13. Aurelia

THIRTEEN

There wasno way Sylas Kellar had almost kissed me. My fingers ran over my lips when I finally got back to my room, my back pressed against the door.

I still couldn't believe the events of the last two days. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that he'd offer to help me instead of reprimanding me. Especially when grumpy was his natural state, and I caught him frowning nine out of ten times when we were both on the bridge. Either he had a serious resting grump face, or he hated me. I wasn't sure which, but I'd resigned myself to it. That as long as I kept my head down and kept doing my job, everything would be fine.

Until last night. Now I didn't know what to feel.

"Aurelia Callisto," I scolded myself, looking in the small mirror in my bedroom as I got ready for bed. "You are really in over your head here."

He couldn't have wanted to kiss me, though. No freaking way. I had to have been interpreting that wrong. Yep. That was it. I was definitely, definitely interpreting it wrong.

You're a damn good pilot, Aurelia. Butterflies exploded in my stomach at the thought. From anyone else, those words wouldn't have been much. In fact, they were hardly a compliment at all. But from him—the man who was always scowling and growling? They felt like a million credits.

He'd been showing me brief glimpses of who he really was over the last few weeks, and I liked what I saw. Which was stupid, because he was my captain. Nothing was ever going to happen between us. No matter how eager he was to help me.

Dammit, I shouldn't have liked it. I shouldn't have liked him. That wasn't what I was here for.

Not for crushing on my superior officer. A man ten years older than me. A man I definitely wasn't allowed to have.

Sliding under my covers, I pretended I would not dream about Sylas Kellar and his gigantic hands that night.

That I definitely wasn't thinking about what it would have been like if he had kissed me.

As I pulledon my uniform, the events of last night played out again in my mind.

"So freaking stupid," I muttered to myself, tucking my cow plush back into its home and straightening my room before getting ready to report to the bridge.

Would things be different today? Or would the easy rapport between us be lost? I hoped not. After all, things were so different now. I hated the thought of going back to his begrudging acceptance, or even blatant dislike, of me. How would I even survive it if we went back to the way things were?

I was navigating the circular hallways towards the bridge when I heard a huffed out, "Aurelia!" shouted down the hall.

Glancing behind me, I saw a blue head of hair set against a bright white uniform bobbing towards me. Astrid.

"Hey," I said, when she finally skidded to a stop in front of me. "What's up?"

"Did you hear?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Hear…"

She let out a sound that sounded suspiciously like a giggle. "Apparently, Captain Kellar has decided that since our officer get-together the other week was such a rousing success, he's going to implement it weekly."

"What?" I squeaked.

Did he enjoy seeing me squirm? Was that the reason he kept insisting on having us in the same room? I already felt guilty accepting his help, and then knowing that all the other officers would be there as well—I was definitely in for it. Secrets had never been very easy for me to keep as it was.

"Yup. We're having pizza tonight."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Is that… all you wanted to tell me?"

"Yes." She paused, looking over at me. "Well… no. But the other constitutes as gossip, so I don't know if I should…"

"Tell me."

"Violet said she saw Sylas smiling and humming to himself last night. And she thought he had a girl in his room."

I froze. "What?" My eyes felt like they were bugging out of my face. Or maybe all the color had leeched from my skin.

"Yeah. Maybe he'll be less grumpy now?" She elbowed me, another laugh echoing down the hall. "You're going to come visit me in the MedBay soon, right? I'll give you the entire tour."

"Oh, yeah," I said, trying to ignore how distracted I was. "Of course. I'd love to."

"Great." She gave me a wave. "Gotta get back to it. Patients to see, and all that."

"Right."

Astrid hurried away, leaving me standing dumbfounded in the hallway.

Girl in his room. Me? Had someone caught us? I knew we weren't doing anything, but I still felt guilty.

Especially because I'd thought about what it would be like if he had kissed me.

"Everything okay?"

"Ahh!" I jumped, not expecting another disturbance. But I looked up, and there was a pair of ocean blue eyes peering down at me with concern. Dark brown hair, and a stubbled face.

I blinked a few times, feeling my vision clear. Sylas Kellar.

"Sorry." He frowned.

My hand rested over my racing heart. "Not your fault. I didn't expect anyone else. I was a little lost in my own world." Thinking about you. Not that I'd ever confess that to him.

"On your way to the bridge?"

I nodded, crossing my hands behind my back.

"Perfect. Me too." He flashed his pearly white teeth at me, walking in stride with me, matching me step for step.

"About last night," I said, keeping my voice low.

"Hm?" Sylas ran his hands through his hair. I couldn't stop staring at him. His dress uniform hugged his biceps in all the right places, his upper arms looking like they were going to burst through the material. And his chest was—holy wow. Then there was the way the blue fabric made his eyes pop—like a deep, endless ocean of color.

I could get lost in those eyes.

"We probably shouldn't do it again." A strand of hair came loose from my bun, and I tucked it behind my ear.

"What do you mean? I told you I'd help you."

I looked around, grateful that the hallway was empty. "Someone could catch us. There are already rumors going around that you had a woman in your room last night." My entire face felt warm.

"So?"

"So?!"I parroted the word back at him."I can't have people gossiping about me behind my back, Captain. Not if they think we're doing something—" I dropped my voice lower. "Inappropriate. The repercussions?—"

His eyes sparkled with amusement, and I could tell he wasn't taking this seriously.

