Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Priest

It’s been a pretty, sunny week, but that’s not what I see. All I see is gray. I just eat, work, eat, work, eat, sleep, and on and on. Nothing’s the same anymore. Everybody around me seems the same, but it doesn’t feel like it. I think they’re all mad at me, but I’m sorry. I can’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t value the relationship as much as I do.

On Thursday, we all get a big surprise―well, everybody except Patch. He knew Ethan and Rocky were coming. It seems there’s a big cruise-in in London, and they wanted to go, so they called Patch and asked him if he’s interested. Not only is he interested, but he asked them to come and stay with all of us for the weekend. That’s a pleasant diversion. I don’t think I want to go to the cruise-in, but some of the guys are going, and that’s fine.

But when I finish dinner on Thursday evening, I take a walk, and my feet find their way to the area behind my cottage. There’s the hammock and the barrel. I remember looking out the back window and finding her out there, reading, ankles crossed, her tablet propped up on her tummy. She looked so happy out there, and I really thought she was. I guess she wasn’t happy enough. I just climb into the hammock, fold my hands behind my head, and look up at the tree. The sun is filtering through the leaves, and it’s beautiful. No wonder she loved it.

The night is long, and I find myself wandering back and forth in the cottage, climbing into bed, getting up and watching some TV, going back to bed, getting up again, over and over. I can’t sleep, can’t even be still in one place for long. The extra toiletries she bought are all in the bathroom, and I wonder if I should box them up and leave them on her porch. She could use that stuff, and it’s a painful reminder that she’s not here anymore. She texted me once, but I didn’t bother to answer. There’s nothing to say.

Friday morning, we’re all in the kitchen having breakfast when the phone on the wall rings. And it never rings. Everybody stops everything, including chewing, and Patch takes the three steps to it. “Iron Oak Farms. Yeah, it’s me. What? Okay. Where do you want us and what do you want us to do? Uh-huh. Okay. No problem. We’ll be on standby. You’re welcome. Bye.” We all sit there and stare. He stands stock-still for a minute, like he’s trying to decide on something, then looks around at all of us. “Everybody get suited up. I’m not sure what the next thirty minutes will bring. Go-bags ready. Meet me at the equipment shed as soon as you’re dressed.” And he heads out the door.

“What the fuck?” Bulldog mutters.

“I dunno, but I think we’d better do as the man says,” Reboot answers, and we all start backing away from the table. Something’s going on, and I can’t tell what it is, but it’s serious. Who was on the phone? What’s happening?

And I’m terrified that we’re about to find out.

Aggie

“So what have we learned about cultures and how they differ from societies?” Naomi raises her hand. “Yes, Naomi?”

“Societies are more like communities, but cultures are inside societies. There can be different cultures within a particular society.”

“That’s a really good way to put it. So we have a society here, a rural society, but within it we have the youth culture, and the religious culture, and―” I hear a sound, and I stop. What was that? “Hang on. I’ll be right back.”

When I step out into the hallway, I’m struck by how quiet it is. But all of a sudden, the alarm system goes off. As soon as it does, all of the classroom doors start to close, and they lock automatically. By the time I realize what’s going on and turn back to my door, it’s closed and locked. That’s when I hear the announcement.

“All personnel, all personnel, we have an active shooter on the property. Repeat, we have an active shooter on the property. Follow all protocol. We are in lockdown. Repeat, we are in lockdown.” Oh holy shit. I’m locked out of my classroom. Where can I hide? I peek through the glass, and I see that the students have done exactly what we’ve taught them. Our doors have a small offset from our rooms―the lockers are set along the hallways, so the rooms are recessed slightly―and by pressing themselves up against the inside wall, no one can see them from the door. That’s good. They’re following protocol. But what about me?

And that’s when I see him.

At the far end of the hall, with some kind of long gun, is CliffordMcGuire. I know why he’s here. I know who he’s looking for.

Me.

I take off at a dead run for the far end of the hallway, and I hear the gun go off. Thank god, he misses, and I keep running and round the corner. That takes me down the hallway to the gym. If I can make it to the gym, maybe I can hide in the locker rooms. I don’t think those doors lock in the event of an emergency, and that gives me a place to go.

