Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

HARPER

I stand in the shower, letting the water run over me. I watch the blood that is on my skin wash down the drain. The contents of my stomach threaten to come up as I think about the fact the blood of the men I killed is covering me. I jump up out of his arms so fast as I realize what we did.

Fuck, I was so stupid.

“Harper,” he calls out to me through the door. “Baby, are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No, I just need a minute,” I cry out, wanting him to just leave. My back sinks down the cold tiles. Oh god, what did we just do? I still have to be tested—if I have anything, he definitely has it now, and I could be pregnant with one of their children. Oh, fuck I’m going to be sick. I crawl out the shower door and to the toilet, throwing up.

I hear the door behind me open. His hands go to my hair as he gathers it up.

“Shhh, it’s okay, baby, I know it’s a lot.”

I sob as I sit there, staring at the contents of my stomach and reaching up to pull the handle.

“You have to get tested,” I cry out.

“I know,” he whispers. “Baby, it’s okay.”

“No, no, no, it’s not. We shouldn’t have done that. It was stupid, I was stupid.”

“No, you weren’t. You were right. I was treating you like a fragile doll that could break, but you’re not like that. You’re so fucking strong, Harper. To share that with me.”

“I could have just given you something…”

“And if you did, then we will figure it out.”

He pulls me to him, but I shove him off me. I stand up. “You need to go, Ash. I need to be alone.”

“I think that’s the last thing you need.”

“Please don’t touch me, Asher, I’m infected, I’m fucking dirty. Please don’t.”

I collapse on the floor, my emotions taking hold of me as he grabs me, pulling me to him despite my fighting.

“You are not dirty. You’re not infected, baby, stop.”

I just sob, howling into his shoulder as my body is wracked with pain and trauma I can’t describe or understand. My whole body shakes as he attempts to soothe me. We stay like that for what seems like over an hour, and my body finally calms down. Looking down, I see blood running down my thighs.

Asher freezes. “Baby, are you hurt…”

I shake my head, slowly pulling back. “No I…I think my period just started.”

He pulls me to my feet, pulling me into the shower. Wrapping his arms around my body, he pushes us under the warm water.

“How are you not grossed out right now?” I ask, sniffling. He turns me in his arms to face him.

“Harper, if you think a little blood is going to gross me out, you have another thing coming. It’s not like I don’t know about these things.”

The remaining tears litter my cheeks, and he brushes them away with his thumbs.

“This means I’m not pregnant…”

“I think so…” He nods.

“No, it definitely means that.”

“Okay…well, that’s a good thing, baby…”

I nod, looking up at him as the tears start again. “It is.”

He pulls me closer and into his arms as he kisses the top of my head. “One hurdle over with…”

“I still need to get tested.”

“We can go tomorrow if you’re feeling up for it.”

I nod, swallowing hard. I need to do this because the results will reveal my next move.

ASHER

“We need to talk about what happened, Harper.”

It’s a few hours later and we’re on my sofa, but how I found her doesn’t sit right with me.

“You mean about us having sex?”

She sounds so casual, but this is the side of Harper I’m starting to notice is a front. The one that tries to push people away. I mastered this technique and she’s going to be damned if she thinks she will get away with it.

“About our entire night.”

“Oh.”

She goes quiet. I pull her legs up onto me, slowly stroking her thigh. “So, where should we start?” I ask her, wanting her to take the lead here, but she shrugs, sipping her hot chocolate. Turns out that when my girl is on her period, she craves sweet things, and I make a mental note of that for the future.

“Okay, let’s start with why you ran after we had slept together. You bolted out of my arms so quickly.”

“You pulled out,” she says, barely in a whisper.

“Sweetheart, I think an accidental pregnancy between us right now is not really the thing we want to be dealing with, and I know you’re not on the pill because I haven’t seen you take anything, and everything between us happened so fast I was stupid enough not to put on a condom.”

“That wasn’t it. You pulled out because you thought I might be pregnant already. You didn’t want the confusion on whose it could be.”

I nod slowly. “Yes, that’s part of it. It’s all the same thing.”

“I realized if I have anything I may have just given it to you too.”

“I know. Let’s be honest our logical part of our brain wasn’t exactly working tonight.”

She smiles, “Understatement.”

“How are you feeling about us sleeping together?”

She shrugs, looking everywhere but me. “This is awkward. Do we have to be grown-ups here and talk about these things?”

I laugh heartily, she’s adorable. “Yes, we do, Angel. We’ve gone through a lot, and this isn’t just a hookup for me. I’ve told you those three words and I mean them. Throw in everything else that has happened between us, and I think it’s important we talk about it.”

“It was good…once I got past the initial um…”

“I know, I know you had flashes. I hope I helped you through them.”

