22. Christa

I barely escapedwith my life after Max left. My dad was pissed at me, but he knew I didn’t want to discuss this with him further. It was enough for one day. I didn’t waste a second grabbing my things and fleeing the church.

What I needed was a drink, but that wasn’t going to happen. After all the drinking I’d been doing lately, I needed a break from it. Instead, I headed to the local barbecue restaurant for something to take home. I wasn’t interested in cooking, and I needed comfort food to get me through the night.

I walked in and smiled at the man behind the counter. “Um…can I get a number 3.”

“Sure. That’ll be?—”

“Actually, can I also get a number 7.”

“Of course.”

“And a number 10. And maybe…maybe two side orders of wedges. Oh, and can I also get a number 4 without the corn?”

The man stared at me expectantly. “Is that all?”

I wanted to add on something else, but didn’t want the judgmental looks he was already shooting me. “That’ll be it.”

I paid for the food and stepped aside while I waited for them to gather the order. Unfortunately, luck was not on my side today. The bell over the door chimed and Paul strolled in with his arm wrapped around the next flavor of the month. Sucking in an annoyed breath, I did my best to ignore them.

“Isn’t that your ex?” the nasally voice asked.

“Shit. Yeah, that’s her.”

I pushed their voices from my head, not bothering to turn around, but when the food started coming out, that’s when Paul really turned into an asshole.

“You know, it’s sad really. I feel bad for her, going home to eat all that food by herself. It’s really pathetic.”

I was about to turn around and snap at him when I felt a heavy arm wrap around my shoulders. Max’s scent filled me up, soothing the rage building inside me. His lips brushed against the side of my head as he turned and pulled me against him.

“Is the order almost ready, baby?”

My breath caught in my throat as he tilted my head back, cupping the back of my neck in his thick hand. His beautiful eyes stared into mine, smiling like he knew something I didn’t.

“Uh…yeah. It’s almost ready.”

“Good. I can’t wait to get you home.” His large hands slipped down my back, skimming over my ass as he pressed his lips to mine in a searing kiss. I gasped when I felt his thick erection pressing against me.

“Order up!”

I couldn’t move. I was hypnotized by the look in his eyes. But when my number was called out, I somehow managed to pull myself away from him.

“That’s me,” I whispered.

“Then, let’s go.”

He slung his arm around my neck as he walked me over to the counter. Together, we grabbed the bags and walked past Paul and his newest skank. The look on Paul’s face was priceless, and the way Max tipped his hat at him was just too funny.

I burst out laughing when I reached my car, unable to hold it in any longer. “Oh my gosh, I know you were just playing it up in there, but that was so amazing. I didn’t even hear you come in.”

He shrugged it off like it was no big deal, but he had seriously come through for me. I couldn’t stand Paul on the best of days, but if Max hadn’t come in, I probably would have made a fool of myself.

“So, that’s the ex.”

“That’s him,” I nodded.

“Fucking dick.” He jerked his head at my food. “So, what did you get?”

I laughed at the sudden change of subject. “I’m not giving you my food.”

“Why not? A man’s gotta eat.”

“Yes, but you’re not my man.”

“I could be later tonight,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows at me. “Or you could feed me out of pity. I was going to order, but since I had to rescue you, I have no food now.”

I pursed my lips to cover my smile. “Fine, you can share my food, but I get first dibs. I’m hungry.”

“I can tell,” he said, opening the top of the bag. “How much food did you order?”

I snatched the bag away, scowling at him. “Hey, don’t judge. I stress eat.”

He stepped back with his hands held up. “No judgment. You can eat as much as you want. I wouldn’t mind your ass getting a little bigger.”

I blushed heavily under his heated stare. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because…because of what we just went through. And I haven’t forgotten how you outed me to my dad. Do you have no filter?”

He scratched the back of his neck as an embarrassed smile spread over his face. “Okay, not my best moment.”