It’s dark in the gym, and I realize my shoes are slowing me down, so I kick them off and keep running. By the time I make it to the boys’ locker room, I can hear him walking down the hallway, and I dart through the doorway just in time to duck out of sight as he steps into the gym. I don’t know anything about this room―it’s the boys’ locker room, not the girls’―so I’m flying blind here. There’s a door in the back, and I think it leads outside, but I’m not sure. Guess it’s time to find out.

Very, very quietly, I open it and look. There’s a ladder, and then I remember… it’s the access to the roof. Once I’ve closed the door, I climb the ladder. The tiny bit of sound my feet make on the rungs is muffled by the sound of my heart pounding in my ears, the thumping in my chest growing more alarming by the minute. When I reach the top, there’s a small landing and a short door. Gravel crunches under my feet as I step out onto the pebbles of the rooftop. It’s gray and a little chilly, but there are a couple of big pieces of equipment―compressors, I think―that I can hide behind. I don’t think he’ll know about the access, so I should be safe up here, and I know law enforcement is bound to be on their way.

That gives me time to wonder… Did he shoot anybody? Oh, god, I hope not. He obviously didn’t get Michael, because that’s who was speaking over the intercom. And Michael didn’t sound panicked, so I think everybody else in the office must be all right. All of the rooms will shelter in place, so they’ll be fine. He’s looking for me. What will he do when he can’t find me?

It’s paralyzing to just sit there and wait. Surely when it’s all over they’ll come looking for me, but I don’t dare show myself anywhere. And then I hear it.

The door to the rooftop opens.

That’s the moment I know that I’m as good as dead. He’s going to find me and when he does, he’ll kill me. If he’s doing this, I have to believe that child services has paid a visit to the Mobleys, or maybe even taken Lashelle. That would infuriate him enough to make him come after me. Or did the sheriff’s department go looking for him? It doesn’t matter. My goose is cooked.

When I can tell that he’s moving toward me, I tiptoe around the corner of the compressor and stop, listening carefully. Where is he? I think maybe he’s given up.

And then the world explodes. There’s a loud BANG! on the other side of the compressor and a pain shoots through my thigh. I look down to see blood trickling down my leg, but I don’t make a sound. In a split second, I turn to find him staring right at me, his long gun pointed in my face. “There you are, you bitch.”

“If you kill me, they’ll kill you. You realize that, right? You have to know that.”

“My life’s over anyway. You took my girl and you got me in trouble.”

“I didn’t get you in trouble, Cliff. You did that all by yourself.”

“Yeah, it’s always my fault. Mama’s a drinker―it’s my fault. Daddy gets my sister pregnant―that’s my fault. Girl I been fuckin’ over in Hindman gets pregnant―that’s my fault. Everthin’s my fault. And you bein’ dead? That’s gonna be my fault too, but this time, it really is my fault. ’Cause you gonna be dead.”

“Did you know my boyfriend spent twenty-eight years in maximum security? If you kill me, he’s gonna find you and make all your nightmares come true.”

“You datin’ an ex-con? Seriously? You got more balls than I thought, nigger.”

“It’s not about balls, Cliff. It’s about doing the right thing by your family. Why didn’t you stand by your sister?” I figure if I can keep him talking, maybe help will come.

“Because he woulda killt me.”

“Who? Your daddy?”

“Who do you think? He’s been beatin’ on me since afore I’s born. Even in my mama’s belly. He’s the meanest bastard you ever seen. Guess I take after him.”

“I don’t think so. I think you can do better. I think you want to do better, Cliff.”

“What the hell would make you think that?”

“Because you’re smarter than him.” That’s not true, but for the sake of staying alive, I’m going to lie like a preacher caught in a whorehouse. “You can do better for yourself. But in order to do that, we’ve both got to come down from here. I can’t help you do that unless we get out of this alive.”

“Why would you help me?”

“I’m a teacher. I swore an oath to always help kids.” Where do I get this stuff? It’s just pouring out of my head like some kind of fever. “Doing wrong by you is against that oath.” Hell, if you’re gonna lie, lie big.

“But you was gonna have ’em arrest me!”

