32. Sylas

THIRTY-TWO

Does this make you my boyfriend? A smile tugged at my lips as I thought about our conversation from the previous night. It had been on my mind all day.

How I'd come back to find her in tears, and she'd let me hold her. Comfort her.

How it hadn't even been about sex, because after, when I'd carried her to bed, all I'd done was hold her. Stroked her hair and whispered praises into her ear. How strong she was. How brave. How proud I was of her.

How I'd given her words I'd never given anyone else before. The way I'm yours slipped from her lips so confidently, like she didn't even have a moment of hesitation. I was too fucking old to be someone's boyfriend, but I'd be whatever she wanted me to be.

How could I have ever wanted anything else?

How could I have ever thought I didn't want her? Because I was a fool. And now, all I could do was stare at her. And wish that I could sit by her side. That I could rest my hand on her thigh and let her babble on about her day.

Her smile lit up the room, and I was completely mesmerized by the sight.

"You're different." Leo tipped his glass back, his eyes appraising me as we sat in the mess hall, eating dinner.

"Huh?"

My chief engineer gave a nod. "I'm just saying. There's something different about you. I can't quite put my finger on it, but…"

"No, he's right," Wren chimed in. "You seem happier."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm the same as I always was. Come on."

There was a twinkle of humor in their eyes as they grinned at me.

"Seriously. Nothing's changed." Stabbing at my food, I glared at them.

Certainly not the feisty, stubborn pilot who'd been spending every night in my bed.

The woman who was sitting at the table across from us, currently smiling and laughing with the other female officers crowded around her. It was good to see her smiling again. The last few days had been rough, and I knew she was grieving all over again. But she looked happier, too.

Aurelia caught me staring at her and winked. I looked away, feeling strangely guilty.

"Why are we sitting over here when they're having all the fun at their table?" Leo grumbled, poking at his food.

"Let them have their fun," Orion said. "They have to deal with us all day as it is." He slung an arm over Leo's shoulder.

I gave a noise of agreement, even though I agreed with Leo. I wanted to sit by Aurelia's side. Listen to her stories and to her talk about her day in public.

"Hey, I have a question," I said, getting all of their attentions.

"Hm?"

"Have you ever heard of two officers who were… together?"

Leo's face paled. "What?"

"Like, in a relationship." I ran a hand through my hair. "Or a captain who was with a subordinate?"

Orion raised an eyebrow. "Why, is there someone you wanted to date?"

"No." I exclaimed, a little too quickly. "God no. Of course not. I was just wondering how it worked, that's all. With federation guidelines…" I trailed off. Where was I going with this? Was I just looking for some sort of justification for being together?

"Well, I heard that there was a couple on the Voyager who were both officers and they were married. But I'm not sure if they were married before or after they served together." Wren said, smoothing a hand over his stubble. I noticed he'd been staring in the direction of the girls' table, spacing out. Huh.

"Anyway, no. You guys know I don't have time, nor the desire, for a relationship. I wouldn't even know what to do in one, anyway. Love isn't in the cards for me."

Even though now that felt like a lie. Still, I wasn't sure I knew how to love. Would I stick around? Or would I be just like my parents and run away when things got hard?

I didn't think I could ever do that to her. Not when just thinking about leaving her made my chest ache.

Well, fuck.

Luckily,the guys hadn't harped on my comment for too long, which meant I could slip back into my daily duties without them wondering why, exactly, I wanted to know.

Married. Huh. I scratched at my jaw as I sat on the captain's chair later that night. The rest of the bridge was empty, besides a few lingering crew members who were finishing their duties for the day.

We hadn't even had a conversation about our future. It was like we both knew the subject was too delicate. Five years was a long time. But would she want to be with me after the fact? Was it wrong of me to hope that the answer was yes? I didn't know what my path would look like after this. Undoubtedly, I could take another command. Another long, multi-year commission.

But when this ship docked, I'd be forty years old. And I knew, instantly, that if I kept up in the same way I had been, going and going like I had for as long as I could remember, I'd never stop.

And then what? I'd be fifty, sixty years old, single and alone? I'd retire to a cold, empty house. With no one there to spend the rest of my years with. In my imaginary scenario, even Kayle had found someone.

So why was that thought so depressing? It was what I'd always imagined my life would be like. But now…

"Something on your mind, Cap?" Orion's deep British accent brought me out of my thoughts. He was leaning in front of a console on the upper platform where I was seated.

"A lot of things," I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest. "What are you doing here? I thought you left—" I checked my watch. "—hours ago."

He chuckled. "I did. But your sister said you were still in here, and I thought I'd come check on you."

