Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Aggie

The pain isn’t horrible. I was way more afraid than I was hurt. Right now I’m super thankful for that helicopter, for Patch and the guys. But now I don’t know what to do next.

I can’t get Darius’ words out of my head. Did I really not give an “us” a chance? They’ve given me a mild sedative so I can sleep, but I hear somebody tap on the door frame. “Can I come in?”

I pivot my head that direction to see Patch standing there, smiling. “Sure. C’mon in.”

“How ya feelin’?”

“I’m okay. Doctor says I’m going home in the morning. I’ll have to be off work for a couple of weeks, but I’ll be fine. I have you guys to thank for that.”

“Eh. Just doin’ our jobs. Bulldog’s the one to thank. He went right down there with that kid and gun. Didn’t even blink. All he was thinking about was you, making sure you were safe.”

“I’ll owe him, especially since he’s got a baby on the way.”

“Yep.” Then he gets quiet, and I wonder what’s going on in his head. It’s becoming a bit awkward until he says, “He went home. I don’t think he’s coming back.”

“Yeah, well, probably for the best. He didn’t like my decision, but it wasn’t his to make.”

“Wasn’t it?”

Oh, fuck me. Another misogynist. “No. It wasn’t. It was mine.”

“And you didn’t care how it affected him.”

“Not if he couldn’t understand. I had to do what I had to do.”

“But did you help him understand? Or was it your way or the highway?”

“Some things just are my way or the highway.”

“Then I’d say you probably shouldn’t look to be in a relationship unless it’s with somebody else who’s a ‘my way or the highway’ kinda guy. Then you get to go your own way and he goes his, and you get together when it suits you, but no emotion is exchanged.”

Wow. I know I owe this guy, but he’s got a lot of nerve. “Oh yeah? Since when do you get to dictate my life?”

“Since you ripped Priest’s guts out and stomped on them.” I start to say something, but he holds up a hand. “Look, I’m the first to admit when one of my guys is wrong. I’m the first to tell them they need to get their shit together and straighten up. Ask Bulldog. He’ll tell you it’s true. And this time, it’s not Priest. It’s you. You can be mad if you want. I really don’t give a shit. But you took a guy who’d never had a real relationship in his life, told him you loved him, made him believe it, and then treated him like he was just an accessory to your real life, like he was a pair of earrings or a bracelet that you could change out at will or discard if you didn’t like them. You obviously never really cared about him.”

“How dare you! You don’t know how I feel!”

“Don’t I? You’ve made it exceedingly clear. As long as you can do whatever you think you need to, his feelings don’t matter. He was scared out of his mind that something would happen to you, and it did. And you totally ignored his protests and refused to listen to anything he had to say because it didn’t agree with what you wanted to do. And might I say as the guy who had to rescue your ass, you were reckless and thoughtless. Careless. You defied logic at every turn. Knowing that girl was going out in back of that school with a guy bigger and stronger than you, you walked out there anyway, aware of what could happen, and it did. Then, when you knew your principal was calling child services, you went back to the school anyway and put yourself and everybody else in harm’s way. If you’d made a big deal out of not going, that kid would never have shown up at the school and every one of those kids would’ve been safe. Every one of them. And instead, you drew him right to the school. You did that on purpose.”

“I most certainly did not! I―”

“You can play savior with other people if you want to, but you’re not doing it with Priest. You’ve broken his heart, Aggie, and almost gotten yourself killed in the process. So congratulations. You wanted to lose a big bunch of people who were willing to love you and take you into their homes and hearts? You’ve succeeded in spades. I’m thankful we could get you out of the mess you got yourself into. I hope the next time you think it through, because we might not be there then, and there’ll be nobody who’ll pull you out of the hole you’ve dug for yourself. Get some rest. You’re going to need it.” I don’t get a chance to say anything before he spins and heads down the hallway.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so pissed off in my life. Steam’s probably rolling out of my ears. My first inclination is to throw my phone across the room and scream, but then I won’t have a phone. I’m fuming and fussing under my breath when somebody else taps on the door jamb. “What?” I bark, and turn to find Deborah standing there.

“Umm, I’m sorry. I’ll just…”

“No, no. It’s fine, really. I’m sorry. I just had somebody talk to me in a way nobody’s ever talked to me, and I’m totally pissed off.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I just wanted to check on you. We were all so scared. We thought we were going to die.”

