Chapter Four

C HAPTER F OUR

It seems somewhat nostalgic.

The reality of having Lorcan here by my side as we walk past the training grounds.

Male and female warriors in burgundy armour blast each other with fire onto the sandy terrain, and I simply watch them. Study them even, as if that will miraculously aid me in becoming Solaris. But I know that thought is too illogical under these circumstances. I am not a phoenix, not like Lorcan.

My gaze slips from the phoenixes to the side profile of his face. I look at how his jaw is coated in auburn stubble, and his hair is slightly overgrown. It might seem so silly to others that something minuscule, such as not shaving or growing their hair out a bit too long, is noticeable to me. But when Lorcan was a Venator, I never saw him be this carefree with his looks. He needed to present himself with this image of power. A second-in-command. Now here he is, a phoenix. What he was meant to be.

He casts me a sideways glance, thinking I am already looking away, but I am not, and it is obvious I have made him uncomfortable by outright staring at him. He clears his throat and points to the palace in the skies before us. ‘I see you are close to the shifters residing here.’

‘Solaris,’ I mutter under my breath.

‘Is something the matter?’

I shake my head as frustration slices across my chest, deep and agonising. ‘Don’t do that.’

‘Do what—’

‘The small talk, the idea that everything is perfect right now,’ I sigh before stopping our walk and facing him. ‘This is not the same as before, Lorcan.’

He looks away, ashamed. ‘I am just not sure how to speak to you any more. You ignore me and act as if I am still dead and not here to help. It’s been three months, Nara.’

I close my eyes and exhale a breath. I do not want a reminder. ‘Did you think three months is all it would take for us to go back to normal?’

He bites the inside of his cheek, his face still turned away from me, as if he is intent on not answering that.

‘I spent longer than that, thinking you had died the day of the trials.’

Lorcan’s gaze falls to the grass below, a distressed sigh escaping his nose.

‘I don’t hate you for what you did to my father. It wasn’t you.’ I confess what I have been unable to face for so long. He finally looks at me – looks at me like there is hope for us again. I can see it; I notice it because it is the same look he gave me when he visited me in the dungeons the day before the trial. ‘But,’ I whisper, and my throat suddenly burns, ‘you were still one of the first to break my trust.’

A heartbreaking shock pierces his eyes. It’s almost tangible between us, with his guilt for me. And yes, I might have once thought it was the queen that broke me, but she was only part of what came after.

Having nothing else left to say, I start walking away. I’ve only gone a few steps before he says, ‘He spoke of you, you know.’

I pause.

‘A lot.’ Lorcan chuckles. ‘Actually, it became the only thing he would talk about.’

I slowly turn on my feet as Lorcan’s eyes stare at the clouds. He smiles, and it looks almost boyish. ‘The girl with golden hair and fierce eyes. Of course, I didn’t make anything of it until I met you for the first time in your village.’ He lowers his gaze, that smile fading into something sadder, and as the Phoenix warriors fly above us, keeping a watchful eye on trainees within their domain, Lorcan remains still. ‘Deep down, I knew it was you, and the more you two met in secret, the more I knew I was losing you to him.’

Losing me to him . . .

‘Lorcan,’ I sigh, sinking my teeth into my lower lip. ‘You didn’t lose me because of him, because you never had me.’ I should feel wrong for saying this to him, for letting my admission ruin whatever chances he might have imagined for us, but I don’t. He deserves the truth. No matter how harsh it may be. ‘And the truth is, I do not think you ever loved me. Not properly.’

He looks like he is about to interrupt me, but I raise my hand.

‘I think you were infatuated,’ I admit. ‘And I believe the side of me connected to animals and creatures played a part in that, too.’

There is a stagnant pause, and I step towards him. He stiffens, unsure of my next move, as I hesitantly place a hand on his chest. Though I can’t see the scar he once had through his clothing, I imagine it is gone, like the rest of the scars on his hands are.

