Chapter 6

Six

KOHL

R eapers do not experience time the way mortals in the earthly plane do. A human lifetime is a sliver compared to eons. But when Shay falls into my lap, time stands still.

The wanting I confessed minutes ago takes over and I close my arms around her, carefully, ensuring her skin doesn’t meet mine. Even in this physical form, I do not need to breathe, yet some instinct of my temporary physiology causes me to hold air inside without exhaling.

“I’m sorry.” Gloved palms flat against my chest, she shifts backward.

I should loosen my hold on her, but I don’t. “I am not sorry. Not for wanting you close to me, or for enjoying how you feel against me. Not for the feelings I have for you.”

“Then I’m not sorry either.” Eyes that shimmer like the earth’s purest emeralds meet mine beneath the overhang of my hood. “So many times, I’ve thought about being with you like this. I told myself I was fixated on you because you saved me. That I fantasized about you because you were the last man to hold me, or because you were literally the most unattainable man out there. But then you reappeared in my life, and I knew it was more than that. All this time, it’s been more than that.” Then, as quickly as she opened up to me, her lips clamp shut. Her flattened palms curl into fists, which she thumps against my chest. “And all this time, you’ve been watching me, knowing I was alone, even when surrounded by people. But you didn’t show yourself.”

This time, when she pushes away from me, I let her go. In ethereal form, temperature does not register or affect me. But the moment Shay’s body no longer presses against mine, I know what it is to lose warmth. And I want it back.

The more space she puts between us, the harder her expression becomes. “You can’t explain why you were drawn to me before I died, or why you acted of your own accord to bring me back, or why you developed feelings for me. But here’s a question I need you to answer, and it better be a real one. Why did you stay away for fifteen years? Why did you let me continue to be lonely when you could have changed everything by stepping into my world? Into my life.”

I’ve answered this question inwardly many times over the years. Reasons, excuses, rationalizations. They all boil down to one truth. “Fear.”

“Of the Oracle finding out?” she asks, planting her hands on her curvy hips. “Because that isn’t stopping you now, so I don’t buy it.”

I rise from the chair and cross to her, leaving little space between us. “Fear that you would not want to see me. Fear that, once in your presence, I would lose control of these feelings you brought forth in me, confess my love for you, at which you would recoil and tell me to leave and never return. It was easier to long for you from the shadows than to risk enduring the pain of rejection for all eternity.”

Silence falls over the room. Staring up at me, Shay’s deep-plum lips part, but no sound leaves them.

“There is a place I would like to show you. A peaceful place where I have often lingered while trying to make sense of my feelings. While fighting my desire to step into your life, unbidden. Will you allow me to take you there?”

Her dark curls dance on her shoulders as she nods. “Yes.” No question as to where, or how. Just trust, even after I have caused her pain.

“I will take care not to touch your skin,” I say, opening my arms, then enveloping her within the flow of my cloak.

A sharp intake of breath followed by a loud “Shit!” accompany her arms wrapping tightly around my waist as the world she knows disappears from beneath her feet. Before I can revel in the sensation of her soft warm body pressed to mine, we return to solid ground, where I open my arms and allow her to step free.

“I’d forgotten what it feels like to be reaper poofed from one place to another.” Again, her lips part, this time as she looks around at her current surroundings, an outcropping of rock high above town. “Is that Fate’s Falls?” she asks, pointing downward.

“It is, but we are still within the Oracle’s protection boundary up here.”

“You’re not exaggerating when you say ‘up here.’” Chin tilted, she gazes at the night sky, extending one arm outward at shoulder height. “I feel like if you gave me a little boost, I could climb right onto the crescent moon.”

“If I could do that for you, I would.”

Abandoning her view of the stars, she faces me again. “I believe you.”

“And the rest of my words, do you believe those also?”

Her pulse’s rapid beat is visible in the graceful column of her neck. “I don’t think you’d lie to me.”

“Is not the same as saying you believe me.”

She turns away to once again look out at the view of the town in the distance below, its streets now a web of soft lights from buildings which appear small enough to pick up between two fingers. The wind lifts her hair, and she hugs herself against the visible shiver that ripples through her.

