Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

A fter so many years, the prospect was daunting. It was somehow both terrifying and exhilarating. Gwen trusted him, and although he wasn’t sure he was deserving of that trust, he had faith in her judgment.

He took the hand she offered and allowed her to lead him across the room to the bed.

“It’s alright, Ash.” She smiled up at him and squeezed his hand before turning to face the bed. She bent over and laid the top of her body across the bed. It took a moment for him to understand, but when he did, it was like a knife being plunged into his gut. She’d never known any other way. His eyes slid shut as he breathed in deeply through his nose. His heart broke, seeing her bent over the bed, expecting he was just going to take her.

He rubbed a gentle caress over her back. “Stand up, Gwen,” he said, softly. “That’s not how we’re going to do this.” She straightened and turned to face him, her cheeks stained with pink.

“Do you want me somewhere else?” Her eyes darted around the room.

He hooked a finger under her chin to get her eyes on him. “I want you right here, Angel.” He lowered his lips to hers, kissing her tenderly. She responded with quick passion, taking the lead and plunging her tongue into his mouth. Dear God. He’d once again intended to take it slowly, but that seemed to be impossible with her. Her eagerness sparked his own passion. Soon, their tongues were dueling, a seductive dance of give and take.

“I need to feel your skin against mine,” he said breathlessly, slipping the buttons open on his shirt.

She nodded fervently and untied her sash, shrugging out of her robe allowing it to pool on the floor. She stood gloriously naked before him, and his damn buttons weren’t cooperating. He ripped the shirt the rest of the way and flung the garment onto the floor. He wrapped his arms around her, crushing her against him. A groan issued from his lips. The softness of her breasts pressed against his chest sent desire coursing through his veins. As his lips trailed along her neck, his hands explored every inch of her he could reach. Her skin was delectable, and the round globes of her backside, both firm and soft as he squeezed them. How could he instantly be so needy? His loins throbbed with desire.

Her small hands slid between them, fiddling with the fastening of his trousers. He stepped away from her. “We have to do the shoes first.” He sat on the side of the bed and quickly untied his boots and kicked them off.

He placed his hands on his trousers. “Are you still sure you want this, Gwen?”

She tilted her head exasperatedly. “Yes.”

A moment later, he was completely naked, and feeling surprisingly vulnerable as her eyes swept over his body. Tentatively, she placed her fingertips to his chest, her lips following shortly behind.

“I’ve never really… May I?” She didn’t seem to be able to complete her question, but he understood. Somehow, she’d never seen a man fully naked and wanted to explore.

“You may do whatever your heart desires.”

With an appreciative smile, she stepped back, just far enough to see properly, but still close enough to touch. Her fingertips brushed over his ribs, stopping at a scar that snaked around from the back. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to it. His stomach did a strange sort of flutter. The gesture shook loose a haze of confusing emotions.

Slowly, she made her way around his body, her fingers never leaving his skin. She didn’t gasp or step away in horror at the sight of his gruesome back. Nearly every inch was covered with ugly, raised scars, from his shoulders to his knees. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed herself against the length of his back, the side of her face resting between his shoulder blades. She didn’t move, or speak. Her breath fanned over his skin as she tried to take away the pain of his past.

Slowly, she pressed gentle kisses across his back, starting at his shoulder and zigzagging her way down. She didn’t stop when she reached his bottom and he sucked in a breath as her lips pressed against the exposed skin. He closed his eyes, his heart stuttering at the intimacy of what she was doing. Somehow, it wasn’t purely sexual, or even primarily so. Not that he wasn’t still desperately hard with wanting. But what she was doing was so much more. Incredibly, she really was taking away his pain and his shame. His angel. She kissed all the way down to the few scars that striped across his calves before she eventually stood, once more.

She kissed her way around his shoulder to finally gaze up at him. “You’re beautiful, Ash.”

His instinct was to think she was teasing, but it was obvious she wasn't. How was that even possible? He’d seen the scars countless times in the mirror, and even he didn’t like looking at them. “You don’t think the scars are ugly?”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry for the pain you had to endure, but they are part of you. A reflection of your strength, a testament to all you’ve overcome. It’s incredible that you’ve become such a kind, caring person, in spite of the horrible things that have been inflicted upon you.”

He encircled her with his arms, drawing her against him again. Why did her closeness bring him so much comfort? He could happily hold her like this forever. But they didn’t have forever. They only had tonight.

