5. Max

I waitedfor the signal in the chopper, barely paying attention as I ate the Funyuns I’d found stowed on the plane. I wasn’t sure why there were so many bags, but I stuffed a few in my pack, knowing I would get the munchies while I waited for the mission to play out.

Now, with my feet kicked up on the opposite seat in the helicopter, I popped another Funyun in my mouth and nodded. “Not bad.”

The door slid open and a man appeared with a grin on his face. “Hey!” he said, stepping aboard.

“Uh…do I know you?”

“Technically, we met, but you were pretty drunk. FNG,” he said, holding out his hand.

I wiped my hand on my shirt and stuck it out. Surprisingly, he didn’t look at me in shock, just shook mine, still grinning at me. “And you’re here because…”

He sighed as he tossed a pack to the seat. “Frankly, I’m a little unsure of what my role is in this company anymore.”

“Uh-huh,” I nodded, not really caring.

“I mean, I was gone for a year. You’d think that would mean something to them.”

“To who?”

He looked up at me in confusion. “The guys.”

“Oh, right,” I nodded. “Why?” I asked, still not understanding.

“I was missing for a year,” he scoffed. “They should have known I wasn’t dead. I can’t die!”

I snorted at that. “Sure.”

“It’s true. I’ve tried so many times. It just doesn’t happen.”

I sat up, kicking my feet off the seat. “So, if I push you out of the helicopter when we’re in the air, you won’t die?”

He shook his head. “Wanna try it?” he grinned.

I leaned back in my seat again, thinking it over. Whoever this guy was, he was sort of crazy. But I liked that.

The door opened again, and this time, Fox hopped into the helicopter. I rolled my eyes, not at all in the mood for his crap today. “What are you doing here?”

His eyes brightened when he saw me. “When I heard FNG was coming, I couldn’t stay behind. We’re like this,” he said, crossing his fingers. “Possibly not as tight as me and the Kamau, but definitely a close second.”

FNG scoffed at that. “Right, because the Kamau would go looking for you if you were lost.”

“He probably would,” Fox said uncertainly. “Although, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t do the tango with me. Not that it matters. That’s sort of my thing with Scottie.”

“You dance with Scottie?” I asked, tossing my head back and laughing before he even got the chance to answer.

“Oh, yeah. It’s our thing when we’re on missions together. It really gets us in the right mood for—” He cut off instantly, sitting back in his seat. “Not that I do that anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Kill. Torture. Wound another human being.”

I looked at FNG who shrugged. “Isn’t that sort of what being a protection agent is about?”

“There are other ways to bring the enemy to his knees,” Fox responded.

Christ, just listening to him, I wanted to kill myself. I thought all these guys were tough and slightly murderous. This guy was just pathetic. I couldn’t stand for that. “Well, you’re in luck because we’re about to bust in on the party.”

“Yes!” FNG shouted. “This is gonna be so awesome. I could drop in from the sky like James Bond. Ooh, or I could run in with machine guns in both hands, ready to take them all out.”

“Sure,” I said, ignoring him.

“You know what we need? Some good theme music.”

“You get right on that,” I said, starting up the chopper. I glanced at my watch and noted we’d be really early. But I was always up for a good time, and it looked like these guys desperately needed it.

Pulling on my headphones, I struck up a conversation with FNG, something I rarely did. “So, FNG, what have you been up to since your return?”

“Not much,” he responded, leaning between the seats. “Yeah, after I got back from Mexico, I took it easy with Honey. I’ve been out of the action for weeks now. I’m starting to feel a little rusty.”

“You don’t say,” I muttered, wondering if this was really a good idea. Hell, I was always up for a little adventure. I was getting bored sitting around OPS all the time, and while I didn’t mind the missions, I needed something livelier to happen for once. And these two were my ticket to fun. When we were done, maybe we’d celebrate with some tequila.

“I’m gonna drop you in!” I shouted as we lifted off and the noise level rose. “It’ll be a little rough going at first. You have to break past the line of guards!”

“The what?” FNG shouted as I tilted the helicopter in the direction of the island. This was going to be fun.

I knew as soon as we crossed over the island, we’d be hit hard with gunfire. It would defeat the purpose of keeping things stealthy for the guys. Then again, it could cause a well-needed distraction.

“Fox! Get on the guns!”

Bullets hit the side of the helicopter moments later and I pulled the stick, raising the helicopter higher to avoid the worst of it.

