36. Sylas

THIRTY-SIX

Today was not goingto plan at all. All I wanted to do was to crawl back into bed with Aurelia, but someone had to keep this place running.

Top of the line, brand spanking new starship, and apparently, they couldn't keep it running without us.

My eyes were narrowed, arms crossed over my chest as I stared at my crew. It was so quiet on the bridge, you could have heard a pin drop.

Even the crew members working in the background were completely silent.

"Report."

"Captain," Leo said, turning from his station with a grimace. Like he didn't like what he was about to tell me as much as he knew I didn't want to hear it. "The sensors on the top of the ship are blocked. We're not able to operate the ship at its full capacity in this state."

"So go fix them," I barked out, rubbing my temples.

I was out of patience. Mostly because it seemed like everyone in the galaxy was out for Aurelia and I having the most important conversation of our lives.

Was it so hard to say it? Three words. Eight letters. So simple. And yet…

Leo hadn't moved. "I can't."

"What?"

He cleared his throat. "The ship wasn't designed to have that kind of maintenance while operational. Our center of gravity is too high. One slip, one miscalculation, and…"

"So what you're saying is you're too tall to get on the hull and fix it?"

"Yes."

Which meant I was also too tall. Fuck. But… I looked around the room.

"I'll go," Aurelia volunteered, before I could think through a solution. "I can do it."

"No."

"Why not?" she asked, glaring at me. "I might be trained as a pilot, sir, but I also have a degree in advanced aerospace engineering. I could do this in my sleep."

I ignored the way she was still calling me sir. Like everyone on this bridge couldn't guess that we were in a fucking relationship.

"Aurelia." I growled. Didn't she see that this wasn't about her skill? I couldn't risk her. "Absolutely not. You can't do this. I won't let you."

"You can't stop me, either." She glared at me. "Captain." She added a little emphasis to the last word.

"Don't you dare."

She turned to Leo. "Can you walk me through on how to fix and reset the sensors?"

"No," I said again.

"Yes," Leo answered her, ignoring me. "We can tether you to the ship, so there shouldn't be any serious chance of injury."

I knew what he really meant. Death. If anything happened to her, I would kill him. I didn't care if he was one of my oldest friends.

"This is insane," I grunted. None of them were even listening to me. "You're really going to send her out there?"

"It's our best option," Wren remarked. "You know it is. If you stepped back and looked at this objectively…"

But I couldn't remain impartial when it came to her. I wasn't rational when it came to her safety. And my lack of being objective was getting in the way of me being captain.

"I can do it, Sylas." Her voice was low as she stared at me.

Whipping around, I didn't hide my unhappiness. "Of course you can do it. I don't doubt that. I believe in you. You're—fuck." I rubbed at my temples. "Commander Kellar," I barked.

My sister's head whipped up. She'd been staring at her tablet, focused entirely on the data in front of her. "What?"

"You're in charge. I can't condone this."

Turning on my heel, I walked off the bridge, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut.

Didn'tshe understand that it wasn't that I didn't believe in her? I knew she was incredible. She was amazing. I'd fallen in love with her somewhere in between her smart wit and that bratty mouth.

That didn't mean I wanted her risking herself.

Fuck it. I meant what I'd said in my office. I didn't care if everyone knew we were together. The rules didn't matter to me. Not when I loved her more than I'd ever thought possible. More than life itself.

"I can do this," she reassured me, now outfitted in a space suit. Turns out my feet hadn't taken me far away from her when I'd left the bridge, because I'd followed her directly to the airlock that would lead her to the top of the hull. The suit's helmet was in her arm, tucked under her shoulder. "If nothing else, believe in my fancy engineering degree." She winked and then grew serious. "Or in Leo and Wren. They won't let me fall."

I turned to glare at them. They were some of my best friends, and I still wanted to throttle them. "They better not." I cupped her face with my hands. "If anything happens to you, I?—"

"Sylas." The word was a whisper. A reminder.

Of how much I didn't fucking care anymore.

I kissed her, right there, in front of half my officers and whoever else was watching. Kissed her like it was the first time, which in some ways, it was. The first time I was being honest with myself, with all of them.