“Gonna die? Lawd, girl, you weren’t gonna die!”

“We might’ve. He had a crazy look in his eyes when he came in, and he was waving that gun around. It was super scary. I’m just glad you’re okay. Don’t ever do anything like that again, please?”

“Like what?”

“You know, get involved in something like that. If you had just let social services take care of it, this wouldn’t have happened. That’s what they’re there for, Aggie, so you don’t have to put yourself in danger like that. Geez. You scared us all so bad.”

Every word Patch said burns into me like a flamethrower. This was me. All me. I set myself up for this, I took the risk, and I put everybody around me in danger. How could I have been so stupid? The world around me dissolves as tears cloud my eyes. I almost got a lot of people hurt, maybe even killed, and almost got myself killed in the process. What the hell was I thinking? “Aggie? Aggie, honey, you okay? It’s probably the pain meds. They’ll make you weird. Aggie?”

“Oh, god, I’ve messed up so bad, Deborah. Please… I need to be alone, okay? I’m fine. I just need to be by myself for a minute or two, all right?”

“Uh, yeah, okay. You call me if you need anything, okay?”

“I will. I promise. But right now…” My chest hurts so badly that I can’t think, and I need quiet to get myself under control.

“Okay. I’ll go. Love you, honey. See you soon.”

She clears the doorway, and I start to sob. What the hell have I done? I’ve broken my own heart, but I’ve destroyed Darius. He can never forgive me for the way I’ve treated him, and I don’t blame him. I don’t deserve him or anybody else, for that matter. In my mind, I see his smile, hear him laugh, remember what it was like to touch him, to be touched by him. I’ll never have that again. Is it too late? Can I do nothing to salvage this?

I want to try. I’m not sure I can, but I really do want to try.

Priest

The early morning is beautiful, with a bright blue sky and plenty of sunshine. All of the guys, including Ethan and Rocky, load up in the SUVs and headed to Carr Creek State Park. I’m in the rear one; the one in the front has a ball hitch, and behind it is the runabout, the little trailer bouncing along the road as we go. It’s the maiden voyage of the boat we’ve been working on all these months. We all grinned when the sign painter―he’s actually a kid from the high school’s art department―came and painted the name on the back end, one that Reboot carefully thought out. Everything he did for this boat, from the upholstery to the carpet to the paint on the trailer, is green, and its name is In A Pickle. Now when he goes fishing, he can say he’s going to get himself in a pickle and he’s not lying.

Ghost backs the SUV down the ramp while Reboot readies the boat for release. He’s already paid for a slip at the marina, so we’re all going boating! I’m watching and we’re all laughing and talking when my phone rings. I take a look at it, then hit DECLINE and slip it back into my pocket. It rings again a minute later, and I realize if I don’t answer, it’ll keep ringing, so I walk away from the group and hit ACCEPT. “Hello?”

“Darius. Thank you for answering. I need a favor.”

Seriously? “Yeah?”

“I need somebody to pick me up from the hospital. Could you maybe do that?”

“No. I can’t. I’m with everybody down at Carr Creek State Park. Reboot is launching his boat right now, and I wanted to be here. Besides, even if I wanted to come pick you up, I don’t have a way. We’re all down here in two of the SUVs, so I don’t have a ride. Isn’t there somebody else who can pick you up?”

She doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, but when she speaks, she says, “Yeah. I’m sure there is. I just… I dunno. You were the first person I thought of.”

“Why?”

“Wishful thinking, I guess. Never mind.”

“Yeah. If you think things are going back just like they were before, I’m sorry, but that’s not happening.”

“I don’t think that. I’ve had some time to think, and―”

“Look, I’ve gotta go. They’re waiting for me to be there so I can watch. If you don’t find somebody else to pick you up, let me know and somebody will come get you this afternoon.”

“Okay. I’m sorry I bothered you. I won’t―” I don’t even wait for the end of that sentence, just hang up. It’s bad enough that I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t think. Now she’s got to try to guilt me into something? I don’t think so. Maybe if I get pissed enough, I’ll feel better.

“You comin’?” Hollywood yells.

