15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

“ K nock, knock,” Meera called, following the staff member in who was collecting my breakfast dishes while I resumed my knitting. “I don’t suppose you’re free? I’m so sorry—it’s been so long since I visited.”

“That’s okay,” I assured her, even if I didn’t entirely feel okay about it. “Sit down. I’m glad you’re here.”

It hadn’t been that long, really. Technically, I was out of hiding. I’d met the new arrivals—Sebastian and Cora, at least—not the larger wave who’d arrived and were staying in Elverston House. But everyone was so busy lately. Tallulah was mated, pregnant, and had moved away.

Meera had technically moved into the room next door, but she’d been gone for days. Damen had vanished.

It was okay, of course. They were busy. The Hunters had escalated their activity recently, and I could hardly complain that everyone was distracted with that while I sat safely ensconced in my nice bedroom, or played on the floor with the children at the nursery. No one was asking me to risk my safety or even to give up my time to keep us all safe.

Frankly, no one had so much as mentioned the lust thing. I was beginning to wonder if I’d made it all up in my mind.

“Your hair,” she murmured. “It’s so blonde now.”

“Oh, yes. The dye was just to help me get out of the human realm unseen. Does it look better now?” I asked, touching it self-consciously.

“It’s beautiful,” Meera assured me.

As Meera told me about the path her quest for revenge had taken her down, I examined my own thoughts and wondered if I was angry enough. Meera’s rage had been productive. It had gotten things done.

“Did you have an episode?” I asked absently. “My mother used to have them all the time.”

She’d find herself in fits of anger that she simply couldn’t seem to break free from. Nana had said she’d been like that ever since she was a little girl.

That kind of anger wasn’t productive. I’d always worried that the same darkness lurked in me. Genetically, the way my broken eyes had come my way.

Be kind , I reminded myself. Be kind, be kind, be kind .

Guilt swamped me at how little I’d been telling myself that recently. I knew that in most respects, Nana would be ashamed of me. Ashamed of the choices I’d made. Of the life I was living. Of how far I’d strayed from the path she’d envisioned for me.

At the same time, I still felt—at least a little—that I was her legacy. I was the project she’d invested so much time and effort into. I didn’t want to let her down by forgetting everything she’d taught me.

I was a disappointment to her in so many ways, but this I could do right.

“Yay!” Jonan shouted the moment I walked in. “String day!”

“Yarn, not string,” I corrected gently, letting him tug me down to sit on the floor with him. A little circle immediately formed around us, with Eadlin leaning against my side and Yara directing the children so they didn’t get unwieldy.

While knitting wasn’t a Shade hobby, it had apparently been easy enough to have needles made up here that matched mine, and the children were surprisingly patient when it came to learning, despite how small they were. The littlest, like Eadlin, were just here to watch.

“I’ve been practicing,” Jonan bragged. “My mother says I shouldn’t because it’s a peasant hobby, but I told her that Iris does it, so why can’t I?”

“Jonan,” Yara gasped, though I quietly wondered if it was mostly for my benefit. From what I’d learned, only Shades who weren’t strong enough to form clothes out of shadows bothered with physical garments. It was almost a mark of shame to wear clothing—a knitted scarf was hardly going to be a prized object here.

It wasn’t my place to make any kind of judgment on that—I was new here and I didn’t know the rules and traditions of the realm. I was just teaching them as a fun skill, and something to keep the children busy for a while and give the nursery staff a break. I’d taught them to loop the yarn in a basic knit stitch, but a few of the older children had gotten good enough to try purl stitches.

There was a commotion by the door, and I wanted to know what was going on but Jonan elbowed me the moment I paused.

“Who’s at the door?” I asked him, because I was learning that I needed to work with his mischievous nature instead of against it.

“What? Oh, it’s the king’s mother. I wonder what she wants.”

“Orabelle?”

“Are you allowed to call her that?” he asked, his voice dropping to a whisper.

“I think so. We’re friends.”

“Are you?” It was the most impressed Jonan had ever sounded since I’d met him. “My mother says the king’s mother is very scary.”

“Oh no, that isn’t true at all—”

Orabelle’s distinctive cackle cut me off. “Not where you’re concerned, Iris. You’re one of my favorites, you know. His mother, on the other hand…”

“Orabelle,” I scolded, worried she was going to traumatize poor Jonan.

“If you’d met her, you’d agree,” Orabelle replied unapologetically. There was the sound of a chair scraping across the floor, and she huffed and complained as she got situated close by, apparently making herself comfortable.

Would it be terribly rude of me to ask what she was doing here? If there was one room in the entire palace I couldn’t imagine Orabelle wanting to spend time in, it was the nursery.

