Chapter 33

For the Love of Bacon and Slow Dances…

NOW

(Beth)

Leith grazed his fingertips against my neck and my shoulders shivered. I shut my eyes and sucked in a breath.

He kissed the back of my neck. "You look so fucking beautiful right now. I'm about ready to skip this wedding and just throw you to the bed."

I laughed. "I can feel that."

I thrust my ass back at him, feeling how serious he was.

He put his chin to my shoulder and looked at our reflection in the mirror.

I was suddenly taken back to the day of my father's funeral. The way it all sank into me. The sadness of losing him and the sadness of Leith not being the one there for me. And even when Joel took my pain to the bed, what was the first thing I did? I sent Leith a text.

"What's wrong?" he whispered into my ear.

"Nothing."

"You're not good at hiding it, angel. Your face…"

I put my left hand to his face. "Then stop looking at me."

Leith spun me around and his hands cupped over my dress and under my ass. He wasn't wearing a shirt. Just black dress pants. Which was so unfair to see him in. I hated how guys could just throw anything together and look good. As I stood in front of the mirror, rubbing my hands along the dress a hundred times as though it was going to somehow erase curves that stuck out to me like a sore thumb.

Yet those same curves seemed to be so subtle to Leith, even though his hands were like magnets for them.

"What's the deal?" he asked me.

"Nothing."

"I'm not going to play this game today."

I swallowed hard. "I just… is this going to be weird?"

"Weird? What's weird?"

"The wedding."

"Why? Are you secretly in love with the bride? Because I might be okay with that. Only if I could watch…"

I smacked his bare chest. It made a loud slap sound that of course instantly turned me on.

"So gross," I said.

"Beth," he said, putting his forehead to mine.

"Leith," I whispered.

"What is it? What about the wedding? You didn't bang the groom or something, did you?"

"What is it with you and sex right now?" I asked.

Leith locked his elbows and put his arm's length distance between us. "It's the dress, angel. I'm dying over here. I can't function right now. This fucking dress…"

"Stop it," I said, feeling my face becoming hot.

It was rare for me to blush. There was only one person who could ever make it happen.

"What?" he asked. "You know, we never got to go to any of the cliché dances. So I've never seen you in a dress before. At least like this."

"You were at my father's funeral."

"That dress was meant for someone else though."

For some reason that felt like a jab to the gut.

"I have to use the bathroom," I said and started to run.

Leith came right after me, getting his hand on the door before I could slam it and lock myself in the bathroom.

"Beth," he said.

"You're right," I said. "Forget the wedding. Fuck it. I've been friends with Holly for a while but not close enough to be in her wedding. So why go?"

"Is that what this is about?" he asked. "You wanted to be in the wedding?"

"Yup," I said. "That's what it is."

"No, it's not," Leith said.

"Then go away."

"I'm not going anywhere. You aren't going anywhere alone in that dress. Not a chance."

"Leith…"

I watched the way his hand was tight around the door. He could have shoved it open but he didn't. I stood against the sink, licking my bottom lip. I blinked fast.

Tears.

Great.

"Come in," I said.

He opened the door all the way.

Why does he have to look so good shirtless?

"You're crying, angel," he said. "What's…"

"It was supposed to you," I blurted out. "It was supposed to be us."

The tears started to fall.

I knew they were black tears because of my makeup.

That was confirmed when Leith quickly touched my face and wiped the tears with his thumbs. They were stained black when he took his hands away.

"You're right about that, Beth. There's nothing I can say to make that right. But we have today. We have right now. We have each other now."

"I don't know why…" I lowered my head. I growled. Like a man would. Anger replaced the sadness. The tears didn't want to fall anymore.

Next time I looked at Leith, I felt anger at him. For him. Because of him.

"Beth, it's okay to admit you loved another," he said in a soft yet rough voice. "You loved other boys besides me when we were younger."

"They were never you though. And that was the one thing Joel could never get right. And he tried, Leith. He really did try. All of his hate… I caused. Because I could never love him the way I loved you."

Leith hugged me without saying a word.

I rested my head to his hard and warm chest.

"Then let's get it out there right now, angel," he said. "It should have been us. You should have been in a wedding dress walking to me. And I should have been standing there, waiting for you. You did what you felt was right."

"You fought him though. For me. For a necklace. What if he was a good guy?"

Leith broke the hug and put his hands to my face again. His eyes narrowed like a snake about to attack. The tingling feeling that went through me made my knees shake.

"Fighting Joel had nothing to do with him being a good guy or not, angel. At the end of the day he was with my woman. He tried to love her. He tried to take care of her. And any man who thinks they can step up and do that better be fucking perfect in my eyes."

"In other words, you were jealous," I whispered.

"Fucking insanely jealous," Leith said with a sense of honesty that made me shake again.

I hated the way I liked how he got when he was jealous. It was the reason why I used to flirt with other boys. Or let them put their arms around me. Or even the few times I snuck a kiss with someone else in front of Leith.

God, we are so messed up…

Leith stroked his thumbs across my cheeks again. "Plus, he hurt you, Beth. He made you feel like singing wasn't what you should be doing. And for that alone he deserved a few hits to the jaw."

