Chapter Five

C HAPTER F IVE

‘Nara.’ My name, coming out of Freya’s mouth, fades into a whisper as she rises from the stool. Sorrow tears her expression apart, but I shake my head, focusing all my might on Gus.

‘We didn’t—’ Gus’s voice is low and firm, but I cut him off by slamming the door shut behind me, creating an echo to fill the panic inside everyone standing here.

‘Didn’t what?’ I speak. ‘Think I would show up here today?’

They all share guilt-ridden looks.

‘Didn’t think I could handle something so—’ My hand flickers around the place. ‘Secretive? Something that, apparently , I am not ready to find out about?’

Gus starts towards me like he is trying to keep me from lashing out or, worse, trying to kill him. ‘It is not your burden—’

‘It does not matter whether it is my burden or not!’ My shouting is so raw it grips my throat and scratches the surface as I swallow. ‘You are his father .’

He closes his eyes, running a hand over his mouth and beard. I shake my head, annoyed that I never saw the signs. The mannerisms, how he sought out Darius back in Emberwell to join him, and the paternal instincts.

‘All this time that he has confided in you.’ I quell the temper in my voice. ‘That I have too, and you’ve just kept it one big secret.’ My eyes are like daggers, aiming them straight at Gus. ‘You should be ashamed of yourself.’

Gus doesn’t respond. He knows better.

I glance over at Leira’s fallen stare, then at Freya. ‘How long have you known?’ I ask her, my voice cold with betrayal.

She fidgets, playing with her fingernails. ‘Leira and I only found out during the time you were away in Terranos, but Nara, I swear I wanted to tell you—’

‘But you didn’t,’ I cut her off, and she winces at my tone. Of all the people, she is the last person I would expect to keep this from me. ‘None of you did.’ I look at the other two. ‘Because all I am to everyone here is this girl who can barely control what she is supposed to be.’

Leira shakes her head, concern suddenly contorting her delicate features. ‘That’s not true. We do not think that at all.’

Lies, lies, and more lies. ‘Then what do you think? Hm? Because everyone around me is acting like I am slowly losing my mind.’

She sighs, cupping her mouth with one hand as she turns away from me.

‘And maybe I am!’ I raise my hands before smacking them down on my thighs. ‘Maybe this is the price I pay for still being alive!’

‘Nara.’ Leira looks at me again. She sounds like she is begging me to stop.

I relent because I know I cannot do much else. Heaving a breath to control myself, I straighten my back as I say, ‘Aurum must have gotten rid of all the steel within the castle walls by now.’

Gus’s gaze darts up at me. A worrying frown takes over him, much like Leira’s.

‘We will depart for Emberwell tonight,’ I tell them, and immediately they all give each other panicked looks as if I am proving my insanity. ‘And you –’ my gaze cuts to Gus – ‘will tell Darius yourself who you are to him.’

‘We can’t—’ Gus’s words are immediately interrupted as I storm up to him, raising a pointed finger.

‘You once ordered an attack in the city because the Queen despised you all,’ I snap. ‘I have even killed some of your people because of it. And yet you stand here, ready to tell me we cannot go rescue Darius, who happens to be your son and the man who spent his whole life believing you abandoned him?’

He flinches at the word, shaking his head at me. ‘Nara, this is different. You know ordering an attack when his life is tied to Aurum’s is risky—’

‘Then we will find a way to untie it!’ My voice cracks. I’m desperate, and they know it. ‘He is Crello’s reincarnation. You cannot tell me there is no way to free him.’

‘No,’ Leira says quietly, her stare focused on the counter instead of me. ‘There isn’t any way we can find as of right now.’

Heavy breaths stab my chest as I look between the three of them. I’m begging them to change their minds and pleading for them to listen to me, but they do nothing.

‘There will be no departure tonight, Nara.’ Gus’s voice is authoritative. ‘That’s an order.’ He passes by me to open the door. When I turn to him, my blood sizzles and spits as I try to hold back my urges to react physically.

‘You know what? I changed my mind. I am so glad Darius doesn’t know who you really are.’ Pure venom seethes through my lips as he freezes and looks back at me. ‘You would only have disappointed the image he already had of a father even more.’

I do not wait for whatever reaction my words cause him as I shoulder past him and march out of the kitchen, feeling my soul shredding to pieces.

Aerian guards are preparing to open the palace doors when Freya catches up to me along the cobblestoned bridge and tells me to stop. My fingers flex at my sides, and begrudgingly I turn around. She is a few feet away from me as the curls of her hair flap around her face uncontrollably in the wind.

‘We have nothing to discuss, Freya. Just go back to the garrison,’ I say, about to turn my back on her.

‘You always do that.’ She sounds frustrated – looks it too as she shakes her head. ‘Shut everyone out when all we want is to help.’

My brows rise comically at that word. ‘Help?’ I repeat in bewilderment. ‘You think keeping that from me helps?’

‘You were so focused on your training, I . . . Gus did not want to make you any worse. But if you let me explain . . .’

All that I can answer back with is a sardonic laugh as I mutter, ‘Pathetic.’

Freya looks at me, regretting having said all that. Her hazel eyes are dark and sombre against the grey skies.

‘I am not a child,’ I say. ‘I can deal with it all just fine.’

‘Can you?’ She finds strength in her voice, which I have not often witnessed with her, but when I have, it is enough to frighten me. She is just as angry and frustrated, and perhaps it is because she knows me. She knows I haven’t dealt well with anything so far, and she knows I am spiralling.

Still, I do not have it in me to answer the question as my gaze tears through her, and I turn to leave.

‘Just like that, you walk away,’ she shouts after me. My feet come to a stop as I glance at the ground beneath me. I hear her scoff, ‘Solaris, you do not change.’

Suddenly, all I see is white.

I whirl, marching my way up to her. ‘I have changed!’ I yell. ‘That is the problem. I have changed so much that I do not even recognise myself!’ My legs are shaking, and my lips are quivering with anger at her and who I am right now. Freya stays still, her chest heaving as I step closer. ‘And do you know what I get from it all? Pity .’ I spit the word out as if it didn’t belong in my mouth. ‘Pity from you, from my brothers, from Hira – I am so sorry about what happened to you. I know how hard it must be to take on the role of a deity when you are just a mortal. ’ Exhaustion takes over me, but I can’t help everything I say to her. ‘You all act as though one of these days I will break. And you know what? I am so sick of it, and most of all, I am sick of you !’

Regret is imminent. I stumble back as if I have hurt myself, but no, it is Freya who I have hit with the damaging words, and I can see it. Her face falls, the spark I always seem to see in her fades, and as I’m about to reach my hand out to her, a wave of air lifts me from the ground, and I’m knocked back against a pillar. A groan splits from my lips as I land palms first on the ground. My head spins as debris crumbles at my sides, and the echoes of more than one person shouting my name surround me. I lift my head, seeing the violet glow in Freya’s eyes. She gasps as they return to her normal colour, and tears slide down her cheeks. Rydan runs to her as Idris and Illias hoist me up by my arms, and Iker’s gaze darts back and forth, torn at the event that has just happened.

‘Frey—’ My throat hurts as I try to speak. I wish I could take back what I said, but Freya wipes the teardrops from her face, turning to Rydan as he leads her away.