Chapter 24

24

“ A re ye unweel, Douglas?”

The tears burning in his throat and eyes prevented him from speaking. He gazed at her, imprinting this vision in his memory so he would never forget. The low light given off by the candle framed her against the darkened hallway behind her. Waves of ebony hair cascaded down over her shoulders all the way to her hips. Her pale skin made even more luminescent and her fiery emerald eyes more shimmery in the candle’s flickering glow.

She stepped farther in and pushed the door closed behind her. He finally shook his head at her but she was already too close. If she touched him, he would lose his resolve to do right by her. If she touched him, he might not be able to let her go. Shaking his head again, he stepped back and ended up against the hard stone behind him. He could go no farther.

“Are ye ill? Ye look pale,” she whispered as she reached up and touched his forehead—always the healer, always caring. “Ye hiv no fever.”

“But I feel like I’m on fire, Caitlin. I feel it every time you touch me or every time you look at me as you did in the cave last night.”

His words caused exactly what he was trying to prevent—both of them remembered the passion of the night before. Her mouth opened slightly and he could hear her breath in the silence of the room. She licked her lips and he could feel the slide of that tongue over his skin once more. He became as hard as steel in that instant .

“Douglas, love me again now. Here,” she said as she walked to the side of the small, rope-tied bed and tugged on the laces of her blouse.

“But, Caitlin, that’s what we need to talk about....”

“Nay, Douglas, no words tonight. I can see in yer eyes what ye wish to tell me but I amna ready to hear it yet.” She sat on the narrow bed and gazed at him.

“We shouldn’t do this.” He was amazed that the words came out at all. Apparently his conscience was still working but definitely losing the battle as his body responded to her words and the hungry look she gifted him with from her place by the bed. They’d made love several times last night—in the pool, on the steam-heated floor and even in the shallow pond—but making love in a bed brought even more erotic images to his mind.

“Do ye love me, Douglas?”

“Yes, Cait, I do. You know that, but—”

She held her hand up to stop his words. “Then love me now afore ye say farewell to me.”

“I’m not leaving yet. I still have about six weeks.”

“Oh, but ye are. What ye will ask me to do is say goodbye. Ye want us to go our own ways in the next weeks and no’ be together as lovers again. Is that no’ what ye plan to tell me?”

He looked at her, amazed at her insight. Maybe her mother’s mind-reading talent had been passed down as well as the healing?

“It would be for the best.” What else could he say?

“And if I dinna want what’s best? If I want us to continue as we started last night?”

Why did she have to make this so difficult? He’d like nothing better than to take her in his arms and love her every waking moment until the day when he had to walk through that damned archway and leave her. But that would make leaving even that much more impossible and might lead to other things as well. They had used no protection when they’d made love in the cave last night and he wasn’t sure that Moira’s visions were enough for his peace of mind. Caitlin seemed convinced but that was no reason for him to be irresponsible and take the chance that he would leave a child behind.

“Then let this be our farewell, Douglas.” He saw the stubborn set of her chin and knew he’d not change her mind in this. “Please?” Her voice trembled as she asked again.

How would he ever love any other woman after this one? They were more than lovers—they were soul mates. He felt it through his being. A yearning always to be with her that was destined not to be satisfied. So, just once more....

She could tell the moment he gave up fighting this feeling between them. She could feel it tugging him toward her even as she sat on the bed. She untied the laces on her chemise and then loosened the ties holding her skirt in place. When she stood, the skirt slid down her thighs and pooled at her feet.

Douglas swallowed deeply several times as he watched, his eyes as hot as coals, as hungry for her as she was for him. When he stayed as still as a statue, with only his gaze moving over her, she leaned over and gathered the edge of the long chemise. Standing up, she pulled the hem up her body and over her head, leaving her body naked to his stare.

He started fumbling for the edge of his belt and his plaid was soon on the rushes at his feet. It took but a moment for his shirt to join the woolen tartan on the floor. They stood a few paces apart but their souls and hearts would be linked forever. Douglas took the first step that would bring them together.

Opening his arms, he stood before her, inviting her in.

