33. Aurelia
THIRTY-THREE
Aurelia
Captain.
Sylas
Yes, Lieutenant?
Love out of this world is on.
And?
Do you want to join?
Aurelia.
You really think I want to watch your show?
:(
Please?
Fine.
Be there in fifteen.
Aurelia
Daddy.
Sylas
Fuck, Aurelia. I'm working.
Brina misses you.
Come for a walk with us? I'm going to take her to the gardens.
I have to finish this paperwork.
Pleeeaasseeee.
You're a brat.
Does that mean you're coming?
…
Yes.
Sylas
Stop looking over here.
Aurelia
Make me.
You're driving me crazy.
Brat.
Fuck it out of me?
My room. Thirty minutes.
Don't be late.
"You seem happier,"Astrid remarked, sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn between her legs.
"I…" I blushed. Surely, it wasn't that obvious to everyone, was it?
I was still on a high from our movie night, and even if I couldn't talk about it with the girls, it was nice feeling normal for a night. I could almost pretend I was a normal girl in a normal relationship. Not an officer dating her captain, risking everything if they were caught. Somehow, I thought the sneaking around made it hotter. But maybe that was just the sex.
Really, really fantastic sex. Like how I'd gone down on him in a supply closet outside of the MedBay. I'd been so turned on that I'd practically jumped him as soon as we'd gotten back to his room.
But I felt guilty, too. I'd spent so many nights with Sylas lately that I'd been neglecting my friends. Besides the bar the other night, we'd barely done anything together in a while. It was something I'd wanted to remedy as soon as possible.
She leaned in close. "Is that a… hickey on your neck?"
"No." I tugged up my shirt to cover it. Sylas loved to worship my body, and the idea of marking me up had been too good to resist—for either of us. Except I could barely cover it unless I was wearing one of my uniforms, because at least those had a high neck.
Hence, why we were all gathering in the lounge for another binge night of Love out of this world. We were almost to the season finale, just a few episodes left until we'd find out which couple had won.
Everyone was already there—except for one redheaded science officer. Finley.
"Do you think everything's okay?" I asked, worrying about her. Maybe she'd gotten stuck in the lab or something else was wrong. I could only imagine.
We all devolved into separate conversations, Astrid gossiping with me about the MedBay nurses and who was sleeping with who on the ship—which made my eyes grow extra wide, because she actually did know everything that was going on.
I made a mental reminder to myself not to cross her.
Kayle and Violet were seated on the other couch across from us, leaving the smaller love seat open for whenever our last member joined us.
"God, can you believe it?"
"I know. I can't imagine keeping something that important from my best friend. If I was in her place, I'd be upset too."
My stomach dropped. The girl in the show had been in a secret relationship with another contestant. The competitors spent so much time together and formed bonds, so I could understand how upsetting that would be to be lied to.
And fuck, if I wasn't doing the same thing. How would they react once they found out what I'd been hiding from them? I felt guilty about keeping my relationship with Sylas a secret. Especially now that we'd put a label on it. Sure, boyfriend and girlfriend felt like a vast understatement for whatever we shared, but it was more than just hooking up. But what did he want in the future? I hoped we'd have that conversation soon. Because I wasn't just in it for the now. I wanted to be with him. For the long haul.
My lips tilted up in a smile as the door slid open, revealing Finley in a casual top and pants. "Hi, Finley!" I called, patting the spot next to me on the couch.
"Hey. Sorry I'm late. I…" She looked down, and I noticed a little redhead peeked out from behind Finley's legs. "The daycare couldn't keep her any longer, because she had a slight fever, and I…" A wince left her, like she was embarrassed. "I hope it's okay that I brought her."
"Of course it is," Kayle said. "It's girls' night. She's welcome anytime."
She gave us a hesitant smile, like it only just occurred to her we hadn't met the tiny child attached to her legs before. "Everyone, this is my daughter, Kinsley."