“Fox! Any day now.”

“I took an oath! I can’t murder anyone!”

“If you don’t pull that fucking trigger, we’re all gonna be dead!” I shouted. I looked back out the windshield just in time to swerve and avoid hitting the trees in front of us. I thought I heard a yelp, but ignored it as I continued some very fancy flying to keep us in the air.

“Uh…we’ve got a problem!” Fox shouted.

“I know! You’re not on the guns!”

“No, I mean, FNG fell out of the plane!”

“What?” I shouted, turning to look for the fucker. “Where is he?”

Fox pointed out of the plane, wincing as he looked into the darkness. “I tried to catch him, but…” He stared down at his fingers in horror.

“But what? You just let him fall?”

“You did this!” he jabbed a finger at me.

I was trying to watch where I was flying, but arguing with him was distracting me. “How is this my fault?”

“Because you did that swirling flying shit! He wouldn’t have fallen if you hadn’t swerved.”

“We would have hit the trees if I hadn’t swerved,” I argued. “And I wouldn’t have had to swerve if you’d get on the fucking guns!”

“Hey, it is not my fault.” He held up his hands in horror. “Look what you did to me!”

I glanced back over my shoulder again, squinting at what he was showing me. “I made your hands yellow?”

“You put Funyuns on this plane. You led me into temptation!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I ate Funyuns!” he screamed, letting out a guttural yelp that sounded like a cow giving birth. “My body is my temple and you led me astray!”

“You ate my Funyuns?” I snapped, turning around to fully face him. “Those were my snack!”

“They were my snack first!”

“I got those off the plane. You had no right to take them.”

His eyes widened. “You raided my stash? I can’t believe my own team would betray me like that!”

I barely glanced back out the windshield, realizing I was way too far away from the building. I pulled the stick to the right and spun us around, flying back into the danger zone. “If we die, I’m going to come back and haunt you as a Funyun!” I shouted.

“This is not okay!” Fox yelled as we dipped lower and bullets pummeled us from all around. I heard his frightened screams as we landed with a hard thud on the roof. Ducking low, I climbed into the back and racked the slide on the gun, then fired round after round into the guards as they ran at us. I didn’t even realize I was screaming right along with Fox until not a single guard was left standing and all that was left was silence.

With smoke filling the cabin, I slowly looked over at Fox and frowned when I saw him sitting on the floor with his legs crossed and a serene look on his face.

“Are you fucking meditating?”

“Shh, I’m getting in the zone.”

Rolling my eyes, I stowed the gun and hopped out of the chopper, landing on the roof with a thud. I pulled my gun from my holster and crept forward, checking my surroundings. I thought I heard a groan and made my way over to the body at the edge of the roof. The last thing I needed was someone sneaking up on me from behind.

I kicked the body and when the guy rolled over, I nearly put a bullet in him. “FNG?”

“Fuck, that really hurt,” he groaned. Then a huge smile spread across his lips. “I bet you thought I was dead. But you see, I can’t die.”

“How the fuck did you survive that fall?”

He winced as he sat up. “I hit a few trees on the way down. Yeah, a few of the branches nearly poked my eyes out, but it’s all good.” He hissed in a breath as he stood. “I think I may have punctured my spleen, but I’m not dead yet.”

I nodded, looking at him in disbelief. “Well…I guess we should get moving.”

“Right, tally-ho!” he shouted, his smile instantly turning into a grimace. “I don’t suppose you have a medic with you.”

“You were in the helicopter with me,” I reminded him.

“Right, I sort of forgot about that. Must have hit my head.”

“Did you see anything when you were taking your swan dive?”

He frowned, biting his lip, then his face cleared. “Oh, right! Yeah, totally. The guys made it inside. It was looking a little dicey there for a minute, but I think our distraction totally worked.”

“Then let’s move.”

He glanced back at the helicopter. “What about Fox?”

“He’s meditating.”

“Shouldn’t we take him with?”

“He’ll be a distraction.”

“Yeah, but he won’t fire a gun. If they ambush him, he’ll die,” FNG urged.

I contemplated that for a moment, but decided I really didn’t want to get bitched at for getting Fox killed. “Fine, but you’re responsible for him.”

I waited for what felt like ages as FNG dragged Fox against his will off the chopper. I spotted the roof access easily enough and bolted for the door. I didn’t even know what the hell I was doing at this point, but I’d come this far. Might as well see if they had any alcohol inside.

