19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

D amen walked next to me as we made our way to the meeting room, with Tilly on my other side, but I insisted on using my new shadow cane to navigate as best I could by myself.

I wanted to stay glued to Damen’s side forever so the shadows would never dissipate.

And maybe for some other reasons too.

The events of last night kept replaying in my mind, and I had to force myself to think about anything else so that my scent didn’t give me away. I’m not sure I would have minded it if only Damen could pick up on my desire, but the idea that every Shade I walked past could smell when I was aroused was a slightly mortifying prospect.

Fortunately, I had a lifetime’s worth of experience in masking my emotions.

“Are you sure Tallulah won’t mind that I’m here?” I asked Damen, fidgeting a little with the itchy fabric of the skirt I was wearing from yesterday.

“I’m confident. Do you like that outfit? You seem uncomfortable.”

I forced myself to stop fidgeting, not wanting to seem ungrateful for the clothes I’d been given. “Sorry.”

“Iris,” he sighed affectionately. “Stop apologizing. If you don’t like it, we can get you some different clothes. We should have already—those are all Verity’s things, aren’t they?”

“How could you tell?” There was an odd, unpleasant sensation in my gut that might have been jealousy.

“The color. Verity only wears pink.”

Oh, right. That made me feel a little better. What was I jealous about anyway? Verity was happily mated to Damen’s brother, from what I could recall. I hadn’t actually met him yet. Or if I had, he hadn’t said anything. I had heard such mixed things about Theon from everyone, I had no idea what to make of him.

“We’re here,” Damen said unnecessarily, because Tallulah’s squeal of excitement had already alerted me to her presence.

“Are you a hugger?” Tallulah asked.

“I’m not sure. We could try?”

I laughed as she pulled me into a firm hug. The only person I’d hugged for comparison was Damen. Tallulah was a lot softer, and her hair tickled my nose.

It was probably inappropriate of me to notice, but her breasts seemed to be a lot bigger than mine. Were mine abnormally small? I’d never been self-conscious about them before but I might start now.

“I’m so glad you could join us. Iris, you’ve already met Sebastian in passing—he’s here today, and my mate Evrin is here too. I’d like to introduce you to Harlow Miles. She’s been our contact in the human realm for a while now, and she’s stepped in as interim leader at the Hunters Council.”

“Hello,” I said politely, expecting a Hunter vaguely in the image of my mother to be standing in front of me.

“Hey.”

She certainly didn’t sound like my mother.

“Let’s go sit down, shall we?” Tallulah said cheerfully.

Damen rested a hand on the small of my back, gently guiding me into the room and into a seat, managing to help me into it in a way that felt entirely natural and gentlemanly. It wasn’t that I was opposed to accepting help or didn’t think that I sometimes needed it, but Nana’s insistence that I should be more than capable of doing everything on my own was a difficult lesson to unlearn.

“I was hoping we could start off today with a bit of a catch-up on what’s been happening in the human realm,” Tallulah began. The king and queen really wanted to be here for this conversation, but sadly, they had commitments in other parts of the realm today. King Allerick sends his assurances that both myself and Prince Damen are fully capable of acting in his stead in this regard.”

Damen jolted slightly next to me, as though the words were a surprise to him. I couldn’t understand why they would be—Damen who was nothing but thoughtful and patient and the first to lend a hand, seemed as though he could be trusted with anything.

“Cool,” Harlow said easily. I really wanted to ask Damen how old she was because she sounded very young, but I wasn’t sure I could do it without anyone else overhearing. “Basically, a few of us have sort of taken over when the old guard went to jail. As I’m sure you’re all aware, there are regional councils—we’re just one. However, we’re the most influential one since we won the bid to handle the Shade negotiations. Obviously, there’s been a lot of pressure from the other councils who are trying to swoop in and take over because they don’t like the direction we’re going in. Sebastian has been doing a great job at holding his ground on that front—he’s been offered millions of dollars to go and work for some of them.”

“You have?” Tallulah asked, surprised. “And you’re not interested?”

Sebastian cleared his throat. “I took on board what you said last time about being in a position to effect real change. That’s not an opportunity that can be bought. Besides, I don’t need millions of dollars in the shadow realm.”

“Do you want to stay in the shadow realm?” Damen asked dubiously.

“Yes. Perhaps I haven’t always done a good job at showing it, but I do really like it here.” He cleared his throat nervously. “I’m actually seeing someone. I think she could be the one, you know?”

