Chapter 10

10

F or a split second, Lewis stood immobile looking at her, his eyes wide with shock.

"Get down from there, Edina," he said shakily, "before you kill yourself."

Edina's smile disappeared as she looked at him. He was nowhere near the wall, and she had not tried to climb onto it, but he looked absolutely frozen with fear.

She took one step closer to the parapet, and he roared, "No!" before he rushed towards her and dragged her roughly into his arms.

Lewis breathed a great sigh of relief as he held Edina in his embrace, pressed so tightly against him that she could not have escaped unless he allowed her to. However, Edina did not want to go anywhere. Indeed, she would have been content to stand there all night in his arms.

"Aidan," she whispered again, wondering what kind of response she was going to receive now.

Lewis's heart skipped a beat as he heard that name used on him.

"I don't like this game, Edina, and you know it," he growled.

He was scared, in fact, he, a muscular man of over six feet tall, who had brought down huge stags, was absolutely petrified, and he desperately wanted to be away from this high and horrible place. As well as that, he was afraid of this small woman, not because she was a physical threat, but because of what her brain had worked out. He was an utter coward.

"Yes. I know," Edina said firmly. "I know that your name is Aidan Findlay, who never went away to sea. You cannot hide it from me any longer."

She looked up into his terrified face and stood on her tiptoes to kiss his lips softly. His light-brown eyes were dark with anger or fear or both, and she could see him trembling involuntarily.

Granted, it was a cold night, but Edina knew that his shivering was not because of the freezing wind, but because of shock. She reached up and cupped his face in both her hands so that she could force him to look at her.

"Lewis loved sweet things, yet you do not," Edina began. "Lewis hated black pudding, yet the cook says you cannot get enough of it. Lewis did not like hunting big game, yet you do. Lewis was never terrified of heights, yet you are. Lewis was loyal to his favourite animals, but you are not.

Why do you not just admit it? The idea has been creeping up on me ever since I came back, but I was not certain of it till now. Coming up here was the only way I could think of to be absolutely sure, and now I am. You cannot pretend any more, Aidan, but your secret is safe with me. I swear I will never tell anyone."

She watched his face change to an expression of utter panic before he shook his head vehemently.

"No!" Lewis cried. "You are imagining things, Edina. You have been going around the castle asking people all kinds of things and drawing the wrong conclusions. I miss my brother dreadfully, but I do not tell myself lies about him.

He is an imperfect person, just as I am, and just as everyone else is, but please do not spread these lies. I am not Aidan, and Aidan is not me. All these differences you mention, people change and grow, they become different. You can just admit that you don't like the person you see, Edina. I'm not the same boy you used to look at fondly. Maybe you should grow up, eventually, and stop acting like a wee lass."

He took her by her upper arms and pushed her away from him, then turned and walked away a little, needing to put some distance between them.

Edina asked mildly, "Was it Lewis who sailed away three years ago? Where is Lewis now? Let me tell you something, Aidan. I tried to tell you this when I found out, but you were too busy to speak to me, then I reconsidered. I wanted to be sure of your identity, but now I am.

I met some sailors a few days ago, and they told me a fleet of ships is coming from the continent bringing cargo to offload at Dundee. One of them is the Fair Queen, which you told me is Aidan's ship. If you are not lying about everything, we will see your brother again very soon."

He stared at Edina as if his face had turned to stone, and suddenly, she was certain that she was right. Then he dropped his gaze to the floor and his shoulders slumped.

Edina felt infinitely sorry for him; once more she stepped forward, and this time it was she who put her arms around the man she now knew was Aidan. She raised her face to his, and once more they were lost in the magic that enveloped them whenever they were together.

"It is not the boy with whom I'm falling in love. It is this very man in front of me. Whatever his name is."

Edina heard him groan, but it was not a sign of pain. Once again she plunged her hands into his hair and pressed herself against him, and this time he did the same to her, then moved one of his hands around her waist. Edina gave a little squeal that was part surprise and part pleasure, and tried to move even closer to him.

The Laird's son was not even sure what was happening any more. He was suddenly a different person to the one he had been only a few moments before, and Edina knew. He had not even realised how he was caressing her—everything seemed to be suddenly out of his control. He had not intended to kiss her, yet here he was doing just that, and it was almost unbearably wonderful.

