasn't sure how, or if I even could.

"Nah, I just want you to see my reaction when I take my first bite," I joked, causing her to let out a chuckle.

"Oh, you're really lucky I didn't screw it up this time, Mal. I've been known to overcook and undercook the noodles."

Little did she know, I'd eat anything she'd ever make me and not complain about it.

"We all do that." I shrugged. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm not the best cook either."

It really did seem to make her feel better as her grin widened.

"It does, a little, but I'd like to be the judge of that."

Fireworks went off in my chest.

I'd cook her every goddamn meal that ever existed if she asked.

"Deal." I swallowed and quickly tore my stare away from hers before I decided to do something stupid like try to kiss her again.

Taking my fork, I decided to finally dive in and take my first bite of what Doe made me. With a mixture of noodles and sauce wrapped around the tines, I brought it up to my mouth and closed my lips around it.

"Sooo?" Doe asked nervously as I began to chew.

I didn't want her to sweat it out, so I nodded on a smirk.

"It's good, Doe. But I already knew it would be."

Her face broke out in the deepest shade of red.

Fucking adorable.

"Oh, well, thank you. I'm glad you like it."

For the remainder of the time we ate, we had done it in silence. It felt nice having someone to eat with for once, even if there were no words exchanged.

They weren't needed anyway.

Once we were finished, Wren and I argued about the dishes. She wanted to wash them, but I told her to wait until tomorrow so I could do them, but of course she didn't listen.

She took it upon herself to clean the rest of the kitchen as well and when she was finally done, I met her at the counter where I was holding a pair of sweats and a T-shirt.

"Thought you might want to sleep in something more comfortable." I lifted the clothes in her direction. I wasn't sure what she would like, so I chose my softest shirt and pants that I had.

Her tired stare landed on the clothes in my hand and for a second, she looked shocked by the gesture.

I guess I didn't blame her. When was the last time I offered anyone anything? Not in a long damn time.

"Thank you." She timidly reached her hand out and grabbed them. For a reason unknown to me, my chest began to fill with pride knowing she didn't decline my offer to wear my clothes.

As if this was a step toward something more.

"I'm… I'm just going to get changed really quick." She dipped her head down, and ran off toward the bathroom.

Fuck.

Did I do something wrong?

Placing a palm on the counter, I leaned most of my weight down onto it and let out a rush of air that had been building up in my chest.

What the hell was I doing?

I had no idea anymore. Lines were starting to blur and the only thought that plagued my mind was getting Doe into my bed. Claiming her, holding her, everything that I shouldn't want, I wanted more than my next breath.

Still feeling her energy throughout the kitchen, I escaped into the living room where I wouldn't feel so possessed by her.

So feral.

It didn't help much, because the second I sat down onto the couch, she came out from the bathroom dressed in my clothes that swallowed her tiny frame.

Fuck.

My cock stood at full attention now as I took her in with eyes that were no longer exhausted. If anything, they felt more alive.

An oversized gray Colombia shirt and long baggy sweats that covered her toes never looked so damn sexy until now. Especially knowing they were mine.

Soft pink hair was hanging over one shoulder, while a tentative smile lifted across her face. I couldn't find the words for how beautiful she looked.

How like mine she looked.

If I could imagine a life with Doe, this was how I would want it. Her wearing nothing but my clothes at night or nothing at all. A bare face so I could remind her every second of every day how beautiful she is.

It made my chest cramp from how badly I wanted it.

"Thanks again." She peered down at my clothes that were layered over her body. "I look kind of ridiculous, but I'm way more comfier than I would have been if I slept in my clothes."

Something a lot like gratification struck me to my core.

"You're welcome." I dipped my head down and almost cursed myself for looking away from her. I knew if I looked again, I'd experience the same intense feelings all over again. If not worse this time.

"So, if you don't need anything, I guess…" she began to say, but I already knew what she was trying to do, and I didn't want her to go to bed just yet. I had a spare bedroom that she didn't know about yet, but I had no intentions of telling her about it.

The Mal who was far too gone to decipher right between wrong wanted Doe in his bed.

Fuck the consequences.

"Watch a movie with me."

I felt vulnerable asking, afraid she might tell me no. I sounded desperate in my attempt to keep her awake, and of course she must have noticed because the expression on her face softened.

"Right now? Are you sure you're not tired?"

Not anymore.

" I'm sure, Doe. It's been a long time since I've watched a movie," I admitted.

She began to close the distance between us.

"I'm beginning to realize that it's been a long time since you've done a lot of things."

Taking the spot next to me, I felt a cracking in my heart. Not because of what she said, but because she was right.

I lost Hayes, but I lost a part of myself too. A part that determined it wasn't fair that I was here and he wasn't.

"Well, me too," Wren announced, causing me to shift my full attention over to her. "It still feels… wrong to enjoy things, you know?" She lifted her legs onto the couch until they were folded under her butt. "I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I can't help it sometimes."

It was like I was looking into a mirror. She felt how I felt. Had the same painful thoughts. It was like I finally had someone who understood me.

Understood the depth of grief.

My throat had clogged with emotion. It felt too good to be true to have her here. After all this time, she had come back, even if it wasn't for me.

"I know, and one day, hopefully it won't feel so wrong." I noticed her hand next to mine and slowly shifted mine closer to hers.

"I hope you're right." She smiled sadly and moved her hand to reach for the blanket that was hanging on the couch.

My heart dropped, but I couldn't let it get to me.

"So, what movie do you want to watch? I'll let you pick." I reached for the remote and handed it to her.

"You're letting me decide?" She chuckled before rocking her hips back and forth to get more comfortable.

I nodded on a raised brow.

"Okay, if you say so. No complaining, though."

She must have already had a movie in mind because in less than a few minutes, she had Titanic playing.

I didn't comment on her long-as-fuck movie choice or the fact the I hated romantic films. Instead, I acted like I was intrigued to watch it. The last thing I wanted to do was see or make her upset tonight.

Not when she was giving me life again.

She eyed me a couple times to see if she could catch any sort of reaction from me, and whenever she did, I'd smile in return.

"It's okay to admit that you don't like this movie," she whispered.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Never."