11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

T oday was the day, I could feel it in my shadows.

I almost always woke up feeling lucky, but I definitely felt luckier than normal. My sheets had stayed cool all night. My tea was the perfect temperature when it was delivered to my room in the morning. I managed to make my shadow covering look relatively nice, considering that I was trying to conserve my power by keeping it simple.

It felt like the forces in the realm were conspiring to make today the perfect day to propose, and who was I to argue with them?

Sure, Iris had only been here a week, and that was—in fact—less than a month. But it wasn’t like Allerick listened to me when it came to his romantic relationship. He’d have been a much better husband from the start if he had, though he liked to pretend that wasn’t true.

I’d simply ask for his forgiveness later. All would be well once he realized how happy Iris and I were together.

I met Soren and Astrid in the corridor where they were waiting for me, and we headed to the private drawing room in the royal wing of the palace to meet Allerick and Ophelia for breakfast. I very much liked the idea of loudly announcing to everyone that I was going to be engaged by the end of the day, though, I didn’t need their boring doubts and questions spoiling my good mood. I’d simply tell them afterward, once the deed was done.

“Why are you so cheerful this morning?” Soren asked suspiciously.

“Is it so unusual that I’m in a good mood?”

“Not really,” Astrid deadpanned. “He’s always oddly cheerful.”

“Odd for us, not odd for him,” Soren corrected. “But he seems different today.”

“It just feels like a good day. Can’t you feel it in the air?”

“Not really,” Astrid grumbled. “One of the new members of the Guard said I was rude. Can you believe that?”

Kind of . I valued my life too much to say that, though.

Breakfast had already been laid out for us when we arrived, though Allerick and Ophelia came in late and harried. At least she’d bathed this time, though her hair clearly gave away what they’d been up to—as did Allerick’s jitteriness. He needed to siphon all of the excess power he’d gained from feeding from his wife this morning.

Must be a nice problem to have.

“Good morning, everyone!” Ophelia said cheerfully, taking her usual seat and immediately pouring tea for everyone. “How are we all? What’s on the agenda for today?”

“And you think I’m unusually cheerful?” I asked Astrid.

Her lips twitched briefly before she busied herself chomping on dried meat in silence, content to let Soren give his boring, detailed report. I admired that about Astrid. She stubbornly didn’t partake in things that held no appeal for her.

“What are you going to do today, Damen?” Ophelia asked politely once everyone had finished speaking. Probably to make me feel included.

“Hang out with Iris. The usual.”

“She must realize now that you do literally nothing else,” Soren pointed out wryly. “I hope she’s not still worrying that she’s taking up valuable time in your busy schedule.”

“I’ve told her that she doesn’t need to worry about that,” I replied, a touch defensively. I hadn’t explicitly said that I do nothing else all day, but did I really have to? It wasn’t even strictly true. I visited Theon sometimes. And Orabelle. Occasionally, I followed Allerick around, mostly to antagonize him.

I had hobbies.

“Are you giving Iris a chance to get to know other Shades?” Astrid asked, sitting forward in her seat and narrowing her eyes at me.

“No.”

She blinked at me before sitting back in her chair. “Well, at least you’re honest about it, I guess.”

“You probably should,” my brother suggested unenthusiastically. The absolute betrayal—I’d been so supportive of his mystery bride before Ophelia had even arrived here.

“Why? Iris and I are perfect for each other.” Get to know other Shades. What an offensive suggestion—as if any of these territorial bastards ever did such a thing. “I don’t recall being so reticent to give my support when all of you were pursuing your romantic connections.”

Ophelia laughed nervously, clearing her throat to answer, but Astrid beat her to it.

“Do you have a romantic connection? Iris probably just thinks you’re being nice to her.”

“I’ve been courting her,” I shot back. Slowly. Very slowly. But the intent had been there.

“Does Iris know that?” Allerick asked.

“Whose side are you on?” Astrid and I always butted horns, but I expected better from my brother.