“No. That was Mr.Powell. I didn’t want to press charges, but he insisted. I said no. You can ask the deputies―I said no, I didn’t want to press charges. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Well, that much is true, so thanks, Michael. You gave me that out and I didn’t have to lie about it.

“Really? You wudn’t gonna press charges?”

“No. I’m not that hurt. Or at least I wasn’t. But we could say this was a, a… a misfire. Yeah, that’s it! It was an accidental discharge of your gun. We can go downstairs and I can explain everything to them. It’ll be fine, Cliff. You’ll see.”

“Look, all I ever wanted was a pretty girlfriend and to be smart. You really think I’m smarter than my daddy?”

“I know you are. I’m here talking to you, and you know how to reason and think. You know how to make good decisions, and a good decision would be to go back downstairs and let me explain to everybody how they misunderstood. Can we do that?”

“I dunno. Let me think about it.” And that’s when I hear it. That sound. I know what it is. And for the first time since this started, I feel a spark of hope.

Priest

I’m the second to show up at the Jeeps. Pretty soon, everybody’s there except Patch. And when he shows up, the bottom drops out of my world. “There’s an incident unfolding at KnottCounty Middle School.”

“What kind of incident?” Reboot asks. I can’t speak. My mouth has gone completely dry and my throat is closing up.

“Active shooter. The phone call was the KnottCounty Sheriff’s Department. SheriffStafford wants us in the air in case we can be of some assistance, and I fully expect he’s already contacted the Kentucky State Police, so I’m guessing we’ll see KSP’s blackbird. Paddy, Bulldog, Priest, you’re coming with us in the bird.”

“Where do you want us?” Rocky and Ethan ask.

“I want you with us,” he says and points to Rocky. “Ethan, can you take the rest of the guys and head to the school? SheriffStafford might have something we can do there. I think they’re in the process of evacuating the classrooms closest to the front doors, and you could help calm the kids, pass out water, evaluate wounds, etc. Reboot, you’re their medical staff.”

“Roger that, chief,” Reboot answers.

“Okay, we all know where we’re going. Let’s get on this. We’ll be crisscrossing above the school and watching for any activity. Stay in radio contact. Let’s get on it.” We jog all the way to the bird. The hydraulics are whining and as the rotors start to turn, Patch turns to me. “You gonna be able to hold it together?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Why are you asking?”

“Because you’re going to hear some things on the radio that you’re not going to like, and you’re going to have to hold it together. Just remember that I said that. We ready?” he asks as he turns to Ghost.

“Roger that, chief.”

The bird starts to rise, and I hear Patch say over the radio, “Central dispatch, this is App STAR air deploying. Over.”

“Roger that, App STAR air. Over.”

“App STAR air, this is KCSD unit one. Do you copy? Over.”

“Roger that, sheriff. Over.”

“Be advised, we have a teacher somewhere in the building and the shooter in pursuit. Over.”

“Roger that. Anybody know who the teacher is? Over.”

My heart is pounding so hard that I feel like I might pass out. And the next words I hear almost do me in. “Her name is AugustinaHenry. Over.”

“It’s that sumbitch McGuire,” I mutter under my breath. I begged her not to go to work, and this is what happens. Along with the terror I feel, there’s a fury coming over me that’s threatening to blind me. I haven’t felt this in years, but I know it well. It’s overwhelmingly familiar.

“Roger that, KCSD. Do you know who the shooter is? Over.”

“Roger that, but we’re not releasing that name right now. Over.”

“Copy. App STAR air ETA three minutes. We’ll be carrying out a crosshatch pattern over the building and awaiting orders. Over.”

“Roger that, App STAR air. This is KCSD unit one, over.”

Patch hits the bypass button so the only people who can hear him are those of us in the bird. “Priest, now do you understand why I asked you if you could hold it together?” I nod, even though I know he can’t see me.

A hand takes mine, and I look over to see Bulldog sitting there, but I can feel tears welling in my lower lids. “We’re well-equipped, Priest. We’ll get through this,” the man sitting beside me says.

“I hope you’re right. I’ve got a lot of apologizing to do.”