Edina's flesh underneath his hand was soft and yielding. She was as aroused as he was, and he knew that if he had allowed himself to let his inhibitions get the better of him, he could have taken her right there and then. He was sure Edina would not have protested.

How long they would have stood like that neither of them knew, but they suddenly heard footsteps coming upstairs towards them and jumped apart. Edina ran a few yards along the walkway in front of the parapet, then leaned on it, as if admiring the view.

She heard him going downstairs, exchanging a few words with the guard on the stairs, then making his way down to the ground floor. She followed him a few moments later, making sure the other man did not see her, then went to the dining room.

He was there, but he was seated at the very end of the table next to his father, about as far away from her as he could be, and he avoided Edina's gaze completely.

"At last!" her mother cried as soon as she saw her daughter. "Where have you been? And what on earth have you done to yourself? Your hair looks like a bird's nest!"

Edina remembered that her hair had been blown into a fearful tangle by the wind, and she giggled as she raised her hand to feel it.

"I went out for a breath of fresh air," she replied. "But I forgot about the breeze."

"Breeze?" Laird Findlay laughed, pointing at the windows, outside which a gale was beginning to howl. "I think there may be something wrong with your ears, young lady."

"And that kind of wind will not do your dresses any good either!" Her mother's voice was peevish, and she shook her head, frowning fiercely.

"I am not wearing a ball gown, Mother," Edina pointed out. "I am sure it will survive. Anyway, if any of my clothes are damaged, I have half a dozen seamstresses at my service who can make new ones."

"Oh!" Lady Eleanor looked up, her eyes alight with enthusiasm. "How are all your new ventures going, Edina?"

"Splendidly!" Edina answered, feeling the leap of triumph she always experienced when her endeavours were mentioned. "The children are all properly clothed now, and they are learning very fast. My two new teachers are very clever young ladies and seem to really enjoy what they are doing, and the children love them. I could not be more pleased with the way things are progressing, Milady."

"I have another idea for you," Lady Eleanor declared. "Quite a few of the ladies in the village can knit, and I thought we could start producing some warm clothes for winter. We have more than enough wool, after all."

Edina was just about to agree when the man she was trying to think of as Aidan spoke up. She was extremely surprised, since he never usually concerned himself with such matters.

"That sounds like an excellent idea, Mother," he remarked. "I think it would be appreciated by all the villagers."

"And we could all help," Edina added, smiling from ear to ear.

However, she noticed that Lewis or really Aidan was looking very pale, and felt a little alarmed.

"This is just what I hoped would happen. One good thing is leading to another, and we are all benefitting."

Her father leaned across the table and took his daughter's hand, his eyes shining. "I am so proud of you, my daughter," he said warmly.

Edina smiled at him, then the Laird raised his wine glass.

"To Edina," he said, smiling. "Beautiful and brilliant. Sláinte Mhath."

"Sláinte Mhath!" came the chorus.

Even the object of the mystery joined in, but he left shortly afterwards, pleading tiredness and leaving half of his food uneaten. The Laird's eyes followed him anxiously, and he exchanged a glance with his wife.

Edina noticed it and immediately felt apprehensive; perhaps it had not been such a good idea to challenge Aidan. She knew it was going to take a while for her to switch his identity in her mind, but what if she spoke the wrong name and his secret was revealed to everyone?

However, there were so many questions in her mind regarding this scheme. Why did one brother replace the other? Was the real Lewis actually at the sea? Did the Laird want to hide the secret of Lewis's addiction to avoid the disgrace and the loss of prestige it would bring to the family?

Surely, she did not wish to be the unwitting means of bringing shame on them.

Aidan ran upstairs to his chamber as fast as his legs would carry him, then unlocked the door to his bedchamber and flung himself onto the bed. He buried his face in his pillow and let go of all his grief in a great storm of tears. He surrendered himself to it completely, punching his pillows and kicking his mattress. If there had been a stone wall to bang his head against, he would likely have done that too, he thought. So what if men were not supposed to cry? They were human beings, after all, and every so often there was simply no other way of coping with the pain of loss.

