Chapter 23

23

T he urge to run to her almost overwhelmed him.

Douglas stood at the door as her parents left and just watched her. He saw her pale face and the circles around those luminous green eyes told him that she’d tossed and turned as he had since they parted in the night. He ached to hold her again, to be part of her once more, to fill his own emptiness by becoming one with her. But fear held him back.

If he moved or breathed or blinked, he feared she would disappear in a mist as his dreams of her always had. He had trouble convincing himself that his dreams had come alive in the cave last night. He woke constantly through the short night, each time believing that he would be in his own bed at the manor house in modern-day Dunnedin and she would be gone.

That’s what he hoped for, wasn’t it? He wanted to go home He was really just a visitor and he would go home and have her behind in her own time and place. After last night, how could he do that? But, even after last night, did he have a choice?

Caitlin stepped toward him and stopped. Fear. It was there in her eyes, too. They were both caught up in the same feelings of hope and fear.

“Douglas, kiss me afore I believe ’twas only a dream again.”

He ran the few yards that separated them and swept her up in his arms, swinging her around and around. He slowed and gathered her tightly to him, enjoying the feel of her against him. She was real, flesh and blood and in his arms .

She lifted her face to him and closed her eyes. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to hers. He felt her sigh against his mouth as she opened once more for him. His tongue dipped inside to taste and feel. He raised his face from hers and smiled.

“Betony tea with a drop of honey?”

Laughing, she reached up and kissed him lightly. “There’s a fresh pot on the hearth. Can I get ye some?” Turning and walking toward the fireplace, she added, “Hiv ye eaten yet? Some of Mam’s oatcakes are on the table.”

“I meant that’s what you taste of,” he said as he licked his lips. “But, yes, I’ll have some of my own as well.”

The routine they’d created over the last weeks took over and soon he sat on this extraordinary morning after an incredible night, drinking betony tea and eating oatcakes. Eating and drinking as though his world had not turned upside down and back again. As though he had not found the woman of his dreams and made her his, and become hers. As though he belonged here, in this room and in this time.

For a brief moment he let himself imagine how it would be to wake with her every morning of his life. How would it feel to take his place by her side as a healer and work for the good of the clan. How would it be to marry her and have children with her and live a long uncomplicated life with her as his wife.

Now, he was dreaming. Whatever force had brought him here would be taking him back soon. It would be better to enjoy what time they had together, teach her as much as he could to aid her in her duties and then return home with as few regrets as possible.

“So what do we have to do today?”

“More herbs to crush and store. Those”—she pointed at the left side of the rack over their heads—”are ready.”

“Why do you bother with those? Can’t you just use your gift to rid the clan of disease and injuries?”

“Is yer disbelief back, Douglas?”

“No. I saw what you can do. But, I feel like you’ve been wasting time these last weeks teaching me about your herbs. ”

“I canna fix all the ills that face my clan. My gift is for those who canna heal wi’out it.”

“So, you will use what I show you…?” He left off the “after I leave.”

“Oh, aye, Douglas. Everything ye hiv taught me will be so helpful to what I do.”

He’d truly misunderstood this gift of hers. She guarded it and used it carefully as the precious thing it was. The techniques he could teach her would make her life as the clan healer easier. For all she’d given him, it was the least he could do.

“Do we visit as well today?”

“There are a few who need our attention. And I’d like to look in on Gavin.”

“Are you tired?” he asked quietly, changing the subject without warning. He’d wondered at her thoughts about last night. She’d said nothing that gave him any hint. Now, he smiled at the blush that spread up her neck and face, even to the tips of her ears.

“Aye, I am tired this morn,” she whispered.

“Do you hurt?” She may have been manhandled by those miscreants in the woods that night but she was virgin to everything they did last night. He’d lost control over his desires and couldn’t stop touching and loving her in the hours they spent in the cave. He should’ve been more sensitive to her lack of experience and stopped after the first time. But, when he held her and felt her, alive and welcoming, he could not hold back the passion that had built for years.

“I do ache, Douglas, but more to hiv ye again than from anything we did. I must say that my bath is no’ usually so eventful.”

She wanted him again? He thought maybe she would be sore. Instead she wanted him!

“Maybe we can meet at the cave again, tonight?” He wanted to hold back and not let this physical need for her get the upper hand, but he could not resist her invitation.

“Tonight is the ceilidh, Douglas, for the villagers. Did ye forget? ”

“I did forget.” And he would like to ignore this village dance and keep her all to himself. God, what was happening to him? He was acting like a teenager with no self-control. She did this to him. “So, a long day will be even longer.”

“At least we will sleep tonight.”

“Or collapse before,” he added.

With the endless day looming before him, he stretched his arms and rolled his shoulders to loosen the muscles. If there was a God, he wouldn’t have to dance at this village party. But Douglas had a feeling that the Fates Caitlin swore by were women. The night would tell.

The Fates were definitely female.

Douglas could almost hear their laughing as he stumbled around yet again in what he would describe as a medieval game of torture. His clan in Scotland would rather hear it called a country dance but he knew better as his feet threatened to tumble him to the floor at any moment. Only the warm look in Caitlin’s eyes could have induced him to take part in this.

