31. Aurelia

THIRTY-ONE

Sylas had toldme to report to the movie theater on the rec floor after my shift on the bridge, which had surprised me. What exactly did he think we were going to do?

And how was I supposed to dress for an occasion like this? It wasn't a date, was it?

Oh, God. I'd complained the other night that we couldn't be seen in public together. What was he up to? After last night, well… everything was different between us.

Because it was the first time I'd wanted to say fuck it. To forget the consequences, and claim him publicly. When I'd stepped between his legs at the bar, I'd known exactly what I was doing.

I'd left with him, not caring if anyone else saw us.

What was all that different about this?

I dipped inside the theater, spotting him in one of the back rows, sitting low so no one would notice him. Not that anyone could miss him. He had the energy that commanded the room. Domineered any situation he was in.

And that was the same magnetism that drew me to him, like a moth to flame.

Maybe it was dangerous to feel this way. Like he was the sun, and I wanted to orbit around him, just so I could be in his gravity.

Ugh. Even my analogies were bad. I needed to get it together.

"What are you doing?" I hissed out, feeling my eyebrows practically at the top of my forehead.

"Shhh," Sylas said, dipping his head down and slouching into the seat. "The movie's starting."

I blinked, but sat down on the cushy chair next to him. "What are we doing?" I asked again, but this time quieter.

"We're going on a date."

I squinted. "Here?"

He hummed, reaching over and placing his hand on my thigh. "Yes. Here."

My cheeks warmed. But in the dim theater, even if anyone was paying attention to us—which they most definitely aren't—no one could see, anyway. Okay, so maybe it had merits.

"Why are we having a date in the theater?"

He looked over, giving me a small glare. "Because you wanted to do something where we could be a normal couple. And here we are."

"What's playing?" I whispered, not commenting on how… surprisingly sweet that was. My secret softie, showing up once again. Between this and him setting up a space for Brina, I wasn't sure how I was going to survive this without letting him have my heart. Which was dangerous.

I tried to remind myself of all the reasons I said I wouldn't fall in love.

His lips curled up in a smile. "A romantic comedy from a few years back."

Of course, none of the things that played on the ship were new, but I liked that he'd put thought into what kind of movie to take me to. That he knew me.

Because he did. He knew me better than anyone. I'd never let anyone into my life—into my heart—the way I'd let him in.

Sylas Kellar had been slowly breaking down my walls for a while, and I'd been blind to it.

But not anymore.

He squeezed my thigh, winking over at me as the movie started. I leaned my head on his shoulder, watching the picture light up the screen in front of us.

Had anything between us ever felt so normal?

And why was this the best first date I'd ever had?

It was time.Maybe it was because of Sylas's sweet gestures lately that I finally felt ready. Or maybe it was just that I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. Because I needed closure, and Sylas had handed me a file of videos from my dad.

How long could I ignore them?

Since I wasn't scheduled on the bridge for the day, I'd decided now or never.

"Are you sure?" Sylas asked, brushing his hand down my hair. "I can stay…" He trailed off.

I was sitting on his couch, wearing his shirt and a pair of sweats, and Brina was curled up in my lap. He'd all but tucked me into the position earlier with a soft, cozy blanket.

The man had gone so far as to bring me a cup of my favorite tea.

He was lingering, concern for me clear. And it was cute. I shouldn't have found it so adorable that a grown man was doting on me, but I didn't care. Maybe that was my heart trying to tell my head something. But I couldn't process that right now.

I appreciated his actions more than words could describe, but I needed to do this alone.

"Go," I said, shaking my head. "You have captaining to do."

He cracked a small smile at my comment, pressing a kiss to my forehead before leaving me in silence to boot up the videos.

I'd been putting this off. I knew it, and so did he. Watching my father's video logs was so many things, but above all, it was like saying goodbye. It meant accepting that this was it.

Sylas had been more than patient, even as I'd slowly pushed him away. Sure, physically, everything was amazing. Emotionally, however, I was a shell.

After this, there would be no more dad. No more chances to see him one last time. I'd have to accept it. Closure.

That was what I'd been looking for all along, wasn't it?

But I didn't know who I was anymore. Not after this.

"What do you think, Breens?" I asked the alien otter-dog as I slid my hands over her short but soft coat. "Think he'll find out if I put it off again?"

I was pretty sure she could sense my mood. That was why she'd been all over me since this morning, not wanting to be separated from me for one second. She truly was like a puppy in so many ways. At least I had an emotional support animal to guide me through this.

The video clips were already loaded, meaning all I had to do was start it.

I finally hit play, my father's face coming up on the big screen in Sylas's room. I'd almost forgotten his face. How much life he had. For the last thirteen years, I'd only had photos to remember him by. And now…

"My star." He was younger than the last time I saw him, so full of life, even on the screen. "You're eight years old, and I had to leave you behind today." Dad sucked in a deep breath. "You'll probably never see this video. I hope you don't. Because if you do, it means something happened, and I'm gone. I love you so much, baby girl. You and your mom. But…" He looked outside, the porthole from his room visible. It was a smaller set of quarters than mine, reflecting on times passed. How far we'd advanced in the last almost twenty years. "Space is dangerous. You never know what will happen. That's why I know that every day I have is precious."