There was a long silence.

“…Cora?” Damen hedged.

“What?! No.” Sebastian sounded appalled. “She’s, like, nineteen. I’m not even sure she likes men? I’m dating a Shade. Cosima.”

“That’s amazing,” Tallulah gushed. “So you’re going to stay here?”

“If the option is available to me,” Sebastian replied uncomfortably.

“I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.” Damen stretched his arm over the back of my chair. “I don’t think you’ll be invited to any parties hosted by the Duke and Duchess of Lindow, but other than that, I’m sure you’ll fit in just fine.”

“I can live with that,” Sebastian agreed.

“So we’re in agreement that if Hunters want to move here, they can?” Harlow confirmed.

“As long as they’re respectful of our realm, sure,” Damen replied. “It’s probably best for them to do a test run of sorts the way Sebastian did to make sure they like it and they get along with everyone. But yes. We’d like to fuel the power stores… that way. Rather than the old ways.”

“In Elverston House,” Tallulah added. “Where Meera and Verner are acting as dorm parents of sorts.”

“That seems reasonable,” Harlow agreed. “Feeding is the big issue we need to come to an agreement on, though.”

“Yes,” Tallulah said. “While there’s a preference to have more ex-Hunters in this realm to keep the energy stores filled… that way.” She cleared her throat, and I could have sworn Damen snickered quietly next to me. “We appreciate that the likelihood of being fully self-sufficient is remote at this stage. It’s a big realm, there are a lot of Shades to feed. They’re going to need to be able to supplement by visiting the human realm.”

And scaring humans .

I fidgeted a little, struggling with the morality of that notion having grown up being repeatedly told how awful it was.

“It would be our preference that Shades returned to the human realm to feed. At least some of the time,” Harlow added.

“That’s your preference?” I asked, surprised. I hadn’t actually meant to speak—I didn’t feel qualified to add anything of value to this conversation—but the words had come out unbidden.

“Sure,” Harlow agreed. “Fear isn’t inherently a bad thing. The kind of fear that Shades instill when they feed is like a warning bell in the back of your mind, reminding you to be aware of your surroundings, to assess your risks, to not be reckless. You’d be surprised at how eerie the effects are when that suddenly disappears from society overnight.”

I hadn’t thought about it that way. No—I hadn’t been taught about it that way. The kind of fear Harlow was describing didn’t sound that bad. The way Nana had described it, the human victims were writhing on the floor in agony, trapped in an endless loop of horror within their own heads.

“I appreciate how dangerous it is for you guys there, even if our region is a strict safety zone,” Harlow was saying.

“Is that the intention?” Damen asked.

“Yes. I’d like to reassign the existing patrols for that purpose. To keep those who don’t agree with our new policy out of our area.”

“Because you can only make promises for your region,” Damen surmised.

Harlow hummed. “Correct. Whatever agreement we come to is a pilot run of sorts. We’re going to use it to demonstrate to other regions what is possible when we work together instead of against one another.”

Sebastian cleared his throat. “We thought of it as the beginning of an alliance of sorts. One between us that, hopefully, more and more regional councils will join over time. We’d want you, Damen, and Tallulah to be involved, of course. And perhaps some other representatives of your choosing, as well as more from the Hunters side.”

Damen leaned in close, his horn catching in my hair. “Do you think this is middle management? Verity says I have a very middle-management vibe.”

I considered everything I knew about middle management from films and TV shows, trying to decide whether that was a flattering assessment or not. “I think that means you’re good at talking.”

Damen made a solemn noise of agreement. “I am excellent at that.”

“Okay,” Tallulah mused. “So, we’re going to do this? Just us for now? A small but mighty test run.”

Harlow laughed. It was a pleasant, raspy sound. “Why not? There’s been endless talking. Endless agreements. Broken agreements. Let’s actually do something. It feels small in the grand scheme of all the history between our kinds, but hopefully it’s a gentle river that leads to a mighty ocean, you know?”

“Sure,” Tallulah agreed, amused. “That’s a nice way to think about it. Will you join us for dinner in the dining hall later, Harlow? Meet a few more of us?”

“I would love that. Lead by example and whatnot. I’ve totally cracked this management thing, right?”

Damen leaned in again to whisper in my ear. “Sebastian is trying so hard not to comment on that, his face is actually going a little purple.”