“No one is taking sides,” Ophelia said hastily. “We’re just talking. We all just want what’s best for you and Iris. And if that’s each other—well, that’s great! Wonderful. Beautiful. And we’ll all support you as much as we can to make sure everything goes smoothly.”

“Why wouldn’t it?” I shrugged. Perhaps it was a little arrogant of me to say, but things usually did go perfectly for me. I knew it was due to luck rather than skill, but my life had mostly been a pleasant and easy run so far. The things that I wanted to happen mostly happened with little fuss. I had very few complaints, except for the Hunters in the human realm, and they seemed to be mostly subdued for now.

There was no good reason why this wouldn’t go well for me, too.

Yes, I felt very positive indeed about this. I would propose, Iris would accept, and we would live happily ever after. I was looking forward to it.

Then I would arrive at breakfast tomorrow with my fiancé on my arm and tell all these pessimists who I loved and respected where to shove it.

“Hello, Iris.”

She paused whatever she was doing, smiling angelically up at me from her chair in the corner as I came into the room, quickly stopping to unwrap a package of meat and dropping it in Tilly’s bowl.

Best to keep the beast on my side.

“Hello, Damen. How are you this morning?”

“Very well, thank you. How are you? What are you doing? Why are you playing with needles? Is that safe?”

Iris smiled up at me and everything bad about my morning immediately dissipated as though it had never been. “I’m knitting. I used to do it with my Nana all the time. Tallulah had all the stuff already and was happy to share it with me, isn’t that so lovely?”

“I guess so.” Really seemed like the least she could do, but sure.

“I’m making you a scarf,” Iris declared. I didn’t know what that was or what I would use it for, but I would cherish it all the same. Her first gift to me—hopefully the first of many throughout the course of our union.

“That’s very sweet of you. I can’t wait to… wear it,” I hedged. Was it a garment? That seemed like the most likely option. Of course, it would be looked down upon at court for me to wear a covering made of physical fabric rather than shadow—they would see it as a sign of weakness as generally, only those with a low capacity for channeling power wore garments. However, I would happily tell the courtiers to go fuck themselves if they dared to say anything about a gift from Iris.

She hummed, pleased. “What are you doing today?”

“Visiting you.”

Iris laughed softly. “And then?”

“I was intending for this to take up the bulk of my day,” I replied, sitting down on the chair opposite her and watching as her fingers seemed to fly, the needles clicking together in the most satisfying way. Though apparently, my words had given her pause, as she stopped for a long moment.

“What did you do with your days before I came to the shadow realm?” Iris asked curiously. For some reason, the question felt like a trap.

“I’m very social. I enjoy visiting with all kinds of Shades and people—I always have. However, I enjoy your company the most,” I added in my smoothest, most charming voice. Usually, it was enough to cajole even the surliest of conversation partners, but Iris still looked politely concerned.

“Well, that’s very kind,” she said eventually. “Of everyone who visits me, I enjoy your company the most too. I find you very easy to be around.”

I grinned from ear to ear. This was my moment. This was the opening I’d been hoping for.

“I’m reassured to hear it. Iris, will you put down your needles for a moment?”

She slowly lowered them, setting everything down on her lap and clasping her hands together as I stood up, straightening my shoulders and holding my horns up high and proud. “Sure. What is it, Damen?”

“Iris, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

She frowned, her pretty lips pursed together in the most unsettling way. “Your what?”

I cleared my throat, enunciating the words more clearly this time. “My wife .”

Maybe I should have made a speech first. Listed all the things I liked about her. In hindsight, the question may have been a little abrupt.

“Are you proposing to me?”

“Yes,” I replied hesitantly. This wasn’t going quite the way I expected it to go. I’d hoped that Iris would be more excited and less… well, confused. I definitely wasn’t going to include this part in my retelling of events at breakfast tomorrow. Astrid would never let me live it down.

“Oh. That’s very unexpected.”

“Is it?”

Iris nodded slowly. “Though perhaps I have been misinterpreting obvious signs—I don’t have much experience with these things, you see. Before I came here, I’d only interacted with one man who wasn’t a family member.”

