8 Resurfaced Dreams and Frozen Smiles

Resurfaced Dreams and Frozen Smiles

Savannah,

As I sit here writing in this journal, I am watching you outside in our yard. You are sitting under the apple tree and reading. Ida is practicing her dancing to the side of you. And I am smiling so wide just watching my two best friends. One loud, one quiet, but both perfect in my eyes.

When I am gone, I will keep this memory playing on a loop inside my head. And when I look down and glance down upon you, I will still cherish the bond we all share.

I want you to cherish one another for the rest of your lives. Never lose that bond that we held so tightly in life. And when you hold one another, know that my spirit will be holding you both too. I will always be beside you. Whatever journey your life takes you on, have courage and confidence, as I will always be there beside you. You will never be alone again. Just like I have never been alone in this life. How could I be with you in my life and heart?

Say yes to new adventures, Savannah. They may just lead you to happiness.

Always Forever,

Poppy

Savannah

Oslo, Norway

ME:

Can you guess where I am?

I took a picture of the view before me and pressed send. It was only seconds later when a message came back.

RUNE:

I recognize that place.

Then he added: How is it going?

I watched the people milling about below in the square, a large ice rink taking up most of my view. There were already people skating. It was beautiful here. We had only landed in Oslo last night, but I was already in love with the place. I could imagine the Kristiansens living here. At that thought, a wave of sadness crashed over me.

ME:

She would have loved to see this. Your home country. It's so beautiful.

Poppy often talked of visiting Oslo with Rune … but life had other plans for her before she could.

It took a few minutes for Rune to reply. I wondered if he was busy or whether my words had made him sad.

RUNE:

She would have.

Three dots appeared underneath, and he added: I believe she's with you now. I blinked away the sheen of tears that built in my eyes.

ME:

I'd like to believe that too.

Those three dots appeared again, then: Your sister will never leave you. And she would be so proud of you.

My chest tightened, and I stared back down at the busy square, the smell of the food trucks drifting up to the hotel's window I was sitting at. Rune was right. Poppy would be proud of me. She always was. Any little achievement I made in school, she acted like I'd just changed the world. In sixth grade, when I won the science fair, Poppy celebrated like I'd won the Nobel Peace Prize.

ME:

I know

I didn't have any other words to say.

RUNE:

You can do this, Sav. I believe in you too.

I smiled as Rune sent that final message. Since Poppy died, Rune had grown even closer to my family. He had become the big brother to me and Ida that he was always destined to be. It would always be unfair that he had lost his soulmate. She was so young … they hadn't even been given a real chance to make it.

I felt the rumblings of despair stir within me. It only lessened when a knock sounded on the door. I opened it to find Jade and Lili on the other side. "Come on," Lili said, taking my hand. Jade grabbed my coat off the coat stand in my room. "You're coming skating with us."

"Oh, I can't skate …" I tried to say, but as they tugged me down the hall and down the three flights of stairs to the chilly square, I understood they weren't giving me a choice. It felt familiar, three girls running through the city to have fun. I'd spoken to Mama, Daddy and Ida this morning too. I missed them more than breathing. But I was okay. I was pushing through.

Jade led us to the skate-rental cabin. As Jade and Lili handed in their shoes in exchange for their skates, I said, "I have never been skating before." They looked at me like I'd grown an extra head. My face flamed under their disbelieving scrutiny.

"We'll help you," Lili said and gestured to my boots. "Hand them in and get some skates."

I did as she said, feeling nerves accost me. I sat on the bench and laced the skates on my feet. I tried to stand, and almost fell to the ground. "Woah!" Jade said and linked my arm. "Let's take this slow."

Lili linked my other arm and we headed for the ice. The cold breeze from the ice kissed my face, causing chills to race down my body. It smelled fresh, and clean … it smelled like Cael.

I roved my gaze over the rink, wondering where he was. I hadn't seen him yet today. Hadn't seen Dylan or Travis either. Maybe they were all together. Lately, he'd been a little better at mixing with the rest of us. And he didn't seem so shut down. I hoped that remained that way. I … the way I was feeling toward Cael was … all-encompassing. He gave me butterflies, and my heart thundered in my chest when he was near, when he held my hand or clutched my finger with his. But it was hard to be around someone who was so consumed by anger, hard to truly let them in.

But since the night in the jetty, he seemed a little softer. I believed that was because he'd spoken of his brother's death, said aloud what had happened.