I rolled my eyes. "Sometimes I think she forgets who the older sibling is."

"You're her hero. You know that, right? She's never forgotten all the things you've done for her. How much you gave up to make sure she had a good life."

I did know. We might have teased each other and given each other shit, but we were close. Close enough that I felt guilty not telling her how I felt about Aurelia. It was like I was hiding part of my life from her, and I never did that.

"She's all I have."

"I'm not sure that's true anymore, though."

"What do you mean?" I froze.

"Sylas." Orion laughed. "I'm not blind."

"Never said you were," I muttered.

But Orion had always been observant. And he worked right next to Aurelia. Had she mentioned something to him?

Fear coursed through my system, before my friend said, "Relax. I'm not going to say anything. I'm just saying. You have a lot more people than you realize. Leo, Wren, me—all of us. You might not have your parents, but we're your family, too. We've got your back."

A lump formed in my throat. "But what if she leaves? Just like they did? And then I'm…" Alone. I couldn't get the word out.

He shook his head. "Why are you worried about this now? It seems like things are going well. That you both make each other happy."

"I don't know." I shook my head. "I just can't shake this feeling that something's going to happen, and I'm going to lose her. It's never been like this for me before. There's never been a woman that I cared about this way."

She was everything to me. Everything. And maybe that was a red flag. That I wanted to put her before anything else. That didn't change the fact that Aurelia was more important than even the chair I was sitting in now.

I startled. She was, wasn't she? Because with Aurelia, I wasn't alone in twenty years, sitting in an empty house. I was surrounded by love. Life. Laughing, smiling faces. Warmth.

It was close enough to touch, if only I reached out to take it. And I wanted it. So badly.

Orion hummed. "So, what are you going to do?"

"Whatever it takes," I said, meaning every word.

Whatever it took to keep her.

To make her fall in love with me.

My cabin wasempty when I made my way back there, and I frowned.

Brina chirped at me, raising her head up to look at me from her little corner. She'd been sleeping in her fuzzy bed. I crouched down in front of her, rubbing the top of her head.

"Where's our girl, Brina?" I asked her, cursing the fact that the alien creature we'd discovered couldn't exactly communicate with words.

Still, she gave me a few more noises—her vocalizations were a strange mixture of sounds that somehow were cute as fuck, no matter the scenario. I smiled at her, not caring that I wasn't my grumpy asshole self, and then headed back out to search the ship for my girl.

Before I got too far, I dinged her communicator.

Sylas

Brina looks lonely.

Where are you at?

Okay, maybe I'm the one missing you.

Aurelia

Come and find me, Captain. ;)

Mine. That was what she was. In every possible way. I felt it down to my bones. That giving up on her, on us, would be the biggest mistake of my life.

But it was too early to tell her that, wasn't it? So I'd wait, see how she was feeling. And when the time was right, I'd spill my guts.

A voice broke me from my thoughts. "Captain?"

"Oh, hey, Commander Loxley," I said, nodding at Astrid. She looked like she'd just left the MedBay, still in her white uniform, with her bright blue hair braided on each side of her scalp. "How's your evening?"

"Good." She gave me a small smile. "I actually just finished up with Aurelia. She was back by MedBay last time I saw her."

"Great." I nodded. "Thanks."

I was so focused that I hadn't even thought about the fact that Astrid offered the information on Aurelia before I'd even asked—or how she'd known I was looking for her.

Maybe if I had, I would have thought about the consequences of us getting caught. Would have remembered that no matter how we felt, this relationship was still forbidden.

My ride down the turbo lifts was short, though I barely paid attention to where I was going, letting my feet carry me towards her. At least it seemed like my homing beacon was definitely working.

Aurelia was leaning against the gleaming white walls that led to MedBay when I got there, eyes sparkling with mischief.

Her expression dimmed when she saw me. "What's wrong?" she asked, and I wondered what she saw in my eyes.

"Nothing," I said, wondering why I was feeling so choked up. "Just missed my girl."

"Aww." She held her arms open, and I scooped her up with mine, pulling her into a hug. "You've gone soft on me, Captain."

I didn't pull away. Not until she did. Because someone taught me once that you shouldn't let go until someone else did. You never knew how much they needed that hug.

And well, I needed Aurelia's just as much. I inhaled the smell of her, the sweet violet scent settling something inside of me.

She rested her head against my pecs before finally pulling away. "Thank you. I needed that."

"Me too," I mumbled. "I haven't seen you all day."

She laughed. "I thought it would tip everyone off if I was at your side every minute."

