Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Gemma had been thinking of Lothar with guilt since he had come over for tea. She had longed to speak to him the way they had before this had all become a sordid situation.

Why did he have to be like all the others? Perhaps he was not and truly wanted to do the best he could? Gemma thought as she condemned and then defended him. She would not even allow herself to be mean to him in her head.

Gemma had been relieved when she and Ashley had been sent by her mother to find fabric for the upcoming winter season. There would be many invitations to events, and one could absolutely not be seen in the same ensemble twice, it would spark scandal amongst those in the right circles.

“I like this one, but the fabric seems rather thin for winter,” Gemma said to Ashley as she felt the fabric on a nearby roll.

“I must agree though is it not gorgeous, My Lady?” Ashley said with reverence.

“It does look beautiful in the light. I wonder if I were to put another fabric under it?” Gemma replied.

“That is such a clever idea, My Lady,” Ashley replied as she took the roll of fabric to the front of the shop for measurements.

Gemma looked around the haberdasheries to see what fabric would catch her eye next when she set eyes on Lothar. Gemma blinked a few times to be sure her mind was not playing tricks on her.

It really is him! And he is surrounded by women no less! He has two sisters but there are three women with him. Gemma thought with disgust. At least one of those women is not a relation. Especially judging the tentative way he is holding her hand, confirms my conclusion.

Gemma felt jealousy bubble in her stomach and dismissed it as anger. She watched as he caught her. It had appeared as though she had fainted. He helped her into a chair and hung on her every word as he held onto her hand. How his face was pale, and he wore a frown that looked the picture of concern.

Why is he after marriage with me when he is so obviously besotted with this woman. If I look at her attire, she has no shortage of funds. Her clothing and shoes are of the highest quality.

Gemma decided it would be better not to confront him right now. It might cause an unpleasant scene that ignited rumors. It was not that Gemma was as worried what was thought of her, she had a responsibility towards her family to carry their name with dignity.

Did this woman’s family not expect the same of her? Gemma thought as she tore her eyes away from Lothar and the company he kept.

The wretch! Does he think he would marry me to get a hold of my money and then think he would keep other woman’s company? I shall not speak to him again. The nerve!

Gemma looked for Ashley, trying to give her attention to the task she had been given.

I am here for fabric, not to flirt wherever I go. Gemma could not help her thoughts returning to Lothar. Perhaps they are his family. He spoke of his family with such love when he had walked into the stationers. Perhaps the woman he seemed clung to was a cousin or a sister he had not mentioned? Gemma thought as she tried to still see the man she had met. The man she had thought he was.

Then he had seemed shy and withdrawn. Gemma wondered if it was not merely an act to make her part of his collection of admirers. She had felt pity for him when she had heard of the unrequited love he suffered with. Only to see that he seemed to be the one breaking hearts.

Gemma felt both hurt and annoyed to think she was just another in his collection to him.

Well, that does do the trick dispersing with the guilt I had felt. Gemma thought with less relief than she thought she should have felt. Though she had acted differently, her feelings were not as easily changed.

It had tormented her to be anyone other than who she was. Not only that but he had seemed to like her too. Now she knew that truly nobody could be trusted. She had known that fact before, yet, she had found a glimmer of hope in meeting him, or so she had thought.

Gemma looked at the way he treated the woman who’s hand he still held.

Wait! Who she is? She is the dowager baroness Whitcombe! It was true what Mrs. Baker had said about his heart belonging to another. Gemma thought as she watched her and Lothar together.

How could he be so familiar with the baroness when he had spoken to my father to start a courtship not even a week ago? Gemma thought. Her previous decision to not speak to him was dissipating at an alarming rate.

‘Are you feeling unwell, My Lady?” Ashley asked suddenly by her side. Gemma had not noticed she had returned from the front of the store.

“I am fine, thank you, Ashley. Did you hand in this week’s writing?” Gemma asked before Ashley would notice who she had been spying on and why. Ashley was a quiet, friendly young woman whom Gemma considered a friend of sorts. What Gemma did not do was hand Ashley any cause to spread rumors The girl had a habit of not keeping a secret from the rumor mill.

Ashley was only three years younger than Gemma, at twenty years of age. Yet she at times acted beyond her years and at other times seemed purely childish. She could not dismiss Ashley as she did her duties well and she could not force Ashley to return to her old life.

Ashley’s parents had not wanted children at all. When they had been unsuccessful in finding a rich husband for her who would elevate their low standing, they had all but thrown her into the streets.

Gemma’s family had taken her in to help her onto her feet. She had insisted from the beginning to be of assistance and not to be a burden. Her help here and there had turned into a full-time position, and she had quickly become a close friend.

“Yes, My Lady,” Ashley answered Gemma’s question about her writing. She has almost not written a submission for next week’s publication. She had found it nearly impossible to concentrate when all she had thought about had been Lothar.

What a complete waste of time thinking of him. His heart seems to genuinely belong to this woman after all. Gemma thought as she glanced over to see him still fawning over the baroness

Gemma decided in that moment that she had enough. She walked closer to where Lothar was. Close enough for him to see her yet not have to speak directly to him yet make her presence known.

