Chapter Seven

THWACK, THWACK, thwack . Gideon swung the ax so hard he was turning the kindling into matchsticks. Focused on taking his anger out on the piece of wood, he didn’t hear the quiet whinny and the soft footsteps of the horse. The hairs on the back of Gideon’s neck stood up as the horse and rider approached.

“Where’s the other fella?” the man asked.

“Noah’s gone,” Gideon spat out. “I’m Gideon.”

The man answered with a grunt, observing Gideon with narrowed eyes. Noah’s description was spot on. The man could have been in an old black-and-white western. His heavy canvas coat and jeans were well-worn, almost vintage.

“You sent him away, didn’t you?”

Gideon jerked back, startled. Even the man’s horse was giving him a censuring sneer. “He was going to leave anyway.”

The man snorted, pulling his cowboy hat even lower over ice-blue eyes that bore directly into Gideon’s. Except the man’s eyes weren’t just looking at him; they looked through him with an almost translucent glow.

“You don’t want to end up like us, wandering around lost. Can’t restore yourself because you don’t know how to love. Make it right before it’s too late.” The man clicked his tongue, and his horse trotted through the snow toward the forest.

“Wait,” Gideon called out. “Who are you?”

The man stopped and turned. “I ain’t nobody—haven’t been for a hundred years or more.”

Gideon’s heart hammered in his chest. This wasn’t happening. “What’s your name?”

The man started toward the trees again, calling out, “Clem.”

Gideon blinked and blinked again, watching Clem and his horse disappear into the trees. Gideon leaned his ax against the stump and sought the trail of hoofprints leading into the forest. There were none. His shaky breath came out in a white cloud. He’d been joking with Noah about their being a Blink ghost. He didn’t believe the story he’d heard, but now….

“I’ve got cabin fever,” he said in a hushed voice. As he scanned the tree line, the sudden silence became unnerving, and despite being surrounded by wilderness, he felt like the forest was closing in on him. Gideon put his ax away and quickly gathered the kindling and wood he needed. Back in his cabin, he shed his outerwear and stoked the fire. Going over to the bookcase, he pulled out his favorite book. The worn volume he’d had since he was a boy always offered comfort. A Wrinkle in Time . He brushed his thumb over the worn cover. Settling into his favorite spot, he pulled a wool blanket over his legs and opened the book, only to let it fall in his lap again. As he stared out the window, Gideon’s thoughts strayed back to the man on the horse, replaying the strange conversation in his head. Can’t restore yourself because you don’t know how to love. Gideon caressed the book in his hand, thinking about the little boy, Charles Wallace, in the story. The youngest member of the Wallace family almost lost himself, becoming cold and indifferent. His sister’s love saved him. Is that what it meant to restore? When he sent Noah away, did he lose his chance to restore?

“You’re being ridiculous.” He picked his book back up but only held it open for a second before he set it on the side table and got up with a snort of annoyance. The quiet solitude was supposed to be relaxing, comforting, and feel like home. But Noah wasn’t rearranging the contents in the kitchen cabinets, and there wasn’t a bag of yarn next to the sofa.

“I miss him,” he muttered.

I love him.

“Dammit,” he growled as he climbed the stairs to his bedroom. He wouldn’t admit to himself what he was doing until he’d packed his bag, set it by the front door, and gone through the house, double-checking that everything was turned off and locked before he left.

He made a quick stop at the Wishful Café in Blink for a coffee and some cranberry-and-pistachio shortbread cookies to give him energy for the ride home. The café’s owners, Ed and Eddie, were behind the counter. Ed worked at the espresso machine, his large dark brown hands moving effortlessly through the motions of pouring foam into some kind of intricate design over a cup of coffee. Eddie jerked her head up from loading a fresh tray of baked goods into the pastry case, her gray hair in a messy bun and a streak of flour across her pale freckled cheek. Her smile faded.

“Can I help you?” Hearing her cold, flat tone, the other customers froze. A couple of forks clattered on plates, and the warmth in the room dissipated.

“You, uh, got flour on your…,” Gideon said, waving his hand toward Eddie’s cheek.