Caitlin stepped into the warmth and love of his embrace. The curly hair on his chest tickled her as he drew her closer. Her breasts already tingled and ached for his touch and her nipples tightened as he rubbed against her. Their bodies touched from chests to bellies to thighs—his hard muscles to her soft curves. She felt his rigid flesh pressing against her and an ache started in the core of her and grew.

Finally he kissed her.

Kiss was too tame a word for the possession he took of her mouth in those few moments. Their lips were open and their tongues danced, tasting and teasing each other as their bodies molded together in a heated embrace. She would die if he didn’t touch her soon, she craved the magic his fingers would make on her body. Lifting her mouth from his, she found herself panting from this excitement.

“It is different than in the water.”

“Oh, aye, ’tis.” She looked into the midnight eyes, enjoying the throbbing that pulsed through her body. “But, I am wet, Douglas.”

His eyes flared at her words and he kissed the breath out of her once more. When she thought she would swoon, he released her mouth. His hands that had caressed her back and arms and hips now moved down her belly and into that wet place. His fingers opened her to his touch and she moaned as he finally slipped into those sensitive folds between her legs. Grabbing his shoulders for support, she let her head tilt back and watched him as he awakened the hunger and fire inside her even more.

The tension coiled in her belly and in her chest and she could hardly breathe from it. But, before she could reach that wild crashing place Douglas had taken her to in the cave, he stopped. Easing his hands from her, he bent down and lifted her in his arms. A step or two and he lowered her onto the bed, joining her without hesitation.

“Love me,” she begged him, running her hands in his hair and drawing his face to hers.

“I do, Cait. And I will,” Douglas answered, lowering his mouth to hers yet again. And, for the next while, he did what she’d asked him to do.

“Here, let me do that for ye.” She reached for his belt to secure the plaid around his waist. “Ye are taking forever to fasten it.”

He chased her hands away from his waist. “I can do this, it just takes me longer than most. ”

Caitlin turned back and finished her own tucking and adjusting, glancing at him every so often. He might be skilled as a surgeon, but he was the worst she’d ever seen at wrapping the plaid. And his hair, now much longer, kept falling in his face, obscuring his vision.

“At least let me help ye in another way?” He grumbled and then nodded. “Here, sit on the bed.”

Caitlin stood to one side of his long legs and took a section of his hair in her hand. Dividing it into sections, she wove it over and under until a well-formed braid began over his one ear. Holding the braid, she pulled a leather strip out of her skirt pocket and asked him to cut it in two with his dagger. She secured the end of the braid with one and then moved to his other side and repeated it.

Douglas shook his head but the hair stayed well back from his face. Smiling, he touched them.

“It was getting harder to keep it out of my eyes. It hasn’t ever been this long.”

“Now mayhap ye can see to put yer plaid on?”

“Well, I’m not sure that even seeing will help. I have a bit of trouble making it stay on.”

“That sounds interesting. So ye hiv haid mishaps?”

“Mishaps... a good word. I call them humiliating moments myself.” They laughed and she helped him with the unwieldy length of wool. Soon, it was wrapped securely around his waist and over his shoulder.

As she finished, he took her hand and entwined their fingers together. Kissing it gently, he looked at her with those resignation-filled eyes.

“I love you, Cait, and I’ll always remember you.”

Tears threatened and she brushed her eyes to clear them. “We hiv plenty of time for farewells, Douglas. Dinna make me greet like a bairn now.” There would be time enough for crying later, after he was gone and when all she had were the memories.

“I’m sorry, love. Shall we go back to the party and you can help me trip through another dance?”

He swung open the door to his chamber and pulled her along the hallway toward the stairs. Down the steps and to the great room they went and music and loud chatter greeted them as they entered. He dropped her hand as they walked into the ceilidh but they remained close together. The piper and drummer began another song and she looked to Douglas for his consent. At his nod, they took their places in the circle for another round.

He was much better at dancing than at wrapping the plaid. He did have a certain male grace in spite of his protests that he could not follow the steps. Laughing through the movements, they left the dancers and stopped at one of the tables holding the refreshments. Pouring a mug of ale for each of them, Caitlin stood panting as her breath returned to normal.

She turned with her hands full and faced Craig.