He claimed her lips, pouring his soul into her and taking whatever she would give in return. It really did feel as if their essences were connecting just as their mouths were. Overwhelmed, his heart galloped inside his chest as he gasped for breath. She whimpered as his fingers encased her breast. He flicked over the velvety tip with his thumb, and her body arched against him in response. He dipped his head, suckling briefly on the other nipple, and her fingers immediately gripped his hair. He smiled against her breast, flicking the nipple roughly with his tongue, and she squirmed, panting with need.

“Ash, I need more.”

“You need me here?” He rested two fingers gently between her thighs.

“Yes!” Her voice was a harsh whisper. Wet heat surrounded his fingers as she rocked against him.

“Slow down, Angel.”

She whined when he removed his fingers from between her legs. He pulled the blankets back and climbed underneath, patting the bed beside him. “Don’t worry,” he said as she slid in next to him. “I promise I’ll take care of you.”

He drew her nipple into his mouth. Never would he tire of the way she writhed with need from that simple act. He slipped his fingers between her legs, once more, and she groaned appreciatively. Slowly, he moved down to her entrance.

“May I?” He looked into her eyes and waited for her nod before he gently pressed a finger inside. She was so wet, so ready for him. He added a second finger and she groaned. An exquisite thrill filled his body, feeling her soft walls squeezing him.

Pushing himself up, he moved and settled himself between her legs, his tip nudging against her entrance. “Are you still sure?” he asked one last time.

“Ash! I’m desperate for it. Please.”

“Thank God, because I am too.” He was rewarded with a smile that conveyed so much happiness, but also something that looked like pride. It felt ridiculous that she would be proud of him for wanting this, and yet, he needed her to be.

Gently, he pressed himself into her body. My God, it was incredible. A look of shock came over her face. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“I didn’t know it could feel like this, that it could be pleasurable.”

“It only gets better from here,” he said as he pulled out and plunged into her again. Jesus. How could anything feel so wondrous? After fourteen years of celibacy, this wasn’t going to last long, but he was determined to hold out long enough to get her to the promised land, or die trying.

He crushed his lips to hers in a demanding kiss. Her moans filled his mouth as her pleasure grew. The amorous sounds made his own passions burn even hotter.

She was wonderfully expressive, panting needy groans with her burgeoning pleasure. Her fingers dug into his shoulders.

“Oh, God. Ash.”

Her encouraging words and sounds made it nearly impossible for him to hold on. His own pleasure on a razor’s edge.

“That’s it, Angel. Come for me.”

Her eyes grew wide and she nodded frenziedly, somehow understanding words that must be foreign to her. Her voice escalated and then she shouted to the heavens. She writhed beneath him, her body contracting around him. He carried her through her pleasure as long as he could manage before he had to wrench himself out of her. A feral roar ripped from deep inside him as his own climax claimed him. Violent spasms tore through him, his seed spilling over her thigh. His arms shook, barely able to hold his weight. When the spasms finally eased, he collapsed beside her.

He allowed himself a moment to recover, but he needed to get her cleaned up. With a herculean effort, he threw the blankets back and climbed off the bed.

“Wait,” she called after him. “Don’t leave me.”

“I’m not leaving, Angel.” He bent down and kissed her softly. “I’ll be right back.”

He walked to his dressing room and quickly wet a cloth. “I’m sorry it’s cold.”

She gasped quietly as he placed the damp cloth on her thigh. He gently cleaned the mess from her skin, and then wiped the cloth lightly between her legs, for good measure. “There. All clean.”

He deposited it in his dressing room before climbing back into the warm bed. He pulled her tightly against him, her bottom nestled against his groin. He draped one arm over her, settling his palm over her breast. Her soft giggle warmed his heart.

“That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.” Her voice was hoarse, and the knowledge that he’d brought her the pleasure that caused it to be that way, stroked his ridiculous ego.

“And me.” He was still out of breath.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better, you know.” He could practically hear her eyes roll.

He bit her shoulder playfully. “Oh, I’m not lying, Gwen. I’ve never experienced anything so powerful in all my life.” He kissed the spot he’d bitten. “You, my angel, are incredible.”

How in God’s name was he going to give this up?

A long silence fell before she spoke again. “You know, you never did tell me about Trent.”

Ash chuckled. “I’m afraid I'm not capable of that many words just now. Why don’t we save that conversation for tomorrow’s train ride?”

“Fair enough.” She snuggled herself more tightly against him, placing her own hand over the one that covered her breast.

“Mmmmm. Sleep tight, Angel.”