Ed came over to his wife. “Here, darlin’, let me get that.” He brushed the flour off her cheek with his thumb and then leaned in to kiss the spot where the flour had been.

Gideon watched the interaction with a pang of envy. “Can I get a coffee and some of the shortbread cookies to go, please?”

“No,” Eddie said, folding her arms, glaring at him.

An older woman with chin-length silver hair and what would normally be laugh lines around her eyes narrowed them at Gideon. She swiveled on her stool to face him. Crossing her denim-clad legs and folding her slim arms over a fuzzy lavender sweater, her mouth turned down in an angry slant, she said, “You got a lot of nerve.”

Gideon’s eyes darted around the café. “I, uh, okay, I’ll just go.”

He had started to back away from the counter when the woman said, “You don’t deserve him.”

Gideon stopped in his tracks, the air leaving his lungs. “Noah was here.”

Three cross faces nodded.

Gideon shoved his hands in his pockets, his shoulders hunched. “I get it. I deserve it.”

All three nodded in agreement again.

“I’m going back to Seattle. I’m going to apologize, to make it right,” he offered.

Eddie’s gaze softened a little. Ed looked skeptical, and the other woman continued to stare at him. It shouldn’t matter what these people thought. Why should he care? But he did.

The woman got off her stool and came over. She gently squeezed Gideon’s arm. “We haven’t been properly introduced. I believe you should know a person’s name before you take their words of advice.”

“Never take advice from strangers,” Eddie said with a nod of agreement.

“I’m Millie Bishop. I own the lavender farm, Lavender Haze.”

“Nice to meet you.” Gideon shook the hand she offered.

“And it’s nice to meet you. Damn near lost my voice for a week screamin’ my head off at that last game you played when you hurt yourself.” Millie glanced down at his leg. “You all right now?”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

Millie cocked her head, eyeing him with her eyes narrowed before she pressed her hand over Gideon’s heart. “But not in here,” she said, softening her tone.

Gideon slowly shook his head. “No, not in there.”

She patted his chest. “Then you’d better find a good physical therapist who can heal it.”

“Wh-what did you say?”

“You heard me. You need someone who can heal your heart, and I suspect Noah might be the fella who can do it. Although if I had my way, he’d be dating my nephew Taylor.” Millie looked him up and down. “Yeah, a TV star is a much better catch than you.”

“Millie,” Eddie gasped.

“Just telling it like it is.”

Gideon didn’t disagree. Putting Millie’s last name together with the TV-star comment, he guessed Millie’s nephew must be Taylor Bishop, star of the hit TV show, Sunset Pier PI . A wave of jealousy surged through him, stronger than any fake-surfer TV private investigator ever had to ride. Sure, Taylor Bishop was good-looking, made millions on his show, was charming, and… yeah, probably a better match for Noah.

“What a sweetheart,” Eddie continued. “Noah ended up helping me reorganize the display.” She pointed to a vintage pie cupboard filled with homemade jams, jellies, syrups, and sauces. “He said reorganizing would help calm his nerves.”

Gideon went over to the cabinet and studied Noah’s handiwork with a slight smile. Ed came to stand next to him, his arms folded over his barrel chest.

“I messed up,” Gideon confessed.

“Yeah, well, we all do. I’ve spent my fair share of nights on the sofa.” Ed chuckled.

“He made Hanukkah fun. I started to think I could be… that I could have… that it could be like that always.” He winced at the uncertainty in his voice.

“And you got scared.”

Gideon noted Ed wasn’t asking. All three of them knew what he’d only recently admitted to himself.

Gideon nodded. “What if I get traded again? What if I can’t be… enough for him? But I can’t imagine not having him in my life. I hurt him, and I don’t know if he’ll forgive me.”

“Are you gonna apologize?”

“Yes, and beg if I have to. I’ll do anything for another chance to love him.”

“All those things are good, but the most important thing is to remember you can’t force love or forgiveness on someone. What really matters is that you show him you’re willing to be patient and let him decide.” Ed patted Gideon on the shoulder and went back to the espresso machine. “I’ll make you some coffee.”