"You hurt me too, Leith."

"And I've been beating the hell out of myself for a long time over it."

"Good," I said. "Oh, should I punch Amy too?"

"Amy? Why?"

"For what she did to you. Took your friends away. Took your voice away."

Leith smirked. "I can't take part in that."

"I can," I said. I sucked in a breath. "Well, now that I've made a mess of my makeup…"

Leith brushed his lips to mine. "I love you, Beth. With everything I have."

"I love you too," I said, my hands sliding to his shoulders.

The moment was short lived as Leith walked to the door.

He paused and looked back. "Hey."

"Hey," I said.

"Forget the makeup."

"Oh?"

"You look fucking beautiful without it, angel."

The word cliché came to mind.

Brian looked handsome. But scared to death.

He cried when he saw Holly.

Holly looked like a dream as she walked down the aisle.

Even though I had seen the dress before, something about it matched with the actual wedding day made it all that prettier on her.

She looked perfect and cried the same as Brian did.

They were meant be together as they stood there and spoke their vows.

When it came time to give the rings, the best man played the dumbest wedding joke ever, pretending he didn't have the rings. Everyone chuckled. Holly didn't.

I sat next to Leith, my hands on my legs.

When Holly said I do to Brian, Leith finally took my hand.

We looked at each other and he winked.

There was this old Leith charm that came off. The sexy boy that used to smoke in his car after we kissed (and more). How he fiercely defended me and took on my father for my love and never once got the respect he deserved.

And yet in the mess of time and storm of life I ended up muttering the words I do to another man. A man I loved, yes. There was no going against what had happened with Joel. But it was almost sad as though he served a purpose. That pained me. Because everything Joel ever threw at me with his vile words of how I wasted his time and heart… he had been right.

I interlocked my fingers into Leith's and squeezed tight.

He squeezed back tighter.

It was always meant to be.

Which was how I felt the first time.

And the second time.

When Holly and Brian were officially married, they walked down the aisle together as we all stood to clap for them. Except Leith refused to let my hand go. We stood there, him to my back, his fingers with a tight grip to mine. I gently patted my hip as though that was going to make the same kind of sound as actually clapping.

The wedding and reception were being held at the same location.

That meant while Holly and Brian were off to get pictures taken with their wedding party, we were all shuffled into a large room with an outside patio where waitresses stood with trays of appetizers balanced in their hands, smiles on their faces.

It was kind of like the same thing I had with Joel. Ours was all indoors though. A small ceremony that went right into eating and drinking. The entire night I was whisked around with a smile on my face, my head spinning, heart racing. The only thing that calmed me were the drinks. So much so that I fell asleep on the ride home. Joel and I didn't even finish the wedding night . He tucked me in, kissed me, and whispered he was excited for our forever.

I hated myself…

"I think I smell bacon," Leith said. He stuck his nose up into the air. "Oh yeah. That's bacon."

"Well, then we better hunt," I said.

Leith grabbed my waist and crouched a little. "Okay. This is how we do it. You have to sneak up carefully, okay?" Leith tried to have an accent… Australian? English? Something made up? "If you're not careful, you'll scare them away."

I grinned.

He's such a dork sometimes. But he has fun. And he's so sexy in that light blue shirt.

The color light blue did not match Leith's size or personality. That's what made it so hot.

Leith walked funny as he snuck up on a waitress.

He looked back at me and put his finger to his lips.

I shook my head, fighting back the urge to smile.

I love him so much. I love him in a way that's…

"I'll take one of those," Leith said.

The poor waitress jumped and bobbled the tray.

"Oh, shit," Leith yelled.

He grabbed the tray and saved the food from hitting the ground.

The waitress's cheeks turned bright red. "You scared me."

"You fool," I said and smacked Leith's arm. "I'm sorry about him."

"I'm sorry I almost dropped the food."

"Does that mean we have all of these?" Leith asked as he nodded to delicious smelling bacon wrapped scallops.

"Sure," the waitress said.

Leith didn't hesitate as he took all the little sampler plates and somehow balanced them.

"Sorry about that," Leith said.

The waitress walked away.

"Do you feel good about yourself?"

"I got the bacon, angel," Leith said.

"Jerk."

"Follow me. I have an idea."

I went after Leith and as everyone went one direction, we were going the other.

Which seemed fitting for our lives.

He took me to the white arch where Holly and Brian had been married.

He turned and pointed to the ground.

"What?" I asked.

"Come sit with me," he said.

He sat down and put the crazy amount of bacon wrapped scallops in front of him.

I gently sat down because of my dress.

"Look at those freeloaders," he said. "Going after free food like that."

"You should talk."

"I hunted."

"You scared the living hell out of some poor woman."

"But I got the food."

I sighed. "Why do I like spending time with you?"

Leith popped a bacon wrapped scallop into his mouth and chomped down. He put his head back and said, "Good in bed."

It came out as oodned.

Which he was right about.

"Have one," he said to me.

We sat there together under the arch and ate way too many bacon wrapped scallops.

Leith licked his buttery lips. "I need a drink now."