I had no idea that she was a mom. Instantly, shame rolled through me. How bad of a friend was I that I didn't even know she had a kid? She'd mentioned coming on the ship to leave an awful marriage behind during dinner once. Which meant she was a single mom, too. I couldn't imagine how hard that would be in an environment like this.
Crouching down, I smiled at the girl, who was still clutching her mom's legs. "Hi, Kinsley. I'm Aurelia. It's very nice to meet you."
"Hi," she said, peeking her head out. She probably was no older than three, and had a little yellow dress on, with bows tied into her pigtails.
Finley sighed. "I'm sorry for bringing her. I thought I had a crew member's wife who could watch her, but schedules got crossed and…"
"It's okay," I said, beaming up at my friend. "None of us mind. Besides, I love kids." I hadn't grown up with siblings, but I'd always enjoyed babysitting the neighbor's kids.
She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, her voice growing hesitant. "I guess I just didn't want you girls to judge me."
This time, it was Violet who sounded surprised. "Why would we do that?"
"Because I'm a single mom. I know people think it's wrong that I took her away from her father and?—"
"No one thinks that, Fin." Violet placed a reassuring hand on Finley's shoulder. "We all love you. And we know you're doing whatever you think is best for your little girl, too."
"Thank you," she whispered, her eyes rimmed with unshed tears. "I just didn't want anyone to think I couldn't do my job because of her. That I'd prioritize her over my responsibilities. It's dumb, I know."
"It's not. More than any other reason, I think it makes perfect sense. You just want to protect her." Kayle offered her a hug, and it was a few beats before they pulled apart. My first officer gave Finley a reassuring smile. "But it's okay. Because we're your family now, and that means we'll protect her too."
"Thank you."
And then, finally, we were all huddled on the couch, blankets tucked around us.
"Is she okay to watch this?" I whispered to Finley, who was sitting in the chair across from me.
"Eh, it's fine. If it gets inappropriate, I'll just cover her eyes."
I laughed. It wasn't like we all hadn't watched a few episodes, and there wasn't any sex on the show. Plus, the foul language had all gotten bleeped out. "Alright. Let the binge begin!"
We all cheered, and I knew that anyone who wandered past us for the rest of the night would have heard laughter.
The perfect distraction from thoughts of Sylas.
And the future I so desperately wanted.
Watchingsomeone sleep should have been creepy, but it felt like the most intimate experience of my life. Sylas was shirtless, his usually grumpy expression formed into a single line, and it was taking everything in me not to reach out and touch him.
But I knew from experience what happened when I did. Not that I was complaining. I loved how caring he was, how he held me and made me feel, well… loved.
I knew I needed to end it before I got too attached, before my heart could get broken. If I lost him the way I lost my father, it wouldn't just devastate me. It would end me. But I couldn't bring myself to stop seeing him. Couldn't bear to stop sleeping in his bed, snuggling against his hard, broad chest. He was the perfect pillow. Maybe I just didn't want to give up my restful sleep and all the orgasms he'd been giving me.
Yeah, I definitely wouldn't complain about the latter.
And right now, I wanted to comfort him like he'd comforted me.
For the last two weeks, he'd been so patient with me. It might have been forbidden, but I didn't care anymore. I didn't want to lose him. But there was so much he hadn't told me. I'd opened up to him about my dad. How his loss had affected me. About my memories and my life growing up.
I wanted to know everything about him, too.
The pain that I saw behind his eyes when I mentioned my parents. The despair that kept him emotionally closed off.
"What happened to you?" I whispered, intertwining my fingers through his dark hair. It was soft, and I liked the feel of it in between my fingers. "Who broke your heart?"
And was I enough to heal it? To show him how worthy he was? Of every little thing? Sure, at the beginning, I'd thought he was an arrogant jerk. He'd dismissed me without even giving me a chance. But now, I suspected he was trying to guard himself from something, even back then.
Sylas's eyes fluttered open, and he took my free hand, kissing my palm. "Aurelia." His breath was solemn. "Why are you awake?"
"Couldn't sleep," I admitted, still combing through his hair.