“I’ll get those cookies for you. How many do you want?” Eddie went back behind the counter and opened the bakery case.

At least he’d gotten back in their good graces enough to be served food again. Gideon approached the counter. “I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me.” He leaned his elbows on the bakery case. “Can I ask you folks a question?” Ed and Eddie both nodded. “Do either of you know of a guy named Clem? I think he’s my neighbor.”

Eddie paused, her hand hovering over a tray of cookies, and exchanged a look with Ed. She straightened and brushed her hands on her apron. “Gideon, you don’t have any neighbors.”

“I know, it’s just… there was a guy on a horse. My… my friend met him, and then I talked to him. He looked like an old-time cowboy or prospector, almost like he should have been in one of those old black-and-white movies. He rode into the forest after we talked and kind of… disappeared.”

“Sounds to me like you met a Blink ghost,” Millie said.

“I mean, that’s… crazy. Ghosts aren’t real.”

Millie nodded, along with Ed and Eddie.

“Other folks have seen them too,” Ed said.

“I thought that was a made-up story for tourists.”

“What tourists?” Eddie said with a snort. “People pass through Blink. They don’t stop to see the sights we don’t have.”

“Well, we do have the Blink Wink,” Millie said and laughed.

“Are you talking about that sign when you come into town?” Gideon asked.

“Yup.” Millie rolled her eyes. “Someone on the town council back in the seventies decided we needed to invest in one of these fancy billboards where the slats turn and the picture changes. It was supposed to be a pair of eyes that blinked, but the sign broke down after a few years. One side has an eye that’s open and the other side still works, so now instead of blinking, the eyes wink.” Millie snorted. “What a waste of money. As if a billboard would bring a flood of tourists into town.”

“I heard it was part of a plan to turn the town into some kind of winter resort. Didn’t they plan to build a ski lift with a big fancy lodge, Millie?” another customer called out.

Millie nodded. “Oh yes, some big-city developers came out here thinking they’d come in and take over. They didn’t realize how much of an investment it would take to pull their scheme off, and now we have the Blink Wink.”

“I like it,” Eddie said, gazing at her husband with a loving smile. “That’s what made us stop here. We loved going on weekend road trips around the Pacific Northwest in Buttercup.” She nodded toward the yellow vintage Volkswagen van parked out front. “The day we drove past the Blink Wink into town, we looked at each other and knew that this place was going to be special.”

Ed came over and stood behind his wife, resting his hands on her shoulders. He chuckled. “This is what we get for not having any adult supervision. We saw the café—”

“Only it wasn’t the café back then, just a broken-down gas station,” Millie added.

Ed nodded. “But we could see the potential. Clear as day, Eddie and I could picture it in our minds’ eyes. We both had the same vision and knew this was the place we wanted to call home.”

“I felt the same way when I saw my place,” Gideon said wistfully.

“That’s the thing about Blink. It draws people to it. I don’t think there’s a single soul who was born here. Folks seem to show up from different places when it’s their time. That’s what happened to you, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so,” Gideon admitted. “I can’t quite call it home, not yet. I don’t know if I’ll live here full-time someday. But I hope….” A pang of longing for Noah swept over him. It would be impossible to enjoy the cabin without him. Nowhere would feel like home without Noah. Maybe it was this place, Blink, that brought Noah to him. The perfect Hanukkah gift, and he’d thrown it away.

“NOAH?”

He paused his knitting to find the Christmas sisters hovering by his table. He bit down on his lip and focused on his knitting. Since Gideon told him to leave, he’d made three hats, two scarves, a pair of mittens, and at that moment was working on the second sock to complete the pair. When he finished this, he would start on… something. It didn’t matter what as long as he kept his fingers moving and his mind distracted. When he’d returned to work the day after he came home, Holly, Noelle, and Joy took one look at him and demanded to know what had happened. Of course, Holly and Noelle called their husbands. Nick and Hugh showed up on Noah’s doorstep that night. Hugh was still apologizing for sending Nick to Gideon’s cabin three days later, every time he called or sent a text to check in.

“Can we sit down?” Joy asked.