“May I provide warmth?” I ask, stepping behind her. The small, single nod is all the answer I get, but it is enough to justify closing my arms around her again.

The tension quickly leaves her posture, and she exhales, settling her back against my chest. “One of my memories of that night is you being warm, but so much time has passed, I wasn’t sure if that was another thing I’d created in my fantasies of you.”

“When I take a physical form, my body has the traits of that species. This human body maintains a consistent 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. I am unaffected by the atmospheric temperature.”

“Handy trick. I could do without feeling cold. I do enjoy feeling extra warm, though.”

“That explains why you so often sit by the fire in your backyard, and why you wear boots that cover your knees. They must get cold often.”

She elbows my midsection, smiling as she cranes her head to look at my face. “Now that we’re in full disclosure mode, you’re not even going to pretend you haven’t been hardcore spying on me, huh?”

“I have not spied . I have watched over you in public or outdoor places.”

“Not while I was inside my house?”

“Never. Though I will not deny it was tempting.” Merely remembering the silhouette of her body through the glass of her bedroom window and the sounds that filtered through the screen makes me hard, a physiological response that surprised me the first time it happened, but to which I am now accustomed. Because of her, it has become a frequent condition.

Her eyebrows rise, the whites of her eyes becoming more visible as my thickened cock makes itself known against the swell of her backside. “You—you’re—” She snaps her lips tight, as if forbidding more words to pass through them.

“I desire you, yes. In ways I didn’t know a reaper could experience. If the present state of my physical form makes you uncomfortable, I will be mindful to position myself so you are not made aware.”

“I don’t mind being aware.” She smiles over her shoulder, then turns until she is fully facing me. “Tonight’s bombshell of information is just…a lot. You materialize in my front yard, tell me the ‘music of my soul’ was stronger than the call to your singular duty; that if you had it your way, you’d never leave me. You said—” Her dark eyebrows pinch together as a huff I know well to mean irritation leaves her lips. “You said you love me. What am I supposed to do with that?”

“If I could choose your reaction, it would be for you to reciprocate.”

Her laughter rings out across the night air. Beautiful music. Then the sound tapers off to a soft sigh from gently smiling lips. “Are you sure you’re a reaper, Kohl? Because wanting to be loved in return is the most human desire of all.” She presses one palm to the upper portion of my chest. “You may not have an actual heart in there, but you definitely have a soul. And I really like your soul.” Her gaze drifts over my form, her lips curving higher when her eyes return to my face. “I like the packaging it’s in, too, and I’m not referring to the cloak, even if it is imbued with immortal magic.”

If I cannot hear Shay return my sentiment of love, the words spoken are enough. “Have you forgiven my cowardice?”

Nodding, she brushes her leather-gloved fingertips across my hand. “You’re here now.”

“I would stay with you every moment if I could.”

“I know,” she says softly. “I also know that isn’t possible. So I’m going to stop being a coward, too, and just be grateful for the moments we get.”

SHAY

The Brew is always busy on Monday mornings. Even monsters need their caffeine fix a little harder on the first day after a weekend.

The nonstop flow of customers hasn’t allowed any personal conversation time with Dela since we unlocked the front door. And she’s jonesing for some, because in the fifteen minutes between her arrival and the cafe opening, I gave her the condensed version of my wild weekend.

That I shared the details of my past with Natalie and Constantine, then got a little drunk while Natalie sketched the faces from my visions and the serial killer who got away. My plan to get those images in front of the right people at the Pittsburg Police Department and the FBI with some magical assistance from my coven back in Gettysburg. Kohl’s multiple pop-ins to my yard and the did-not-see-that-coming plot twist that he’s been watching me since before I died—and every chance he’s had since he brought me back.

By the time I got that far in my story, Dela’s bottom lip looked like it couldn’t drop any lower. But it did, when I dropped the tidbit about falling onto Kohl’s lap, and that we sort of hugged—carefully, without skin contact—multiple times. And she honest-to-goddess squealed when I told her about the massive erection that I would’ve had to be numb not to feel pressed against my ass. Of course, I finished the parade of information with Kohl’s claim of love. Perfectly timed with turning the sign to Open and walking away.