He turned to face me. "A lot on your mind, little star?"
I hesitated. Would bringing it up now be too much? Would it push him away? "I just… seeing Finley and her daughter tonight made me realize… I don't know much about your family. You've mentioned bits and pieces, but…"
Sylas stiffened. "I don't like to talk about my parents."
"I know." With a heavy heart, I mustered a smile for him. "But I want to know you. To understand what's going on up here." I tapped his forehead. "To know why you get this devastating look in your eyes sometimes."
"I don't know anything about love," he admitted. "Not from my parents. They abandoned us."
"Will you tell me about it?" I asked, smoothing my thumb over his furrowed brow.
"There's not much to tell. I was thirteen, and Kayle was eleven when they decided they weren't cut out to be parents. They left us in our apartment and disappeared. I don't know where they went. To this day, I…" His voice sounded choked up.
"Oh, Sylas." My eyes filled with water. "You were completely alone."
He nodded. "Just me and Kayle. And I had to be strong for her. I had to…"
"You never looked for them?"
"Why bother?" His tone was harsh. "If they could leave us that easily, I didn't want them back in my life. I don't even know if they're alive. Or if they died. I've just been carrying around all of this anger for years. At them for leaving us. For making me an adult when I should have been a teenager. I had to learn to take care of my sister when I should have been learning pre-algebra."
"I bet that was hard."
Those shoulders I loved moved in a small shrug. "I made it work. And for the first year, it was okay. And then the building manager found out that my parents were gone. I'd been working odd jobs so I could keep paying the rent, dropping the cash off in envelopes so he wouldn't suspect anything was wrong."
"What happened?"
Sylas winced. "He kicked us out."
"Onto the streets?"
"Yeah. Chicago had shelters, luckily. We bounced around between a lot of them until I turned eighteen. Luckily, I'd saved up enough credits by then for a place of our own. Made sure Kayle made it through high school. I started taking college classes at the community college in the meantime. Turns out, I was good with computers." He grinned. "A recruiter from the UGSF approached me the year after she was out. I was still working to cover our costs, and tuition wasn't cheap. He offered me the opportunity of a lifetime."
I rubbed my finger over his palm. "What did he give you?"
"He saw potential in me. Told me that if I could stay in school, keep my grades up, he'd cover our bills. Kayle's and mine. And when we finished, we could enlist in the federation. Become officers. Go to space. For a twenty-one-year-old, I'd never heard of such an amazing offer. I jumped at it. We both did."
"And then you worked your way to here."
A nod. "Youngest captain in the fleet. But I earned my spot. Every single day, I worked to prove myself. And here we are."
"Here we are," I murmured. "You survived."
He chuckled. "I guess when you look at it like that, I did. And I'd do it all over again, if it brought me back here."
I interlaced our fingers together, wanting to be physically connected with him. "I don't think it's true that you don't know anything about love, Sylas. I think you loved your sister so much, you would have done anything for her. That's love, in its purest form. Putting someone else before yourself. Prioritizing their needs over yours."
"But is it worth it?" Sylas ran his free hand over my bare skin, tracing the stars on my shoulder. "Loving and losing? Living with that hole in your heart?"
My eyes filled with tears. "Of course it's worth it. All of it."
He kissed me softly. "You've opened my eyes to a lot of things, Aurelia Callisto." Sylas brought our foreheads together.
It was hard not to feel the gravity of the situation. This all felt so… important. My heart fluttered in my chest.
"You know, tonight also reminded me of something."
"Oh?" His hand slid down my arm, intertwining our fingers.
"About how much I've always wanted a family," I said, my voice rough. "For a long time, I didn't think it was possible, but now…" Now, it seemed like a possibility. "Maybe it's okay to let myself dream again."
"And that's what you want?" He asked. "A husband? Kids? A white picket fence?"
The last part made me laugh, but I nodded. "Yeah. I think so." I played with our fingers, keeping my eyes focused on them instead of Sylas's face.
I wanted all of that.
But I'd left out the most important part.
I wanted it with him.