18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

A strange sound woke me up. A sort of impatient huffing noise that belonged nowhere near my luxurious bedroom. Fortunately, I caught myself before I startled, because if I had, I’d have knocked Iris clear off the bed and on top of Tilly, who was the source of the annoyed sounds.

She’d slept here last night? I hadn’t meant to fall asleep—we hadn’t even had dinner. Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised that I had. Holding Iris had been such a relaxing experience, no wonder I’d drifted off.

Tilly huffed impatiently, giving me the most pitiful expression I’d ever seen. I’d never closed the door last night, so she was able to get out at least. She was probably hungry.

What was I meant to do now? A member of staff would be arriving at any moment with my tray of tea. I didn’t want anyone seeing Iris in a state of undress except me.

As carefully as I could, I extricated myself from Iris’s surprisingly tight grip around my arm and slipped out of bed, intending to intercept the staff at the door.

“Oh. Good morning,” Iris said, sounding as surprised as I’d felt when I’d woken up.

“We fell asleep,” I said quickly, standing awkwardly next to the bed. What was I doing ? I was never flustered like this.

Then again, I didn’t usually have the most intensely intimate experience of my life—without even coming—with someone I’d proposed to and been rejected by. And that I very much still had feelings for that were absolutely not reciprocated.

I didn’t regret anything we’d done last night, but I did question the wisdom of my choices just a little. This wasn’t going to help me move on.

I didn’t want to move on.

Iris smiled, and it was a little softer and lazier than her usual smile. Her hair was a tangled mess, and there was a pink patch on her cheek where she’d been lying on it, and everything about her was a little more rumpled than normal.

It was adorable. I wished I could see this sight every morning when I woke up.

“I should go. Tilly must be starving.”

Tilly sighed loudly, apparently in agreement.

“Do you want to stay for breakfast? I can ask that they send a bowl of plain meat up for her.”

“You would do that? That would be so nice.”

It was really the least I could do, and I hated how grateful Iris sounded for it. She deserved to be spoiled. I should have been doing a better job of that—even if it was just as a friend.

A friend who knew how good her pussy tasted, but a friend nonetheless.

“I’ll go arrange our meal, then be right back,” I promised. “Do you need anything before I go?”

“I can manage.” Iris smiled, and I leaned in, instinctively pressing my lips to her temple before I let myself out of the room. I noted that Iris didn’t assume that she was interrupting anything this time, so I supposed she’d realized that I didn’t really do anything with my day.

Or I hadn’t, in the past.

Then again, the more involved I was becoming in things, the more I wanted to do. There was something surprisingly satisfying about… making stuff happen. It had never occurred to me that it was something I’d enjoy. It was just that I also enjoyed my afternoon naps too. Was it too much to ask to have both?

I jogged down to the kitchen, deciding to take some initiative and get things done myself.

“Calix,” I said cheerfully, wandering into the kitchen while he sharpened his carving knife, looking as though he was contemplating throwing it at my head. “Might I make up a breakfast tray to share with a friend this morning?”

“As in, you’ll make up the try?” he asked dubiously. “Don’t you usually send your staff down for that?”

“I’m trying something new.”

“Why?”

“Can I not try something new? Is that such an odd concept?”

Calix narrowed his eyes at me for a moment before a slow smile took over his face. “You’re trying to impress someone. Finally found an ex-Hunter to lavish your attentions on, hm?”

I grumbled out some vague sound of agreement, pulling one of the wooden trays off the shelf and heading for the counter of breakfast dishes that were surplus to the dining hall’s requirements.

“I’m surprised you actually need to impress anyone. Surely, the title does all the heavy lifting for you? From memory, the king made an appallingly little amount of effort to woo his wife.”

“Yes, well, I tried that approach already and it didn’t work out for me.”

Calix snorted. “I like her already. And I’m impressed that you haven’t given up at the first hurdle—I admire your perseverance, Your Highness.”

The honorific sounded sarcastic, but I would expect no less from Calix.

I piled the tray up as high as I could, making sure to grab food for Tilly, before heading back upstairs.

Iris had washed and dressed in the clothes she was wearing yesterday in my absence, and was standing in the doorway that led out to the balcony. Her pale hair blew around her face in the breeze, and my shadows reached for her of their own volition. She looked like mine. She felt like mine.

How could she not be mine?

“Breakfast,” I announced croakily, setting the tray down on the table.

Iris felt around for the wall, though I was already in motion to go and collect her.

“I wish I had a cane,” she said a little wistfully. “Nana never wanted me to use one, but I think it would come in handy sometimes.”

“A cane?”

“Yes, it’s like a stick, I guess. To help me get an idea of whether there are obstacles in front of me.”

I paused, mid-step. “Hold out your hand for me.”

She immediately did as she was asked, so trusting and sweet. I formed a shadow baton in my hand the way we always did for combat training, and shaped it to be a little longer so Iris could easily reach the ground with it. It wasn’t as solid as a stick, but I funneled enough power into it that it was solid and would reverberate if she struck something with it.

It really seemed like the least I could do. After all, it was thanks to Iris that I was feeling so energized this morning.

If I’d fed so well based on just licking her pussy, I couldn’t imagine how much power knotting would fuel me with. I shuddered as I closed the gap between us, depositing the makeshift cane into her hand.

Do not think about knotting.

“What is this?” Iris asked, her fingers closing around it as she tested the weight in her hand. “It’s so light.”

“It’s an extended version of the shadow batons we use for training. Try it—you should be able to feel it if you tap it on the ground.”