‘You were given a second chance to live,’ I whisper, my eyes looking up at his. ‘And you deserve to be loved, but that person is not me.’

He’s shaking his head. ‘No one will dare to after everything I have done in the past.’

I allow a slight titter to escape me as I drop my hand and take a step back. ‘You would be surprised how forgiving the people of this world can be.’

His brows slant downwards, wondering what I mean by that, but I don’t intend to spill anything. It is not my place.

‘Goodbye, Lorcan.’ I smile as if this is our truce for now.

He nods sagely. ‘Goodbye . . .’ an amused smile dots along his lips – ‘ Miss Ambrose .’

I nod in gratitude as an Aerian warrior opens the large double doors of the base where the surviving shifters are staying. The building used to be a garrison for retired Aerian warriors; I have learned that Aerians treat one another like family and aren’t accustomed to any rules such as the royals from other kingdoms have. I was always told they were the more rebellious of our four peoples, but really, they just accepted everyone as equals.

The Aerian woman smiles, her pale skin a jewel under the sunset. I then notice a few other Aerians walking towards the palace. They are wearing the usual Aerian armour, with the difference being the letter T carved in obsidian against their chestplate.

Trackers.

They are different from warriors. They are knowledgeable geniuses who investigate potential threats across Aeris. With the concern I see across their leonine features, I can guess they are on their way to inform Hira about more Rocs.

As they disappear behind hedges, I enter the garrison and am hit with a powerful memory of my time visiting the shifter’s den in Emberwell. But here is a hall full of them. Men, women, children, creatures Darius has saved, and dragons rest on long tables. A few are standing on the second floor, looking down at the others over the banister.

Despite what our world is facing, they are still enjoying themselves and acting like one giant family. This is why I don’t like coming here often. Other than their endless questions, they remind me too much of Darius.

A child in plaits runs across to me with a whelp on their tail, while a goblin and what must be a pixie by the size of his enormous ears smile at me in recognition.

None of the shifters know who Darius and I truly are to the world. Gus had decided to keep that bit a secret. Having certain people know is already too much pressure, and I don’t want more of them to rely on me.

‘There is the Goldie!’

An agonising ache immediately has my breath drop to my stomach as I hear that nickname. I look to the right of me as the blond locks of Cutler come into my line of view. He’s smiling from ear to ear with a tankard in his hand, not realising the significance of that one word.

My fingers twitch at my sides. ‘Do not call me that.’ It’s a soft-spoken order, but I am so close to sending a punch his way.

He frowns, pressing his drink against his chest. ‘It is what Darius called you, is it not?’

I know he does not mean it as a discourtesy, but I still take an infuriating footstep towards him and part my lips to go off on him, but a voice from behind stops me.

‘Leave her alone, Cutler.’

I turn as Aelle strides over to us. Her brows slant as she looks at Cutler like a mother would at a misbehaving child.

‘You and I both know you would not be acting this confident around her if Darius were here,’ she says, side-glancing at me with a smirk, and I cannot thank her more for it. Ever since she and Leira stayed with the shifters back in Emberwell, Aelle has become like a mother to them all.

Cutler sighs, dropping his head in resignation. ‘Yes, you are right.’ He pouts before his eyes flit up at me with sheer embarrassment and waves his drink. ‘I guess I will see you around, Nara.’ He joins a group of other shifters by the table, and I blow out a huff as Aelle chuckles.

‘Thank you,’ I say as she wraps her arm around me and squeezes me into a quick hug. ‘I was so close to punching him in the balls.’

‘What balls? He has none!’ She throws her head back, roaring with laughter as her copper hair shakes with the trembling of her body. Soon, I begin chuckling too. ‘No, but on a serious note . . .’ She wipes her eyes, clearing her throat. ‘How are you?’

And here come the questions . . .

‘Starving.’ I smile.

Her brow jumps. ‘That is always your answer. Do you think I don’t know when you are lying by now? I could tell even if I weren’t tuned in to your emotions.’