He should know that I have seen what he had probably hoped to keep a secret for one reason. For another she did not enjoy watching other people. Gemma spoke to Ashley but looked directly at Lothar. The moment he saw her he let go of the baroness’ hand and his face went as white as ash. The baroness gave her a sour look and she returned it. Gemma knew then that she and this woman were now enemies.

She would have lied to herself if she tried to convince herself that it was not because of Lothar and that she and this woman have found an obvious dislike in each other. Closer to the truth would be that perhaps they could have been friends if not for Lothar.

She looked again to Lothar who at least had the decency to look sheepish. She had little choice but to introduce herself.

“Good morning, Your Grace,” Gemma said as she tried to muster a smile.

“Good morning, My Lady,” Lothar said and straightened himself. “Allow me to introduce the Dowager Baroness Whitcombe, Henrietta Briggs. Henny this is…”

“I know who she is,” the baroness said in a tone that made her feel as though she had done something wrong. “You are the woman who is going to help Lothar save his little estate.”

Gemma looked at the woman for a moment and wondered what he could possibly see in this woman. She had spoken only a few words and Gemma already found her to be abrasive.

“And how am I to do that?” Gemma asked skipping past the small talk as she had. The baroness looked at Gemma, her amber eyes and sharp nose reminded her of the description of witches in the books she had read as a child. For a woman who had just fainted, she seemed miraculously recovered.

“Well seeing as he intends on marrying you. He stands to inherit quite the sum of money from doing so. That level of financial aid should do wonders for the place,” the baroness said unmoved by the anger Gemma knew was evident in her tone.

“A means to an end? More like something that is at its end. Why marry me when he could have someone he cares for escapes me,” Gemma retorted.

“It is a long, boring story,” the baroness said.

“I am sure we finally agree, sadly you will have to excuse me. I have much shopping to do before town closes,” Gemma retorted, and turned to leave without waiting for a reply.

She had no real concept of what their relationship really was. But then if she took into consideration that Mrs. Baker had stated that he still loved a woman who did not love him back and added to that the scene she had just witnessed, it was difficult to come to any other conclusion then he was spending time alone with the woman he loved.

There would be nothing wrong with it if only he had not wanted to marry her… and if it just did not hurt so much to see.

Gemma quickened her step as tears stung her eyes. The very last thing she needed right now was for Lothar to see how much it had hurt her to see him with another woman, several in fact. She had wanted him to believe she did not care about him, had wanted him to rather marry someone else if all he wanted from her was her money. Now at least she had seen her wishes in the flesh, she knew it was not what she wanted.

Then again do I want a man who would easily go from one woman to the next? A man who is looking to marry you and cannot let go of a past love? What do you think you will catch them doing the next time? A kiss? What will it take to let him go? It would be better if I were strong and encouraged him to be with the baroness.

Since the plan to put him off had worked quicker than anticipated, Gemma tried to see it as a win.

Then why do I feel like I have lost it all? Gemma thought as her chest grew tight. Gemma could barely see where she was going. If not for Ashley, she would have wondered blindly into town instead of going to the store that was next on their list and right next door to the haberdasheries.

The dry goods store was busy already. Ashley waited in the long queue while Gemma gathered the smaller items on their list. Ashley had brought a large basket for their goods. Gemma was relieved when she could pack them into the basket. Though the spices, small bag of coffee and sugar were not that heavy, their combined weight did threaten to fall from her arms.

Gemma thought about Lothar and wondered if she should tell her father what she had seen.

It would go a long way to ensuring he does not marry you. Your father would not tolerate this type of behavior. Gemma thought as she joined Ashley in the queue .

Would it not be mean to do so? It might be better to see what type of man he was. There is the possibility that there is some decency in him. That he would do the proper thing and tell her father he still sees another woman. I also cannot help but have hope that I have misunderstood the situation and that the rumor about his heart being that unpleasant witch’s, was in actual fact only just that, a rumor.

Gemma looked out through the shop’s large, arched window. The handmade glass did not allow her to see the people’s faces outside, but she could not mistake Lothar’s large frame as he walked past the dry goods store. He looked to be alone and in search of something.

Or someone? Surely not. He could not possibly think he could smooth things over after what I had seen between him and the Baroness Whitcombe!

Gemma had to fight the overwhelming urge to go over to him. She wished more than ever that he had been different.

I am not disappointed! Gemma thought as she clenched her jaw to suppress more tears that tightened her throat. Gemma got to the front of the queue were she paid for the goods in her basket as well as asked for a large sack of flour for the house and tobacco for her father.

He had given up smoking at a stage and now only allowed it as a guilty pleasure occasionally His face would light up every time she would remember his coffee or tobacco. Gemma had gotten the fabric her mother had asked for and had purchased what the house required. Now she could leave town and not stand the chance of running into Lothar.

There was nothing he could say to improve her mood or opinion of him at this point. So she had thought when she had left the dry goods store and headed toward her carriage.

“My Lady, please allow me to explain,” Lothar said as he ran up to her from a distance. Ashley left her side and gave them the privacy she did not want. Being alone with him made her heart beat faster even though he had hurt it.