“What’s the plan?” FNG asked as we headed down the stairs.

“I’ll search the building. You guys find the team.”

“Right,” he nodded, then cocked his head at me. “Um…if you’re searching the building, shouldn’t we be there to back you up?”

Come to think of it, it would be easier to find the good booze if I had someone watching my back. “Sounds like a plan.”

Clearing the hallway, I crept silently through the gigantic house. Either everyone was busy chasing the threat outside or they were all waiting to jump out at us. It didn’t take me long to find the study where our local baddie probably chilled at night, drinking his port as he laughed at the terrible decisions he’d made for the day. My eyes gleamed as I took in the mahogany bookcases and the desk where the humidor sat.

“I’ve come home,” I said as I slowly approached the desk.

“What is it?” FNG hissed. “What did you find?”

“Heaven,” I murmured. I was seconds away from opening the door to what could very possibly be the most expensive, wonderful cigars I’d ever had the pleasure of smoking. And they were all mine for the taking. My fingers twitched as I slowly ran them over the smooth grain of wood. My eyes scanned the box carefully, looking for any boobytraps. When I saw it was clear, I lifted the lid and tears filled my eyes. “They’re so beautiful.”

“What is it?” FNG said, walking up beside me. “Cigars? I thought we were here for the guns?”

I grunted as I started lining my pockets with handfuls of the most beautifully individually wrapped specimens I’d ever come across.

“Seriously, what are we doing?” FNG hissed.

“Depriving them of something they treasure more than anything in the world. Did you find the booze?”

“What? No, I wasn’t looking for it!”

“Well, why the hell not?” I scowled. “What good are you if you’re not gonna help a guy out?”

I rushed to the liquor cabinet and opened the bottom doors, smiling as I reached for the good stuff. I knew the guys weren’t going to help carry any, so I grabbed only the best of the best.

“Can we go now?” FNG snapped.

“You’re such a wet rag.” He was totally killing my mood.

“I’m here on a mission,” he argued.

“Yeah? Then why’d you bring along that guy?” I pointed at Fox, who was sitting on the floor meditating.

“Because he’s—look, I don’t know, but he’s here now and?—”

“I am one with my body,” Fox chanted. “My mind and body are my temple.”

“Yeah, that’ll be really helpful when someone points a weapon at us,” I snarked.

“Hey!” I snapped my head in the direction of the commotion. Men were shouting at us, then they started speaking in another language.

“Look, here they come now for a meditation session,” I snapped.

“Fighting is not good,” Fox said louder. “Resist the darkness and head toward the light.”

“You head toward the light. I’m heading for the door,” I shouted, spinning and taking a hit right to the face from a meaty fist.

I stumbled back, my beloved Scotch falling to the floor, thankfully landing on the soft rug.

I swung my foot out, sweeping the leg of the guy standing over me with a gun pointed at my face. I reached for my holster, panicking when I realized my gun wasn’t there.

“Swing, swing, swing, swing,” Fox chanted as the man rolled and straddled my hips, slamming his fist into my face.

My head snapped to the side just as FNG tackled the man into a nearby table. It was then I realized that Fox wasn’t chanting, but singing. It was a swing song…literally from the jazz era.

I jumped to my feet, grabbing my beloved bottle, wincing as I took one final look at it before slamming it into the man’s head. As liquor slid down his face and the bottle shattered around him, a sharp pang of regret slammed into my chest.

“Damn, that was a really good bottle.”

With the man passed out on the floor, there was little reason to hang around. And with Fox singing behind me, all I wanted to do was run away from the music. Instead, I found myself running down the hall in time with the drums he was portraying.

“Shh,” FNG shushed. “You’re letting everyone know where we are!”

“I’m coping!” Fox shouted, then went into playing the trumpets, full on with his fingers to his mouth, mimicking playing the instrument.

I was about to skid around the corner when two men stepped out, both of them pointing guns at us. I ran full-tilt into the first guy, hoping FNG would do the same for the second. Slamming into him, I took him to the ground, wrestling the gun out of his hands as we rolled around the floor, the rest of my liquor bottles scattered around us.

A gun went off, startling the both of us, but gave me the upper hand as I kneed him in the balls and snatched the gun from his grip. I didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger and end his life. I stumbled to my feet just as Fox called out to me. Men were running down the hall toward us in both directions.

“Max, trust me!” he shouted, motioning for me to run at him.