“I can tell you from personal experience that if you’ve made an ass of yourself and you need a chance to fall on your sword, the universe has a way of always making sure that can happen. Hell, I got assistance from bears. Who would’ve ever guessed that?” And he gives me a lopsided grin.

I sure hope he’s right.

We’re getting close to the school, and I hear Ghost say, “What the hell am I seeing?” Everybody in the bird turns and stares out the windshield.

“Somebody’s on the roof,” Patch answers and hits his comm button. “Central dispatch, this is App STAR air. There’s somebody on the roof of the school. Over.”

“App STAR air, this is central dispatch. Copy. Can you get close enough to see who it is and what they’re doing? Over.”

We’re headed straight for them. I can see two people, and one of them appears to have a gun. Patch stops and lets the bird hang there as we look out the front glass. I feel something and turn my head to see Paddy with a pair of binoculars. “Patch, it’s a kid with a gun. Long gun, not a handgun. Rifle, I think. He looks to be late teens, maybe six feet, blond, long coat. And… Fuck, it’s Aggie.”

“Can you see anything specific?”

“Yeah. Looks like her leg is bleeding, but she’s upright. And they’re talking. He’s not real animated, so that’s good.”

“Central dispatch, we have eyes on the individuals on the roof. One is a male, approximately late teens, roughly six feet tall, blond hair, wearing a long coat and carrying a long gun. The other individual is AggieHenry, and she appears to be wounded. Right leg. Over.”

“Roger that, App STAR air. We have medical support standing by. Can you tell what they’re doing? Over.”

“They appear to be talking. Over.”

“Roger that. Stand by. Over.”

We’re just hovering there in midair, staring out the window. I don’t want to take my eyes off her. I can’t. Then I see him reach into his coat and hand her something. In just a few seconds, my phone rings. The number is unfamiliar, but I answer it anyway. “Hello?”

“Darius? It’s Aggie.”

“Babe, what’s going on? What can I do?”

“I’ve been talking to Cliff. I asked him if there’s anything he wants, and we’re talking about it. Can you stay on the line until he makes up his mind?”

“Of course. I’ll be waiting. Please don’t hang up, babe. Please? I love you and I’m sorry for everything I said and―”

“Not now, Darius. This is important.” I can hear them talking, but I can’t hear what they’re saying.

“What’s going on?” Patch asks.

“He’s going to make some demands. She’s going to tell me what they are. You can relay them to KCSD, right?”

“Of course. Anything to get her out of there.”

“Darius?” I hear her say through the phone.

“Yeah, babe?”

“He wants a way out of here.”

“Okay. Let me think for a second.” I hit MUTE on the phone. “She says he wants a way out of there. Any ideas?”

I see Patch and Ghost look at each other, and then Patch says, “Look, the roof isn’t strong enough to take the weight of the bird. We can’t set down there. But we could hoist him up.”

“Okay. I can tell him that.”

“But that’s only on one condition. He lets Bulldog come down there and be with Aggie. Bulldog puts his harness on the kid, and we lift him. Tell the shooter we already have too many people onboard and we have to exchange one to allow him to get on.”

“And what the hell are we going to do with a mad kid who has a gun once we get him inside this bird?” Paddy asks.

Patch quirks up one corner of his mouth and side-eyes Paddy. “Who says he’s getting into the bird?”

Paddy’s face is full-blown panic. “But he’ll shoot at us!”

“He couldn’t hit us if he tried,” Patch answers, shaking his head. “Between the wind, the rotor wash, and the way I’ll be swinging him, he’ll probably drop the gun. Even if he hangs onto it, he can’t take both hands off the cable to shoot, so having a gun, especially a long gun, is a moot point. The question will be where we put him down. I’m running this by the sheriff first. Ghost, get Stafford on the phone.” In seconds, Patch has told the sheriff exactly what we’re planning. When they hang up, he says, “Okay. We’ve got a go from SheriffStafford. We’re putting this thing in motion. Priest, tell Aggie what we’re doing and make sure the kid goes along with it.”

“Roger that, chief.” I hit the MUTE button again. “Aggie?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re going to take him out of there in the bird. There’s only one catch. The bird’s too heavy to land on the building and we’ve got too many guys on here already, so we’re going to drop Bulldog and pick up the kid. Ask him if that’s okay.”