“I also heard that some drunk guy stumbled into church last week and nearly lit the place on fire trying to light a cigar,” I smirked. “You wouldn’t happen to know who that was, would you?”

“A cigar…nope, I have no clue. Who would smoke a cigar in church?”

I nodded knowingly. “Apparently, he also wore a straw hat and took the wine from the communion tray and drank it. And when he realized he wasn’t supposed to, he spit it out and put it back.”

I was enjoying this way too much. This was the first time I’d ever seen Max embarrassed about something, and it was nice for the shoe to be on the other foot for once.

“I may…have had a little too much to drink before…”

“That seems to be a theme with you.”

“Well, I’m not drunk now, but I am very hungry. So, let’s go,” he said, snatching the bag from my hands.

He strode around to the driver’s side and got in. I stood there watching him curiously. He rolled down my window and cocked an eyebrow at me. “Are you coming?”

“Didn’t you drive here?”

“Yeah, but I’ll get my truck later.”

“Why wouldn’t you just take it now?”

He sighed heavily, rolling his eyes sarcastically. “Because if I drive my truck, you’re going to steal it. And then I’ll have to jump in the passenger side so you don’t get yourself killed, and then we’ll get pulled over, and I’ll get tased in the balls—” His brows furrowed in confusion. “Oh, wait! That’s what happened last time!”

I yanked the door open and sat down, trying my best not to smile. “Fine, we’ll do it your way.”

“That’s what I thought,” he grinned as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“You know,I don’t think I’ve actually seen your place during the day,” Max said as he set the food down on the living room table. “It’s nice.”

“It’s tiny,” I retorted. “And maybe you would see a woman’s place during the day if you actually took one out on a date.”

“Hmm, that’s an interesting theory, but I’m not sure I’m up for the task.”

“I can tell,” I chuckled.

“So, why did you stay with that douchebag so long?”

“Wow, you really know how to ruin a moment.” I sat down, putting a plate in front of him.

“What’s this?”

“They’re called utensils,” I pointed out. “And this is a plate. It’s what normal people use when they eat.”

“Really?” he said in mock surprise.

I nodded at him with a grin. “If you stick around, I’ll teach you about napkins.”

“I know what napkins are.”

“Then why don’t you use them?”

“Well, the way I figure it, my shirt is right here, and it needs to be washed anyway. In a way, I’m like…one of those eco-warriors. I’m saving the planet from useless paper waste.”

“I’m impressed. If only I had known.”

“So, seriously, why did you stay with him?”

He just wouldn’t let that go. “It’s none of your business.”

“I beg to differ. Seeing as I was your first—which we’ll come back to—I think I have a right to know about your past lovers. Why did you stick around? Did you hit any bases? Did he ever go down on you? Was he a selfish lover?”

“None of your business,” I laughed. “Why would you even want to know?”

“Because I can’t for the life of me figure out why he would cheat on you.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him. “You’re not exactly sticking around either.”

“We’ll get to my issues later. For now, let’s focus on you. I’m serious. I can’t understand it. Granted, I’ve been drunk for most of the time I’ve known you, but you’re beautiful, amazing in bed, and aside from the time you nearly chopped my dick off, I think you have amazing potential in the blowjob department.”

I dropped my head in my hands, wishing I could go back in time and erase that moment. “Can you just forget that ever happened?”

He shook his head, looking off into the distance. “Some scars are too hard to forget.”

I punched him on the shoulder, chuckling at his humor. “You know, when you’re not drunk, you’re actually pretty funny.”

“I’m pretty funny all the time. So, did he go down on you?”

I blushed bright red at the question. “If I answer, can we drop it?”

He pulled back, watching me carefully. “He never did. What a fucking asshole. Seriously, best pussy I ever tasted.”

I punched him again. “Will you stop talking about me like that?”

“Why? Am I turning you on?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows at me.

Yes, he was, and I was not going there again with him. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Right,” he nodded. “Let’s talk about how fucking good you taste in my mouth. Or how much I want to bury myself inside you.”

“Are you ever serious?”