"Me too."

He stood up and offered his hand to help me.

I stood and we faced each other, under the arch.

Time stood still for a little bit.

I knew what he was thinking about too.

Everything.

And that word encompassed a lot.

Everything was a lot between us.

And we were standing under the arch where we could have been married if we wanted to be.

Leith gave that half grin of his that meant a hundred things at once.

"Let's get a drink," he whispered.

"Yeah. Let's do that."

Leith took my hand and walked down the aisle.

The chairs were half gone already.

Not that it mattered.

It wasn't our wedding.

We were never meant to have a wedding.

Leith had this amazing way to avoid dancing with me.

That was taking me into the hallway and pushing me against the wall and kissing me. And damn those were some seriously good kisses too.

I wasn't much of a dancer myself. I really had no desire to get too close to people I didn't know and do the cliché thing at a wedding. So opting out of that for making out with Leith was a fair trade.

But the slow songs, we danced.

It made me think of all the dances I had in school when I was younger.

Those dances were I went without Leith, getting my picture taken with some other boy, and then most of the time never going near that boy again. There were only two dances were I stayed with my date. But even on prom night, after it was over and we ended up at some guy's house where his parents said everyone could crash, when my date decided to get handsy, I slapped him across the face and tried calling Leith.

He didn't pick up though.

I always figured he was drunk and with someone else, figuring I was doing the same.

During the last of the slow songs, I looked up at Leith.

He was staring down at me, smiling.

It felt so good to be with him.

His arms wrapped tighter around me.

I put my head to his chest and shut my eyes.

I lost myself in the music.

For a moment I could smell the creek. That dirty water that we never seemed to care about. Or the smell of his car. How he would clean the car and make it smell nice for me. Which meant nothing to me but it was sweet that he worried like that.

I took a deep breath and smelled his shirt, skin, and everything about him.

My eyes filled with tears again.

I broke away and turned to get away from Leith.

My body was moving faster than my mind.

I found Holly and hugged her, then told her we were leaving.

She was so drunk I wasn't sure if she'd remember me saying goodbye to her.

I hurried out of the room and went outside to catch my breath.

I spotted the archway again. Now it had a strand of lights lit up around it.

I stood there and Leith was right there.

His body against mine.

His arms around me.

"I'm so sorry, angel," he whispered. "It should have been us. You're right. But right now it could be us. All I have are these moments that work out with you. That's all I ever had, Beth. I never had the chance to date you. To fall in love with you the right way. To take you away and make something happen. It was always just these moments."

I nodded.

I understood what he meant.

I opened my mouth to reply and felt something vibrate against me.

Without thinking, I started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Leith asked.

"Your phone," I said. "The way it vibrated…"

"Why?"

I turned my head and looked up at him. "Is that a phone in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"

Leith grinned. "That's so lame. My dick doesn't vibrate."

"Want to bet on that?" I asked.

"I've never felt it."

"Oh, I've felt it a lot, Leith."

"Then I guess you're right again."

I felt the vibration again.

Leith laughed.

"Someone wants your attention," I said.

"Yeah, well someone wants your attention," he said.

He wiggled his hips.

"Are you trying to get me out of here to take me to bed?"

"Yup," he said.

"Finally," I said.

Leith held my hand as we got out of there.

I stopped at the car and put my left hand to the passenger window so he couldn't open the door for me.

"This really sucks, Leith."

"What does?"

"These feelings. I can't keep getting all worked up like this every time I think about us."

"Then let's make that happen, Beth. Because if you want the truth, here it is… You. You are the truth. You are the one. The only one. And, yeah, I'm crazy jealous that someone loved you enough to marry you. That someone stepped into the path I was once on. And that you loved him enough to trust in his love to marry him. I'll never be mad at you for that. Ever. I'm mad at me for it. But here you are again, angel. Right back in my life. And I keep telling myself that nothing can take you away this time. We can do whatever we want. Sing. Write stories. Or not. I can teach. You can be a bartender. I can sell my house. You can give up your apartment. We can do anything we fucking want."

"Sell everything we own and just drive somewhere new?" I teased.

"Let's go then. I'm all in."

"Leith…"

"No," he said. He put his hand to mine on the window. "I'm all in, angel."

I swallowed hard.

The entire thing just turned even more serious, which I wasn't sure was possible.

I looked at his hand on my hand.

I slowly looked into his eyes again.

With my right hand, I slapped his face. Not hard, but hard enough it made a sound.

I shook my head.

My fingers climbed to the back of his neck and I dug my nails in.

I pulled at him as I jumped forward.

His left hand slid around my back and we were kissing.

He pinned me against the car and there was a sudden cheer from inside the wedding reception.

I gasped and thought for a second everyone was cheering for us.

But they weren't.

Leith stepped back, hands at my hips, laughing.

"Get me home before I regret this."

"You'd never regret me," he said.

"You sure about that?"

"Positive."

Leith walked away from me and around the car.

I looked at the wedding reception. Just windows and lights. The dull murmur of a heavy music beat.

I took a deep breath.

Leith was right.

I could never regret him.

I loved him too much.