She carefully adjusted her hold on it before tapping it on the ground. It didn’t make a noise, but her eyebrows shot up as she felt the sensation.

“Unfortunately, it requires proximity. It’ll disappear if I’m not nearby,” I added apologetically. “Perhaps it will do as a temporary solution, though? Until Astrid can source you a proper one?”

“It’s amazing. Thank you .” Iris tapped the ground again, tentatively making her way toward me. I stayed in place as she gently knocked the side of my foot, just so she could get an idea of what an obstacle felt like. “Is that you?” she asked.

“It is.”

“Oh good.” I caught her just in time as she threw herself into my arms, laughing as I scooped her off the ground and carried her to the small dining table.

Iris pressed her lips to my collarbone, clinging onto me tightly. “That is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, Damen.”

That settled it. I was just going to have to do more thoughtful things. That couldn’t be the best that Iris had ever experienced—it was unacceptable.

I dished up her food, explaining where everything was on the plate, before serving Tilly and then myself.

“Ophelia was telling me about the instrument you played in the human realm,” I said, pouring us both tea. “It sounds very impressive. I don’t think we have anything like that here.”

Iris’s lips twitched. “I don’t think harps are very common in the human realm anymore either. It was already sitting in the attic when we moved in. We had a video player—I don’t really know how to explain it, honestly. But Nana found harp video lessons that I listened to over and over again for years. My technique is probably terrible, but I found it very soothing.”

She said it so nonchalantly, like it was nothing impressive at all.

“That’s so amazing, Iris. I’m not sure you realize how incredible you are. I don’t tell you enough how incredible you are. I’m going to work on that.”

“You really don’t have to,” she said, her face coloring as red as Ophelia’s hair. It was quite delightful. As was her scent—which was a sweet mixture of joy and what I assumed was embarrassment.

“I think I do. Have you had many people in your life praising your accomplishments?” She shook her head. “Then I’m going to be the first—or at least, the loudest. I can tell you, it’s very rewarding. I’m praised constantly for doing very little, and I enjoy it immensely.”

Iris laughed. “You’re just modest. You probably have a list of accomplishments a mile long.”

There wasn’t a trace of dishonesty in her face. She wasn’t hinting at anything, or trying to discreetly push me into being a specific model of Shade or prince that she had in her mind.

It was a little unsettling to realize, but Iris might have just… believed in me. Exactly as I was.

There was a knock on the door, making us pause our meals.

“Who is it?” I called, wiping my hands on a napkin.

“It’s Soren. Are you up? You didn’t come to breakfast.”

Iris immediately looked worried. “Oh no, did you have plans already?” she whispered. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt them—”

“I asked you to stay for breakfast,” I reminded Iris gently, giving her hand a quick squeeze. “And I didn’t miss anything important. Do you mind if Soren comes in? I can go outside and speak to him if you’d prefer.”

“Oh no, that’s okay. I don’t mind.”

Good. I didn’t say it because I wasn’t entirely proud of the thought, but I wanted someone to see Iris in my space. To see us together. I wanted some kind of external validation that we were… involved.

Or whatever it was that we were.

“Come in!” I called.

He threw open the door impatiently, marching in clearly ready to complain about me skipping breakfast before stopping and observing us in silence for a moment. “Sorry to interrupt.”

“Hi Soren,” Iris said shyly.

“Hello Iris.”

Tilly trotted over and flopped down at his feet, immediately rolling onto her back and exposing her belly.

I didn’t know what that symbolized but it felt vaguely traitorous of her. Was I not the one who was constantly feeding her meat?

Soren lazily flicked a few tendrils of shadows from his fingertips to rub Tilly’s belly, making her tongue loll out happily, and I felt even more betrayed.

Later, I was going to give her the best belly rubs ever so she remembered that I was her favorite Shade.

“Tallulah sent a message to you at breakfast,” Soren told me. “She said Sebastian will be bringing Harlow Miles along to today’s meeting, and wanted to verify that you would be in attendance again.”

He sounded surprised by that. Apparently he wasn’t going to talk me up at all in front of Iris and impress her with my newfound diplomatic skills.

“Of course,” I replied. “It’s starting soon, I think. I should probably head that way.”

“I can head down to the nursery,” Iris volunteered, pushing her plate away.

“Finish eating first,” I instructed, not wanting to rush her. “And you don’t have to. You could come with me? As you pointed out, we’ve made a lot of decisions for you in who you meet and interact with, and that wasn’t fair of us. Of me. And I think it would be valuable for Harlow to meet you.”

“I’d like to meet her too,” Iris agreed with a gentle smile. “And the new arrivals in Elverston House. I’m a little nervous about meeting them, but I think I should.”

I looked at Soren, who nodded slowly, looking at me as though I’d grown another set of horns. “I’ll see if any of them are interested in coming up to the palace for a visit. I believe Jade has been working her way up to it.”

That seemed to be as good of a starting point as any. Jade was the ringleader of the newbies.

Soren excused himself, and I took a few moments to get ready while Iris finished her meal.

It felt… easy . Having Iris in my space felt like the easiest thing in the world. It felt like she belonged here.

We were friends. She understood me. I liked to think that I understood her. There was a connection between us, and the physical chemistry had been undeniable.

I straightened my spine, looking at myself in the mirror. I’d moved too quickly by proposing, I understood that now. But maybe that was the beginning of our path instead of the end of it.

Maybe, in time, there would be a second chance for us.

Maybe, I could figure out how to get Iris to fall in love with me.