He had freed the words that had been so hard for him to say, that had festered inside of him until they had turned blood into fire.

I hoped more than anything that speaking to me had set him on the right path.

"One step forward," Lili said, taking me from my thoughts, and I placed my blade on the ice. I immediately slipped and released my hold on Jade and Lili to grip the boards on the side of the rink. I expelled a nervous laugh. Lili and Jade stood before me. "You go. I think I need to stay here for a while," I said. Lili opened her mouth to protest, but I nodded. "Honestly. I just need to get my bearings."

"You sure?" Jade asked.

"I'm sure," I said and watched them skate off. They were a little wobbly at first, but within minutes they were circling the rink, waving to me as they passed. I inhaled the frigid air, that fresh scent wrapping around me again. A hand landed on my shoulder, and then Dylan and Travis were pushing onto the ice in front of me.

Dylan held out his hand. "Let's go, Sav." Travis slipped and grabbed on to Dylan, bringing them both crashing to the ground. The sound of their loud laughter, so free and easy, made me smile. After what Dylan had told me about his best friend, after the horror that Travis had revealed to us last night … their unburdened laughter sounded like the bells of heaven.

"I think I'll just leave you to it," I said and shuffled my way back onto dry land, far away from the chance of falling over too.

"Sav!" Dylan said in complaint. "Fine!" he added, then pointed at me as he scrambled to his feet. "But you're getting a hot cocoa with me after this."

"Deal," I said, then scooted to the bench and quickly untied my skates, and in less than a minute I had my boots on my feet and a lot less fear in my heart.

I stood at the boards and watched my new friends circling the rink, holding hands and having some much-needed fun. It was such a beautiful sight to see. If they were anything like me, it had probably been quite some time since they'd let themselves experience true joy like this.

I huffed a silent laugh as Travis pushed by Dylan, almost knocking him off his feet again, when something drew me to look to my left. The square was busy, the rink becoming close to full, but through the crowd of people, I spotted a familiar black beanie and coat. Cael was staring at the rink, a gutting expression on his handsome face.

Any happiness I had found watching my friends disappeared at the look of absolute sadness on Cael's face. He stood back away from the boards, hands in his pockets.

I blew on my hands to ward off the cold and walked to where he stood. I approached slowly so he could see me coming. When he did, his spine straightened.

"Hi," I said and stood beside him. Cael's eyes were fixed back on the ice rink.

He wanted to be on there.

I recalled what Dylan had told me. Cael was a hockey player. Was immensely talented, from what he'd divulged. But he no longer played. The way he was watching the skaters, I believed that in his heart, he still wished he did.

"You don't want to skate?" I said, testing the waters. Cael's gaze hardened, and he shook his head. A firm, unyielding no.

I huffed a laugh as Lili and Jade began to race Travis and Dylan. I wondered if those who opened up at last night's campfire felt any lighter today. Their reason for being here had been shared. They had been so brave. I wondered if it felt liberating to just place your pain in the hands of people who supported you. To pass it over to others in bite-size chunks so that your burden was lessened, and life would seem just that little bit less unkind.

"I don't know how people do it," I pushed myself to say. I didn't want Cael feeling so low. Wanted to try to make it better. "I couldn't even move my feet without slipping."

I didn't expect a response, so surprise made me turn my head to Cael when he said, "It just takes practice." He met my gaze. "I … I …" he trailed off, fighting back whatever was trying to stop him talking, and said, "I saw you." He inhaled a long, strength-giving breath. "I wanted to come and help you, but …" His words became trapped in his throat and his pallor turned ashen.

What was this moment costing him emotionally? It seemed to cost him everything to be staring at this rink, to be speaking these words.

I placed my hand on his arm. "It's okay," I said and moved before him, blocking the view that was causing him so much strife. "Do you want to grab some food?" I pointed to a cluster of food cabins nearby. He nodded and tore his eyes from the ice. It appeared as though the rink was a magnet to him, drawing him close. But he was resisting the pull. And it was hurting him to do so.

The urge to make him feel better was so strong within me that I pushed my arm through his. I was never this forward. I had never had a boyfriend in my life. I was socially awkward and had no clue how to make anyone but my family feel better when they were hurting. But I felt the same need within me to take care of Cael as I did for Ida. Like I had done for Poppy too.

I wasn't sure why. But it was an urge I couldn't ignore.