I don’t know why I did it, but I would deny anything happened in that hallway. I ran with everything I had, jumping into his arms. He wrapped his arms around my back and swung me between his legs as he continued to sound his imaginary trumpet. My foot connected with the first man running toward us, and when he swung me back up, my legs flung behind me and I took out the man coming at me from the other direction.

When I landed on my feet, Fox was grinning at me, but I was staring at him in horror. What had I just done? I spun and grabbed a bottle off the ground, smashing it into the next person coming my way. When it didn’t break, I used it on the next guy as well. This time, it smashed into pieces, along with his face.

“Are you fucking happy now? You made me break my bottle of liquor,” I yelled at the man who had collapsed on the ground. “Fuck! This day sucks!”

“We gotta go!” FNG yelled, pulling Fox down the hall.

I snatched my other bottle of liquor, uncapping it now before I had to break it over someone else’s head. “Sure, now we have to go!” I shouted. “Now that my bottles are broken!”

I downed several swallows, letting the liquor run down my chin as I stomped in the same direction as them. At least I still had the cigars. We wound our way back to the rooftop access as more guards poured into the building. Racing up the stairs, we just made it to the top, the helicopter in sight, when a large explosion shook the very roof we stood on. I stumbled to the side, gripping my liquor tightly to my chest as I stumbled and fell.

A fiery ball of flames tore through the roof, engulfing the helicopter instantly. I took another chug of alcohol and nodded. “That seems about right.”

“What the fuck!”

I spun, wincing when Lock came out of the same access we’d just come through. “Uh?—”

“You were supposed to land on the other side of the building!” Lock snapped.

IRIS ran up right behind him, stopping in his tracks when he saw the flames, and shook his head. “No, no, no! This is not my fault!”

“You blew up the building,” Scottie snapped. “That wasn’t supposed to happen either.”

“Hey, charges can be finicky,” IRIS argued.

“I just love these moments,” Edu chuckled. “You know, where someone else screws up and I can bask in the fact that none of it is my fault.”

“And what are you doing here?” Lock yelled at FNG and Fox.

“He made me come,” Fox said quickly. “I was at home meditating and?—”

Lock ignored him and stomped over to me. “What’s our exit strategy now?”

“Me? No, this is on you. I’m in position.”

“You’re in the wrong position. We’ve got guards chasing us all over the goddamn place, and you let our only mode of transportation get blown up!”

“Guys, now may not be the best time to tell you this, but they’re coming!” Brock said, staring down the access stairs. He slammed the door, locking it, but that would never hold.

“Quick, give me your liquor,” IRIS snapped, holding out his hand expectantly for it.

“Get your own!”

“Do you want to die?”

I knew from the urgency in his voice that he wasn’t just trying to steal my bottle, but could I really let it go? I took one final swig and reluctantly held out my hand to him. He instantly swiped it and looked around for something else, but I was too busy drowning in my sorrows to pay attention.

“—fuse.”

FNG’s gaze snapped to mine. “Max has a ton of fuses.”

My face paled as everyone turned to me. With only seconds left, I cursed and pulled out my beloved cigars, handing them over. So close.

“Get to the other side of the roof!” IRIS shouted.

“I know the way out!” FNG shouted. “Everyone follow me!”

And with nothing left to do, I ran after them, jumping off the roof and rolling when I hit the ground. Even with alcohol soaking my pores, I was still able to stick the landing.

“Get your ass moving!” Lock shouted.

I got to my feet just as a loud explosion shook the building. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw IRIS jumping from the roof with a maniacal look on his face. When he landed, he jogged over to me, slapping me on the shoulder.

“Thanks for the supplies. We should keep you around more often.”

My nostrils flared in anger. “Those were Cubans,” I said sharply.

He tossed his head back in laughter. “Well, that’s the great thing about bombs. They don’t discriminate between brands. Come on. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

He waved me on, totally missing the point that he just blew my Cubans to the sky. And for what?

Okay, it might have been beneficial to all of us, but that didn’t make it okay that my scotch and Cubans had been ignited and were now burning up in the atmosphere. But standing around here wouldn’t get them back for me, and it was too late to go back inside. The only way forward was to follow FNG and hope what waited at the other end was less pitiful than the empty feeling in my gut.

Two hours later…

Water lappedaround us and something was biting my toes. I stared at the other men floating in the water beside me, each of them looking just as pissed as I was.

“This was how you escaped the island?”