A grumble slipped out of my lips. "They can go fuck off, for all I care." I ran my fingers through the ends of her hair. "I can't explain it. I want everyone to know you're mine."

"You don't have to." Her hand reached up, fingers dancing up my chest.

"Aurelia…" I murmured, running my hand down her back, before cupping her ass with both hands. I gave them a soft squeeze before hefting her up, lifting her into my arms.

A giggle slipped from her lips as I grinned up at her. "There he is."

"Hm?" I asked, walking us forwards.

"Captain Grumpy, my secret softie," Aurelia said with a whisper, leaning down to kiss my cheek.

I grunted in acknowledgment. But fuck yeah, I liked it when she called me that. Enjoyed being her teddy bear. Because all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and haul her into my arms every minute of the day.

"Wrap your legs around me, baby," I instructed. She complied, wrapping her arms around my neck at the same time before I pinned her up against the wall.

And then I kissed her. Like I didn't have a care in the fucking world. Because, again. Caveman brain. Something about the idea of getting caught made this even hotter.

"Someone could see us," she whispered back, eyes darting around the hallway.

"We can fix that," I said, pressing the panel to open a supply closet door and pulling her inside. "Better?" My voice was pure sex.

God, I wanted this woman. Needed her.

Pressing her against a set of shelves, I took her mouth with mine. Something clattered to the floor, but I was too absorbed in her to pay attention to what it was.

When we finally pulled apart, Aurelia pushed on my chest, and I set her back down on her feet, all too aware of every inch of her body as she slid down my front.

She dropped to her knees, and I was very aware of how little space there was in this tiny supply closet.

"Baby," I spluttered out. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" She said, and even in the dim lighting, I could make out the little smirk on her face as she pulled the zipper down on my pants. "I'm going down on you."

"You don't have to?—"

She freed my cock and wrapped her hand around it. Fuck.

"I want to." Her tongue darted out, licking my tip, and I groaned. "Let me taste you. I wanna suck your cock."

She was going to kill me. That was the only thought running through my head.

"Tell me what you like," she said, flattening her tongue to run it up my length. "I want to make you feel good."

I choked out a, "Tap my thigh if it gets to be too much." She nodded, her eyes half lidded, moistening her lips with her tongue as she pumped me with her hand.

Aurelia's lips wrapped around the tip, and she hummed around me, that tongue swirling around my head.

"Harder," I instructed, grabbing her ponytail and tugging it slightly. She always wore her hair up—unless we were alone. I fucking loved it. That I got to see this version of her that no one else did.

She tightened her grip on my shaft, stroking harder as she sucked my cock deeper into her mouth, her cheeks hollowed out.

"Fuuuck. Just like that." A strangled sound left my throat. I was trying to hold back, but her technique was too good. My hips rocked involuntarily, and I slid deeper inside her mouth.

She groaned, the vibrations going straight to my balls. I was already impossibly hard, but shit. "That feels amazing, baby."

She looked up at me, those beautiful eyes—one blue, one green, perfectly unique and perfectly her—gazing at me like I was her entire world.

"Look at me fucking that smart mouth."

She reached down, rubbing at her clit through the fabric of her uniform.

"Is this turning you on, hm? Letting me use you like my little slut?"

Aurelia moaned, nodding her head. The motion made her bob on my cock, and I slid in deeper.

"How much do you think you can take?" I asked, running my finger under her jaw. "Will you let me fuck your throat, Aurelia?"

She nodded.

There was no stopping me then. A guttural groan came from my lips as I started pumping inside of her, rocking my hips in and out of her mouth.

Tears formed in Aurelia's eyes, but she didn't tap my thigh. "Is this too much?" I asked, checking in, and she shook her head.

From the little noises she was making, all while rocking against her hand, I could tell she was enjoying this as much as I was.

Pleasure burst through me, and I grit my teeth, feeling my base tightening. "Will you swallow it all, baby? Every last drop?"

She hummed again, pulling back slightly and I let out a deep moan as I poured my release down her throat, rope after rope of thick cum.

I pulled out, and she swallowed before running her tongue over her lips, like she was determined to drink it all. Some primal part of me liked that.

"Fuck." I pulled her up against me, taking her mouth with a burning intensity as I kissed her deeply. I felt her knees weaken as I parted her lips, and I could taste my release on her tongue.

"Hottest fucking thing of my goddamn life," I said, panting roughly as we pulled apart.

She hummed, resting her hands on my shoulders and kneading slightly. Aurelia stood up on her tiptoes to whisper in my mouth, "Take me to bed, Captain."

And who was I to say no to that?