“Yeah, yeah! Wouldn’t miss this for nuthin’!” I yell back as I jog toward them.

“Here we go!” Reboot bellows as the boat slides into the water, and he cranks up the motor. It idles backward, and then starts to move forward. A split second later, we all see him look down and he yells, “What the hell? What is all this―”

“Oh shit! The drain plug!” I hear Paddy scream. “Reboot! Run it in circles! The drain plug’s out!”

We watch as he guns it, then pulls it in a tight circle. “What’s happening?” I ask.

“If he runs it in circles, it’ll keep the water from coming in, but he’s gotta get the drain plug in,” Paddy explains.

“How the hell does he do that if he’s holding it in a tight circle?” I ask.

“Tie the wheel! Tie the wheel!” Paddy keeps yelling. I watch as Reboot looks around, panic stricken, while we all stand there, slack jawed, except for Bulldog. He’s laughing like a hyena.

“But, but!” Reboot shrieks.

What happens next is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Reboot hooks his foot in the wheel, then flips over and lands on his hands, foot still in the wheel. He disappears from sight as he stretches out along the deck of the boat, and we can’t see what’s happening. In a minute or two, we see him sit up, hands up in the air, and his foot comes out of the wheel. When it does, the boat’s course straightens, but it’s full throttle toward the marina. We can hear him yell, “OH SHIT!” as he leaps up and grabs the wheel to give it a hard left steer, and the boat turns abruptly about twenty-five feet from the dock, throwing wheel wash all over everything to its right, including one of the marina workers, who looks like a drowned rat standing there.

Everybody on the shore is laughing so hard they’re doubled over. Reboot cruises up close to us at a slow pace, hands up like he’s just scored a touchdown. “SAFE!” he yells, and we’re all rolling on the ground, even the women.

“I think I just peed myself!” Mavis shrieks.

“Oh my god, that’s the funniest damn thing I’ve ever seen in my life!” Patch is roaring.

“I GOT THE ‘IN A PICKLE’ IN A PICKLE, AND I GOT THE PICKLE OUT OF A PICKLE! LIKE A BOSS, MAN, LIKE A BOSS!” Reboot is bellowing, and everybody on the dock has come out to laugh. “Who wants a ride first?” Reboot yells toward us.

“With you driving? Nobody, you fool!” Bear shouts back.

“You can’t tell me you’re not having fun! You’re having fun!” Reboot yells back.

“You’re an idiot!” Ghost barks.

“Yeah, but you’re having fun, am I right?” Reboot crows back.

“Yes, we’re having fun watching you damn near kill yourself!” Penny shouts. At that, Reboot folds both arms at the waist, one in front and one in back, and takes a deep bow.

“That motherfucker’s seriously nuts,” Izzy says, gasping for air and laughing.

“Nobody wants a ride?” Reboot calls across the water.

“What’s your slip number?” Paddy yells.

“Fourteen!”

“I’ll ride with ya. Meet me at the slip.” And the soon-to-be EMT takes off at a jog.

The rest of us are trying to recover, but we’re all still laughing. I haven’t seen anything that entertaining in a long time. “Well, that was a momentous occasion. Somebody please tell me they were filming that.” I say, wiping my eyes.

“Oh, trust me, that’s on the marina’s security cameras and it’ll be all over the internet by this evening,” Patch says, holding his ribs. “It’ll go viral.”

“I’m sure you’re right. Can’t wait.”

Everybody else seems to be walking away, but Patch turns to me. “Was that who I think it was on the phone?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“What did she want?”

“Believe it or not, she wanted me to come pick her up from the hospital, but I told her I couldn’t.”

Patch shakes his head. “You should go.”

“I can’t. Don’t have a vehicle.”

An older gentleman has just loaded his boat up, and Patch calls over to him, “Sir? Sir, a moment?”

“Yes?”

“Are you by any chance going anywhere near Mallie?”

“No. Why?”

“We’re all here in two vehicles, but I’ve got a guy here who needs to get home quick so he can drive to the hospital. Is there any way I could pay you for your time and gas to take him home?”

The man looks at us and grins. “Son, after that show y’all just put on for all of us, I’ll take him anywhere he needs to go for free. Come on,” he says to me. “Get in. I’ll give ya a ride.”