Just because I was excited to share my updates with her doesn’t mean I’m suddenly an open book. Or that I don’t enjoy teasing her. I don’t get as many opportunities to do that since she and Raz stopped silently pining for each other and got together. Being in love with a red-hot revenge demon has really brought her out of her shell. I love that for her. Just like I know she loves hearing that positive things are happening in my life.

Positive things are happening in my life. The thought is like a buzzer in my mind. Only it’s not an alarm jolting me from a rare good dream. It’s a different kind of wake-up call. One that’s telling me to stay this course and grab all the happiness I can fit in my gloved hands.

After the morning rush ends and the lineup finally dwindles, Dela pounces, blocking my way behind the counter, nudging my foot with the toe of one of her cute patterned sneakers. “And?”

“And now we load the dishwasher and clean the cappuccino machine and?—”

“Oh no, you don’t,” she says, shaking her head. “Manager Shay’s coffee clean-up list can wait until my friend Shay has spilled every drop of the weekend tea.”

“There’s not much more to tell. Obviously, nothing physical. I mean, even with my clothes and his reaper robe between us, it was nice to be held. It’s nice that he’ll never expect more. And after he stopped being evasive, and I stopped being pissed off, we talked for hours. It was nice.”

“If it were any other first date, those three ‘nices’ would be the kiss of death.” Her eyebrows wiggle, an unspoken see what I did there? gesture.

“It wasn’t a first date. We just…spent time together. Did some catching up.”

“Right,” she says, smiling and nodding in a way that indicates she means the opposite of agreement. “Catching up that included him telling you he loves you . Did you say it back?”

“What? No.” I shake my head more than is necessary to get the answer across. “I wouldn’t tell him that.”

“Because it’s not true? Or because it is?”

The handful of patrons sitting in the cafe release an assortment of gasps and expletives when the reaper in question materializes on the customer side of the counter. Even Dela startles at the sight of him, and she’s met Kohl before.

Sweetheart that she is, she recovers quickly, smiling and offering her hand across the counter. “You probably don’t remember me, but I sure remember you. Thank you so much for putting that card in my pocket the night you stopped me from crossing over. Calling that number, coming to Fate’s Falls, changed everything. I have an amazing life now, thanks to you.”

Rather than shake her hand, he makes a deep nod, and I can’t help but feel a little thrill at knowing I’m the only mortal he touches.

“The Oracle determines the direction souls take. Reapers are merely guides,” he says.

For a moment, I think Dela’s going to call him out for the one time he made an exception—me. Instead, her rosy lips continue their genuine, sweet smile as she hooks a thumb toward the other end of the counter. “I’m going to clean the cappuccino machine and run a load of dishes before the lunch rush.”

Though it’s likely she’ll be eavesdropping from ten feet away, she gets to work on the tasks, not giving us even a hint of a glance. Over in the seating area, a couple of customers rise, keeping their eyes on the reaper while making a hasty exit.

“Your presence is making quite an impression,” I say, meeting Kohl’s gaze. The more time I spend with him, the clearer his face becomes, even beneath the hood of his cloak. Pale—though not in a deathly way, ironically—he’s handsome and chiseled, with full lips and brown eyes. But this is how I see him. I tilt my head toward the remaining clientele, all of whom are openly staring. “What do they see when they look at you?”

“Many different things.” Vague, as usual.

Though, I suppose a certain amount of secrecy is required when your job is to deliver souls as per the Oracle’s bidding. Yesterday, I would’ve snarked him out the door for his nonanswer of an answer. Giving him a pass is easier today.

“I apologize for disturbing your patrons.”

“It’s fine. If anyone complains, I’ll set them straight,” I say, grabbing a cloth to wipe down the counter. “So. Daytime visit to my workplace. That’s new. What are you doing here?”

If the next words out of his mouth are more of the romantic, I could not stay away variety, it’s going to be hard to maintain my cool. I’m not impervious to his charms. As it is, not smiling like a smitten schoolgirl is taking effort. Even with the reduced audience, there are enough people watching us, taking in every word and nuance, that Fate’s Falls will be buzzing about a reaper in the coffeehouse. First time in fifteen years that it’s happened, so it’s newsworthy. All I can do now is attempt to limit the scope of that news.