"I'm serious."

Sylas crossed his arms over his chest. "And I'm serious about helping you. Fuck them. They don't matter."

"But—"

He leveled me with a glare that made me shut my mouth. What more was there to say?

We reached the bridge, Sylas sliding his palm over the sensor and opening the door. Must be nice. I still had to tap my ID badge, because my handprint wasn't programmed into the system.

"Good morning, Captain," I heard Violet say before she noticed me right behind him, her eyes going wide.

"Morning," he said with a grunt, sounding much more like the sullen, moody man that I was used to. Not the one who I'd been basically flirting with back in the hallway.

"Hi, Vi," I said, pasting on a smile I didn't exactly feel.

"You excited for tonight?" she grinned. "You heard, right?"

"I did." I flicked my eyes back to Sylas, wondering what he was up to. "Pizza night."

"Think we can convince the guys to watch the show with us?"

Orion snorted. "Fat chance of this one agreeing to that." He jabbed a thumb in Sylas's direction.

"Hey." My captain—I was trying to remind myself who he was to me—frowned. "I'm not opposed to watching your…" His words trailed off, before he finished with, "trashy reality television."

"Don't call it trashy," Kayle said with a faked gasp, placing her hand over her heart. "Those are real people's lives! They fall in love!"

"Real fake lives," he snorted at his sister. "How many of them actually even stay together?"

She rolled her eyes, and a secret smile spread over my face. Kayle looked over at me, and I knew she caught me. Busted.

I looked away, vowing not to look back at Sylas Kellar for the rest of my shift. A vow of which I broke about fifty times that afternoon.

Somehow, I had to remind myself of who he was. That he wasn't for me. That I wasn"t, under any circumstances, allowed to kiss my captain.

Even if he was a stubborn, irritable, grumpy bastard.

I still wanted to do it anyway, dammit.

Whoever calledit pizza night had vastly underestimated the entire affair.

This wasn't some buffet you'd find on a random corner back on Earth. This was a gourmet meal, as if every detail of this evening had been meticulously planned.

Had Sylas arranged all of this? And when? Though maybe the better question was why.

"This is… Wow," I said, standing next to Astrid, who'd worn her hair down for once. The blue strands hit the tops of her shoulders, brushing over the top of her white t-shirt that read Space Girl. I was a little obsessed with her graphic tee collection. Tonight, we'd all dressed casually, uniforms thankfully not required. It was just fine with me. I loved my uniform, but wearing it all day every day could get exhausting.

"Do you think he's trying to impress someone?" Astrid whispered to me, her blue-green eyes shimmering with amusement.

"Oh, I…" Did she suspect something? My cheeks felt warm. Why did I feel guilty when the only thing I'd done was be alone with him?

"Relax," she said, giving me a reassuring smile. "I know it's not like that."

But wasn't it? It felt like it was. Sylas had agreed to help me, and now we were all here.

The door slid open, revealing the man himself—and our First Officer.

"Hey, pretty boy," Kayle said, tossing a sultry smile at Leo.

There was tension between them, and I wondered how long it would take for it to snap. Then again, Leo and Sylas had been friends since college. Maybe he wouldn't want to risk their friendship for Kayle.

To me, though, it seemed like they needed to fuck and get it out of their systems.

Sylas had a grumpy expression on his face as he stomped in, and I wondered what was wrong with him.

His words from earlier rang through my head. And I'm serious about helping you. Fuck them. They don't matter. Why did he care so much about helping me? What was he getting out of this?

Suddenly, all nine of us were crowded around the large table in the officer's lounge, an entire assortment of pizzas and side dishes made by Chef Gregori laid out in front of us. The man himself had presented them with a bow and a flourish, before disappearing off to wherever he worked. Everything looked amazing.

Loading my plate up with food, I took a bite, moaning as the flavors burst on my tongue.

I looked up, finding Sylas staring at me from across the table. He had a small smile on his lips—barely there, unless you'd studied his face long enough to know his expressions like I had. I averted my eyes, hoping I could hide my blush from him.

A few gulps of wine and bites of pizza later, and I relaxed. I could do this. I'd just ignore him.

"Okay, I haven't had pizza this good in a long time," Leo remarked. "Like, I could fuck with this pizza. That's some damn good pizza."

Wren rolled his eyes, though I noticed his focus was across the table at Finley. Very interesting…

"You say that about everything," Sylas remarked, then furrowed his brow. "Please don't fuck the pizza."

A laugh burst out of me, and startled, he looked over at me. My hand flew over my mouth. Embarrassing.

"Sorry," I murmured, averting my eyes.

"No, it was funny," Leo remarked, flashing a smile. "Sy just likes to mess with me."

Sy. The familiarity there was surprising. That they could joke together, riff on each other, and Sylas didn't even seemed phased by any of it.

I wondered what that would be like. To have someone who you could laugh with through any situation. Someone who knew you so intimately that they got all of your jokes.

And despite my head knowing, my heart was so desperate for that. For a partner. My other half. But I knew that wouldn't happen for me.

No matter what I dreamed about at night, it wasn't in the cards for me.

I certainly wasn't going to fall in love.