We decided on the cabin filled with sweet treats. We ordered a bunch of items—butter cookies, almond cookies, and cinnamon-type buns, all things traditionally from Norway. I handed a cookie to Cael. His troubled eyes softened when he took a bite. Color seeped back into his cheeks, and he next reached for a cinnamon bun with a hint of humor on his face. Knowing I'd made him feel just a fraction better was as heady as if I'd truly achieved something remarkable.

We had barely made it a couple of treats in, when Jade, Lili, Travis, and Dylan came running over. Dylan threw his arm over my shoulder. "Hot cocoa?" he asked.

I raised one eyebrow to Cael in question. "Let's go," he said and walked with us to the next food cabin. It felt like Christmas again here in this Norwegian square. Like a stolen scene from a movie, a slice of magic on a crisp winter's day.

It was perfect.

We all went back to our respective rooms after a couple of hours exploring the square, full and sleepy. We were only in Oslo for a single night. Norway was going to be different from the Lake District. We weren't staying in a single place. Instead, we were moving north. We didn't know what we were doing or what we were going to see, but I already liked it here. It felt different from what I was used to. That could only be a good thing these days.

In my own room for the night, I sat in the window seat and watched the square begin to quieten. Opening the notebook in my lap—the one from Poppy—I decided it was time to read another page. It only felt right to hear from my sister in the home country of the love of her life.

Savannah,

Just seeing my name in her script swelled my heart so big I thought it might burst from my chest.

I've been thinking of how to help you.

I smiled, imagining her with the end of the pen in her mouth, lost in thought.

It made me reflect on what has helped me through these past couple of years. Right up to now, when I have mere weeks left to live.

That line was a punch in my stomach. I hated thinking of Poppy in those final weeks. When she was weak and unable to walk without help. But she'd found strength to write to me. That's how much she loved me. My breathing shuddered when I took a long inhale.

Friends. People. Family. Without you and Ida. Without Mama and Daddy, the Kristiansens, Aunt DeeDee and Jorie, I wouldn't have been able to keep strong. Without the love from my Rune, I wouldn't be able to face my fate with dignity and graciousness.

With the understanding that it's my time to go home.

So that is my task to you, Savannah. To allow people in. To allow your beautifully pure heart to be seen by others outside of our family. I know you find it hard to open up. I know you find being in large crowds of people uncomfortable. But we need love, Savannah. When we are hurting and the world feels like it is caving in on us, we need people around us to hold us up.

Love, Savannah. I have realized that my biggest wish for you is love. In whatever shape that might come in. But having you all around me right now, when my days are numbered and my last breath grows near, your love gives me strength to face it. Lets me know I'm not alone.

Death is easier to face with company.

When I'm gone, I don't want you to feel alone either. You will need people to help carry you through. And if I had one dream for you, Savannah, it would be for you to find your Rune.

My stomach somersaulted in fear. Finding a love like Poppy and Rune's terrified me. Not because it wasn't welcome. But what would happen to me if I loved so hard, found my other half, my twin flame, only to have them leave in the same way Rune lost Poppy? Watching them fade, day by day, knowing that soon, their light would be snuffed out from your heart, never to be lit again.

I wouldn't be able to survive.

I choked on a watery sob when I read I know that thought will terrify you. As you read this, you will know what my passing has done to Rune. A tear fell from my eyes when I saw the ink penning Rune's name was smudged. And that just ripped me wide open. Because as strong as Poppy was, that thought of leaving Rune must have made her cry. Rune was her reason for lasting as long as she had. She had fought harder for more days to spend in her soulmate's arms.

I pray that he can find peace. That he can find happiness after I'm gone. That he can find meaning in my loss. And I hope that for you too, Savannah. That you don't let my death consume you. Keep your heart open and let love in when it should present itself. Because you are so lovable, my beautiful sister. I should know, because I love you so impossibly hard.

We are nothing without love. So please … just … let it in.

I adore you,

Poppy

Silent tears fell onto my chest as I shut the notebook. I closed my eyes and thought of Rune. In the aftermath of Poppy's death, he was completely broken. But gradually, day by day, he'd begun to find his way back to life again. Find meaning in why he was left behind.

Poppy had taught him that. To view the world as one big adventure. She was fearless, and embraced life with her arms wide open. Rune had honored that by taking picture after picture of the world's wonders in tribute to the girl who'd left him too soon.