Patch lays a hand on my upper arm in encouragement. “Go on. It’s fine. You need to do this, even if it winds up just being closure.” I nod and climb in the man’s truck.

The ride home is a lucky one. It turns out that he owns a business on the other side of Hindman, and it’s one that someone in our group could definitely use. When he drops me at the farm, I thank him and take one of his business cards. The key to Patch’s truck is hanging behind the door, so I grab it and in a few minutes, I’m headed to the hospital. She may already be gone, but at least I’ve tried.

I stride in and head down the hallway. Sure enough, she’s sitting on the gurney in the cubicle, and when I step in, she looks up. “I thought you couldn’t come.”

“Circumstances changed.”

“I see.”

“Are you signed out?”

“Yeah.”

“Then come on and I’ll take you home.” I’m sure they cut her clothes off of her, and somebody’s given her scrubs and a pair of shower shoes to wear home, so she’s not naked. As I wait, she climbs down off the gurney and makes her way out the cubicle door.

The truck is parked in the breezeway. “Patch’s truck, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d you swing that?”

Instead of answering, I shrug. She doesn’t need an explanation. I just open the door and help her in, then come around the front end, climb in, and start it up.

We bounce along in silence. I have nothing to say to her. Everything I needed to say, I’ve said. When we pull up in front of her apartment, I wonder how she’s going to get in. “You got a key hidden somewhere?”

“Yeah. I can get in.”

“Good. Well, glad I could do this for you.”

“You’re not coming in?”

Is she serious? “Why would I do that?”

“Because. I dunno. I wanted to talk to you.”

“If you’ve got something to say, you can say it right here.” There’s no point. I’m not making this easy for her. If she wants to talk, she’d better start, because I’ve got better things to do.

“Darius…” I guess she can see from the look on my face that I’m not changing my mind. “Okay. Sorry. I don’t have the right to expect you to give me an inch.” Won’t argue that either, although I’m pretty sure she wants me to. “So, look. I’ve had a lot of time to think. And Patch said some things to me that made me see things more clearly.” Leave it to Patch to stir the shit. Wait. That’s not fair to him. He’s a good guy. Whatever he said to her, I’m sure she had it coming. “And I realized something important. You were right.”

“Can you say that a little louder? I didn’t really hear you.” If she wants this conversation, she’s going to have to work for it.

“I said, you were right.”

“About?”

“About me. Being set in my ways and not having room in my life for somebody else. I’ve been so used to doing whatever I want however I want that I didn’t really think about an ‘us.’ I just thought about a me and a you, and failed to understand how that would translate.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I sat there and turned the tables. I thought about what it would’ve been like if you’d done this very thing and pretty much told me it’s none of my business. I mean, you go into dangerous situations when you’re doing search and rescue, but I know that. That’s part of the deal. I knew you did that before I met you. And I know that you guys do everything you can to mitigate as much danger as possible, to do everything as safely as possible. For me, this was…” She stops. Something profound is about to be said, and I’m hanging on every word. “This was foolish. I put everybody in that school at risk by showing up for classes that day. I should’ve stayed home or at the farm with you and let child protective services take care of it before I went back, but I didn’t want that. I wanted to be the one to fix things. And it almost got a lot of people killed.”

Wow. She really has given this some thought. “I’m glad you realize that.”

“I do. But what I realize most is how badly I treated you, like you and your feelings didn’t matter. And I’m sorry for that. I really, really am. I’m just not used to having to take somebody else’s feelings into consideration, and that’s my fault. I mean, I’m learning, but I should’ve done that on the front end, not as an afterthought. I promised you that I could do that, and I let you down. And I’m so, so sorry, Darius. I could’ve done better. I should’ve done better. I will do better if you’ll give me a second chance. I don’t deserve it, but I really want it. And I know you’re mad, and you have a right to be mad at―”

“I’m not mad, Aggie. I’m hurt. There’s a difference.”

“And for that, I really am truly sorry. I know I hurt you, and I hurt myself in the process. But do you think… maybe…”

I sit there, unable to articulate. I don’t want to be hurt like this a second time, and who says she won’t do the same damn thing again? But who says she will? I don’t know what to do, and right at that second, I realize I don’t have to know. Time. I need time. “Tell you what. I need time to digest all of this. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk, okay?”