Unless… Unless it was being with Edina. He remembered again the softness of her flesh under his palm as he kissed her, the feeling that he never wanted to stop. He wanted to lose himself in her, mind and body, and in those moments when they belonged to each other, there would be no memories and no worries about the future. There would only be now, the present, and the magic they were making with each other.

He hated himself for having lied to her so much. He had no idea where his brother was, and no letter was left for him after his brother disappeared from his life.

It was at times like this that he would have given anything to have his brother with him. When he was not drunk, he was a wonderful confidant, and they could tell each other anything without fear of it going any further, but in the final days he could barely make sense. His thoughts were clouded, his eyes confused in those last few days. He had spent hours just sitting and talking to him, sharing memories and occasionally talking about Edina.

He remembered the last time he saw him; Lewis had smiled at him, a smile of great sweetness and warmth.

"I have no idea where I am going after I leave here," he said, "but I know that when I come back I will be healthy and happy again, Aidan."

"I am sure you will be," Aidan said with an attempt at a smile. "I am told that this journey of healing is hard, but I know you can do it. I have faith in you, my brother."

"Let's not lie to ourselves, brother," Lewis said sadly. "We both know I do not have much in the way of willpower. If I had, I would not be in this predicament now. They tell me my liver is damaged, and if I do not stop drinking right away, soon there will be nothing more anyone can do for me."

"This is my fault." Aidan sighed and picked up Lewis's hand. The veins were blue and standing out against his pale skin like those of an old man.

"What makes you say that?" Lewis asked, frowning. "Aidan, you are not to blame for any of this. I brought all of this trouble on myself, and you had nothing to do with it."

"I introduced you to those monsters!" Aidan put his elbows on his knees and rested his head on his hands. "You would never have become mixed up with them if it were not for me."

"But you had the strength to walk away, wee brother," Lewis pointed out.

He could hardly raise his voice any more, but he had to make Aidan realise that he was innocent. He could not bear the thought of leaving, while Aidan blamed himself; that was how much he cared about his brother.

"I was weak; I was always weaker than you," he said, with a note of anger in his voice. He was not angry with his brother, but with himself. "You might have been smaller and not as strong as I was when we were boys, but I was the one who was easily led and always fell into trouble. You always stood up for me, and were always by my side. I remember once or twice you even took the blame for me. You are a fine wee brother."

That was when Aidan burst into tears and fell into his brother's arms, and they were locked in a tight embrace while both of them wept till they had no tears left.

Aidan remembered the sweetness of the last smile Lewis had given him. The next day, he waved his brother goodbye in the dead of night, and he had not seen him since. However, he held on to the hope that he would come back soon, clean and whole again.

His mother and father both began to weep straight away, but Aidan had cried all his tears. Over the next few years, he thought about his brother constantly, reliving the times when they had been young and carefree. He felt constantly guilty, despite Lewis's reassurances to the contrary.

That was the first time he really believed that he would never see his brother again.

Aidan looked up at the carved ceiling above his bed, wishing his brother was beside him. Sometimes he longed for his company so much that he imagined he could see him. Eventually, however, tiredness overcame him and his eyes drifted closed.

He turned over in his bed and his heart leapt in his chest as he saw his brother lying beside him, wearing his usual mischievous grin.

"Where did you come from?" he asked, shocked.

His brother laughed. "You will find out some day," he answered. "You look worried. Tell me your troubles. I may be able to help."

"I cannot believe you are here," Aidan whispered, reaching out a hand to touch his brother's cheek.

He wanted to make sure that his brother was a solid, flesh-and-blood being like himself, but his hand met empty air and his brother's image faded, leaving him with a plunging sense of disappointment. Still, even seeing his familiar face was comforting, and he smiled as he closed his eyes again.

There was a sudden rap at his bedroom door, and he jerked out of his half-sleep and sat upright. Who was bothering him at this time of night?

"Who is it?" he asked irritably, rubbing his eyes.

"Edina," she answered. "Please let me in. I want to talk to you."

"Well, I do not want to talk to you!" he growled. "I have had a very bad day, Edina. Please leave me in peace. Goodnight to you."

He turned over and put his pillow over his head so that he could hear nothing more, then determinedly closed his eyes and went to sleep.