“Craig, I didna see ye here.”

“Ye canna see anything but him,” Craig answered, his belligerence clear.

“Him? Ye mean Douglas? He was my partner in the dance.”

Caitlin placed one of the mugs back on the table. Pushing her hair back off the sweaty plane of her forehead, she drank deeply from the other mug. Douglas was still speaking to one of the men at the table.

“He is yer partner in more than that, Caitlin. I saw ye.” Craig’s voice rose and the surrounding crowd quieted. “Haes he made ye his whore?”

She gasped at the insult. Her face burned as she realized that those all around had heard his words. She wanted to strike out but held back. Craig was drunk and ’twould best be handled quietly.

“Craig, ye hiv drank too much ale this evening. Mayhap yer brother can help ye to yer chamber?” She nodded at young Struan and the boy started forward.

“I dinna need help,” he shook off his younger brother’s hold. “’Tis true, then? Ye wouldna give yerself to me and I promised ye marriage. I am the tanist, in line to sit at the head of the clan. But ye threw yerself at this outlander. He came here for his own reasons, used ye and will leave ye behind when he goes.”

Caitlin looked around at her friends and family. Their red faces showed their embarrassment at being forced to hear this. She looked for Douglas and saw him nearby. He stood like a statue, his face was rigid. She noticed his jaw and fists clenched in time as was his habit when vexed. But he didn’t speak.

“Was it because of what happened in the woods that night?” He was yelling, his deep voice carrying throughout the hall. She looked around for someone to intervene but there was no one.

“Craig, I told ye I understand about what ye did that night.” She tried to take him by the arm to lead him out of the room to privacy but he shook her off as he had his brother.

“Oh, Caitlin, I offered ye marriage and you held back from me. Does he offer ye the same?”

The crowd parted and Douglas approached where they stood. She knew he could not make an offer but a part of her begged silently that he do just that. Now that Craig had made his accusations in this gathering, it was no longer a private matter. Glancing around the room, she wondered where her parents were. And where could Robert and Anice be?

“Well, do ye, outlander? Ye hiv taken her as yer lover, will ye take her as yer wife?”

The only thing that stopped her from lifting one of the heavy tankards of ale and aiming it at his head was the look of absolute anguish on Craig’s face. He did love her in his way and couldn’t know or understand what was between her and Douglas. Most of the time, she didn’t understand it herself.

She turned to face the two of them in this distorted triangle. Knowing the answer before it was spoken didn’t help her prepare for her clan’s reaction.

“I cannot.” Douglas answered the question as she knew he would.

“Ye cannot?” Craig bellowed. “Isn’t she good enough for a physician from the university? Would she bring shame to ye if she went back wi’ ye when ye left Dunnedin?”

“She will not leave her clan and I must.” His face was like stone but his eyes gleamed with anger and impotence. She trembled with sorrow for the things that could never be for them. Wishing a hole would open beneath her feet, Caitlin took a step toward Craig.

“Please, Craig, let us go into yer mother’s solar and finish this.”

He looked from her to Douglas and back again to her. His eyes were filled to overflowing with tears. His throat was clogged with them and he sobbed out his disappointment. “But did ye hiv to whore for him, Caitlin? Ye should hiv been mine.”

The pain of his words pierced through her attempts to remain calm. Her heart screamed in agony—the truth of his words and her actions struck too close. The guilt over her refusal of his offers of marriage that had lain so quietly on her conscience now raised itself to her thoughts.

Standing in shock with tears spilling down her cheeks, Caitlin watched as Robert finally made his way to where they stood.

“Here now, Craig, this is no’ the place for this talk.” He gestured at Brodie and another man who took hold of Craig. “Take him to his chamber for the night. We can sort this out in the morning.” Craig was dragged off, the only sounds breaking the silence were the words he shouted once more.

“Why him, Caitlin? Why him?”

No longer able to hold back, she sobbed openly. An arm went around her shoulder and a soothing voice spoke in her ear.

“Come now, lass. Let’s go home, for the night is over for ye.” Her mother guided her steps away from the fracas and out into the cool night’s air. She let herself be led through the calming quiet of the village to their home.

She never asked about what happened to Douglas.