My arms stayed trapped around my waist. And I realized now that that did not serve me at all. I hadn't even tried to live. I'd just allowed myself to be taken down into a back void of sadness and stripped of all hope. What would happen if I just tried to embrace life? Just for a while?

What if I allowed in love?

I opened my eyes and saw the twinkling, colored string lights that adorned the square shimmer in my periphery. I tipped my forehead to the windowpane, then looked down … Suddenly, I sat up straighter and held my breath when I saw a solitary figure walking up to the now-empty ice rink, a few scattered streetlights the only source of light.

But it was enough for me to see everything .

To see Cael stop at the entrance of the rink, his boots a centimeter from the edge of ice. Every inch of his body was taut, and his hands fisted at his side. Breath held, I watched, enraptured as he knelt down and removed his gloves. Tucking them in his pocket, he warred with himself for minutes and minutes, before placing his hands palms down on the ice.

And then he stayed that way. Stayed that way so long that my mind wandered, and I heard Poppy's voice in my head whisper, "Keep your heart open and let love in when it should present itself …"

This boy … this boy had captured something inside of me. And seeing him right now, alone at the rink that was once his place of solace, was my undoing.

Letting my heart lead me, I jumped off the window seat. I ignored the curfew set by Mia and Leo, took hold of my coat, and fled from the room. I let my courage steer me out of the hotel doors, unseen by Leo and Mia and out onto the sleepy square. Only a few people milled around at this late hour. But I didn't pay them any mind. Instead, I made my way to the boy on his knees, broken and alone, and joined him on the ground.

His head whipped to the side when I knelt beside him. Tears washed his face with pent-up pain, and, without thought, and needing to embrace the person I had opened my heart to, I wrapped my arms around him. At first, he stilled, and I worried he was mad at me for approaching him. That maybe I'd been too presumptuous and that he didn't want company in this heart-aching moment.

But I sighed in relief when Cael quickly gave in and wrapped his arms around me too … and held on like he would never let go.

His shuddering sobs were like bullets to my soul, each one penetrating farther and farther, until he had shredded me where we sat. "Sav," he murmured against the side of my neck. His tears fled down the skin of my collarbone and underneath my coat. Tears I knew he had kept trapped for too many months to count, eating away at him, day by day.

His hands were freezing from where he had been touching the ice. But I embraced the cold. If it helped Cael in this moment, helped him release himself from the heavy shackles of grief, I would plunge myself into the arctic sea just to help him heal.

I ran my hands through his hair, taking his beanie off and placing it on the ground beside us. I didn't say anything. There were no words of comfort that would help right now. Silence was soothing. And I knew what this emotional exorcism felt like. It was a torrent, a flash flood of grief so strong it destroyed anything in its path.

Cael's fingers raked at my back, like he was trying to find a way to be closer. He was raw and vulnerable, flayed open and emotionally exposed. Cael never mentioned any friends or family from home. At least I had Ida and my parents. I had Aunt DeeDee and Rune.

Who did he have to fall on in times of need? Had he pushed them away like he'd tried to keep us all at a distance?

I ran my hands soothingly through his messy waves; he continued breaking apart. He broke and broke, his salty tears endless. It felt like we were completely alone as we stayed kneeling on the cold ground, Norway continuing to exist around us.

Several minutes passed, and Cael's body began to calm. My sweatshirt and coat were drenched from his tears, but those tears seemed to be slowing too. Still, I held him. I held him until those tears had run dry and his erratic breathing had shifted to labored, heavy breaths.

The aftermath of an emotional purge.

"Sav …" he whispered, voice hoarse and deep from exertion.

"I'm here," I said and found the nerves to add, "for you." I swallowed and made myself repeat, "I'm here for you."

Cael's hands gripped tighter onto my coat, and then he slowly reared his head back. His face was red and blotched; his eyes were haunted. But, to me, he'd never looked more beautiful. Cael withdrew a hand from where it had been wrapped in my coat and stared down at his palm. It was still chill-burned from where it had been pressed against the ice.

He looked out at the ice that was spread out before us. The string lights above made the rink glisten like it was made of a million opal jewels. I wondered what Cael saw when he looked at it. Whether it looked like heaven or hell, or somewhere in between.

A stray tear escaped the corner of his eye. I instinctively reached out and brushed it from his cheek. I stilled when he turned his head, worried I had gone too far. But then Cael wrapped his hand in mine and brought my hand to his lips. He brushed a chaste kiss on the back of my hand and my heart thudded to a sudden stop.

