Chapter Twenty-Three

“H e thinks he wants the baby.”

Reynolds’s heart slammed against his ribs. “He thinks he wants her? Well, I think I want to take an Alaskan cruise when I’m sixty, but that doesn’t mean I should.”

Lori sucked her bottom lip as she paced the kitchen in mismatched tennis shoes. A sure sign she dressed in haste to meet them this morning. “From what I understand, family members told him he has to own up to his mistakes.”

“Mistake? She’s not a mistake.” Susan placed Audrey in her highchair.

Odin flopped down underneath.

“His words, not mine.” Lori rubbed her temples. “Look, this isn’t a done deal, okay? This is him stepping in to play.”

“But we’re so close, Lori. Two weeks.” Reynolds’s gut churned like he drank too much of his grandfather’s whiskey on an empty stomach.

“I know. I know. It sucks!”

“What happens if he does want her? How does this play with the time we’ve had her?” Susan asked, but Reynolds already knew the answer.

Letting out a long breath, Lori shook her head. “It doesn’t.”

“I don’t understand this system at all,” Susan snapped. “We’ve taken care of her pretty much her entire five-and-a-half-month life. The nighttime feeds, the exploding diapers, the routine doctor visits. The excellent parenting? Bernie designating us as custodians and potential parents? That doesn’t count for anything?”

“We’ve talked about this. The court sees it as your job as her designated custodians. You get no special consideration for doing what you’re supposed to do.”

“And this kid just shows up and what?”

“Not sure. I can tell you he has no idea what he wants.” Drumming her fingers on the table, Lori paused.

When Susan pulled out some baby food, Audrey squealed so loudly that Odin left the room.

This can’t be it. This can’t be the end of our story. Reynolds thought he’d blow a vessel in his head. “Lori, please help us. Help her.”

She rested a hand on his arm. “I’ll do everything I can to do what’s best for Audrey, but the courts want to reunite the bio family when they can.”

“Even bio family who refused to step up? Before she was born, he abandoned her mother. She was homeless, living with a felon to survive. The only reason Bernie or Audrey are alive is they ended up at that store and not dumped in a snowdrift by that scumbag.”

“What do we do?” Susan sniffled as Audrey opened her mouth wide for the first bite.

Lori exhaled. “Tomorrow—”

“Tomorrow?” Reynolds eyed the cabinet that held Grandpa’s precious whiskey.

“Tomorrow, the father is supposed to come talk to us at CPS. He wants to see her. I will arrange a time.” Lori braced her hands against the table’s edge. “One of you or both of you will bring her to the CPS offices. I’ll take her to a playroom, and we’ll supervise a one-to-two-hour visit. You’ll take her home, and we’ll take it from there.”

“He can’t just take her home that day, right?” Susan’s words trembled as they came out in harsh whispers.

“No, there’s a process. Might take a week or so. We want to run background checks on anyone who will be around the baby or be designated to care for the child. See where he plans to live. How he plans to support her. We’re not going to send her into an unsafe environment.”

“What else?” Susan held a spoonful of mashed sweet potatoes midway to Audrey’s mouth as she waited for Lori to answer.

Audrey leaned forward, her mouth open wide like a baby bird. When Susan didn’t follow through, Audrey babbled as if to say, Hurry it up.

“Right. Here, sweetie.” Susan scooped up more food after Audrey sort of stripped the spoon of the orange mush.

These stupid beautiful moments will be nothing but a memory if she leaves.

“We’ll let him know what social services are available. If he’s the sole parent, he’ll qualify for some help. Many times, parents this age want to have co-guardianship with another adult like a grandma, aunt, or grandpa. We’ll need to run checks on them and see if they qualify for any help.”

“What do you mean by help?”

“Childcare. Food stamps. WIC. Insurance.”

“Been there. It’s a lot of paperwork to navigate.” Susan grimaced like she tasted something bitter.

Reynolds wanted to scream, punch a hole in the wall, and get so stinking drunk he forgot this conversation. But that wouldn’t change the reality of it.

She might be leaving.

And that probably meant Susan would, too.

His heart simply couldn’t take it. He grabbed his coat and his keys.

“Where are you going?”

He threw his arms up in frustration. “I don’t even know.”

Lori pulled out a chair. “Rey. Come on. Sit down.”

Reluctantly, he plopped down as Susan fed a very hungry baby. Tears rolled down his face, and he did not attempt to hide them. “She can’t go.”

Patting his hand, Lori coaxed, “I don’t know if she’ll go, but I have to do this by the book. You don’t want anything being questioned in six months or six years. This is for Audrey and what’s best for her.”

For the next hour, Lori talked them down, giving them multiple scenarios that could work in their favor. Even with her comforting words, Reynolds couldn’t see anything but red.

After Lori left, they spent the evening playing with Audrey before she passed out.

That left Susan and Reynolds sitting silently on the couch. A deep sorrow filled the room. A room, as of yesterday, that held nothing but happy memories.

How did it all go bad so quickly? How unfair this process was. The false sense of hope as the finish line approaches, only to have their legs pulled out from underneath them. “Susan.”

Tears streamed down her face as she sat stiff-backed, her hands resting in her lap. “Reynolds. I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t do this again.” Her head gave him a small shake, making her ponytail swing behind her.

“I don’t even want to think about it right now, Susan.”

“We have to. We have no choice.”

He couldn’t give up yet. All the pieces to this complicated, six-month puzzle weren’t in place yet. It can’t end when we almost had it put together. “I’m not ready to give up yet, Susan.”

“It’s not a matter of giving up, Reynolds. It’s more of what the court will decide.”

“I’m not ready to give up on us, either.”

She turned to face him, her eyes wide with pain. “What?”

Taking her hand, he sandwiched it between his, like he’d done in Lori’s office almost six months ago when he asked Susan to co-parent. “Us. I’m not ready to lose both of you.”

Her bottom lip quivered, and she pulled her knees to her chest. “I’m so tired of fighting.”

“What do you mean?” He moved closer, but she recoiled and it broke his heart.

“I’m so tired of fighting for the basic things that so many others get without thought. Love. Marriage. A family. The whole, stupid fucking fairy tale!” Tears flowed freely down her face. “What did I do to get such a tumultuous ride, huh?”

“I wish I had an answer for you. For us.”

She buried her face in her hands. “Why couldn’t it be simple?”

“Because we like complicated.” His attempt to find humor even annoyed him.

“Don’t, Reynolds. This hurts enough.”

He reached for her, but she stood, placing space between them. “Susan, please don’t push me away. We already complicated things, multiple times and in multiple ways. We knew the risk when we took this step.”

“We’re two weeks away and it all falls apart?”

“It doesn’t all have to fall apart.” Reynolds moved closer but didn’t try to touch her as he motioned between them. “ We don’t have to.”

She blinked away her tears. “You want to stay married if Audrey leaves?”

“She’s leaving?”