Despite how right she is, it’s not hard to decipher my true feelings. Sighing down at her, I link arms with her and walk down the middle of the hall. ‘I guess, if you must know, each day I am hoping I will wake up from this nightmare.’

She stops, turning me with her. ‘Dearest.’ She fixes the collar of my maroon shirt which is tucked into my dark leather trousers. ‘Who says this has to be a nightmare?’

‘Well, it is not exactly a joyous time.’

‘It neither has to be joyous.’

I can only stare at her, wondering what form of consolation she is trying to give me this time. I have had enough from everyone else but all it has left me with is a hollowed chest.

‘You love that man, do you not?’

Her question fills my heart with something so overwhelming that I can only nod before my voice breaks on the word ‘Deeply.’

Aelle’s eyes crinkle as she smiles before noticing the golden coin around my neck. She presses her palm against it and looks up at me almost maternally, much like Leira does. ‘Then that should be enough to keep you from thinking this is all a nightmare.’

The soothing note of her voice has me drawing backwards, my gaze watery as I clutch on to my necklace. ‘Have you seen Gus?’ I clear my throat and avoid looking at her.

She sighs, and a beat of a second passes by before she acquiesces to my need to change subjects. ‘He was in here not long ago, playing some music on the piano at the far end of the hall.’

I frown. ‘Piano? Since when does Gus play?’

‘Since he was a child, apparently. You should have seen him back at the den; he kept us entertained most nights. According to others, it was the first time he had played in a while.

I lose focus for a moment, and my mind seems to spin as I think of something that has to be just a coincidence.

‘Margie, have you seen Gus?’ Aelle asks a passerby.

Margie purses her lips. ‘Last I saw of him, he went into the kitchen with your wife and that bubbly niece of hers.’

My gaze snaps back to her, brows furrowed. ‘Freya?’ She had told me this morning she would be visiting the Aerian children at the campsites in the nearby villages until nightfall.

Aelle hums a ‘yes’, though she focuses more on what is behind Margie. ‘Ayru!’ she shouts, startling me. ‘You better not be eating that tapestry!’

I glance towards an Ardenti dragon who looks up with bewildered eyes and a piece of hand-sewn phoenix tapestry still inside his mouth.

‘Apologies, Nara.’ Aelle touches my arm as she starts walking. ‘I need to ensure Ayru doesn’t destroy what the Aerians humbly gave us.’

I nod, bidding her goodbye as I dart through the shifters and head towards the end of an empty hallway where the kitchen door is ajar. I press my hand against it, hearing voices as I peek through and spot Leira and Gus standing behind oak countertops. Freya is on the opposite side, sitting on a wooden stool with her face buried in her hands.

‘How long do you plan on hiding this from her?’ Leira hisses, her head shaking as she stares at Gus.

‘She is going through enough, Leira. She does not need another thing to bring her down.’

‘And do you expect to keep it from her like you did with him all these years?’

‘You know it was not easy.’

‘It was , Augustus!’ Leira smacks her hands down against the counter, making Freya flinch. ‘It has always been easy, but you kept choosing the hard way, and now you have dragged me and my niece down with it.’

I glance between them as heaviness takes over my chest, leaving me breathless.

Gus lowers his gaze, the tendrils of his dark hair covering his face and making it hard to see his expression. ‘She will hate me for it.’ He sighs with desperation. ‘And he will hate me for it—’

‘He is your son!’

The air inside my lungs stills.

No.

I didn’t know you could play.

I can’t. That was all I knew.

Whose music, was it?

My father’s.

‘And right now,’ Leira’s voice quivers with an exhale, ‘he is being held against his will by Aurum. Fix it before Zerathion ceases to exist.’

Disbelief wracks my entire body. I have no control over myself as I barge into the kitchen, watching all three heads turn in my direction.

My eyes lock on Gus’s wide gaze as my lips twitch angrily. ‘It was you. All this time, you were Darius’s father.’