She looks at me and nods sincerely. “You did, Ash, I really mean that.”

“Good, I’m glad, and how are you feeling now? Any flashes? The way I found you in the bathroom.”

“No, no, it wasn’t that. I realized we had sex, and I still had blood on me, and with not knowing if I have anything, it was just a lot. Not exactly how I pictured us sleeping together for the first time, you know?”

“I do,” I laugh, “It wasn’t exactly the fantasy I had, but I’m glad it happened.”

She smiles at me, and I can’t help but notice that it doesn’t quite reach her eyes the way it usually does.

“You’re scared,” I say.

She nods, “What if we get tested and I have like HIV or something?”

“Baby, we’ve fought our way through a lot of things. Whatever happens, we will get through the next part together.”

Her eyes dart from me and I have to wonder why, but I don’t push.

“Okay, so we’re good?” I ask, and she nods, sipping another bit of her drink.

“I could do with a heating pad, but other than that, yes, we’re good.”

“I’ll go and get you whatever you want tomorrow.” I reach out, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Okay, so now we need to talk about the earlier part of the night. Harper, what you did…”

“What? You didn’t think I could do it?”

“If I’m honest, I don’t know. But you kinda left yourself. That wasn’t the girl I knew in there. You did things that I couldn’t have dreamed of.”

“You kill these guys; you torture them for answers.”

“Yes, but not in the way you did. You took it to a very dark place, the bleach, for example, or the way you told that guy you would let him watch his brother rot.”

“So what?”

“Harper, that was dark, even for us.”

“I got what I needed.”

I can see her shutting down again, the mask slipping back on, and this isn’t what I wanted.

“You said earlier, and yes, that’s a good thing, but…”

She places the hot chocolate on the side.

“Asher, I’m not going to talk about this. I did what I had to do—that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. And if you feel sympathy for those men, then you’re not the man I thought you were.”

“You have to understand that what you said would have caused me to get upset, right?”

“I wasn’t thinking about you, if I’m honest.”

“Okay, but you know what happened with my sister.”

“I do.”

“And you have nothing to say?”

“How about stop acting like a bitch?” She pulls away from me and I try to pull her back.

“Harper.”

“Asher.”

“If anyone is acting like a bitch right now, it’s you, and I know that’s not you really.”

“Maybe it is Ash. Maybe it’s who I am now. Maybe it’s who I have to be to protect myself.”

“Listen, I know it’s a lot, and I don’t wanna be on your case about this, Harper, but that girl in there wasn’t you. I understand having to pack certain things away when you do the stuff we do. If anyone gets that, it’s me, but that was too much. Sticking all that emotion in a little black box isn’t healthy. You saw what it did to me, sweetheart. If anyone saw that, it was you.”

She sighs. “I just don’t know how to unpack everything. I’m trying, Ash, I am, but I don’t need you pressuring me to try and deal with it all the time. You spent years trying to deal with your shit. I’ve not even had a month, and you didn’t go through everything I did. I want to make them pay, I want to taunt them the way they did me, I want to make them beg for mercy and show none because they didn’t show me any.”

Every so often, she shows me a little more. She lets me in and exposes everything they did to her, and I know I have no right to judge her for dealing with this the only way she knows how to.

“Okay, I get it. Just promise me after that we talk things through. That we try.”

“Okay, I promise.”

“Harper, there’s one more thing. We have rules. Things that stop us from getting caught by the authorities. The biggest rule is that we don’t leave anyone alive. The night we take them, we kill them. We don’t leave them alive, even bleeding out, because when people are desperate, they will do anything to escape.”

“Okay.”

“The second rule is, we don’t make things messier than we need to—the bleach, the amount of blood…”

“Okay.”

“The final rule is we never leave each other alone in a room with them. You asking us to leave was a big no. One of us will always be there with you.”

“Fine, are we done?”

I sigh, “Yeah, we’re done. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Actually…I want to sleep alone tonight…”

“You haven’t done that in days.” I sound hurt—I know it. Maybe she is turning me into a little bitch.

“I know, I just need space to process everything from today.”

“Oh, okay.” Great, yup, I really do sound like a little bitch.

“I want us to get tested tomorrow and then after we get the results, we can figure out us, but we can’t let that happen again before we do.” She’s just told me she’s not going to sleep with me until we get the results.

“Okay, you’re right. We need to be smart.”

“Goodnight, Asher.”

“Goodnight, Harper.” I lean in to kiss her on the cheek, but she turns away, walking up the stairs alone to her room. She’s shutting me out and I don’t know if I can stop her from doing so. Every time we take a step forward, we go two steps back, and this time it’s her pulling back.