“I try not to be,” he shrugged. “What’s the fun in life if you’re always watching what you say?”

Shaking my head, I grabbed the barbecue from the first bag and started spreading it out on the table. I hadn’t even gotten it open all the way when he started stealing from the container.

“A little self-control, please. I want some, too. I did pay for it.”

“I’ll pay you back later.”

His gravelly voice sent shivers down my spine and heat to my nether regions. I squeezed my legs together in anticipation of all the ways he could repay me.

“I meant with cash,” he rumbled in my ear. He nipped at the lobe and went back to eating his food. “So, why did you stay with No Pleasure Paul?”

I was surprised he remembered the name. “Um…because I thought he was who I was supposed to be with,” I said after a moment.

“See, I don’t believe in all that shit. You should be with who you want to be with. That’s the way I live my life. It’s all about me.”

My heart sank at the declaration. It wasn’t exactly news to me. We hadn’t been on a date or anything. He was exactly who he said he was, and nothing I did would change that. Still, as I sat here talking with him, I found that I really enjoyed his company, which just sucked because it would be so much easier if he was an asshole. I could write him off and put him in a box in my head as a great experience that I wouldn’t be repeating.

But he wasn’t an asshole. He might be a drunk who didn’t care about anyone else, but he was actually sweet in his own way. He didn’t have to rescue me in the restaurant from my horrible ex. He could have walked right out or pretended not to know me. But he stuck around and helped me out without me even asking.

I shoved some pulled pork in my mouth, ignoring how dry it tasted. Max was gobbling it up, so it had to be me—my worry over things that would never change had effectively ruined my appetite.

“So, how long have you worked for Cash?”

“Couple of months, I think.”

“You think?”

He shrugged. “I’ve been drunk most of my time here…well, for the past several years. Time is a strange thing.”

“Well…what did you do before you came here?”

“I lived in the Caribbean,” he grinned.

“Wow, that sounds amazing.”

“It was,” he said with a far-off look. “The liquor…amazing. Best cigars a man could ever want, and the women…” He chuckled, totally oblivious to how pissed off that made me. “It was a good time.”

“If it was so amazing, why’d you leave?” I snapped.

His eyes twinkled with humor as he glanced my way. “Jealous?”

“No.” I stabbed my meat with my fork, feeling all sorts of rage build up inside me at the mention of him sleeping with other women. “But you don’t have to be so open about it.”

He turned to me, sliding his hand up my thigh until I gasped at how close he was to a certain spot. “Baby, the women were fucking amazing, but nothing…and I mean nothing compared to how fucking amazing it was with you.”

His hot breath lingered for just a moment, to the point that I almost turned and kissed him. But then he shifted away from me and resumed eating.

“Not that it matters since you’ve pointed out that we’re through.”

Snap out of it! He’s not the man for you!

“Anyway, I only left because Cash dragged me into his mess. I was on good terms with everyone there until he showed up and spoiled it all. After that, it was either go to jail there or stay here.”

“So, what do you do here?”

He snorted. “Not a whole lot. I fly occasionally. Do you have any scotch?”

I pursed my lips at him. “Seriously? You can’t go one night without it?”

“I can, but why should I have to?”

“Because you don’t need to be drunk all the time.”

“Nope, I don’t need to, but I like it.” He flashed me a brilliant smile that I instantly melted for.

“Well, too bad. I don’t have any liquor in the house. So, you’ll have to drink water.”

“That’s a poisonous word,” he grumbled.

“How exactly did you get into…this,” I waved my hand at him.

“What does that mean? Get into this…me? How did I become me?”

Cash said he had demons from his past. I wondered if he would share them with me. “Yeah.”

He shrugged slightly. “I served in the military and when I got out, I just wanted to be me—to have some fun. I did the whole serious thing. Life is too short to waste it with a job and all that crap.”

“Was it hard…I mean, being in the military?”

He shrugged, totally blowing me off. “It was the military,” he laughed. “Not sure what more there is to say.”