Her eyes are sad, and a tear trickles down her cheek. “If you don’t want anything else to do with me, just tell me. Don’t give me false hope.”

“It’s not false hope. I just need time. Please. That’s all I ask.”

“Okay. And I do love you, babe. I really do.” Her hand lands on my hand, but I pull mine away and grip the steering wheel with it. I can’t let her break my resolve. “I’m gonna go. Thank you for picking me up.”

“You’re welcome. Take care of yourself.”

“I will. Bye.” She climbs down, closes the truck door, and wanders up to the apartment, limping slightly and leaning on the cane the hospital gave her. I watch her tip a flower pot, and in a few seconds, she’s unlocked the front door. With a turn to wave, she disappears inside, so I pull away from the curb.

I’m going back to the marina. I need another laugh for the day.

Aggie

The beautiful flowers have started to dry up, so even though I don’t want to, I throw them away. But the card goes in my dresser drawer. If this is never fixed, at least I’ll have that to remember by.

Everything is so quiet, and I can’t bring myself to do anything. I drop the dirty clothes in the hamper, toss my used towels in there, and climb into the shower. The dressings are waterproof, so I’m not worried about that, and it feels good to be clean. When I’m finished, I pull on a pair of panties and a gown and sit in the living room.

Apparently I’ve dozed off because a couple of hours later, I wake up to see that the morning light is gone from the front window, replaced by shade from the big tree out there as the afternoon sun takes over. Someone has texted me, so I check. It’s Izzy.

Hey, girl, just checking on you. You okay?

I text back.

Sorry. Fell asleep. Yeah. I’m okay.

A few minutes later, another one comes in.

You guys manage to patch things up?

Instead of replying, I send an emoji with a little tear coming from one eye. She texts back immediately.

That’s okay. I believe in true love. It’ll happen.

I’m not so sure.

Dinner is probably a frozen meal, but in an hour, somebody knocks on the door, and Audrey drops off a chicken and green bean casserole. The combination sounds disgusting, but the food is delicious. I don’t know why they’re all being so nice to me. I sure don’t deserve it.

Before bedtime, Michael, Ben, and Deborah all call me to check on me, and I ask Michael to get my purse from the school. To my surprise, Sarah calls too. She’s a sweet lady. I wouldn’t mind getting to know her better, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Just before I turn off the light, I open my texting app and send one. There most likely won’t be a reply, but I don’t care.

I love you and I’m so sorry for everything.

Good thing I wasn’t expecting a reply. There isn’t one. And for all I know, there never will be.

Priest

It’s a three-way conference call―me and Patch, Tony and Nikki, and Gus Erickson, the man who brought me home from the marina. Nikki is super excited, and Patch seems to be too. Now all we have to do is introduce the idea, and we’ll see what happens.

So that evening, after dinner, we have another one―me, Patch, and Fiona, and Nikki and Tony. “What are we doing?” the girl asks.

“We’re having a conference call with Tony and Nikki. Unless you don’t want to,” Patch says.

“No, no. That’s fine. I don’t understand, but whatever.”

Oh, god. Whatever. If I never hear that word again, it’ll be too soon.

“Hey, guys!” Tony sings out, and his and Nikki’s faces fill the computer screen.

“Hey! Good to talk to you!” Patch says.

“Hi, Fiona!” Nikki calls out through the connection.

“Hi, Neenee,” Fiona answers, using the name all the kids call Mrs.Walters. “What’s up?”

“Got a question for you. Have you given any more thought to the idea of a horse?”

Fiona lets out a little snort. “Yeah, but Dad doesn’t want to be bothered.”

“It’s not about not wanting to be bothered, Fi. It’s about already having plenty to do without adding something else,” Patch says, exasperation in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” There it is again, and it makes me want to scream.

“Well, we’ve got an extra horse here, and we wondered if you’d be interested in her,” Tony says.

Fiona’s face scrunches up. “Extra horse?”

“Yeah. We’ve got a boarding client. His name is Joseph and he’s a Saudi prince. He and his family had to come here for political asylum, but he’s still got all his money and he’s a really nice guy and… Anyway, he has two daughters. They’re both on our Olympic training team at the farm. They ride Standardbreds. But they have another horse, a Gypsy Vanner, and they really don’t have time for her anymore. Joseph asked if we would like to have her or knew anybody who would, and I told him we’d gladly take her. But she’s not going to get the attention she deserves from us, so―”

“Gypsy Vanner? What’s that?” Fiona asks.

