Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

W hen Gwen woke, she knew before she even opened her eyes that she was alone in the bed. Ash’s warmth wasn’t there, and she already missed it. There was a piece of paper on the pillow beside hers.

Gwen,

I’m sorry I left you, but I have a lot to take care of before our departure. You needn't worry about anything, so enjoy a warm bath and take your time getting ready.

Ash

No ‘Angel'. He wasn’t only gone from the bed, he was gone from her. Even though she’d known it was coming, her heart still broke. She wouldn’t cry, or fall to pieces. If he knew she was hurting, he’d blame himself, so she steeled herself, threw back the blanket, and climbed out of his bed for the last time.

She did order herself a hot bath. She wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity for one more soak in that luxurious tub. Her inner thigh muscles ached slightly as she lowered herself into the steamy, fragrant water, likely from all the shaking they’d done the night before. As she washed between her legs, she could still feel him there, and remembered what it was like having him buried deep inside her. She would cherish every memory she had of their time together here.

When she eventually made her way down the main staircase, there was a line of servants filing into the ballroom. The ballroom. She stood, frozen in place on the stairs until long after the last person disappeared into the room. After a few minutes, determined to not allow her pain to show, she straightened her spine and quietly slipped through the door.

Ash stood before the entire group, a commanding presence as his deep voice filled the room.

“I’d like to introduce you all to Mr. Gibson. He is—” His head whipped to the side, his gaze immediately locking on her. The slightest hint of a smile graced his lips. He had smelled her. She blushed with the realization and the memory of exactly what had occurred on that piano he now stood in front of.

He shook his head as if to clear it. “Mr. Gibson will be overseeing the estate in my absence and he will be in residence. If you need anything, or have anything to report, he will be available to you. One thing I’d like to make clear is that things are going to be very different around here moving forward. I want every person here to feel safe in this house. If any of you ever feel unsafe, from anyone, that includes Mr. Gibson, any other staff or visitors, anyone, I want you to report it immediately. You may bring it to the attention of Mrs. Archer, Mr. Moulton, Mr. Gibson, or directly to me. I will ensure that each and every one of you has my direction so that you may reach out to me via post or telegram. Your safety and happiness are of the utmost importance to me. Is that clear?”

There was a chorus of “Yes, my lord,” from the servants. A few of the women breathed a sigh of relief, but most of them seemed unsure of what to think about the pronouncement.

“As a thank you for your loyalty even in my absence, you will all be receiving bonuses.” Gwen watched all of their faces brighten. Pride blossomed inside her chest. In order to improve the lives of the people who worked for him, he was making a permanent connection with this place, even though it was the source of so many nightmares. Of course, none of them would ever know that. Benson was probably the only other person here to ever see his scars, and she was the only one to hold his shaking body when he awoke from a night terror. She didn’t blame him for leaving this place as quickly as possible, even if she wished they could stay forever.

The long train ride was pleasant, if a little awkward. At first, it was obvious they both had pasted on smiles, but eventually, they settled into comfortable conversation. He told her all about Trent and his vision for the estate moving forward. They talked of the weather. They talked of the changes that had taken place at Raven House since last she was there. Apparently, both Patrick and Michael had married, and Patrick’s mother-in-law now acted as surrogate mother and manager to all of the ladies. It was hard to believe those two men had married. All three of them had been decided bachelors, as far as Gwen had always known. Although, according to Ash, Michael had actually been betrothed the whole time. There was also a new addition to the group of partners, named Giles. Perhaps all the changes would make it easier to return.

What they didn’t discuss were all of the wonderful things that had happened between them over the last few days. It couldn’t continue, no matter how much she wished it could, so there was no point in dwelling or reminiscing. Although, she did wonder if he, too, was sad to see it end.

When the hired hack pulled up to the backdoor of Raven House, Ash helped her to step down. It was one of the few times they’d made physical contact during the journey, and even with gloves on, it sent a thrill through her. Their eyes met briefly before he quickly looked away.

It was dark, but the porte cochere was lit by two lamps. Her breath created clouds as it left her lips, which was strangely comforting. It was as if the cold outside somehow offset the cold that had settled around her heart.

As she looked up at the entrance to Raven House a mass of emotions fought for her attention. She was frightened, of course. Not because this was new. She’d obviously been here before. But the last time, it had been a refuge, a stepping stone to help her to a better life. She’d certainly managed to muck that up. She felt like a naughty child being sent back to school.

A large man Gwen didn’t recognize held the door for them. Probably someone who had been hired since last she was here.

“Welcome home, boss. We didn’t expect you back so quickly.”

“Neither did I, but everything went smoothly.”

It was a change to have him back to boss instead of my lord. Another reminder that things were back to the way they had been once before.

The moment they walked through the door, someone shouted. “Gwen? Is it really you?”

Gwen couldn’t help but return Daisy’s excited smile. “I’m like a bad penny,” she said with a shrug. Daisy squealed and threw her arms around her.