I managed to make some vague sound of agreement, annoyed and slightly jealous at the mention of him despite my gratitude that he’d found a way to get Iris out of harm’s way. Did she like him more than me?

“I’m no man , Iris.”

“No,” she agreed. “Perhaps that’s why I didn’t pick up the signs. I do find your voice very attractive,” she added, though she seemed to be talking to herself rather than me.

“Well, that’s positive.”

“Yes. And I enjoy your company—you’re very kind. Charming. Funny.”

I puffed out my chest slightly. Why had I been worried? We were back on track. There was nothing to worry about. It wasn’t the most enthusiastic acceptance of a marriage proposal there ever was, but the result was what mattered anyway.

“And I like touching you.”

“The feeling is mutual,” I assured her, wondering if we could do some of that soon.

“But marriage seems like a slightly extreme reaction,” Iris said, shaking her head. “Don’t you think? We barely know each other.”

She… what?

“Are you… are you rejecting me?” I asked, thoroughly failing to keep the disbelief out of my voice. I was the most eligible bachelor in the entire realm! I’d never had any interest in proposing to someone before, but I’d also never envisioned anyone saying no .

“That seems like a harsh way of phrasing it,” Iris replied with a wince. “It’s not so much a rejection as a discussion.”

“Iris,” I began, dragging a chair close to hers and sitting down. “Please, explain this to me. I don’t understand. I love you.”

She frowned again. “Damen, you barely know me. You’re very nice—the absolute sweetest. I’m sure that if we were to marry, I would enjoy your company very much.”

I’m good in bed too , I almost said, containing the words at the last minute. It would be entirely reasonable for Iris to be concerned about that since we hadn’t been intimate, and it was tempting to offer her some reassurance that I would take care of her in all regards, but I wasn’t confident the words would be well received.

“But I’m still finding my feet in the shadow realm. Figuring out who I am and where I belong.” She hesitated for a moment. “The freedom I have now… It’s more than I ever thought I’d experience in my life.”

“You wouldn’t be giving that up by becoming my wife, Iris. You would be a princess .”

She smiled wryly, and I suspected that might have been precisely the wrong thing to say. What was wrong with me? I was usually so suave.

“I’m not princess material—not from what I know of princesses anyway. I don’t have any causes to champion. I don’t have any knowledge of value to offer. I haven’t contributed anything. Those things are important to me, Damen. Surely, you understand that feeling?”

Not really, no. I was the crown prince. That was the entirety of who I was and what I did. I didn’t champion causes or offer valuable knowledge, and no one seemed to mind. Well, maybe Allerick and Soren, but they complained about everything.

“You didn’t misinterpret anything,” I rasped, standing and taking a step back. I felt as though I’d been hit square in the chest with a blunt instrument, that my very bones were rattling from the impact. “I misinterpreted things. Or I chose to interpret them in a way that suited my own narrative. I’m sorry, Iris. That was wrong of me.”

Her scent soured instantly as she frowned up at me. “I’ve upset you—”

“No. I mean, that’s not something you need to be worried about. My emotions are my responsibility, Iris.”

“Will… will you still come visit with me sometimes?” she asked, her voice a little smaller than usual. The pain in my chest turned into something sharper and more acute.

What was this feeling? It was more than just rejection, but I couldn’t quite place what exactly was bothering me.

“If you would like that, then of course I will.”

“Of course I want that, Damen,” she said fervently, the worry clear in her expression. “You’re my closest friend.”

Some of the tension I was carrying eased a little at that pronouncement. I’d been so thoughtless in proposing—it had never occurred to me that Iris would say no. What if she hadn’t wanted to be friends still? I would have lost something I’d come to cherish because I hadn’t taken a second to think about the potential consequences of my actions.

“And you’re mine,” I promised her. “But I am going to leave you to your knitting now—I suspect I won’t be very good company today.”

“Okay,” Iris said quietly. “I hope you’ll come back soon.”

“I will.”

After I tended to my wounds a little first.