“I sent you a picture of her. Check your texts,” Nikki says, and I watch as the girl opens her texting app and her mouth goes round. “Got it?”

“Oh my god, she’s beautiful!”

“Yeah, she really is. Her name is Almajid,” Nikki says, pronouncing it clearly― al-muh-JEED-oh . “It means ‘glorious’ in Arabic.”

“So I don’t understand. Am I coming there to ride her?”

“Actually,” Patch says, “there’s a boarding stable just the other side of Hindman. A man named Erickson owns it. We can board her there, and you can see her every day if you want. And that’s until we know for sure that you can handle her. Then we can talk about building a small barn and fencing some acreage out here for her to live here on the farm with us.”

Fiona’s eyes fly open. “Oh my god! You’re serious! Really? We can do this?”

Tony’s grinning and nodding. “We can bring her to you. She has a saddle and a bridle, and Mr.Erickson said you can use some of their things until you can go shopping for all the grooming stuff you’ll need. Neenee and I will teach you how to take care of her, and you have to share her with the boys, okay? It’ll be your responsibility to teach them how to ride too, so we’re paying Mr.Erickson to give you some riding lessons.”

“Yes! Oh, yes! Oh, my gosh, this is so great! Thank you! Thank you, Neenee! Thank you, Grandpa!” It’s the first time Fiona’s ever called Tony her grandfather, and I can see he’s tickled pink. “Oh my gosh! When? When is she coming?”

“It’ll probably be this weekend. We’ll trailer her there and spend a couple of days with you to help you get her situated.”

“I can’t wait! Oh, this is the best ever! Thank you!” The girl spins and for the first time I can remember, she throws her arms around her dad’s neck. “Thank you, Daddy!”

“You’re welcome, baby. I hope you and Almajid have a lot of happy years together.”

“I can’t wait to tell Skye!” Skye is Fiona’s new friend at school, and I’m glad she finally has somebody. She was a lonely child until a few months ago.

“We’ll see you guys Friday afternoon after school at Crippled Creek Farms. Love you, Fi,” Nikki says, smiling.

“Love you too, Neenee. Thanks again!” When the call ends, Fiona turns to Patch and me, tears in her eyes. “Whose idea was this?” Patch points to me. “Why?”

“Gus Erickson gave me a ride home from the marina the other day, and when I found out he had a boarding stable, I remembered you asking about a horse. And it just kind of took off from there.”

“Thank you.” She throws her arms around me, and I hug the girl. She’s had a rough road, and I think she’s finally home.

“You’re welcome, honey. I just want you to enjoy life here as much as the rest of us do.” That’s only partially true.

I haven’t been enjoying life much. But I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I believe in second chances. Patch extended one to me. Maybe it’s time I did the same for someone else.

Aggie

It’s been a week and two days. It’s Thursday. But it feels like a lifetime. One more weekday and a weekend, and I go back to work on Monday. I’m ready. Sitting in this house, alone, has been torture, but in some ways, I feel like I deserved it. I’ve heard from a couple of the women at the farm, but nothing specific, just checking on me. No one mentions Darius to me, and I don’t ask about him. I don’t think I’ve earned that right.

Thank goodness for grocery delivery. I would’ve starved without it. Izzy brought me burgers one night, and another night, Mavis and Sarah brought me a grilled chicken salad. To my dismay, none of them had time to stay. It would’ve been nice to have conversation, but I’m guessing they didn’t want to discuss what’s happened between me and Darius and, frankly, I don’t feel like I can anyway. I’m too raw. But there’s one thing I know for sure.

He was the real deal, my once in a lifetime, my soulmate. He was the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. And I blew it big time. I have nobody to blame except myself. It’s my fault, and I own that.

Bedtime is the worst. I hate it. The loneliness creeps in and there’s nothing I can do about it. At least while I’m working, I have people around me during the day. Lately, I’ve had nobody, just the TV and the occasional delivery. Otherwise, the silence in the house is deafening, and I can’t even stand to listen to music. It’s too painful.

