Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Lothar had no idea why he had lied to Gemma. He thought a woman should be able to do as she pleased and that there was more to being a woman than just being a wife and a mother. Something inside him felt confused and he was at a loss as to how to deal with it. He had been haunted by the woman he had met at Mr. and Mrs. Baker’s shop. She had been so open and unique that without knowing it, his heart had already called out to hers.

Now as he sat next to her, he felt more as though he was mourning the loss of her.

Or had she not existed at all to begin with?

“I find that I have more energy in the winter even though I do not enjoy the cold,” Lothar said, trying to find her somewhere in the small talk.

“I agree,” Gemma replied as she had for the last ten questions.

If she says of course one more time I shall have to leave before I lose my temper. Should I ask her why she might be upset? Would that not start an argument?

Then his mother’s words came to him.

Listen to her…ask her how she feels.

Lothar thought of how to ask her and realized he had little experience when it came to speaking about feelings and emotions.

She agrees with everything I say. Perhaps I said what I had said to try to get her to respond like the woman I thought I had met. I cannot just sit here any longer playing this game, Lothar thought, and started to get up from his seat.

“Please excuse me, My Lady,” Lothar said as he glanced at his pocket watch. I have been here rather long and must go,” Lothar said, as he watched her expression. He wanted to see at least the faintest glimmer of disappointment in her eyes.

He did not see anything that gave him a reason to stay.

“Do you have to leave, Your Grace,” Gemma replied.

Lothar looked at Gemma for a moment. It seemed almost as though she did want him here after all.

“It is not that I want to, My Lady,” Lothar replied.

“I will call again, My Lady. That is if you wish to see me again. Lothar asked.

“I do, Your Grace,” Gemma replied.

Lothar smiled at her and then took his leave. He did not want to stay too long as it was only his first official visit since he had started a courtship with her.

“Then I shall be here in two days at noon again,” Lothar said.

“At noon then, Your Grace,” Gemma replied with the first smile that had seemed genuine.

Perhaps she is simply at the mercy of her nerves. In time she may feel at ease enough to be who she really is. Lothar still held on to the person he thought she had been. It was not that she was suddenly unappealing, it was that he was unsure how to communicate with this Gemma. The woman he thought he had met had been easy to speak with and had a mind of her own. Today she had been the opposite.

This entire visit had comprised of her agreeing with him and they had little to converse about. In these last moments she had seemed a little more like the Gemma he had become fond of.

Lothar reluctantly left. He had walked into an unexpected pitfall when he had come there earlier and met with a completely different woman. Still, he found it difficult to leave her side.

The moment he left he was escorted outside, and his carriage was summoned. He thanked the Castwell's footman and opened the door to his carriage. He arrived home and wanted to change his attire to something he did not mind getting soiled.

He had been putting off the work he still needed to finish in his fields before winter. They did have workers, but Lothar felt awkward watching others work. He had been raised in a household where a man was dirty from work and can calloused hands. Every man’s hand he had shook since he had inherited his estate had been soft as a woman’s.

Lothar headed towards the fields to find two workers cutting grass and the four more turning the cut grass. Lothar went in search of farming tools and found a rusty scythe with a wooden handle that looked to give splinters as pieces of sharp wood frayed away from overuse.

He joined the workers in cutting the grass in the fields that would dry and make hay. After they had cut the grass then they would turn it a few times a day in order to dry it.

Then the hay would be made into bails and taken by hand or cart to the small storage barn. From there it could be sold or used for animal bedding for the winter. It was also mixed into feed and used in creative ways such as stuffing beds and pillows as well as making dolls for children by those who bought it in the village market.

Lothar liked to work out in the open air. It gave him his best ideas and cleared his head. He had no idea how anyone could stay indoors all day. Lothar felt inside his pocket for his watch. He had been busy in the fields for two hours and felt hungrier now knowing it was nearly six o’clock and dinner time.

Lothar received a message after dinner that he had been asked by Henny to join him tomorrow as she was going into town. He had at first not wanted to, then he had thought of how Gemma had acted earlier today.

Perhaps Henny has realized I am a better option for marriage? Lothar thought, though he despised the fact that he still had feelings for her

Well I am going to have to wait and see instead of hoping or guessing.

***

The next morning was unusually warm for this time of year. The winter had started to creep in earlier and it Lothar sensed that it may be a sign that something wonderful would happen that day. He had visited with Henny for years, yet today he could not help feeling guilt.

It raked up his spine from the moment he arrived in town. It was natural to find yourself in the company of more than one woman before marriage was proposed. It was, however, alien to Lothar.

The irony is that I should feel this way about seeing Gemma and not about seeing Henny. Lothar thought as he started to worry his loneliness was beginning to drive him to madness. He gave his trusty packet watch another glance to confirm it was time to leave.

He looked to the puppy who now slept in his room and went down slowly to pet him. Lothar had washed the gray dog, to discover it was a dark brown dog. He had become so fond of his new pet that he was more unsure each passing hour, that he would be capable of parting with it.

When the footman had delivered the message yesterday evening, Lothar had arranged a time for he and Henny to meet.

“Your Grace, The Baroness Whitcombe requests the pleasure of Your Grace’s company tomorrow in town,” the footman had said.

“Did she give a time?” Lothar had asked.

“No, Your Grace,” the footman had answered.

“Please then inform her that I shall be in town near eight in the morning,” Lothar had instructed.

“At once, Your Grace,” the footman had said and had immediately left to follow Lothar’s instructions.

It was now half past six. If he left then, he would make it with enough time to locate Henny. She had relayed a message back that she was delighted to have him with her but had not arranged where to meet. He had an inkling where he would find her. She adored fabric. If she so much as heard there were new fabrics that had come in, she would be there the very next day. The only thing she adored more was sweets.

