Chapter 7

Good Food and Bad Hearts…

NOW

(Leith)

I stood at the classroom door with my fist out. Nobody was allowed to leave without hitting my fist and saying something good. Whether it was about themselves or the day or what they wanted to do that night, I wanted these kids to head home with a smile on their face.

Of course, more than half the class chose to use my night of no homework as the good thing. Which was fine by me.

It was Thursday anyway.

Homework on Thursday was lame.

I kept them busy enough Monday through Wednesday that on Thursday it was a teaching day and Friday was a little bit of a review kind of day. Sometimes I'd give them a little fun project to do over the weekend, but not often, because believe it or not I'd get hell from the parents. Not directly though. They'd go through Charlie to come to me.

I towered over the kids and smiled as they all left.

Frankie was the last one as always. The kid was a mess. Book bag always unzipped. Always forgetting something on his desk. His mother was forever back at the school hunting down his jacket, lunchbox, sometimes even his glasses. Which I never understood. If you couldn't see, how the hell could you not remember you wore glasses?

I stopped trying to understand the third grader mind a long time ago.

They were awesome.

I ruffled Frankie's already sloppy hair. "What did you forget today?"

"Nothing," he said as he looked up, his eyes wide through the lenses of his glasses.

"Lunchbox?" I asked.

"In my bag."

"Your book for reading?"

"Also in my bag."

"Your brain?"

"I can't see my brain so I don't know."

I laughed. "Good point. Have a great night."

"Thanks, Mr. Keith," he said.

I shook my head.

Frankie couldn't grasp the idea that my name was Leith. So when he called me Mr. Keith I just let it slide. He wasn't the first to do it and he wouldn't be the last.

I had my stuff already packed up and I was as eager as the kids to get the hell out of there.

There were two texts from Amy waiting for me on my phone.

I know you're at work but big news!

That was followed a couple minutes later of Amy holding up a coffee cup blocking her face but not her eyes. She was good at taking pictures with her phone, that was for sure. And the way the light hit her blue eyes, it was almost breathtaking.

What a feeling that was though.

To have my heart race a little and get a little bit of a butterfly feeling in my stomach when I saw her eyes.

But it wasn't like it used to be.

And I wasn't sure what that meant.

If we were just going through a rough patch or something more.

The one thing though… I wasn't sure if this was one sided or two sided.

I had no idea what she was thinking or feeling.

Amy wasn't exactly a feelings person. She was more of a hold, build, and explode kind of person.

So was I.

Which meant when things blew up between us, it wasn't pretty.

With her gone now for ten days, I thought I would miss her more than I did.

I missed the company. I missed the morning coffee. The deep talks about life and teaching and all that. I missed writing little stories on napkins and having her laugh at them. That I missed.

But in another sense, I was used to being alone.

I didn't mind it.

Every picture Amy sent, she was happy. Every time I heard her voice, she was happy.

Then again, she was already in the mindset that the city was her home.

And why not?

She was out there to get a job.

Hell, she probably had a job. That was probably the big news text.

And she thought I was coming right behind her. Going to pack up my stuff and chase after her. Which she would have liked. She had always hinted at that. The dream of a man chasing her down, no matter where she went. It was some kind of cute thing to hear her talk about. And I would grab her hand, kiss it and tell her I would chase her around, only if she was wearing that blue dress I loved her in. Because when I'd catch up to her I'd slowly take it off her…

I sat down at my desk, chasing away thoughts that didn't seem fitting for a third grade classroom.

Yet when I blinked I saw Amy in that dress.

Because that same night, as I was sitting at the dining room table, jotting down some ideas for fun and sipping a little whiskey out of a glass, Amy appeared in that blue dress. Nothing but that dress. Nothing. She playfully whispered come get me and I did. I chased her through the living room and made a daring jump over the couch and blocked her way. She put her hands up and said she was busted. Then she turned around and lifted her hair, exposing her neck, showing me the little zipper that would become my best friend for about ten seconds.

The dressed ended up on the couch and we ended up on the floor.

And we slept there.

Right through our alarm the next morning.

We were both late for work.

We got in trouble.

And we flirted in texts all day over it.

I sighed and rubbed my jaw.

That was a while ago though.

More than a year ago.

It was almost like a different time and life.

My thumbs hit the screen of my phone.

Heading home. Call you then.

She replied with a heart emoji.

That's where we were.

Both of us.

I couldn't remember the last time we said ‘I love you' to each other.

I grabbed the orange juice when I really wanted a beer.

I drank it.

It was bitter.

But cool for vitamin c…

I laughed.

This is what it had become to avoid conversation with Amy.

Which wasn't right.

Goddammit, it wasn't right at all.

I put the empty glass into the sink and called Amy.

She didn't answer.

There was a sad sense of relief that washed over me.

But a second later, my phone rang.

I shut my eyes.

She didn't want to just talk. She wanted to see me.

I sat at the table and pressed the button.

Amy's bright and beautiful face filled the screen of my phone.

She opened her mouth wide in a silent scream as her way of always saying hello.

Her crystal blue eyes shined.

She made me smile. I could never take that from her.

"Hey!" she yelled.

"Hey there," I said.

Hey there… fuck me.

"How's your day?"

"Wonderful," I said. "Another perfect day of mushing up young minds."

"Stop," Amy said as she giggled. "You love it."

"Yeah, I do. How's your day?"

"Oh, Leith, it's been amazing. I had two interviews."

"Wow."

"And they both went great."

"That's good," I said.

"They both want me. I have to make a decision. I guess soon. This is… I get to be there for all these kids now, Leith. Not just in a classroom, you know? Like…"

Amy let out a yell.