I pressed my lips together to avoid laughing, while giving Damen’s arm a gentle squeeze of gratitude because I appreciated him sharing that with me.

“Great,” Tallulah was saying to Harlow. “We can show you around a little as well in the meantime. Visit Meera’s vegetable garden, show you some of the self-sufficiency things we’re doing. Iris, do you want to come with us?”

“Not this time—but thank you for the offer.” It was very sweet of her to ask, but I was still in yesterday’s itchy clothes, and I desperately wanted to get changed.

“I’ll walk you back,” Damen said cheerfully, sliding his hand into mine as we stood, careful not to catch my fingers with his claws. It was odd, but the gesture made me blush. Why did holding hands feel so intimate? We almost always linked arms when we were walking around the palace.

Somehow, this felt like a level beyond that, though.

“I hope that wasn’t too boring for you?” Damen asked as we headed away from the group, Tilly in tow.

“No, not at all.” I paused, trying to decide whether to be honest or to make an attempt at seeming normal. In the end, I settled on honesty. “Things that probably seem boring to you are all novelties to me. I’ve spent my life doing nothing, only experiencing anything vicariously through TV shows. It felt very exciting and important to be part of an official meeting.”

“I can definitely take you to more of those. I’m going to make a list of places I want to take you,” Damen declared. “Ranging from boring and mundane, to fancy balls. How does that sound?”

“Dreamy,” I admitted.

“Want to go down to the kitchens and learn all about how they wash dishes for the whole court? It’s a romantic proposition, I know. I’m really pulling out all the stops for you, Iris.”

I laughed, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “I know you’re teasing, but I actually would find that very interesting.”

He shrugged, the movement dragging my arm up and down with it. “Then, we’ll go. Do you want to stop and change first though? You keep fidgeting with your skirt.”

I wanted to melt into a puddle on the floor at how attentive he was.

“Yes, please.”

“Okay. Quick conversation stop, though. There are a couple of people who look like they’re waiting to meet you.”

“Oh. Who?”

“Cora, who came to the shadow realm with Sebastian and her brother who we do not speak of, and Jade, the youngest and most intimidating of the most recent crop of ex-Hunters. As far as I know, this is her first trip inside the palace walls. Good morning, ladies. How are we today?” he said, turning his attention toward them as we approached.

“Good, thank you,” one of them replied nervously. “I’m Cora. This is Jade. We wanted to say hi.”

There was an awkward pause before Damen gave my hand a soft squeeze. “They’re talking to you.”

“Oh! Hi. Sorry. It’s so nice to meet you both.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Jade replied. Her voice was a little deeper and more deadpan than Cora’s was. “You’re such an inspiration to all of us over at Elverston House.”

“Me?”

“Absolutely. There are a few ex-Hunters at Elverston House with disabilities, and all of us were the lowest rung on the Hunter hierarchy for some reason or another. We were all sent here as sacrifices, and fortunately, it’s turned out well for us, but you… You left . We’ve only heard about your story since we came here, but it’s fucking badass.”

I shook my head, laughing nervously. “You must have me confused with someone else. I did leave, but one of the Hunters helped me. He did all of the heavy lifting.”

“He handled the logistics,” Damen corrected swiftly. “Making the choice to walk away from the only life you’d ever known and into a different world by yourself is the badass-ness they’re referring to.”

“I believe the correct term is badassery,” Jade corrected.

“Human languages are so nonsensical,” Damen complained.

“Could I meet some of them?” I asked tentatively. “Maybe visit you guys sometime?”

I was struggling to make sense of Jade’s words in my mind. I wasn’t anything impressive. Lucas had been the one who’d made this happen.

Maybe they didn’t know about my privileged upbringing and that I’d never been sent away like many of them undoubtedly were. They probably wouldn’t like me after that.

“We would love that,” Jade replied sincerely. “Let’s make that happen, okay?”

“Okay,” I agreed, staying quiet as everyone said their goodbyes.

Damen sighed dramatically, adjusting his hold on my hand so it was more secure. “Now everyone is going to start telling you how impressive you are, and it won’t be special when I do it.”

“It’s still the most special when you do it,” I assured him with a laugh.

“Don’t ever forget it. As I’m sure you’ve figured out, I’m very selfish.”

If Damen was selfish because he didn’t want to be second in my affections, then I hoped he never changed.