I can hear her speaking in the background, and then she says, “Yeah. He says that’s fine.”

“Okay. We’ll be moving into position above you and we’ll let Bulldog down. Tell the kid that Bulldog will help him get into the harness and we’ll take him up and wherever he wants to go.”

“Okay. I’ll tell him.” And the phone goes dead.

Bulldog is pulling on his harness, and I help him with all the buckles. In the meantime, Paddy’s swinging the hoist into place. Once Bulldog’s in the harness, Paddy hooks him to the cable and Bulldog picks up his go-bag. “I’ll take good care of her, Priest.”

“You’d better. And come back in one piece. You’ve got a baby on the way.”

“Roger that, buddy.” I watch as Bulldog takes that first free step away from the bird and disappears from sight.

“Central dispatch, we have deployed medical support. Over.”

“Copy that, App STAR air. Over.” And now we wait.

“I’m down, chief,” I hear Bulldog say over his closed comm.

“Copy that. Get him in that harness.”

“Roger.” There’s quiet for longer than I’m comfortable with, and horrible things go through my mind. What if he shot Bulldog? What if he kills them both, then kills himself? I should stop thinking right now, but I can’t. Finally, when I think I’m going to lose my mind, I hear Bulldog say, “Paddy, bring him up.”

“Copy that,” Paddy says and starts the hoist.

“Stop it when he’s about fifty feet from our belly,” Patch orders.

“Roger that,” Paddy answers back. “Got him.”

“Paddy, strap in. Hang on, boys. We’re gonna bank and fade.” In two seconds, Patch throws the big bird into a hard right bank, and anything not nailed down slides toward the open door, but the cargo net stops it all. The kid on the end of the cable rockets out and away from the helicopter. When Patch levels out, we’re moving at a pretty good clip, and the guy with the gun is below us, hanging on for dear life. “Now we’ve gotta figure out what to do with him. Anybody got any suggestions?” We all sit there, pondering and chuckling to ourselves that this kid is dangling fifty feet below our aircraft.

“Uh-oh,” Paddy yells.

“What?” Patch yells back.

“Poor baby just dropped his weapon!” That makes everybody laugh. Even though I’m worried out of my mind about Aggie, I have to laugh at that. It’s too funny not to.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea. Got any silos around here?” Rocky asks.

“Hell, we’ve got silos everywhere,” Patch says.

“Wait a minute.” I’m thinking, and I hit my comm button. “Central dispatch, this is App STAR air. We’re looking for a silo. Maybe one with the roof missing. An old one. Know of anything around the area? Over.”

It’s quiet for a minute before I hear the female voice say, “App STAR air, let me think on this for a bit and ask around. Over.”

“Roger that, dispatch. Over.”

In under two minutes, I hear her say, “App STAR air, there’s an old roofless silo out off highway forty-nine near the old grain elevator. Over.”

“Dispatch, can you tell our ground crew where it is? Ask Reboot to go there and send us the coordinates? Over.”

“Roger that, App STAR air. As good as done. Over.”

“Do you know where highway forty-nine is?” I ask Patch.

“From up here? No. But I’ll head that general direction. By the way, that was brilliant, Rocky.”

“Thanks! I just asked myself, ‘What would Ethan do?’ And this sounds just like the kind of sick, hilarious thing he’d think of.”

Patch is laughing. “You know your brother well. And now, we have to hit the hole with the weight. I’ve done more with less. I think I can handle this. Drop zone, here we come.”

Five minutes later, Ghost’s phone rings and he hits the speaker. “Talk to me.”

“Yeah, we’re out here at the silo. It doesn’t have a roof, and the doors are all boarded up. I guess to keep kids out,” Reboot says.

“Or to keep one in,” Patch calls out. “Give us the coordinates and call the sheriff. Tell him his school shooter will be delivered to him in just a couple of minutes.”

“I’ll do it. The coordinates are…” As soon as Ghost has them punched in, Patch takes the header and we’re on our way.

In seconds, the silo comes into sight. It’s an old thing made of concrete blocks, and there’s a tree growing up one side of it. “Okay, Paddy, get ready,” Patch says, and he stabilizes the bird just above the silo. “Let him down slowly and tell me how I need to adjust.”