I cringed.

She laughed hard.

I smiled.

"I'm proud of you," I said. "I mean that. I know… I mean… with you not here…"

"Do you miss me?" she asked.

"Of course I do," I said.

"No, you don't," she said. "You're out there living the single life."

"Single life? Isn't that what you're doing?"

Amy's eyebrows hooked down. "Excuse me?"

"What?"

"I'm messing around, Leith."

"So am I."

"Are you?"

"What?"

Amy started walking. She stared forward and I was looking at her chin.

"You know why I'm out here," she said.

"I didn't say anything about it."

"Your tone though. You're pissed that I'm out here."

"Amy, I never said that."

"You could be out here too. You should be."

"I should be?"

"Yeah. You're supposed to be by my side. That's how this works."

"How what works?" I asked.

Don't do this, Leith. Don't do this… not like this…

"Nothing."

Amy turned her head.

"Is this really happening over a comment?" I asked.

"You made the comment, Leith."

"You made the comment," I said. "Saying something about me being single."

"Well…"

"Well, what?"

"I don't know, Leith." She sighed. "I just… I walked out of that building and… I was alone. I wanted you there. Leaning against the light post. With two coffees. A cocky look on your face. Being there for me."

I swallowed hard and looked away from the phone.

It pissed me off. Yet it was her feelings. She was entitled to feel that way.

I just wanted a person to be there like that for her.

"You haven't even talked about coming out here," she said. "You haven't said one word. I mean, what's your plan? You have no job after this year, Leith."

Yes I do. I didn't quit. Why would I fucking quit my job?

"Amy, you said you had big news," I said. "I didn't call you for this."

"So just hold it in, right?"

"Come on. You're one to talk."

"I'm talking right now," she growled.

"Okay. Then let's talk. You've been gone for ten days. And how many days before that? Huh? You got this idea for New York and you took off. You quit and you took off. And good for you, Amy. You worked. You saved. I've got your back right now here at home. I'm covering the bills. You're out there doing your thing. And you're picking a fight with me?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "Christ. Okay? I mean, I get to call you and see your face but I can't touch you. This is such a big decision."

"And you have time to make it. What makes you happy?"

Amy looked at me. Through the phone, I felt her eyes burning.

"What makes you happy?" she asked right back.

That was the moment she wanted me to say ‘You make me happy, Amy…'

But I didn't say that to her.

I was just silent.

Jaw clenched, shut tight.

Amy exhaled. "This is too much for me."

"What is?"

"You're waiting for me to come home. And I'm waiting for you to come out here. And we're both not going to budge."

"So what do we do?" I asked. "I did not expect this."

"The truth?"

"The truth…" I laughed and shook my head.

"Glad this is funny to you," Amy said.

The screen went black.

I laughed even harder.

She fucking hung up on me.

I sat there and bounced my phone off my hand.

The right thing would be to call her back. Apologize to her. For whatever I apparently did wrong.

But I just sat there.

I looked around the house.

My mind wanted to pick it all out. Everything about the house that she touched. All her ideas. The colors of the walls. The couch. The dining room table.

I shut my eyes.

That wouldn't be fair.

It was my house, but Amy lived with me. She gave up her apartment to move in with me. It could have been the other way around. I couldn't paint it as though this wasn't her house.

My phone started to ring.

Just a regular phone call this time.

"Amy…"

"This is not the day I wanted," she said. "This is where you're supposed to ask me about the pros and cons of the two schools. You're supposed to ask me about the food. Remember? It always comes down to the food."

I swallowed a lump of guilt that was like broken glass.

How could you forget, you asshole? You have a fucking inside joke with Amy about it. About taking less money at a school if they have a better cafeteria.

"Amy…"

"You just don't care, Leith. I get it. This isn't your home here. You've never even been here before."

"And that's a shot against me?"

"I didn't say that."

"You're implying it," I said. "This isn't easy for me. I feel like I'm losing you."

"How?"

"You're not here," I said. My teeth gritted. "You're not here. And if you do come back, it'll be my fault."

"Why would I come back?"

"Exactly."

"What are you saying, Leith?"

"I think we both have some big decisions to make."

Amy gasped. "Leith…"

"I'm sorry."

"For what? For telling the truth?"

"I meant to say… nothing."

"Nothing. That's what we've become, huh? I can't believe I called you to tell you good news and this happened."

"This always happens, Amy. We hold it in. We blow up. We move on."

"Except I'm not there this time."

"And I'm not sure you're ever going to come back."

Amy blinked fast. She looked around. "Everything in right in front of me. And I felt so full of life."

"Felt?" I asked.

"Yeah. Felt. Because every time I go to send you a text or a picture or call you…"

"You don't feel full of life anymore," I said.

"I don't know what I feel right now, Leith. Okay?"

"Okay," I said. "I am proud of you, Amy. For going out there. For killing those interviews. I never doubted that for a second."

"You just doubted us," she said.

"And you didn't?"

"I better go. Before this conversation turns any worse."

"Yeah," I said. "Right."

The conversation fell quiet. So quiet that I heard her walking. I heard the background noise of the city.

As she closed back in on her group of friends, they all started to cheer for her. Their high pitched screams and yells boomed through the phone.

"You're staying forever!" someone yelled.

"City girl!" another shouted.

"Go have fun," I said. "I…"

"I'll talk to you later," she said and ended the call.

We just avoided telling each we loved each other.

We all but called it quits for good.

At least I had one thing going for me.

It was Thursday.

My night to sneak out and forget about the world.

I wasn't sure anything could top last Thursday.

Because of Beth.

But… it was worth a shot.