He moved my hand north and pressed it against his cheek, skin cold and damp. And he left it there, as though the warmth from my hand was transferring much-needed heat to his frostbitten bones.

"I'm a hockey player," he said, his whispered words as loud as a scream in the quiet, sleeping square.

I squeezed his hand in my own. A small smile broke through his desolate expression. He turned to me, eyes like blue-tinged molten iron ore as he said, "You do that when I'm breaking." I held my breath, unsure if that was a good thing or not. He exhaled through his nose and squeezed my hand right back. Two firm squeezes. "It keeps me anchored," he admitted, and, although it was night, my chest filled with sunlight. "How do you know when I need it?" He searched my face, looking for an answer.

"Because I recognize the signs." The pulse in my neck fluttered as I said, "Because I often break too."

Cael wrapped his hand tighter in mine, and he stared out at the rink—I simply stared at him. This boy had me completely enamored. "I'm a hockey player," he said again, but this time with more conviction. His voice cracked when he said, "But I can't play anymore."

"Why?"

Cael's shoulders dropped. "Because it was our thing." Of course, I knew he meant Cillian. He seemed to think as much of Cillian as I thought of Poppy. But there was a distinct difference. His pain was much different from my own.

He'd had no closure when Cillian died.

"I was good, Peaches," he said, and I melted at the use of that nickname falling so affectionately from his lips, especially at such a troubled moment. He reached out and ran the fingertip on his free hand over the edge of the ice rink. "I was really good."

Cael shifted off his knees to sit on the ground. I followed suit. "Hockey isn't just something I played. It's who I am— was ," he corrected and shook his head. "I'm so confused." His throat was thick as he pushed those words out. I squeezed his hand twice, and he gave me an echo of a thankful smile. Then he gave me two right back, and my heart raced. "I played at first because Cill …" He shifted where he sat, the topic clearly uncomfortable. "Cill played, and I just wanted to do whatever he did."

"But you loved it," I said, not a question. I could hear the joyful inflection hockey inspired in his voice.

"I love it." The use of the present tense wasn't lost on me.

"I lost them both that night," Cael said, and broke my heart again at the gutting agony lacing his voice. "I lost Cill and could never face the ice again either." He paused, and a wistful expression settled on his face. "We were so tied up together that I don't know how to exist alone. Brothers, hockey players, each other's biggest supporters. I attended his games, he attended mine. We trained at the same facility. We practiced on the frozen pond at our house all winter long and mourned it when summer rolled around. We lived for the cold. Hockey was Cill, and I am hockey. Cill was me and I was him and now it's all blown to hell."

"Cael—"

"We were meant to play together in college." He looked at me from the corner of his eye. "Harvard." Chills whispering words like "destiny" danced up my spine. I knew this, of course. But I was proud of him for opening up and telling me. I squeezed his hand. "He was in his junior year when he …" Cael couldn't finish that sentence. His head lowered. "I got in. Was meant to go this past fall. But I couldn't do it with him gone. We never got to play together for the Crimson. And now we never will." I laid my head on his shoulder in support. "I'm so fucking lost." I hugged his arm, when he asked, "What about you, Sav? Why can't you move on?"

Blood drained from my face. I didn't want to speak about Poppy, about myself. But Cael had been so open with me, and I wanted to give him something back. He clearly needed it.

"I don't know how to live without her either," I said. "Poppy died, and I became trapped in that moment, suspended in some freeze-frame I can't break free from." Cael's head dropped to lay on mine. "She died peacefully," I said, trying to chase that day from my head, but after speaking to Cael, I realized that Poppy had died in the most beautiful way. "She passed the way she wanted to go. But … I honestly don't know, Cael. I've just struggled to move on." I released a self-deprecating laugh. "If you haven't noticed, I'm a little bit … reserved." Cael huffed out a single laugh too, and for a minute I thought he might crack a joke. I wondered if he'd been humorous, before …

The sound of his laugh made my heart swell. "I suppose I internalize a lot. My therapist back home has tried everything to help me. This is my last-ditch effort to try to grab hold of some semblance of life after loss." I laughed again, but this one was filled with sadness; it was weak, and it made me feel silly.

"She died almost four years ago, yet here I am, suspended in time and barely living a life." I looked at a pebble on the ground just to focus on anything while I said, "I should have been able to cope by now. I know people think I should be able to move on already."