“I was in the neighborhood.”

I shake my head, managing to dam the snort of laughter before it exits my mouth. “From anyone else, that’d be a lame pickup line. But it’s you, so I know you mean it literally. All work and no play for the busy reaper, right?”

A smile tugs at his full lips. “I am in the neighborhood because one of the town’s residents required a guide to the next place, yes. As for your question, the answer lies with you.” Stepping closer, he places both palms on the counter’s edge. “If you are free this evening, I would very much like to play with you.”

The sound of metal clattering on the floor draws every eye in the place. “Sorry!” A deep-pink blush flooding every inch of her face, Dela’s lips twist into a grimace before picking up the metal frothing pitcher she dropped.

Timing not coincidental, I’m sure. I’m grateful for the distraction, though, because it took the attention away from me and my bottom lip, which felt as if it also hit the floor.

“I can’t believe you just said that in a public place,” I say, angling my body to face away from the seating area and its eager audience.

“You used the word ‘play,’ so I returned it. Was it wrong?”

“Not wrong, but—” A glance at the coffee drinkers confirms they’re tuned-in to this conversation that’s none of their business. Fuck it. They’re going to talk, anyway. “The phrase you used has sexual connotations.”

Any gossip that floats around now is totally worth it to see Kohl’s face take on a ghostly pallor and his bottom lip drop.

“I assure you that was not my intention.”

“Obviously.” We both know a sexual relationship isn’t possible. And after last night, I know we both wish it were.

“Shall I clarify the meaning of my invitation with the townspeople present?” he says, extending one arm wide, toward the handful of eavesdropping customers.

Whatever form Kohl appears as to each of them, one thing is clear: none of them want to be in a reaper’s sphere of influence. His sweeping gesture in their direction sends all of them scrambling for the door. Even the seven-foot-tall demon who looks like he fears nothing can’t get to the exit fast enough.

When the door hits the last customer on their way out, I burst into laughter. “Well, that was awesome. Not good for business, but awesome.”

Kohl’s dark brows furrow low. “They have no reason to fear me.”

“Just because Fate’s Falls is inhabited by nonhumans doesn’t mean we’re all experts about every otherworldly species in existence. And as far I know, you’re the only reaper ever to materialize in town, and definitely the only one to appear for reasons other than reaping souls. So, yeah, you popping in to the local coffeehouse midmorning is likely to make the mortal folks edgier than a bucket of our strongest coffee.”

His gaze shifts to Dela, currently slinking off toward the staffroom. “Your friend doesn’t fear me. Why is she leaving?”

Blushing is rarely visible on my skin tone—thank goddess—but its warmth tingles in my cheeks. “She’s giving us privacy.”

“Because of the sexual connotations in my earlier statement about wanting to play with you?”

I choke on a combination of laughter and embarrassment, enough that I have to pound a fist on my sternum to clear my airway. “Um, no. She knows there’s no chance of that happening. Here or anywhere. Ever.” I’ve spent my entire adulthood keeping my emotions and responses in check, but right now, a long, defeated sigh at wanting what I can never have slides past my defenses.

In a literal blink, Kohl is behind the counter with me, enclosing me in a safe embrace. “My sole desire is to spend eternity in your presence, in any form or manner. Anything we share is enough.”

I press my forehead against the front of his cloak, relaxing in spite of the impossibilities of our connection. “You’re going to turn me into a sap, and I hate crying.”

“I know,” he says, running his knuckles up and down my spine. “I have heard your disdain for it many times.”

I snort a laugh, shaking my head as I straighten my spine. “Your lack of shame about creeping on me all these years is next level.”

When I look up at him, he’s smiling, confirming my hunch that he made the comment knowing it’d shake me out of the woe-is-me funk. He might be out of touch with some lingo, but not with me.

The front door chimes as it opens, then closes without anyone coming in. The sound brings Dela, though, her ever-pleasant expression scrunching in confusion as she glances around the customer-less space. “There’s nobody here?”

“Kohl scared them all away.”