Noah shrugged and kept knitting. He had nothing else to say. Everyone sitting at the table knew what happened. It was done. They couldn’t fix it or Noah’s battered and bruised heart.

A hand reached over and gently covered his. “Noah, look at me,” Holly said.

He bit his lip and shook his head.

Someone gently pulled his knitting out of his hand, and Holly wrapped her arms around him.

“It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

“I feel… so dumb for letting myself think….” He pulled out of Holly’s arms and wiped his eyes. “It’s fine. I learned my lesson, and I won’t make the same mistake again. Next year I’ll pretend Hanukkah doesn’t exist and work through the holidays.”

“Well, you’re coming over and spending New Year’s with us,” Joy said.

“Hugh and I will be there, with Holly and Nick,” Noelle said. “A few other couples are coming over. It will be fun, and we don’t want you to be alone.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I don’t think I’d be very good company. No offense, but watching a bunch of happy couples kissing at midnight….” He shook his head.

Holly reached for his hand with a sympathetic smile.

Noah took a deep breath. “I appreciate all of you—I really do—but I’ll be fine. I need a little more time to feel sorry for myself.”

Noelle, Holly, and Joy gave him a unified skeptical look.

“Stop it. I really will be okay.”

“The invitation for New Year’s is open. You can come at the last minute if you change your mind. I’ll text you our address,” Joy said.

He wanted to ask if any of them had heard how Gideon was doing, but he wouldn’t let himself. It was over before it even had a chance to begin, and Noah needed to move on. Gideon didn’t want him. He was too much. Again. Why did he think Gideon would be different and willing to put up with his yarn, organizing, and need to double-check? No matter how much love he could give to compensate, it wouldn’t be enough. He thought Gideon might be his bashert , his soul mate. The person he’d always hoped to find who understood when he needed to be in control and when he needed to let go and have someone else take charge.

He blinked, fighting back another wave of tears, and reached for his knitting again.

His friends recognized the conversation was over and left him alone to finish his lunch, which sat untouched next to him.

“HEY, NOAH, thanks for meeting me.” Hugh swiveled on his barstool with a smile when Noah approached the bar at the Wedgwood Ale House.

Noah shook the hand Hugh offered.

“What would you like?” Hugh asked, waving toward the bartender.

“I’ll have the amber ale, please.”

“Make that two, Kip, and a basket of fries. We’re going to grab a table.” Hugh jerked his thumb over to a booth.

Kip nodded. “No problem. I’ll bring your order over in just a sec.”

Noah slid into the booth and rearranged the salt and pepper shakers and ketchup bottle and reshuffled the sugar packets so all the same types were together before he met Hugh’s worried gaze.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Ever since he’d received a text from Hugh asking to meet, Noah had been worried. Was there a problem with Gideon’s injury? Noah was confident in the physical therapy exercises he’d made Gideon do. He’d seen signs of improvement before he left. What happened?

“I wanted to check on you.”

“You didn’t have to do that. I’m fine, Hugh.”

“First, you don’t seem fine. Second, I feel responsible for sending you. And third, you’re Noelle’s friend and coworker, and that makes you my friend too. I’d also like to have you as a coworker. That’s the other reason I wanted to talk to you.”

Noah gaped at Hugh. “I can’t work for the Emeralds. I love working at the hospital and… I can’t see Gideon again.”

“I understand, and I would never ask you to leave the hospital.” Hugh shook his head with a slight smile. “Holly would have my head if I did. Dane and I were thinking we’d like to have you on call when we’re short-staffed. As for Gideon—” Hugh’s smile morphed into something more pensive. “—he’s… honestly, he’s a mess. That’s all I’m going to say because I’m not here to make excuses for Gideon’s behavior. If he pulls his head out of his ass and says he’s sorry, and if you are willing to forgive him and put up with his grumpy ass, I’ll be happy for you.”

Hugh paused when Kip brought over their beers.

He took a sip of his beer and lowered his voice. “If things don’t work out between you, I hope you know Noelle and me, Holly, Nick. and Dane. All of us care about you, and we’re here for you.”