“Do you want to learn to knit?” Jonan asked her boldly, apparently not put off by the disparaging remarks about his mother.

“Go on then. You teach me. Don’t bother Iris, she’s helping the other children now.”

For all of her rather abrupt ways, she knew exactly how to keep Jonan engaged. He was more than happy to pass on the skills he’d learned, and I got a few minutes to speak with the children who weren’t quite as vocal about asking for attention.

“The queen is here!” someone shouted, making me startle as the door opened again.

“What an unrelaxing environment this is for children,” Orabelle remarked, as though she hadn’t caused a stir herself.

“Oh, I didn’t expect you two to be here,” Ophelia said, moving over to where we were. “Hi, Iris. Orabelle, what are you doing here?”

“I’m visiting Iris, of course,” she replied irritably. “And helping her wrangle these uncontrollable youths.”

“The nursery staff do a wonderful job of that and the children are very well-behaved,” I added hurriedly.

“Are you teaching them to knit? Can I join?”

There were squeals of excitement at that as Ophelia came to sit next to me and was immediately handed her own set of supplies. I gave up on my scarf entirely as Eadlin crawled onto my lap, probably overwhelmed by the noise. I understood the feeling.

“This is so great,” Ophelia murmured. “Do you visit a lot? I haven’t been in a while. I’ve been so busy with other things…”

“Understandably so. I imagine a queen has a lot of duties to attend to.”

“Some more pleasant than others,” she muttered, her needles clicking together slowly. “You know, it never occurred to me to bring any human realm activities here for the kids to try? I don’t know why.”

“I wish I had my harp,” I admitted. “I think they would love that.”

“A harp, huh? You’re very impressive.”

“She is,” Orabelle agreed, making me blush. “Where is Damen? He should be the one showering her with compliments.”

“Oh. Um, no.” I laughed nervously. “I think that was just a passing thing. That’s passed. He hasn’t visited in a while.”

“What?” Ophelia said sharply. “Why not? Did something happen? It definitely wasn’t a passing thing. He’s done something, hasn’t he?”

“No, no. Not at all.”

“He proposed,” Orabelle offered. “And Iris said no.”

“I don’t think you were supposed to mention that,” I mumbled, wondering how many parents would be hearing that interesting piece of prime gossip fresh from the nursery tonight.

“I wouldn’t have if he’d redeemed himself,” Orabelle sniffed. “As far as I see it, he deserves a little shaming at this point.”

“Lordy,” Ophelia muttered.

“The king is here!” Yara announced, sending the children into a tailspin again. Not just the children. For all my silent complaints about being left to my own devices, this was maybe a little too much interaction all at once.

“Sorry,” Ophelia said, raising her voice above the noise. “He’s just coming to collect me.”

“Nonsense. Son, sit down with us,” Orabelle commanded grandly. “What could you possibly be doing that’s so urgent that you can’t take a few minutes to spend with your mother, hm?”

“That feels like a trick question,” Allerick said dryly. “And I’m not going to answer it. What is this activity you’re doing?”

Fortunately, Ophelia was able to explain the purpose of knitting while I murmured some quiet words of encouragement to Eadlin that convinced her to at least stop hiding against my shoulder. I was fairly certain that she understood me a little more now, even if she couldn’t respond in a language that I could understand.

“This is… nice,” Allerick said eventually. “We should perhaps do more things like this. For those who have only ever seen the human realm as a place of death and destruction—though necessary for us to feed—it might be good to see a different side of it. Certainly, Austin’s concerts are popular everywhere he goes.”

“Iris plays an instrument too,” Ophelia added enthusiastically. “It might be a little trickier to get it here—they’re quite large. Maybe Sebastian would be willing to help—he’s pretty eager to impress at the moment.”

She fell silent suddenly, probably realizing she’d brought up the name of one of the new Hunters who I was being very intentionally kept away from.

“Iris knows all about that,” Orabelle said dismissively. “Ophelia, when are you going to tell your husband that Damen proposed to her?”

“What? When?” Allerick asked sharply. “Has it been a month since you arrived, Iris? I told him he had to wait a month.”

“You did?”

Had Damen wanted to propose right away? That was… romantic. In a fairy tale kind of way. Perhaps a little misguided, but very romantic.

“Doesn’t matter,” Ophelia replied. “Iris said no.”

Allerick was quiet for a moment. “Actually, I know the exact day it happened. He’s been in a strange mood ever since.”

I sighed at that, a little forlorn. I didn’t want him to be in a strange mood.

“Well, what are we going to do?” Orabelle demanded. “He’s been licking his wounds for long enough.”