Paddy hits the lever and the cable starts to let out. “Okay, I need you to move forward maybe ten feet. Okay, two more. And… he’s in. Now what?”

“Let him down until the line goes slack. Tell me when and I’ll move out about twenty feet or so. Then grab the bolt cutters and just cut the cable loose.”

“But that thing costs―”

“Doesn’t matter. Cut it loose.” I watch until the cable grows slack.

“Okay. It’s slack.”

“Let it keep running out,” Patch orders, and we wait as he pulls the bird west about ten yards. “Now, whack it.” Paddy grabs the bolt cutters and cuts a clean slash through the cable. It falls away, draping neatly down the outside of the silo. “We good?”

“We’re good. Ready to go,” Paddy says, swinging the hoist inward, and then he closes the bay door.

Ghost’s phone rings, and he answers it and hits SPEAKER. “Talk to me, pickle boy.”

“Holy shit, he’s mad! He’s screaming and cussing! You guys were awesome ! I wish you could’ve seen that! It was incredible!”

“You got a video with your phone, right?” Ghost asks.

There’s silence for a few seconds before Reboot screams, “God damn it! I didn’t even think about it! Son of a bitch! I could’ve―”

Somebody’s laughing in the background and we hear Ethan say, “I filmed it. We got it. And it was brilliant, buddy.”

“Thanks,” Patch calls out.

“You’re welcome. Sheriff’s here. Gotta go.”

“Hey, know anything about Aggie?” Patch asks for me.

Reboot’s voice comes through the phone. “I know Bulldog brought her down and they put her in an ambulance. That’s all I know.”

“Okay. We’ll be there in a little bit. Takin’ the bird back and we’ll be on the road.”

“Copy. I’ll tell the guys.”

“Thanks, Reboot. See you in a bit.” Patch can’t turn to look at me, but I hear him say, “She’s gonna be fine, Priest. If Bulldog got her down from there, she’ll be okay.”

I most certainly hope he’s right.

As soon as the bird sits down, I’m pounding across the lawn to dart up the steps and into my cottage, peel off my turnout suit, throw on jeans and a tee, slip on my shoes, and head back out the door.

And nobody will let me drive.

Twenty minutes later, we’re rolling down the highway, and I can’t get Patch to speed up. “Would you please kick it into gear?”

“We’re doing the speed limit.”

“But I need to get there!”

“We will. But we’ll do it in one piece.” My heart is threatening to leap out of my chest, and he’s worried about the speed limit? Seriously?

Without even looking back, I bolt into the emergency department and find Bulldog sitting there in the waiting room. “Where is she?”

“She’s back there. She’s fine. The shot was a through-and-through and it didn’t hit anything major. The principal is back there with her now.”

“I’ve got to―”

“Just wait until he―”

“No!” He can’t stop me. Nobody can stop me. I hear him yell “Seven!” from somewhere behind me, and I stop outside the cubicle with that number beside the door. There’s a man’s voice coming from inside, so I stop to listen.

“I’m just glad you’re okay. If he hadn’t spotted you in the hall, he would’ve started blasting his way into classrooms and a lot more people would’ve gotten hurt. He could’ve killed dozens while he was looking for you.”

“Yeah, but he really was looking for me,” I hear her say.

“That much is obvious. As soon as he found you, everybody else was safe. Look, I put you in that position when I called child protective services, and for that I’m sorry, Aggie.”

“No, you were right to. That was your job. You had to. Have they found Lashelle yet?”

“Yeah. She was at his parents’ house, hanging out, waiting for him to get back and tell her that he’d killed you so they could be together.”

“What’s going to happen to her?”

“Social services is taking her. She’ll be placed in a group home in Louisville, away from here. And because they insisted the sister’s baby was taken to Delaware, the FBI is all over the McGuire’s place now. They had a field office in Delaware check on the baby, and there is no baby. It never left Kentucky. So they think it’s buried somewhere on the property.”

“Oh, god, that makes me feel sick.”