Lothar arrived in town at almost exactly eight o’clock. He first went in search of Henny at the sweet shop and then found her at the haberdashery.

He entered the large shop to find her busy comparing a swatch of material in her hand to one on the rolls against the wall.

“Yes, I think this one will do and please do not forget the lace, I shall need at least six meters of that, please,” Henny said to the shop assistant and then turned on her way to the other fabrics when she saw Lothar.

“There you are Lothar,” Henny said and came forward to give Lothar a small embrace.

“I thought that I might find you here,” Lothar said with a smile.

“You know me all too well,” Henny said. Her demeanor was more attentive than she usually was.

Perhaps this will be a new start? Lothar thought as he took in her appearance. She looks lovely. Then again, she always does , he thought.

She wore a champagne gold dress that clung to her petite waist and slim shoulders. The skirt flared out only slightly and was made from the finest cotton. It fit her perfectly and was obviously tailor-made. She was considerably shorter than Lothar whereas Gemma only slightly so.

I cannot go without thinking about Gemma for one single moment, can I? Lothar thought as he extended his hand to Henny.

“Henrietta?” a young lady wearing a bright blue dress said. It looked quite striking with her jet-black hair.

“Belinda Farrows, how have you been?” Henny replied and let go of Lothar’s hand to greet the woman.

“I have been well and yourself? And who is this fine gentleman?” Belinda asked.

“Your Grace, may I introduce you to one of my eldest friends, Belinda Farrows. Belinda, this is His Grace Lothar Howard, Duke of Exeter.” Henny made the introduction with what seemed like pride.

Was she proud of me or my title? Lothar could not help but wonder.

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Your Grace,” Belinda said with a curtsy.

“As it is to make yours, Miss Farrows,” Lothar replied.

“Belinda where have you, oh—” another woman exclaimed, one who seemed to be looking for her.

“Your Grace this is Belinda’s sister, Madeline Phillips. Married naturally. Madeline this is His Grace Lothar Howard, Duke of Exeter.” Henny made the introductions once again. Lothar nodded as the woman curtsied.

“Did you hear that the upcoming ball has been moved up to next month?” Madeline asked Henny.

“Not the Montgomery winter ball?” she replied, aghast.

“One and the same,” Belinda chimed in. “They are afraid that with winter coming upon us so soon that they have too few guests this year.”

“No wonder,” Henny replied. “They must have everyone worth having at their ball. Now the Benjamin family will have to compete with them or have their annual party at another time.”

“They could. Only the invitations have already gone out,” Madeline said.

Lothar tried to keep up with the conversation but found that not only did he not have any idea what they were speaking about, he had little interest in the subject matter. That was until he became the topic of the conversation.

“I see he still follows you like a lovesick hound.” Madeline said.

The comment annoyed him instantly.

“Ah yes good old Lothar. He is always there when I need him. At the drop of a penny,” Henny replied.

Lothar felt hurt by her reply. He tried to remain in good spirits and take what was being said as a joke amongst friends.

Henny would not let it go on much longer, would she? Lothar thought as he felt lost for words. He did not feel the need to defend his actions yet did not at all like being made fun of.

“Well that is impressive. To have a duke on hand and not have to be his wife.” Belinda said with a laugh.

Lothar waited. He was sure that at any moment Henny would come to his defense. He pasted a smile on his face and tried to avoid hearing the conversation further.

Any moment now. Lothar thought as he lost his temper bit by bit.

She has to say something surely, even if it is just because I am the friend she sees me as! Lothar thought.

Instead, Henny had not only kept quiet but laughed at their mockery of him.

I would not do that to a friend and never to someone I had feelings for. Lothar thought as he decided to leave. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Henny.

“Come now Lothar, do not tell me a few remarks upset you?” Henny said with what seemed like insincere concern.

“You did not say one thing that was not mean. I could expect it from people I do not know but, to hear it from you,” Lothar said under his breath. He did not want to cause a scene or embarrass Henny. Even though she had not said anything in his defense.

“Do not be so quick to anger, Lothar. You have been so good to me, and you know how much I care about you,” Henny said, in a smooth voice.

She has probably realized that I have not stood for her rudeness and is now trying to calm me down. It is most certainly not working.

All it is doing is serving to enrage me more, Lothar thought as he watched her performance. For years he had thought it was just a matter of time before she would realize she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He had also believed that she was a good person. Now it had taken as little as a conversation with her friends to finally see her without his love for her blinding him.

“Yes Henny, I am fully aware of how good I have been to you. In my opinion too good. I have indeed been following your call like a hound but that is over now,” Lothar declared and felt as though a giant weight had fallen from his shoulders.

“What are you saying Lothar?” Henny asked. Suspicion shining in her eyes.

“I am trying to put this as delicately as possible, Henny. I cannot follow you for the rest of our lives. If you have any feelings for me, even in the slightest, then you would let me be happy,” Lothar replied gently. He knew himself well enough to know he could not continue with this, even if Gemma did not want him, he had to stand up for himself.

“Lothar why? Why all of a sudden? Is it that Castwell woman? I feel ill,” Henny said and pretended to faint. Lothar knew it was an act as she made sure to faint carefully and not hurt herself. She had also done this multiple times when she had wanted to manipulate him. Lothar had seen the horror of a woman fainting and not being caught in time.

His grandmother had spells when she had been alive. She would fall to the floor without a moment’s notice, often sustaining terrible injuries to her head and face. Watching Henny put on a show and disgrace those who suffer from such infliction was the final salt rubbed into his wounds that he was convinced would never heal.

Nevertheless, he caught her and helped her into a nearby chair. Without thinking about it, he held her hand to comfort her but promised himself that he would leave as soon as she decided she had recovered.