I could see what Cash was talking about. He kept it all bottled up inside, and something was eating at him. I wouldn’t be able to get it out of him tonight, let alone any time in the near future. We didn’t have that kind of relationship, and as much as I liked Max, I couldn’t put myself through time spent on a relationship that would go nowhere.

He pointed his fork at me. “Now, about No Pleasure Paul…you thought you were supposed to stay with him, but you got nothing out of it. And this was for how long?”

“Five years,” I sighed.

“Why? Why would anyone put in the time when they got nothing out of it? And why did he stay with you if he was sleeping around on the side?”

“Who knows? He gave me some lame excuse,” I trailed off. I was so tired of thinking about Paul and what he did to me. I just wanted to move on. “It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s in the past, and I’m not looking back. That’s my new motto.”

“No looking back and no looking forward,” he added. “Just live in the present. Trust me, you’ll be a lot happier.”

“But if you’re never looking forward to a future, what’s the point?”

“What’s the point in striving toward something when you know you’re never gonna get there?”

Oh my gosh, he was so…pessimistic! How could such a happy person be so negative?

“I mean, let’s face it, how many times do people actually achieve what they want in life? They work and work toward these goals that are unrealistic, and then they’re disappointed when life gets in the way and screws them over. You can’t ever get everything you want out of life.”

“Well, you’re not going to get it if you don’t try,” I retorted.

While I was sitting here, baffled at his unrealistic attitude toward life, he was chowing down on his food without a care in the world. I didn’t understand it. Nothing fazed this man. How did he walk through life caring about nothing?

“Take my parents, for example. They were like any other parents out there. They’ve worked all their lives for the American Dream. And do you know where they are now?”

“Um…no?”

“In Georgia, on their front porch, sipping sweet tea. My old man lives off social security and my ma still goes to church every Sunday. They don’t go anywhere and they don’t do anything. Do you know why?”

“Because…they worked toward the American Dream?” I hedged.

“Exactly. The American Dream is to own a house. They worked their asses off to get that, and that’s all they ended up with. They don’t have money to do anything else. The house is too big for them, but they won’t sell because they worked their whole lives just to have that. And that is why it’s a waste of time to focus on the future.”

Oddly enough, I could see the logic in his argument. I didn’t agree with it, but it made sense.

“So, your plan is to go through life and never care about anyone or anything. You’re just going to do what you want and be happy with the outcome.”

“Basically. Yeah.”

I was so irritated with him, and I wasn’t even sure why. He didn’t want me and I definitely didn’t want a man like him.

Did I?

No, I did not. He was rude and didn’t care about anyone else. He got his rocks off by getting drunk on a Caribbean island. That wasn’t the man for me. I had a purpose in life. I was a goal-oriented person. And I cared about more than just myself.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, staring at me funny.

“Why would there be anything wrong?”

“Because you’re pacing. Didn’t you know?”

I looked around me, and sure enough, I was standing in the middle of my living room. When did that happen?

“Of course, I’m fine. I’m just—it’s you. I don’t know how you live life like this. You know, you can’t do this. There are rules to follow. Other people work for a living. They don’t lounge around and drink all day. They don’t spend their lives on a beach!”

I was huffing in anger and I knew it was irrational. Max didn’t even look fazed that I was so worked up over this. I wasn’t sure he cared about a single thing in this world, and as much as it angered me, it also made me sad. Because if he could manage to care about something, maybe we had a shot.

“You know,” he said, tossing down his napkin. “This could have been fun. We could have had something between us.”

My brain short-circuited as he stepped into my space and slung his arm around my waist, drawing me in closer. My breath caught in my throat as he skimmed his nose along the length of my neck, breathing me in. My eyes fluttered from the feel of his breath caressing my skin. Yes, I wanted it. I wanted him. His touch was like an electric charge to my system. How could I not want him? How could I walk away knowing we had something so amazing between us?

His lips brushed over mine before he stepped back. “It could have been so good.”