“I can’t believe it! Are you staying?” She didn’t wait for an answer before turning her sights on Ash.

“If she’s staying, she’s in my room.” She pointed a demanding finger at him.

Ash held up his hands. “Whatever you say, Daisy.”

He had such an easy way with all of the ladies here. Was it possible they could fall back into that again?

“I’m running late, so I have to dash, but it’s the last door on the left. Make yourself at home.” She gave Gwen another quick hug and bussed her cheek before disappearing up the stairs.

At least she had been greeted by a friendly face. Daisy was such a lovely person. It was a surprise to see her still here, but a welcome one. Gwen would be happy to share a room with her.

“I thought I heard a commotion out here.” A woman entered the main area from the hall that housed all of the ladies’ chambers.

“Ah, Sarah. Gwen, this is Sarah. I told you about her on the train. Sarah, this is Gwen. She’s not new here, but she has been away for about eighteen months or so. Will you please help her to settle in? Daisy has demanded that she stay with her.”

Sarah’s smile was warm and welcoming. “Of course I will, Ash. Don’t you worry about a thing.”

Sarah escorted her to Daisy’s room and fretted over her for at least a quarter hour before Gwen finally managed to convince her that she was fine and not in need of anything. The moment the door closed behind Sarah and Gwen was finally alone, her smile fell. The dam that had been holding back her burgeoning emotions all day, suddenly gave way. And as if it had been the only thing keeping her upright, her legs crumpled with it and she collapsed to the floor as sobs broke from her. A tidal wave of grief washed over her.

Her heart ached with a kind of pain she didn’t even know existed. How was she possibly going to survive this?

* * *

Ash breathed in deeply as the smells and sounds of the Raven’s Den welcomed him home. A cacophony of noise and the aroma of all that accompanied it. Booze, cards, tobacco smoke, clay chips, he could smell them all. For most people, it would be an assault to the senses, but for Ash, it was home.

Michael stood on the balcony watching over the gaming floor below. “I’m gone less than a week and already you have ladies running late for their shifts?”

Michael swung around, his face bright with surprise and delight. “Ash! We didn’t expect you back so soon.”

As he moved closer, Michael’s delight faltered. “Jesus, man. Is everything alright?”

Ash nodded. “Everything is taken care of. I’m glad to be home.”

Michael’s eyebrows rose inquiringly. “That’s it?”

Ash chuckled. “I’m tired and there’s a lot to tell. I’d rather only do it once, at tomorrow’s meeting. I just came over to make sure the club was still standing. It looks like you have it well in hand.”

“Of course we do. Now go get some sleep. You look like you’ve just risen from the dead.”

Ash could barely even laugh at the remark. “I imagine I do.”

“Get some rest, Ash. I want you well enough to give a full account tomorrow.”

“You might be sorry you asked for it.” He gave Michael a half-hearted salute with his cane and headed back the way he’d come in.

Fogg was standing in his bedroom when he entered a few minutes later. “You’re a welcome sight. I wasn’t sure if you’d be here tonight, but thank God you are. I’m not sure I have the energy to even undress myself.”

“Of course I’m here.”

“I didn’t think you’d know I was coming home tonight.”

“Knowing where you are is the most important part of my job, Ash.”

“I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve the amazing people I have around me, but I am grateful to all of you.”

“Well, to the rest of us, it’s obvious you’re deserving. Now, let’s get you ready for bed. You look like you’re ready to drop where you stand.”

“Any news?” Ash asked, as Fogg helped him to undress.

“Not yet, but we’ll find him, Ash.”

He was growing impatient. He wanted to make the man suffer for hurting Gwen. His angel. He couldn’t seem to stop thinking of her that way. But she wasn’t his, in any way, anymore.

His bed was cold without her in his arms and he was agitated. He’d seen her sadness. Oh, she’d tried her best to hide it from him, to spare him from the guilt she’d known he would feel. But he could see it, a shadow deep in her eyes, the sparkle growing less bright as the day went on and they traveled farther away from Woodburn Hall. He’d wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright. But that was one of the few things he simply couldn’t do, and it killed him inside. He had so much power and so many connections. He could move mountains when he brought all of his resources to bear, but he couldn’t give her what she needed.

She needed someone who was whole. Someone who wasn’t scarred inside and out. Someone who was respectable and didn’t own a gaming hell. Someone who wasn’t him. And yet, the thought of her with someone else, grated at his heart and turned his stomach. He rolled over and pounded a fist into his pillow. Maybe it didn’t matter. She’d said she didn’t want to marry again, and perhaps she wouldn’t.

He sat up in bed, his elbows on his knees, fingers gripped into his hair. Sleep was not going to happen, regardless of how tired he was. As he felt the scars stretch tight across his back, his mind replayed the events of last night. Was it really just last night? He could still feel her soft lips against his skin. Her tender affection helping his heart to begin to heal. But now it was breaking all over again. He sighed.

Something had to break, so it might as well be his heart. It could not be his will.