“Me too. They killed it. I’m sure of it. Most likely Cliff’s dad. And social services is planning to have Cliff tested. They think he has a traumatic brain injury, maybe from even before birth. That dad of his is a nasty piece of work. He and the mom are going to prison. There’s no way around it. The sister’s elsewhere, and they’re looking for her now. She may be dead for all they know.”

“Good god, what a mess. Hard to believe one family can be so fucked up.”

“There are a lot of fucked up families out there, Aggie. More than we’ll ever know.”

That’s enough. I can’t wait anymore, so I tap on the door jamb and they both turn. She doesn’t smile, just says, “Darius.”

“I’ll go and let you guys talk. Take care of yourself, Aggie, and do what the doctors say. Your job will be waiting for you. You know that.”

“Thanks, Michael. I’ll talk to you soon.”

He nods at me as he passes, and I nod back. Once he’s gone, I turn back to her. “Can we talk?”

She gestures with her palms up. “Talk.”

The two steps I take toward the bed don’t make me feel a bit closer. There’s a wall there. I can almost see it, and I feel its presence as if it were stone. “I was afraid this was going to happen, and it did. This is why―”

“Stop right there. I’m going to save you a lot of words. I set this in motion when I refused to let that girl be assaulted by that boy. I just couldn’t. And yeah, maybe I didn’t handle it the best. But what happened at that school saved a lot of lives. If he’d come after me and started blasting his way into classrooms―”

“But if you hadn’t been there―”

“He wouldn’t have known if I was there or not, and when he didn’t find me, he would’ve kept looking. Me being there and him cornering me was the only thing that saved a lot of people today.”

“I don’t think that’s true. He probably knows your car by now and he was looking in the parking lot, so he knew you were there. If you hadn’t been, he never would’ve come inside the building.”

“But I was because that’s my job . I couldn’t let down all those kids because one kid might do something stupid.”

“But what about me? What if―”

“This had nothing to do with you, Darius.”

Every cell in my body lights up with rage. “What the hell do you mean, this had nothing to do with me? It had everything to do with me!”

“And how the hell do you figure that?” she asks. The look on her face isn’t promising.

That’s when it hits me. I see the reality. It was right there in my face. “Okay. I get it. You’re right. It had nothing to do with me. Nothing at all. I’m not in the equation. Period.”

“You’re right. You weren’t.”

“Yeah. Okay. So, I asked you early on if you were able to actually fit me into your life. Apparently you weren’t.”

“Wait, what? I did. I―”

“No, Aggie. You didn’t. There’s a problem here, and that problem isn’t me. When I told you I didn’t want you to go to work, I didn’t tell you that for me or for you. I told you that for us . And when you made the decision to do that, you made that decision for you . There was no us in the mix. There hasn’t been an us in the mix. There’s been you. There’s been me. And only one of us was looking to protect the us . So you’re right. It had absolutely, positively nothing to do with me.” I see it all now, and it’s blindingly painful. “It never did. I was not in the equation. I never have been.” There’s nothing left for me here. I’m glad she’s okay, and I love her, but I can’t be in an “us” that’s just one person. “I, um, I’m just gonna go and let you get some rest.”

“Darius, we should talk about this when―”

“No. There’s nothing to talk about. You’ve got your life. It’s full and busy and it’s plenty for you. You’re always welcome to come to the farm and visit. That doesn’t change. But you? Me? I don’t think that ever was.” Without another word, I just turn and walk out.

I can hear her behind me. “Darius, wait. Listen, we need to…” but I don’t wait. I don’t go back. There’s nothing for me in that room. She never really intended to have a relationship with me. I was fun until I wasn’t, until I didn’t fit into her plan. It’s a mystery to me how I didn’t figure that out, but apparently I was so in love with her that I didn’t want to see it.

Bulldog’s still sitting in the waiting room with Patch, and I walk past both of them and out the door. It’s dark now, and everything is quieter. A voice behind me says, “Need a ride?” and I turn to find Bulldog standing there.

“Yeah. I need to go home.”

“You’re not gonna hang around?”

“Nope.” I shake my head. “I’m not hanging around. I’m going home.”

We don’t talk on the way. There’s nothing to say. She’s safe and she’ll be okay. Maybe someday she’ll find somebody who’s important enough to turn her and him into an us.

But that guy obviously isn’t me.