* * *

The next morning, Ash woke before dawn. He felt guilty slipping out of bed and leaving Gwen to wake up alone, but he had countless things to take care of before they could leave. Not to mention, if he stayed in bed, he’d want to make love to her again, and that couldn’t happen. As incredible as the night had been, it was over. It was time for them to return to Raven House, and to their lives as employer and employee, once more. Somehow.

He wrote a quick note and left it on the pillow beside her. Hopefully that would help some. “Goodbye, my angel,” he whispered as he looked down at her in the darkness. Next, it was time to dress and face his first task. He let out a sigh as he rang for Benson.

“Good morning, my lord. You’re looking well.”

“This scruffy face would suggest otherwise.” He rubbed his hand over his bristly chin.

“Well then, let’s get you shaved, shall we?”

Ash sat down and Benson draped a towel under his chin and around his neck. “I want to thank you, Benson. It has been a pleasure having you take care of me these few days.”

“I assure you, my lord, it has been my honor.” Ash would miss Benson. Fogg was a fine valet and served him well, but Benson looked at Ash as a loving father might.

“It’s time for me to head back to London today, but I’m hoping you might consider staying on here in my absence. I don’t know whether Trent would allow you to act as valet for him. He’s certainly never had a manservant, and I believe his independence and stubbornness will make him refuse. But I’d like it if you could try to keep an eye on him and report to me.”

His brow furrowed. “Like a spy, my lord?”

“No. I just want to know that he’s taken care of mostly. He’s never had a father, and I think he could use someone around who can impart gentle wisdom.”

“I’m not sure it’s my place, my lord, and I doubt I’m the best source for wisdom.”

“All I know is that these past few days have made me wish I’d had a man like you as my father.”

“I’d be proud if you were my son, Master Adrian.” Tears glistened in the man’s eyes.

Benson removed the towel and Ash stood. He placed a firm hand on the older man’s shoulder. “You’re a good man, Benson. Will you take me up on my offer?”

“I’d be honored to, my lord.”

When Ash was dressed, Benson handed him his cane, with not so much as a raised eyebrow. Apparently, someone had found it on the piano where he’d left it.

“Thank you. You’ve saved me a trip down the stairs without it.”

Who would ever have thought that coming back to this awful place would give Ash the opportunity to begin to heal his crippled soul? As he made his way across the house to find Trent, he could almost feel that the shattered pieces of his heart had begun to put themselves back together again.

He eventually found Trent in the nursery with Maggie. The pair of them were sitting in a circle with a couple of dolls, apparently enjoying a lovely tea. It was about time there was some life in this old house. Perhaps a bit of laughter and joy would help to chase away some of the shadows.

Maggie’s eyes lit when she spotted him in the doorway. “Uncle Ash! Come and join us for tea!”

He chuckled. “I’d be honored to.”

“Good morning,” Trent said, as Ash lowered himself to the floor. There was something off, a coldness that hadn’t been there the last time they’d spoken.

“Good morning, Trent. I trust you slept well.”

“You have to hold it like this,” Maggie interrupted before Trent could answer. She modeled how to properly hold the teacup, her little pinky sticking up.

Ash laughed. “Like this?”

She nodded approvingly at his attempt, followed by a round of giggles. He’d miss her. It seemed strange that such a thing could be possible, considering he hadn’t even known she existed a few days ago.

After a short time, Ash got to his feet and rang for a servant to watch over Maggie.

By the time he and Trent were settled into Ash’s study, his concern had grown immensely. Trent hadn’t spoken a single word to him other than his initial greeting.

“What’s bothering you, Trent? Are you having some reservations?”

He shrugged. “Perhaps I am.”

“If this is going to work,”—Ash gestured between the two of them—“we’re going to have to be up front and honest with each other. If you need something, or if you have concerns, you’re just going to have to tell me.”

“Very well.” His mouth was set in a grim line. “I believe you have misrepresented yourself.”

The accusation made Ash a bit irritable. “I’m going to need more than that, Trent.”

“Well, last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to do a bit of wandering.” His eyes met Ash’s, and there was loathing within them. “I saw you with Gwen.”

Ash nodded and let out a long sigh. “Whatever you think that was, I can promise you it wasn’t.”

Trent huffed a cynical laugh. “I’m not a complete fool, Ash. After all your talk of no one touching the women who work for you. Especially you.” He rolled his eyes. “I heard the pair of you in the ballroom and then I watched you carry her up the stairs. I think we can both agree that you weren’t giving her piano lessons in there.”