They debated among themselves, and I half listened, wondering why they all seemed to think that Damen would be too unmotivated to take action on his own. From what I’d seen of Damen, he was very motivated when he wanted to be.

“Can’t I go and visit him?” I asked, making everyone fall silent. “I asked if we would still be friends and he assured me we would, but now that I think about it… Well, it might be a little embarrassing for him to have to seek me out after I’d turned him down. Maybe it would be best if I sought him out instead?”

The more I spoke, the more confident I felt in the idea. I wasn’t in hiding anymore. It was time for me to be taking more decisive action.

“Of course you can,” Orabelle said crisply, breaking the silence. “Allerick will escort you there himself. I would, but my knees hurt and I want to lie down.”

“Oh. Well, we don’t know where he is. Do we?” I asked as Eadlin climbed off my lap and I stretched out my numb legs.

“At this time of day? He’s napping,” Allerick replied with absolute certainty.

“I don’t want to disturb his sleep—”

Allerick snorted. “I have no such qualms. Let’s go.”

Tilly trotted along cheerfully next to me, my hand on her collar, as we made our way toward wherever Damen stayed, and I imagined she was delighted to get out of the noisy room. Usually, she was quite fond of our visits to see the children, but they were more excitable than usual with so many additional guests.

It was a quiet walk. Ophelia had accompanied her mother-in-law back to her rooms, which meant I was attempting to keep up with the king—who didn’t have his brother’s knack for letting me set the pace.

“We’re here,” Allerick said gruffly, before banging loudly on a door. “Wake up, Damen!”

There was a loud, tired groan from beyond. “What do you want?”

“I have a visitor for you.”

There was some shuffling from inside the room, and my face was almost uncomfortably hot as I stood there, waiting for him to open the door. This had been a terrible idea. Why had I wanted to take the initiative? I wasn’t a take-initiative sort of girl.

I was a sit-in-the-attic sort of girl.

There was a whoosh of air as the door swung open, and I dug my heels into the ground a little to stop myself from stepping back automatically. It’s fine. This is fine. It’s just Damen .

“Iris. Hi.”

“Hi.” I was acutely aware of Allerick standing next to me, adding an extra layer of awkwardness to this conversation. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” He cleared his throat. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

There was a long silence. This had been the worst idea I’d ever had.

“Iris,” Allerick began. “Have you visited the courtyard garden in the center of the palace?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Damen, why don’t you take Iris there?” Allerick suggested pleasantly. “It’s a nice walk, and might give her a better feel for the spiral layout of the palace.”

“Yes, of course.”

There was a long pause, and I wondered if they were communicating silently with their eyes. Eventually, the door closed, and I felt Damen’s hand gently touch my elbow. Embarrassingly, I shivered a little at the contact. For some reason, his touch had always felt different to anyone else’s. Better. More… more like home.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Allerick announced, already striding away. I truly couldn’t make heads nor tails of the king. His tone was very gruff and a little intimidating, but the words he said tended not to be.

“Did he drag you here?” Damen asked ruefully as we started walking.

“Not at all. I asked if I could visit.”

“You did?” He sounded surprised.

“Yes.” My face heated. “I hope that’s okay. I’ve really missed your company, Damen. And maybe you haven’t missed mine, and that’s fine—”

“I have. I have missed your company, Iris.”

“—but I just wanted to reach out first so that you knew that when I said I still wanted us to be friends, that I meant it.”

He noisily blew out a breath. “I know. I know that you meant it. And I meant it too, when I agreed. My ego was just a little bruised, that’s all. Theon says it’s good for me.”

I winced. “I’m sorry—”

“Please don’t apologize. Let’s go back to how things were, okay? How have you been?”

I contemplated the question. “Before we go back to how things were, I need to tell you off first.”

Damen laughed quietly. “Go ahead.”

“I had tea with Orabelle, and she told me about the Hunters visiting the realm and how everyone had decided to keep them away from me. I understand the logic, Damen. But it stung a little to be left out like that.”

He tucked my hand more securely into the crook of his arm. “I’m sorry, Iris. You’re right—that wasn’t the right decision. We’ll do better next time. I’ll do better next time. You shouldn’t be the last to know about decisions that impact you directly.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, the wind immediately disappearing from my sails. I hadn’t expected him to be so… agreeable. To actually listen to me and apologize and want to do better.

It was comforting in a way that I didn’t know I needed.

“What else did Orabelle say?” Damen asked suspiciously.

I laughed. “When I had tea with her? Or when she came to visit me at the nursery earlier?”

“At the nursery ?” Damen spluttered. “Those poor children. Sounds like we’ve got a lot to catch up on—start at the beginning.”