Chapter Twenty-One

"She has not responded to you?"

James shook his head, his eyes darting from one face to the next as he fought to find Lady Newton. The ball at Vauxhall Gardens was a very busy one indeed and to James' eyes, it felt as though every person in society had been invited to it!

"The letter you sent, do you think she read it?"

"I do not know." James passed one hand over his eyes, his breathing ragged as panic began to tighten over his heart. "I wrote an explanation, praying that she would read it at the very least but given that I have no response, I am afraid that what you have suggested is right."

"But you will see her here this evening, I am sure," Lord Radford said, by way of encouragement. "I have already seen her father and mother present, so she is bound to be here somewhere. I am sure, once you have the chance to explain, she will understand."

James shook his head. "I do not know if she will. Lady Lamberton was much too convincing."

Lord Radford scowled. "It was unfortunate that she caught you in such a way."

"No." James turned to his friend, his gaze fixed. "What is unfortunate is that I ever thought that I could continue on in such a way, despite my engagement. I was the one who told Lady Lamberton that I hoped again to return to her once my engagement was at an end. I did not ever go to her and state the truth of the matter, which is that I was now beginning to set aside my desire for her company – or for the company of any other young lady – for the sake of my betrothed. I am the one at fault, Lord Radford, not her."

His friend put one hand on James' shoulder. "All the same, she ought not to have thrown herself at you in the way that she did," he said, quietly. " That , I am quite certain of."

James shook his head. "Regardless, there is no reason for Lady Newton to quickly forgive me. She must understand, she must see what it is that I meant by it all. I want the chance to explain, the chance to tell her that it was not what she thought – and that she is the reason that I have stepped away from Lady Lamberton. But I cannot do that if I cannot find her or if she will not speak to me!"

"I understand." Lord Radford let out a small sigh and looked around him. "Let us hope that we will find her soon, then."

James nodded, his stomach twisting this way and that as he fought against the twisting fear which continued to course through him. He was afraid that what Lady Newton had seen would be too much for her to bear, too great a trial for her to endure. Mayhap she would turn away from him. Mayhap she would try to find a way to end their engagement for good, perhaps telling her father what she had witnessed. Would Lord Hampshire permit her to break things because of it? James did not know but he was afraid all the same.

"There, is that not she?" Lord Radford grasped James' arm and pointed but before James could look, the figure disappeared into the crowd, leaving James to sigh in frustration.

"I shall walk around the room again in search of her," he said, only for a hand to grasp at his arm. He turned, only to see the wide eyes of Miss Stockton looking up at him. A little surprised, it took him a moment to greet her though, when he did, she dismissed it quickly with a shake of her head.

"Please, listen to me," she said, her voice urgent. "My Lord Granton, I have just now been speaking with Lady Newton and I am afraid she is going to do something which will bring her nothing but strife and trouble."

James frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I – " Closing her eyes tightly, Miss Stockton let out a shaking breath. "I do not know if I ought to tell you this or permit her to continue on as she is for I do not know if you can be trusted or if you meant what you said to my friend but – "

"I can be trusted." James moved a little closer, his heart quickening as he looked into her face, wishing that, somehow, he might be able to convince her of his heart. "I care for Lady Newton. I wish that I could find a way to prove it to you but I cannot. My words must suffice." He held her gaze, seeing Miss Stockon press her lips tight together for a moment, only then to nod.

"Very well," she said, quietly. "Then, Lord Granton, let me tell you what she is planning." Looking away for a few moments, she swallowed tightly. "She is going in search of Lord Billington."

James frowned. "But her own words told me that her parents would not permit an attachment between them. She said herself that Lord and Lady Hampshire had made it quite clear that our engagement could not come to an end."

"I know. And she is aware of that also. I believe that, after what she witnessed – for yes, I am aware of it all – Martha has decided that she will do whatever she must to be free of her engagement. And that means…" Trailing off, Miss Stockton's cheeks flushed. "It means that she will do whatever is required to garner his attention and therefore, force the ending of your engagement."

It hit James in an instant what it was that Lady Newton was intending to do. He caught his breath, his eyes rounding as Miss Stockton nodded slowly, clearly aware now that he knew exactly what it was that she meant.

"She does not care for Lord Billington." Miss Stockton moved closer to him, one hand going to his arm. "Understand this, Lord Granton, she cares for you and it is because of that care and consideration that she is now doing this."

"I have broken her heart," James mumbled, raking one hand through his hair as he fought to take in a long, deep breath. "And now she will be ruined."

"Not unless you get to her first," Lord Radford said, clearly having heard everything that had been said so far. "You must find her. You must convince her of your affections and make it quite plain that you want nothing more than to be wed to her."

James looked all around. "Where is Lord Billington?" he asked, his heart clamouring furiously as he looked back at Miss Stockton. "Did Lady Newton know where he had gone?"

Miss Stockton shook her head. "She was looking for him."