"I can't remain impartial when it comes to you," I admitted, echoing my thoughts from the bridge. "Not anymore." Burying my nose in her hair, I inhaled her sweet scent. "I'm not rational when it comes to you. I want you too bad."

It was more than want. It was need. I needed her, needed her warmth and care and the way she looked at me with so much hope and optimism. Like I was capable of anything.

Because I wanted to be. I wanted to be all of those things she wanted, wanted to be everything to her.

"Me too," she whispered. "I've never felt like this before. It's never been like this before with anyone."

"Even if I have to resign my command. I don't care. It's always been you. It was always going to be you."

Tears filled her eyes. "I?—"

"Don't say it," she begged, voice low enough that no one else could hear. "Not now. Not when I'm risking my life."

"You're going to be fine," I reassured her. "Okay? But please, be safe."

"I will."

"Come back to me."

She nodded.

"Promise me." I pressed my forehead to hers. These words were important. Almost as important as the other ones she wouldn't let me say.

"I promise."

She slipped out of my hands, heading towards the airlock. Aurelia didn't look back once. And I wondered who was more nervous: me or her? If she knew just how painful looking back at me was as I did staring at her?

The door sealed, and my knees felt weak.

"Please," I said to no one. To anyone who was watching. To the universe. "Bring her back to me."

I wasn't above pleading.

My heart wasin my throat as I watched her follow Leo's instructions, moving towards each of the sensors. Debris from the asteroid shower had gathered all over the top of the ship, which, from my vantage point, seemed like a legitimate issue.

Still, I didn't understand why Aurelia was the one who had to fix it. Surely, there was someone in engineering who was small and nimble enough for this sort of thing?

It didn't need to be my girl.

But I couldn't look away, either. We were watching from a camera installed on the top and sides of the ship, giving us multiple angles as Aurelia slowly made her way across the top.

"Got the first one," she said, her voice coming loud and clear over the speaker thanks to the microphone that was installed in the suit.

She moved to towards the next one. The tether keeping her tied to the ship was like something you'd use in rock climbing, but I didn't like the sight of it one bit.

She slipped, losing hold of the ship momentarily, her legs flailing in the air before she could grab the line, pulling herself back down to the ship.

"I'm going out there," I said, already pulling another suit off the wall. Fuck if I cared about the reason she was out there. This was too dangerous for her to do alone. I never should have agreed.

"She's got it," Leo said, diverting my attention. "Look."

"I can't watch this," I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest. It was too stressful. All I could do was stare at the door and will her to come back.

Twenty minutes later, the airlock opened, and there she was. Disconnecting from the cable. Climbing into the pressure stabilizer.

Those twenty minutes had felt like a millennium. They'd probably taken ten years off my life.

I rushed in the moment the light turned green.

"Holy shit," Aurelia gasped, her hand clutched over her chest after the airlock closed. "That was…" I took off her helmet that circulated air, letting it drop to the ground at our feet.

"Fuck." I crushed her to my chest, needing the reassurance that she was here. That she was okay. That I hadn't almost lost her. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry." Her eyes were wide, shaking her head.

"I can't lose you. I don't know what I'd do if?—"

"I know."

In response, I took her lips in mine. Kissed the everliving fuck out of her. Sucked on her tongue, and inhaled her little gasp into my mouth. All I could hear, see, taste, smell was her. Aurelia wasn't just in my senses—she was in my bloodstream. In the very essence of who I was now. I needed her like I needed oxygen to breathe.

When she was breathing roughly, I pulled away. "Let's get you out of this, little star."

She rubbed over her lips with her thumb, like she was a little awestruck that I'd just kissed her here.

But no one was around. Everyone else was inside the ship, not in the small airlock. And hopefully, they were all minding their fucking business.

Turning her around, I dragged down the back zipper. She was still wearing her dark gray jumpsuit underneath it, those purple accents showing.

Her breath hitched in her throat as I dipped my head to press a kiss to her neck.

Finally, I finished the tortuously slow glide of the zipper, and helped her step out of the spacesuit.

Then she was standing in front of me, a little flush to her cheeks, hair looking adorably tousled, lips pink and a little swollen.

"Hi," I said, wrapping my arms around her wrist. I needed her in my arms, so I could reassure myself that she was here. She was safe.

That I had my entire world in my arms.