Chapter Seven

I must not break down. I must stay strong just a short while longer. Jasper was sure, despite Avalon’s determination, that when he heard of his concerns, the man would rightly put him off the ship. Back at the castle, no one cared when he screamed, and after…

“Please, have a seat.” Avalon locked his cabin door, indicating to a small seating area that held three comfortable chairs. “We won’t be disturbed. I need to know how I can help you.”

“I doubt that you can.” Jasper sat, simply because standing was getting to be an effort. His magic and fears mixed together made a powerful fuel, used for keeping him awake, but after four days it was fast losing its effectiveness.

“Please, explain.”

“You really do want to help, don’t you?” Despite his worries, Jasper couldn’t help smiling.

“Which is why I need you to talk to me.” Avalon looked so earnest. Jasper wished with all he was that their situation could’ve been different.

The least you can do is be honest with him. “I’m not sure where to start.”

“Start at the beginning. Have you always had magical ability?”

Jasper nodded. “I was born that way. I was the only one in our family – my parents and siblings didn’t have any at all, so it was a bit of a shock to them.”

“That’s unheard of.” Jasper understood his husband’s frown. “The rare few people who are born with magic usually come from parents with similar lineage.”

“You can check my birth record with the World Council offices. My mother and father – the late King and Queen Fiona - are both listed on it.”

Avalon held up his hands. “I’m not disputing your lineage, or the actions of your parents. I’m just saying it’s unusual.”

“It is what it is. But, the fact I had magic, and my siblings didn’t, meant I was often excluded from social gatherings, as you already know. Lowenthorp uses magic extensively in the way the country operates. But all of that magic comes from the crystal deals my father negotiated with the King of Marinkaw well before he died. Magic in a person wasn’t considered… seemly.” Jasper swallowed hard. “Even my mother didn’t understand, although I never doubted how much she cares about me.”

“I lost my mother in the same accident that claimed my fiancé,” Avalon said, and the weight of his sadness pressed on Jasper’s shoulders. “But prior to that, I was loved in the same way by mine. Our mothers don’t necessarily understand us, but they love regardless.”

“Thank you for your understanding, and again I am sorry for your loss.”

“That’s appreciated, but tell me why this magic you’ve lived with all your life, with apparently few negative issues, is causing you not to sleep now?”

Jasper fidgeted in his seat. He knew anything he said was going to sound crazy. “My magic is like a living entity inside of me. It always has been. At one point, when I was around fourteen, Luigi convinced my mother I was actually possessed, and insisted I be locked away. She called in someone from the World Council’s University of Magic, and he came and did a whole stack of tests.”

“That can’t have been pleasant.” Avalon got up, and went to a small cabinet. “Would you like some water, or a wine?”

“Just water please.” Jasper waited until Avalon got them both drinks, and took the water when offered.

“So what did the testing show?” Avalon got comfortable in his chair. “Again, if it was anything terrible your mother has done a brilliant job of keeping things quiet.”

The oblique slur against his mother stung. “Would it make you feel better to know you married a possessed man? I’m so sorry to disappoint you. You talk about conjuring fire.” Jasper held out his palm that filled with flames. “How big a fire would you like?”

At Avalon’s shock, he quickly closed his hand again. “Maybe you’d prefer water to wine?” He flicked his finger at Avalon’s glass. “Taste it. Isn’t water better for you in the middle of the afternoon?”

“I didn’t mean to insult you or your mother,” Avalon said quietly as he took a cautious sip from his goblet. “My gods, that is water. How did you do that?”

“The magic that lives in me. For the most part benign. Happy to produce party tricks on occasion. Unusual enough my siblings shunned me for the most part, but that was understandable, too. A lot of people hate what they don’t understand. I should know.”

“What do you mean?” To his credit Avalon was drinking the water.

“Another aspect of my magic is that I can sense things – usually feelings people might try to hide. My mother actually believed I was a seer at one point. My eyes have always been different, even before this.” Jasper touched the corner of his eyepatch.

“Was that why your eye was taken? Was it a different color to the other one?”

Jasper didn’t hear or feel any judgment coming from his husband. “Did you want to see for yourself? I would be interested to know what you see. My eye, before it was taken, looked like my other one in terms of shape and size, but the iris was white. My mother commissioned a small contact lens to change the color, so it wasn’t noticeable in public, but that is what it looked like without artifice.”

Avalon leaned forward in his chair. “Would you mind showing me?”

Here goes nothing. Jasper ran his finger under the bottom edge of his patch and lifted it clear from his face, pulling it off completely and shaking out his hair.

“I thought you said you lost your eye.” Avalon was almost bent over double, peering intently.

“What do you see?” Jasper willed himself to be still. Since he’d been abducted he’d been overly sensitive to people studying his face. Being tired made it doubly difficult.