"Then excuse me." Without another word, James turned on his heel and began to stride firmly through the crowd. He did not care about the frowns received from other gentlemen, nor the murmurs of astonishment from the ladies he pushed past. All he cared about was finding Lady Newton.

I should have told her everything, he thought to himself, his jaw tightening as he broke through a large gathering of gentlemen and ladies, his panic building. When I kissed her, I should have made my feelings plain to her. I should have been completely honest, even if I was not entirely certain about my own heart. How much I regret not being honest with her now!

Lord Billington, he knew, was a reasonable gentleman but that did not mean that he would resist the attentions and the flirtations of a young lady, should she draw near to him. James highly doubted that the gentleman would let himself be drawn into matrimony, no matter the situation, which meant that there was nothing other than shame and embarrassment left for Lady Newton. His heart cried out as he thought of the upset and the sorrow she must have endured at his hand, albeit unwittingly. He had never expected Lady Lamberton to behave as she had done and certainly had never once imagined that Lady Newton would be the one to spy them both!

I am too late.

The thought ran through his head, frightening him all the more as he pushed through the crowd with all the greater determination. He was too late with his declaration of his affection, with his realisation that he was drawn to Lady Newton in a way he had never been pulled towards anyone else. Late with his explanation to Lady Lamberton, late with his understanding of his own heart and now, mayhap, too late to keep Lady Newton from ruining her own reputation simply so she might escape from him.

"Lord Granton, is that you?" One hand grasped at his arm but he pulled himself away, not willing to stay for even a moment, not ready to see anyone other than Lady Newton. He heard a loud exclamation behind him, a cry of dismay and disapproval but he cared nothing for it. He was not about to be stopped by grasping hands, was not about to be prevented by any sweet smiles or whispers of encouragement. All he wanted to do was find his betrothed and confess how much he cared for her.

There!

His heart slammed hard into his chest and James stopped dead, his eyes widening as he saw how Lady Newton put one hand to Lord Billington's arm and how, thereafter, Lord Billington's eyes narrowed just a little, only for a small smile to creep across his face. James did not dare think as to what that smile might mean, his mouth going dry as he attempted to move forward, only to find his legs like lead. He could move, yes, but without the great strength and energy that he had enjoyed only a few moments ago. It was as though every force in existence was keeping him back from her, determined to pull him away, to pull him back and yet James, gritting his teeth, forced himself forward. He watched with sharp eyes as Lady Newton laughed, throwing her head back as she did so, with Lord Billington's smile growing ever bigger. When Lord Billington moved closer to her, albeit only a few inches, it was enough to suddenly infuse all of James' limbs with strength.

"Martha!"

He called her name, heedless to the others around him, barely noticing how many heads swivelled towards him, whispering beginning at once as he fixed his eyes to the lady, seeing that she had not heard him. Calling her name again, he felt a wash of warm relief cascade through him as she turned her head to look at him, her smile fixing to her face, her eyes tugging away almost at once.

"Martha, please!" he cried, finally reaching her, his hand going to hers, tugging her to him in a most ungentlemanly fashion. "Please, do not."

"Lord Granton, good evening." Lady Newton spoke in a tight voice, her smile still present but shining no light into her eyes. "Might I ask – "

"I will not let you do this," James gasped, one arm going around her waist, the other still holding her hand tightly. "I cannot, Martha. I cannot lose you to him, do you understand?"

"To me?" Lord Billington spluttered, though James took no notice. Instead, he looked deeply into Lady Newton's eyes, aware of how white she had turned, how the colour had gone from her face though her gaze had, at least, finally returned to his.

"I know what you think you witnessed but you are mistaken, truly," he said, his voice a little quieter but still loud enough for her to hear him clearly. "Martha, I do not care for anyone other than you. I do not want to pursue any other lady, I promise you. I have had such a change of heart that it has been such a great shock to me, I can barely understand it. Please," he finished, squeezing her hand, "do not step away from our engagement. Let me prove myself to you, Martha. If you only give me one opportunity, I swear to you it will be the only opportunity I will ever require."

Lady Newton said nothing for some minutes. She simply looked back at him, staring at him as though she had never really seen him before. James looked back steadily, wanting her to see into his heart, as if such a thing was possible and praying for her to trust him. There was nothing else he could offer her, nothing that he could present to her as proof of how he felt but the burning in his heart was there all the same. James blinked, hearing the whispering around him and, turning his head, caught the way that the gentlemen and ladies around them were all speaking quietly, some laughing, some with wide eyes, some muttering behind their fans. Clearly, he had spoken loudly enough for them all to hear and, no doubt, what he had said would soon be common knowledge.

"Martha." Pressing her hand, James moved a little closer to her so that only she could hear him. "What say you? Will you give me the chance to prove to you that my heart is yours?"

Martha squeezed her eyes closed and, after a moment, took in a deep breath.

Then, before James could react, she had tugged her hand out of his, had turned on her heel and was gone.