Ash sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. If this were anyone else, he’d just punch them in their impertinent face and be done with it, but Trent needed to understand or he would never trust him.

“Well, up front and honest it is. When you are,”—Ash held out his hands, indicating his ownership of everything around them—“there is never a time when you are not in a position of power. If she’s an employee, if she works in a brothel, even a mistress, they are all subordinate in some way. It took me a few years of being away from this place to really understand that. Once I did, I stopped allowing myself those types of interactions. I set strict rules for myself, sure that if I didn’t have them, I’d inevitably become my father who took whatever he wanted, from whomever he wanted. Because of that, I’ve been celibate for fourteen years.”

Trent’s brow was furrowed, his eyes scouring Ash’s face, but he didn’t ask any questions, so Ash continued.

“As for Gwen, she has spent the past year believing herself to be married to someone who was, well, probably a lot like my father, actually. She has since discovered that was all a lie, after enduring a year of unspeakable abuse.” Ash looked into Trent’s eyes. “So what you witnessed last night was not me taking advantage of a subordinate. It was two very damaged people, trying to help one another to heal. Today, we are returning to Raven House where she will once again be my employee and my rules will be firmly back in place.”

Trent nodded, his eyes glazing over a bit as his thoughts turned inward. After a moment, he met Ash’s gaze. “I’m sorry, Ash. I shouldn’t have made assumptions. But since we’re being upfront and honest, perhaps you’ll allow me to share some of my own story as an explanation.”

“By all means. I’d love to know anything about your life that you’re willing to share.”

“The truth is, I feel as if we may be kindred spirits in some ways. You see, I am also celibate for the same kinds of reasons. Although, I’ve never actually… well…” His eyes flicked up to Ash’s probably expecting some kind of ridicule, but when there was none, he continued. “My mother sometimes had to give favors to men in order to keep a roof over our heads. That’s how Maggie came to be.” He shrugged. “I’ve just never wanted to be one of those men, the predators who took advantage of my mother.” He let out a long sigh.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help your mother, Trent.”

He nodded, sadness settling on his face. “Anyway, I suppose that’s why I immediately thought the worst when I saw you with Gwen, and I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize. There was no reason you should have thought any differently.” Ash gave him a sad smile. “We’re quite the pair, you and I. I guess we truly are brothers.”

They shared a laugh. Trent was a good man, and Ash was grateful to suddenly have him in his life.

“You’re young, though. There’s hope for you yet. Perhaps once you settle into your role here, you can find yourself a lovely wife.”

“One can only hope, I suppose. And what of you?”

Ash flicked his hand through the air waving the idea aside. “I’m going back to my life as a perpetual bachelor, running my club, making money, growing my little empire. It’s enough to keep me busy.”

“Somehow I have my doubts it will go that way.” There was a bit of teasing in Trent’s raised brow.

“What does that mean?”

“Well, all due respect, but I think you’re being naive to believe everything is just going to go back to the way it was. I’m no expert on the subject, but I saw the way you looked at Gwen as you carried her up the stairs. Even in the dark it was obvious you are completely besotted.”

Ash shook his head. Trent wasn’t wrong. Of course he was besotted, but that didn’t matter. “I don’t have that luxury.”

“Well, good luck, then.”

Ash barked a laugh. He was going to need all the luck he could get.

“On to other business. I wanted to talk to you about Benson, the man who’s been acting as my valet while I’ve been here. I’ve asked him to stay on here and keep an eye on things. He will be at your disposal if you need anything.”

“One of your spies?”

“It’s funny you should say that, because that’s exactly what he said when I asked him to keep an eye on you. These past few days, Benson has been a caring, fatherly kind of figure to me, and I have truly appreciated it. I think you could probably use that, as well. He has a lot of wisdom to impart and warmth to share.” Ash shrugged. “I hope one day you’ll even allow him to act as a valet for you.” He could see Trent gearing up to argue, so he held up a hand to stop him.

“I know you’re not ready for that, and maybe you never will be, but when you have a good valet, they can become a bit of a confidante. A friendly face at the end of a rotten day. Benson is a good man, and you can trust him.”

Trent pondered quietly for a moment. “Thank you. I suppose I hadn’t ever really thought of any of that. I’ll be sure to talk to him.”

“Good. Now, I have one other thing to take care of before I go. I need to address the staff, and I'd like it if you were there, as well, so that I can introduce you formally.”

Trent blew out a long breath.

“Don’t worry,” Ash assured him. “They don’t bite.”