Noah bit down on his lip. He shouldn’t care that Gideon was a mess, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling something Noah didn’t want to call hope.

“I’ll think about your offer. I don’t think I’m in the right place to be making any big decisions right now,” he confessed.

“Understood. The offer’s there whenever you’re ready.” Hugh eyed him with a worried look. “How are you, Noah, really?”

“Hurt, sad, embarrassed,” he confessed.

“I get the hurt and sad part, but what are you embarrassed about?”

“You know I have OCD, right?”

Hugh shook his head. “How would I know that?”

“I… I assumed Noelle and Holly know….” He finished with a shrug.

Hugh rested his arms on the table, looking at Noah through narrowed eyes. “Do you think that’s the first thing people say about you when they’re talking about you?”

“I never thought about it, but yeah, I guess so.”

“Noah,” Hugh said with a heavy sigh, and then huffed a laugh. “You and Gideon are more alike than I thought.”

“We’re total opposites.”

“In some ways, yeah, I can see that. But when it comes to how you see yourselves, you’re peas in a pod.”

Noah scrunched his nose, looking at Hugh with confusion.

“You both think people see your flaws first.”

Noah opened his mouth to argue and snapped it closed again. Hugh was right.

“Are you okay, Noah?”

“I… you’re right.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Noah nodded.

“Did Gideon think you were flawed when you first met?”

Noah shook his head slowly. “I don’t think so.”

“And when you met Gideon for the first time, what was your impression of him?”

“I thought he was… scared.”

“The one thing he tries to hide from the world,” Hugh said quietly.

Noah stared into the amber depths of his untouched beer, processing what Hugh had said. “It doesn’t change anything,” he said, more to himself than Hugh.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Hugh replied.

“I said I would stay, and he”—Noah’s voice started to break—“he said he was tired of being cooped up with me, that he didn’t need me trying to rearrange his life.” Noah took a deep, shuddering breath. “He said he wanted to mess around because he was bored.”

Hugh’s mouth turned down, and his eyes flashed with anger as he muttered a few choice words under his breath.

“As much as I appreciate your offer, Hugh, I don’t think I could work for the Emeralds as long as Gideon is on the team.”

“When Dane hears about this, it might not be for very long.”

“No.” Noah shook his head emphatically. “You can’t do that to him. It will do a lot more damage than his ACL.”

Hugh scowled, clearly unhappy with Noah’s defense. “You’re better than what he deserves.”

“Am I? I didn’t stay and fight. I knew what he was doing. Running me off because he’s scared. Why didn’t I stay and fight if I thought we share something special? I’m not sure if either of us deserves the other.”

“I can’t help feeling like this mess is my fault.”

“It’s not. I know you want this to be some kind of magical Hanukkah fairy tale, with a miracle that makes everything okay, but that’s not how things work in the real world. Let me feel sorry for myself for a little while. Christmas is almost here, and then a week until New Year’s. Let me throw myself a pity party until then, and I’ll start over with the new year.”

Hugh eyed him skeptically but agreed to give Noah the time he asked for.

That night Noah tossed and turned, thinking about his conversation with Hugh. Eventually he gave up and got out of bed. Moving to the sofa, he wrapped himself in a light blue chunky cabled throw he’d made. He opened his journal and started to make a list, but he never got past the title: My Next Boyfriend.

He thought making a list of qualities he wanted in a partner would help him realize he could find someone else, someone better. Every time Noah added something to the list, he thought of Gideon. Good kisser. Gideon’s lips were soft and firm at the same time when his tongue swept into Noah’s mouth, claiming him…. Noah shuddered. He couldn’t imagine anyone’s kisses being better than Gideon’s.

Good listener. When Noah was talking, Gideon never interrupted. Gideon was one of the few people Noah felt like he could tell… anything to.

Confident. Noah huffed a laugh. Maybe a little too confident, but when they were in bed together? Yeah, he was perfect.

Noah put his journal aside with a frustrated sigh. This wasn’t working. For all the things that were wrong with Gideon, for all the reasons he shouldn’t want to be with him, Gideon was the person who checked all the boxes on his list.