"I don't think grief works like that." I turned to face Cael, unsure what he meant. "I don't think grief sticks to any timeline, Sav." He searched my eyes, and I became lost in their depths. "If someone judges you for how long it's taking you to move past a loved one's death, be happy for them, because it means they've never experienced it."

My throat clogged with emotion. "Thank you," I said, feeling so completely understood. Just from that one sentence.

Cael shook his head. "Sometimes I wish I could rip out my heart and the part of my brain that keeps memories and just throw them away. If only for a little bit. Just to remember what fun felt like, what life was like when I was carefree. I just don't want to wake up every morning with this pit in my stomach anymore, with such boiling anger in my veins that it burns me up inside." Cael sighed, deeply, exhaustingly. "This isn't who I am, Sav. But I've forgotten how to be anything else. I wish I could just be something more than someone ruined by grief. Just for a while." He took the sentiment straight from my heart. Because I wished for that too. Often. Not to forget Poppy, but to just be done with the pain of her absence. A short reprieve.

I tracked my gaze over Cael's handsome face and tall frame. I wanted that for us both . A taste of freedom from grief. A reprieve to just be . I sat up straighter and said, "Then why don't we?"

Cael looked at me like I was crazy. It made me laugh. His eyes softened as that foreign sound drifted into the air above us. "I love it when you laugh." Butterflies swarmed my body, a veritable invasion.

"I mean it," I said and held Cael's hand tighter. "What if, for the time we are here in Norway, we just push our grief aside and try to find joy?"

"I don't think it's that simple," he said, but I heard the curious note in his voice. The silent hope that it could be done.

"Let's try anyway. Together," I said and felt overcome with emotion. The rink went blurry in front of me. "Just for a while, let's just pretend."

"Pretend what?" Cael asked softly.

"That we're just two normal teenagers on a trip away from home. Exploring Norway for no other reason than we can ."

Cael stared at me for so long I became self-conscious. I was being stupid. I felt stupid. My face blazed with embarrassment. What I suggested was impossible. "It doesn't matter," I said. "I don't know what I was thinking—"

"I'm in," he said, interrupting me. My eyes widened. "I want to try," he said, squeezing my hand and making me smile so big that it made my cheeks ache. Cael ran a finger over my cheek. "You have dimples, Peaches."

"All of us Litchfield sisters do," I said, meaning Ida, Poppy, and me. I froze when I realized I'd mentioned Poppy in the present tense. But if Cael had heard it, he didn't correct me.

I ducked my head, cheeks heating, but Cael placed his free hand's finger under my chin, like he had done that day at the Lakes, and tilted my head up until I gave him my full attention. For a second, I imagined what it would be like if he kissed me. If he just leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.

"It's a pact," he said and squeezed my hand twice, pulling me from my daydream. "And if we feel the other person slipping into grief, we use our secret signal to pull them back." He squeezed my hand twice again to demonstrate. "Deal?" he said, and I nodded my head in agreement.

"Deal."

I was sure what we had planned was unhealthy, that Mia and Leo wouldn't approve. I was sure pushing aside our grief was like living in a fantasy world, reality always hovering close enough to drag us back. But I was happy to do that.

Just to help us breathe .

"Cael? Savannah?" We turned to look behind us at the sound of our names. Mia was a few feet away, arms crossed in admonishment, but also wearing a look of concern on her face. "Are you okay? It's past curfew. You're meant to be in your rooms."

I panicked at being caught. In life, I never did anything against the rules. Always walked the line. Guilt instantly assuaged me. But then Cael squeezed my hand twice and I remembered why I had. Cael had needed me. I couldn't feel guilty about helping him in his time of need.

"We're sorry," I said. And I was. But I didn't regret it. Mia ran her eyes over us, double-checking we were well, and it wasn't lost on me that she noticed our joined hands.

Neither of us made a move to let go. I wasn't sure what she or Leo would think of that.

"Then let's get back inside. We leave early in the morning." We walked back to Mia, hand in hand, only releasing each other when we went to our bedrooms. Cael looked at me over his shoulder as he opened his door down the hallway and smiled.

As I tucked myself in bed and turned off the lamp, for the first time in the longest time, I looked forward to tomorrow. It was the first time in four years I had felt anything close to it.

And two simple hand squeezes had made that so.