“I see an eye just as you described. The same shape and size as your blue one, but with a white iris. How did you…?”

“It’s an illusion. My magic must like you.” Jasper slipped the patch back over his head and into place. “When Luigi insisted on seeing it after I was returned, he ran screaming from the room, claiming he could see hell in my eye socket.” Jasper sighed. “But now, can you see why I don’t dare sleep in a situation where I might hurt someone?”

“No, not from this, at least.” Avalon sat back in his chair. “If the magic is all an illusion…”

“No.” Jasper held his hand up, shaking his head. “You see an illusion in my eye socket. That is still empty. I have no eye there. But the flames I held in my palm would burn you and the water you were drinking was poured from a wine bottle. They are very real.”

“I’m still not seeing why you can’t sleep because of it. You can’t have stayed awake your whole life.”

“My magic used to be like a low simmering pot, and I would sleep just like you do, I imagine.” Jasper struggled to find the words to explain. No one had ever really asked him how he viewed the entity inside of him – not even the man from the University. “Occasionally, when I’d wake up, a few things might have been moved around, or there were times when my bedclothes were a different color. Just harmless things that didn’t concern anyone else.”

“I can’t see that being a problem on the ship. It doesn’t sound like your magic changes anything structurally.”

“It never used to.” Jasper covered a yawn with his hand and then quickly stood up. It was easier to stay awake if he was moving around when he was inside. Outside, the breeze did the job for him. “I don’t expect you to understand what I went through and I’m not about to go into that now. I’m not sure if I could ever explain to a living soul…”

“You don’t have to tell me what happened in the past. But this is impacting your ability to sleep now.”

Smart man, and yes Jasper was feeling snippy, but he was so damned tired and having to explain when all he wanted was a cave somewhere, where he could lay his head down and actually let his body rest even if his mind couldn’t… “My magic is furious about what happened to me,” he burst out. “Livid. Something they did… No, I won’t go into that.

“But my magic was restrained during my captivity, and like a caged wild animal, when I was finally free of them, it wanted to rampage. The first night it returned, maybe a week after I was found in the castle courtyard, when I woke up, my entire room was trashed, and there were scorch marks on the stone walls… and yes, there was only me there. My mother… my poor mother was obviously distraught about the whole thing.”

“Your magic, and yes, you’re right, I do feel uncomfortable talking about it as a separate entity, but we’ll just go with it for the moment. Your magic wants revenge on the people who took you, is that what you’re saying?”

Jasper nodded.

“Then why have you never said who it was? Don’t you realize we’re carrying extra troops on this ship, so we could hunt down the people responsible if that’s what you wanted?”

“I guessed.” Jasper tapped the corner of his covered eye socket. “But I can’t do that, and because I can’t do that, my magic is angry, and holding me hostage and if I fall asleep I could do some terrible damage to a ship. I don’t want to do that to you.”

“Well then why, in all that’s holy, if you were genuinely concerned about the people on board this vessel, did you get on a ship with me in the first place?” Avalon was on his feet, his hands clenched at his side.

“I thought you were going to just drop me off somewhere,” Jasper cried. “And then, when you talked to me, and I thought this could work between us, I tried to reason with the feelings inside. But you had the troops, and my magic wants revenge in the worst way.”

“That’s not your magic.” Avalon crossed the distance between them grabbing Jasper by the shoulders. “Don’t you understand, that’s not your magic. You want revenge. You! And rightly so. That’s why your magic is playing up. It’s not a different entity, it’s you. Admit it, man. Tell me why you won’t let us go after those who hurt you? Tell me!”

Jasper looked up, meeting Avalon’s eyes. “They said they’d kill my mother,” Jasper whispered, barely able to get the words past his lips. “Can’t you see? They said if they caught wind anyone was after them at all, they would kill my mother, the Queen, and I believe them.”

“That’s why you agreed to marry anyone who asked.” It wasn’t a question. Jasper could feel Avalon’s realization, like the warmth from a log fire. “You thought, if you could get away from the castle, no matter what that marriage might look like, that those who took you would leave your mother alone.”

Nodding, Jasper did something he never believed possible and rested his head on Avalon’s bicep. “I am so damned tired.”

“You’re also a damned fool for trying to cope with this all by yourself.” Unbelievably, Avalon pulled him close, his arms strong behind Jasper’s back. “Fortunately, now you don’t have to. Sleep, husband. I’ll wake you if the magic stirs.”

Jasper closed his eyes, letting Avalon move him towards a bed that was a lot bigger than the one he’d been allocated. But that didn’t matter. It was as if - when Jasper voiced what was going on – it was as if he’d given his tiredness the power to overwhelm him. If I can’t trust my husband, then what have I got left?