“Unintentionally,” he says, managing to look adorably contrite.

Yep, I’m officially smitten.

“Of course you didn’t mean to,” Dela says. “It’ll be different once people get to know you.” With that, she turns her back to us, resuming the cleanup tasks. Doing what she can to give us privacy after showing full support for Kohl’s presence in our workplace and my life. She’s a good person, through and through, and the best friend anyone could ever hope to have.

And the part about things being different when people get to know Kohl… I thought whatever our relationship is, it’d be private. But here he is, in physical form, in public. To see me.

“I will go before I cause further disruption.” Kohl’s words snap me out of my internal musing.

“Probably for the best,” I say, admiring the width of his shoulders and smooth flow of his movements as he makes his way to the opposite side of the counter by walking, not another poof of reaper magic. “You never said why you came by.”

“I did tell you, though with poorly chosen words.”

Reaching across the counter for him is instinctive, but I stop myself, tidying the napkin dispenser instead. “Under different circumstances, your accidental suggestion of playing with me would be perfect. I’ve thought about it. About a lot of playful things.”

Beneath the hood of his cloak, his deep-brown eyes glitter. Reaper magic? Or something more personal?

After clearing my throat of any potential huskiness, I add, “And yes, I’m free tonight.”

“Then I will call on you. There’s somewhere I would like to take you, so…wear long sleeves.”

Not because we’re going somewhere cold. I know it’s to prevent accidental skin-to-skin contact when he transports me. At least I’ll get to be in his arms for the blip of time it takes to poof from one place to the other. “I’ll see you later.”

The Brew ’s door opens as Kohl poofs away, giving me a direct view of the customer entering.

Lexi Goodwin.

Dammit.

“Now that’s something I’ve never seen before.” Lexi’s glossy lips curve into a mischievous smile.

Or maybe it’s not, but that’s how it rubs me. I’m judging her too harshly, I know, but I don’t want her taking an interest in Kohl.

Standing at the counter, Lexi tilts her head toward the space where Kohl stood before vanishing. “Was that the same reaper you mentioned—by name, twice—when you stopped by my store?”

In my peripheral, I see Dela watching. Waiting. “Yep. Same one.” I follow with an immediate, “What can I get for you today, Lexi?”

“Well, I’d love a cup of hot tea, the juicy details kind, but if that’s not on the menu, I’ll take a large pumpkin spice latte, to go.”

“One PSL, coming right up.” Shut down, boom. And I even smile while doing it.

Once my back is turned and I’m busy prepping her drink, Lexi’s voice floats above the sounds of the equipment. “Hey, Dela. You were here while the reaper was. What’s he like? Friendly, I assume?”

The prickle of irritation Lexi always rouses in me blooms into bristly brambles. Words I’ll never be able to take back fly out of my mouth as I spin to face her, slamming her takeout cup on the counter hard enough that her drink slops through the sipping hole. “I may never know what his reaper cock looks or feels like, but I’m sure as hell not letting you take a mold of it for your magically infused dildo business.”

Half a dozen feet away, Dela claps a hand over her mouth. In front of me, Lexi does a couple of slow blinks before a wide, genuine smile overtakes her face.

“Looks like you’re serving the tea after all. And it’s exactly the kind I hoped for. The reason I stopped by, in fact, though you do make a mean pumpkin spice latte.” Eyes twinkling, she swipes a manicured fingertip over the escaped topping, then pops the puff of foam into her mouth. “A little too much emphasis on mean , but I get the reason for it. I can help with that, too.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, and have no time to play riddle games with you,” I say as I pivot away from her.

“It’s not a riddle or a game, Shay. I’m here at my great-aunt’s request. I knew she planned to give you Cookie, and I know why. I’d like to share Minerva’s reason with you, and help fulfil the purpose of your familiar.”

When I turn to face her again, there’s only sincerity in her expression. Accepting her offer is on the tip of my tongue, but I owe her an apology first. Another one.

The first of the usual lunch crowd rolls in, voices and laughter taking up the silent space. Lexi makes a “call me” gesture with her free hand while waving the coffee cup at Dela and me. Then the green witch sashays out, leaving the very intriguing ball in my court.