Chapter Twenty-Four

N ate’s voice hit them before he stepped in the doorway, his eyes wide with worry.

Reynolds hopped to his feet. “Nate. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Obviously. Lori looked upset. I came over.” Nate’s worry was a bandage of compassion on a gash of pain.

“The bio father’s back.” Reynolds shoved his hands in his pockets. “Lori just told us.”

“Shit. What happens next?” He softly pounded his fist on the doorframe.

“We have to take her over to CPS for visitation.”

“Why?” Nate’s eyebrows furrowed.

A sweet smile spread across Susan’s face at hearing her brother-in-law so invested. “Glad to see you on board, Nate.”

His support will help get Reynolds through this. Because she didn’t think she had it in her to help anyone else mend the wounds of heartache again. She barely had enough strength to help herself to stand.

“To meet her…” The word father almost slipped out, but this irresponsible kid wasn’t her father. Reynolds was. Susan exhaled. “The bio dad.”

“Time for Grandpa’s whiskey.” Nate beelined for the kitchen.

Reynolds turned to Susan. “You want to join us?”

The oppressive belief of hope sat on her chest. She needed out of here. “No, I need to clear my head. Go for a walk.”

She didn’t wait for him to respond but put on her shoes and headed down the street.

Reds, oranges, and yellows danced in the trees as the crisp chill of September swirled around her. The sun beat down on her tear-stained face as late-afternoon joggers made great use of the sidewalks.

The faint sound of the bell from the elementary school at the end of the block caught her attention. “That’s where Audrey would have gone to school.”

The dream of terrible art projects and class events was gone in an instant. Susan couldn’t keep her sadness from taking over, but she didn’t want to lose it here on the sidewalk, especially with someone running up behind her.

“Susan?” Peter’s hand rested on her shoulder.

With the weight of sorrow tightening those knots, Susan turned and buried her face in her brother’s chest. “She might be leaving.”

“Come on.” He smelled of sweat as his breathing slowed. Peter laid his arm across her shoulders and walked her down the block to his house.

She plopped down in the first chair as he left for a moment, only to return with a couple of full shot glasses. Clear liquid could be anything from vodka to tequila to cleaning liquid. She didn’t care as long as it numbed the pain.

He sat across from her, his forearms on his knees, and waited.

A quick flick of her wrist tossed back the liquid that immediately burned her throat. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. That’s tequila.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t understand why you were so upset.”

“What?” Had Reynolds told them?

He put his hands up in surrender, a heavy sadness in his eyes. “I should have trusted your decisions, because I trusted you to make so many others when we were kids.”

“Lucy said something, didn’t she?”

“Yep. More like she chewed my ass. Shelly did, too.”

“You’re overdue a good ass-chewing.” Susan downed the second shot without asking if he wanted it.

His lips thinned. “Lucy explained a lot to me and Edmund. Things I—we didn’t know.”

“Like what?” The tequila surged through her veins, loosening the knots in her neck that would certainly never fully go away.

“How many medical schools did you apply to?”

The pain in his words caught her attention. It wasn’t the confident or even arrogant tone he took when he wanted to make a point, but sad and even remorseful.

“A dozen.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She slumped in the chair, wondering how much to confess. “What for?”

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. How her brother wasn’t bald after these last several months, Susan had no idea. “What for? You got a thirty-five on your MCAT. You gave up something you wanted so the rest of us could…”

“Peter, stop. It would’ve required moving Edmund and Lucy out of their schools. Took Mom away from her doctors, her specialists. It was hard enough finding anyone who’d treat her. Getting her out of bed most days was a chore.”

“I wish you’d said something.” Gone was the demanding tone, replaced by an almost apologetic cadence.

“What good would it have done? You had your studies. You lived three hours away. You barely got home during the holidays because of how much studying you needed to do.” Bringing up their struggle always sent her on a one-way ticket to Frustrationtown, but the multiple talks with Reynolds did more than get her sweet rewards.

They helped her let go of the loss of her family. Her childhood. “I wasn’t leaving that for Lucy and Edmund to take care of. It was too much.”

Peter looked like he’d been electrocuted.

“Besides, we couldn’t afford to lose my income.”

Peter waved his hands in front of his face as if he heard her wrong. “What do you mean, lose your income? I thought we had money saved from the fundraising. Did you pay the bills?”

“After you turned eighteen, that social security check was gone. I had to make up the difference.”

“No, wait. That can’t be right. I thought we had enough in the account to cover it all. Our grandparents left us money.”

“No, they didn’t.”

“Wait. What?”

The heaviness of the burden she carried for so long began to lift with each confession. “Mom had a falling out with them not long before the accident. They didn’t leave her anything.”

Peter shook his head. “Unbelievable. Mom told me… never mind.”

“I signed us up for free meals at school. I waited tables. On the weekends when you were able to be home, I worked doubles.”

“Oh shit. I thought you worked that much because you were mad I left.”

“Not at all. Did you ever wonder why we had so much food from that place?” Susan continued, the dam of pain, broken free.

“Because you worked there?”

“No, because the owner was an old friend of Dad’s. He asked how we were doing and when he understood how dire it was, he insisted I take all the untouched mistakes home. That any unsold prepared food at the end of the night, I could have. I even went by on my days off.” Many times, she reviewed those sad memories, but now, they didn’t keep hold of her as fiercely as they had in the past.

“You gave up so much and here I am, telling you don’t know what you’re doing.” He scoffed. “Now who’s the asshole?”

“Peter, you’ve always been the asshole.” She laughed, finding a bit of joy in her sadness.

“What are you going to do about Audrey?”

She tucked her hands under her legs. “There’s not much we can do but wait and find out what the bio dad wants.”

“What about Reynolds?”

That sent her heart rate up and her bottom lip quivering. “What about him?”

“Will you stay together in your practical relationship?” Try as he might, Peter couldn’t keep a bit of snark out of the word practical .

Susan bounced her leg at a nervous tempo. “It’s no longer practical.”

“Then what would you call it?”

“Complicated.”

“A regular relationship, then?” A sympathetic smile spread across his face. “Whatever you decide, whatever the two of you decide, I’ll support you.”

“Thank you.”

“Gotta be honest, sis. I never thought I’d see the day when you went off the deep end. Did something outrageous.” He went to the kitchen and returned with the bottle of tequila, pouring them each another shot.

She grabbed a tissue from the box on the coffee table. “Yeah, I bet. To be honest, I don’t want to give any of it up, either.”

“Why would you? You love the guy.”

“What? I don’t… I like him. A lot. But…” Shit. She loved him. She loved him so much, that the idea of them not working out hurt down to her marrow.

“Susan?” Peter’s forehead furrowed.

She grabbed the shot glass, tossed the drink back, and nodded as the fire slid down her throat. “I love him.”

“Yeah, you do.”