30. Mal

30

MAL

M entally, I felt good today.

Better than I had in a long time, but my body kept trying to retaliate. With every sudden movement I made out on the ice, a jolt of pain would shoot from every which angle. Shoulder, leg, arm, every muscle was protesting, but I had no other choice to continue. We were playing a rough and tumble team, with scrappy-as-fuck players who had zero qualms about dishing out pain. Remaining focused was the only way we could pull through tonight and luckily, thanks to Vince, we were ahead.

Our team had the puck, and as I noticed a player home in on Vince, my initial reaction was to protect.

And that's what I did, but as I powered forward, I was knocked hard into my side.

The second I was hit, I knew I was going down. What felt like flames had shot through my shoulder and sent me sprawling out onto the ice in agony. It felt like the bone had been ripped from the socket.

"Fuck, Mal." Hendricks came up beside me, along with a few other teammates who I couldn't make out even if I tried. My vision was clouded with dancing stars and for a second there, I thought I was on the verge of passing out.

"You're all right, man," Hendricks had said beside me. "We got you." I felt a few gloved hands reach for me and soon, they were pulling me onto my feet. My arm instantly screamed in protest, but with gritted teeth, I was finally up.

I clutched tightly onto my shoulder, afraid that any movement might further damage it but even then, just holding on to the spot sent excruciating pain down my arm. As I skated off the ice, I was met by Coach who looked at me with worry etched across his face.

He knew it was bad.

"How is it?" he asked as I made my way down the bench and on a low hiss, lowered myself down until I was sitting.

"Hurts, but it'll be all right," I lied, refusing to be in the same position I was once in before. Already I could sense what would happen and that's why I tried my best to rein in the pain.

Pretend as if it wasn't ever there.

"It's the same shoulder, Villareal. I know it ain't all right." He huffed and looked away from me. "Trevor!" he shouted and soon, the last person I wanted to see was sauntering over to us. "I need you to look over his shoulder and anywhere else he might be hurt. And don't come back until he actually tells you what's bothering him. Got it?"

Fuck.

"Got it, Coach."

O nce we were in the training room, I used my hand to strip off my helmet and tossed it against the wall. A loud cracking sound filled the air, but I didn't give a fuck. I didn't want to be here or in this situation again and hopeless soon filled me. It made my chest ache in the worst possible way but it was nothing compared to the anger I felt.

My whole body was on fire.

I wanted to scream, hit, fucking lash out at anyone and anything around me. It was all so unfair and I felt as though my body was giving up on me. That it couldn't handle any more beatings that I've been so carelessly putting it through. I knew I was approaching the end of my career but the thought of leaving hockey fucking terrified me.

Could this really be it?

Was my shoulder really going to be the factor that ended it all for me?

Every emotion I could ever feel was now firing off in all directions. I felt unstable, frustrated, and so goddamn lost as I began to pace the room.

"Mal, I'm going to need you to calm down and sit," Trevor said from beside an exam table where he watched me with a hesitant gaze. "I know you're upset, but I need to make sure there's no significant damage done to your shoulder."

Fuck.

Just the sound of his voice pissed me off.

"Fuck my shoulder. This is bullshit," I shouted, causing a sharp pain to burst throughout my shoulder.

My back bowed slightly as my teeth clenched together.

"Just give me some ice and tell the coach I'm fine."

Trevor frowned.

"You know I can't do that. You're obviously in pain, Mal. Why won't you just let me look at it?"

He fucking knew why I couldn't let him look at it. We both knew why, but when I went to open my mouth, more mind-numbing pain had surged down my shoulder, causing me to let out an agonizing groan.

"Jesus, Mal." Trevor quickly rushed over to me and positioned himself where my good arm could rest over his shoulders. Shifting most of my weight onto him, I let him walk me over to the exam table. "Okay, I'm going to lower you down now until you're sitting, okay?"

I grunted in response.

He slowly helped me onto the table where my legs were now out in front of me and my back was upright against the raised part of the table. I was still in immense pain, but now that I was sitting, I didn't feel as lightheaded anymore.

"All right." Trevor took a step back from me and after a quick check of making sure I was okay, he went searching. "I don't want to cause any further damage if your shoulder is already injured, so I'm going to have to cut off your jersey."

He lifted a pair of scissors from a drawer and walked over to me.

"Whatever."

Not only had my body shut down, but so had my spirit. My pride. Everything.

Once he had finished removing my jersey, he went to inspect my arm.

"Does this hurt?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"How about this?"

I flinched on a groan.

A long, drawn-out sigh escaped from Trevor and I immediately knew that whatever it was, it wasn't good.

"It's your AC joint again. It must not have been fully healed, so after that hit you just took, it brought you back to square one again."

His words were like a sucker punch to the gut. I had no one to blame but myself, but that didn't stop me from lashing out.

"Bullshit," I seethed. "Just tell me what bullshit exercises I need to do and give me some meds. I'll be good as fuckin' new in a few days," I gritted through my teeth as Trevor watched me with unblinking eyes.

"Mal… It's not that easy. Your shoulder needs more than just a few days to heal."

"Then just give me the medicine and tell Coach I'm fine."

His shoulders dropped.

"You know I can't do that…"

God fucking dammit.

Everything was falling apart and I felt like I was on the verge of collapsing. I felt as though everything was caving in on me and air was becoming harder and harder to find. I was on a path of destruction. Throwing my head back on a thud, I closed my eyes and the first thing I saw was Doe.

Pink hair, soft skin, and a smile directed at me. I fucking needed her right now.

So bad, I couldn't think straight.

"Where is she?" I half shouted at Trevor who looked as confused as he did taken aback.

"Where is who?"

"Wren, where is she?" I demanded.

His blond eyebrows came together. "I don't know. I'm sure she's somewhere watching the game."

I needed my phone.

I needed to get a hold of her.

"What's wrong? Do you need…"

"I need you to get my phone from my locker and bring it to me," I asked and when he didn't make any movement to leave, I sighed. "Please."

I definitely had shocked him because his eyes went wide. Even then, he still hadn't moved and with a clearing of my throat, he suddenly kicked it into gear.

"Yeah, okay, of course. I'll be right back," he rambled off before disappearing out of the room.

My knuckles turned white as the pressure of my palms clenching turned painful.

I needed her right now.

I didn't give a damn about what she was doing, all I knew was that I needed her close.

I needed her with me.