Brodie trotted by, hand in hand with his wife Rachelle, not looking embarrassed at all by the silly steps he took in the circle. Of course, he never took his eyes from his wife’s so he would never know if anyone was taking notice of him or not. Maybe that was the trick, look into Caitlin’s eyes and ignore everything else.

Before he could try out his new strategy, the music ended and the dancers separated, most out of breath as he was from the fast pace. He tried to hold onto her hand, but she was pulled from his grasp by a chattering group of young women. As he watched, Caitlin whispered and laughed along with them. She reminded him of his younger sister and her friends when they were in high school.

They’d spent so much time alone together that this was the first time he’d seen her with people her own age, her friends in the village. Their age difference stared him in the face for the first time. Thirty suddenly felt ancient as she stood surrounded by the other girls. Well, it didn’t matter since he would be leaving the village soon. Maybe if he was staying, it would be a problem. So, he stood, watching every smile that lit on her face and feeling very much an outsider.

“So, ’tis true?” A large thump on his back caught him unaware. Turning around, he faced the laird.

“Robert,” he held out his hand in greeting. “I didn’t see you. Is what true?”

“Ye hiv developed tender feelings for that lovely lass over there. ’Tis the talk of the ceilidh.”

“It is?” Shaking his head, Douglas wondered how to stall this kind of gossip. He had been too obvious in his behavior tonight.

“Actually, I’ve heard of it before this night.” Robert laughed. “Yer wear a scowl on yer face, Douglas. ’Twas it to be a secret?”

“Nothing can come of my feelings about Caitlin, as you must realize. And, if I do anything to ruin her standing in the clan, I won’t live to return to my own time.” He rubbed his face, hearing Pol’s words in his mind. I willna hiv her disgraced or embarrassed afore her family and clan.

“So, Pol has made his position on this clear to ye?”

“Absolutely clear.” He would have to step back from Caitlin, at least in his dealings with her in public. Rumors of their involvement could make it very difficult when he left and she remained. He had to think this through and watching her in the midst of family and friends made it impossible to do so.

“Robert, I need to leave for a while. Tell Caitlin I’ll see her in the morning?”

Robert nodded his understanding and stepped aside. As Douglas passed by, Robert caught his arm.

“I regret that ye canna stay with us and let this relationship with Caitlin proceed. But I think ye do the right thing in keeping it a private matter.”

“But, if you already heard of it, then it’s not so private.”

“Dinna worry, I heard it from a very discreet source. Anice would not spread gossip about that would injure Caitlin, she’s too fond of the girl. And, we’re both so indebted to her mother that we could do nothing but protect her.”

Douglas nodded, not completely convinced of the limited scope of the news. Robert released his arm and he walked out of the great room, not seeing or hearing much else.

Following a long hallway, he turned into the stairwell and climbed to the third level. His room was the second chamber. Taking a candle from the small table, he lit it from a torch in the hall and entered the place he’d been assigned for his stay.

It was really only an antechamber for the larger unused room next to it but it afforded him much more privacy than staying in the men’s barracks did. The room was clean and well-kept at the orders of the Lady Anice. And with the brazier lit, it was warm in spite of the swirling November winds outside.

Douglas walked over and stared out the tiny windowpane. From his place, he could see the front gate and most of the courtyard between the keep and the castle wall. And none of this would be there when he returned home.

The castle would be scattered ruins, the village would grow and spread away from this area and be rebuilt many times over the centuries. When he thought of it in those terms, this all seemed incredible. And what about the people?

All of them would be long dead and forgotten when he was home. Moira and Pol, Robert and Anice and Caitlin. With the scarcity of records from that time in history, finding out their fates would be an impossible task. So, they would cease to exist—actually they’d ceased centuries ago.

How had his parents coped with this sense of loss? They’d known many of the same people he’d met in his time here—Moira and Pol, Brodie and Rachelle, Anice and others. He cursed himself for not paying more attention to those bedtime stories.

That’s how his parents had coped! By telling those stories over and over, they kept alive the people in them. Like the ancient Egyptians who believed that a person was not truly dead if their name was uttered, Maggie and Alex MacKendimen had never let go of the spirits of those they’d met in their trip to this time. They’d kept their friends alive by talking and telling about them.

He turned away from the window and leaned against the wall. The coldness of the stone seeped through the wool he wore and into his skin. He raked his overgrown hair with his hands and sighed. Who would he tell?

Certainly he could never share the details of this experience with his friends in Chicago. And his medical colleagues would wonder if he hadn’t cracked under too much stress. There were always his parents and family, however. They would listen and know the truth of it. He could tell his parents what had become of the friends they’d known.

But who could he tell about Caitlin and what she’d brought to his life in such a short time? About the way his heart felt when she smiled at him with those magic green eyes? About her touch and the chills it sent racing through his blood? About the way his name sounded when she whispered it in the middle of making love.

“Douglas.”

He closed his eyes and let the sound of it pass over him. He would never hear his name said that way again after he left her and this time behind. Only in his dreams would he hear her or touch her again.

“Douglas.”

Once more he heard her voice and he tried to memorize the sound. Opening his eyes, he looked across the room and into the face of the woman he loved.