He went on, telling me about their current mission. What he was doing. What they hoped to achieve. It was… inspiring. Because I remembered him coming back from that mission. How he'd picked me up into his arms and spun me around, laughing in our backyard till we collapsed on the grass.

My mom had come outside, probably to scold us, but it hadn't taken long for her to join us, too. Those were the moments I treasured the most with my family. The happy times.

He finished talking, and I clicked to the next one. There were more from that same mission, and then the background changed. Dad looked older, too.

"Hi, Aurelia. Guess this is a tradition now, huh? I meant to say no when they asked me if I'd go on this mission. It's not a long one, but it's so hard to leave you behind. But you have school, and your mom, well… she never really wanted to be in space. Not like me. So asking her to leave life behind on earth to come with me seemed like an enormous burden to bear. But I hope I get to show it to you one day. To see it through your eyes. It's amazing up here, my star. You couldn't even imagine the things I've seen."

I let out a strange choked laugh, because now I could. I'd seen some pretty incredible things myself.

"The hardest part is knowing how many of your milestones I'm missing, baby girl. I wish I could be there for all of them. Your first softball practice. Watching you win the blue ribbon for your science project. Yelling the loudest of any parent in the crowd when you got all As. But as much as I want to be there, I'm not. Never doubt how much I love you. To the end of the universe and back isn't even enough, Aurelia. I hope one day you'll understand why I left. But also, you'll know why I can't wait to get home. Back to you and your mom." He smiled, kissing his fingers and then pressing it to the screen before signing off.

I flipped through a few more before settling on a video that was date-stamped as being taken the year he went missing. He looked exhausted, like something was wearing on him.

"I've never imagined making a video like this. But the ship… Something's wrong. And I know we won't make it back to Earth. Not without a miracle. We don't have the parts necessary to fix it. We got caught in a geomagnetic storm, and it damaged our communication systems and engines. At this point, we're just drifting through space." He sighed. "I'm the best damn pilot in the federation, and even I can't do anything about it. What good are all of my skills if I can't even use them to come home to you? Honey, I'm so sorry. Aurelia, if you're watching this…" He shook his head. "I'll never get to see you graduate high school. Turn eighteen. Go to college. Fall in love. Get married. I'll never get to be a grandpa. All because I put space first." He buried his face in his hands. "God, I'm so sorry, baby girl. I never should have come on this mission. I should have stayed home to watch you grow up."

Tears were streaming down my face, but I couldn't stop them. All I could do was watch each video, one by one. Where he said goodbye. The days counted down on the ship's counter, and I knew time was running out. He told me what was happening to the ship. Answers to my questions that had been building for years, and even more so the last few months.

"I love you, Aurelia," he said, eyes distant as he looked away from the screen for a moment. "I hope you never forget to stop looking at the stars. Because I'll be here, watching over you." A deep sigh came from his chest. "Callisto, out." The video turned black.

For the longest time, I stayed there on the couch, staring at the final, frozen screen of my dad. His face looked back at me, and I didn't bother trying not to cry. I cried till there was nothing left. Till my eyes were red and swollen, and I was sure everyone would notice how puffy they were tomorrow. But it was cathartic, too, in its own way.

"Oh, baby." Sylas's words were low as he scooped me up off the couch later, pulling me into his arms. "Are you okay?"

I hadn't moved from that spot in hours. "No." I shook my head. No, I wasn't okay. But… "I will be, though." I cupped his cheek, even as tears streamed down my face. It was hard to get words out, mostly on account of the hiccups, but I was trying. "Thank you. For this gift. For one last goodbye."

He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I think I found something more, too. Where the ship ended up. Whenever you're ready."

"Not now," I said, needing time to process this on my own. "But… soon."

"He loved you," Sylas said, like he was reading my mind.

"So much," I agreed. "Everyone always said I was Daddy's little girl. And maybe I didn't realize how much until he was gone. But he was my best friend. Growing up…" I looked out the large window of his bedroom. "Those were some of the best times. Him, my mom, and I. I knew that as long as I had them, everything would be okay." I took a shuddering breath. "But I'm realizing that everything is going to be okay again. Isn't it?"

"Yes." He murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of my lips.

"And everything's going to be okay because I have you."

"Yes."

"Does this make you my boyfriend?" I asked, squinting at him.

He burst out laughing. "That was not what I expected you to ask."

"Needed to lighten the mood somehow," I mumbled.

"Yes, Aurelia. I'm your boyfriend. Or whatever the fuck you want to call me. I don't care, as long as I get to call you mine."

"I'm yours," I agreed.

"Good." He slid his hand in next to my cheek, kissing me tenderly. So soft, my heart ached. "That's all I've ever wanted."