As soon as I turn off the light and close my eyes, my phone rings. It’s not especially late, not even ten o’clock, but when you have nothing to do and no one to talk to, why even be awake? I look at the screen and my heart skips a beat. I’m breathless when I answer, “Hello?”

“Hi. How you doin’?”

I sit straight up in bed and snap the light on. “I’m doing okay, I guess.”

“Are you in any pain?”

No matter how vulnerable or pathetic it makes me sound, I have to be honest with this man. “No. Just my heart.” It’s silent for a minute, and I wonder if he’s hung up. “You still there?”

“Yeah. I was just wondering if… I wondered if you’d like to go out with me tomorrow night. Maybe to the roadhouse? Not with everybody else. Just us.”

“Yes.”

“You don’t need to think about it?”

“No. I don’t. I want to.”

It’s quiet for a minute again before he finally says, “Okay. I’ll pick you up at six. Is that okay?”

“Yes. It’s fine. Great. I’ll see you then.”

“Okay. See you then. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He didn’t say he loved me, or anything like that. No baby girl, no babe, no nothing. But it’s a start, right?

It’s a start.

I’m ready by five thirty and so shaky that I feel like I’m going to be sick. My nerves are shot. When I hear a car out front, I step to the door and look out. What I see makes me giggle.

It’s Darius, and he’s driving Tinsley’s little car. When I open the door, I’m grinning, I guess, because he gives me a little smile and hands me a bouquet of flowers. It’s not a huge one, but they’re still pretty. “Thank you! Is that yours now?” I ask and point toward the car.

“Yep. Bought it two days ago.”

“Nice. Very nice. Did they get their van?”

“Yeah. More like an SUV. Chevy Equinox. Tinsley really likes it, and the price was so good that Bulldog got to keep his bike.”

“That’s awesome. Come on in. I’ll put these in water.” I find a vase, slip the flowers in, and run it full of water, then grab my purse. “I’m ready if you are.”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

The ride is quiet. He asks what the doctor says about my leg, and I tell him I’m going back to work on Monday. I ask if they’ve heard anything about McGuire or Lashelle, and he says he really doesn’t want to talk about it. I’ll honor that. Kinda can’t blame him. I ask about Tinsley and the other women, and he says they’re all fine. “Martin will be here tomorrow. Paddy and Natalie are already moving into the bigger cottage, so Borden and Tegan will be with them. Our family is growing. The baby should be here any time.”

“So wonderful!” I say, feigning excitement. In reality, I feel afraid. He’s not being very talkative. What if this doesn’t work? What if it’s not meant to be?

We get seats pretty quickly, order drinks, and decide on dinner. When we’ve placed our orders, he says, “So something really exciting happened last weekend.”

“Yeah?”

“The day I picked you up from the hospital, I got a ride home from the marina with a guy who owns a boarding stable. Tony and Nikki had a horse they needed a home for, and one thing led to another, and last weekend they brought the horse to Fiona. Patch is helping her get her driver’s license and then he’ll get her some kind of little car, but for now, we’ll be taking her back and forth every day to take care of the horse. She’s really blossoming, coming out of her shell, taking an interest in life around the farm and having fun with the horse. It’s so good to see her joining in.”

“Oh, Darius, that’s amazing! What a wonderful thing! I hope I get to meet Tony and Nikki sometime.”

“I hope you do too. They’re wonderful people. I don’t know what we’d do without them.”

“Didn’t they buy the helicopter?”

“They did. They’ve believed in us every step of the way. We owe them more than anybody could ever know. Rebuilt everything at the farm, fixing up the last four cottages. They’re our fairy godparents, and I’ve never met two people who have more of a knack for making people feel loved and accepted. They’re… angels. They’re really angels. I do believe that.”

“That’s so great.” I don’t have anything else to say. All kinds of wonderful things are happening for the people who live at Iron Oaks, and nothing’s happening for me except this date. At least that’s something, but right now, I’m not sure what. “Um, do you want to dance?”

He sighs. “Maybe after we eat.” Well, I tried. “Oh, here comes our food now.” Sure enough, they’re carrying it to the table, and in a minute we have plates and fresh drinks.

But try as I might, I can’t swallow. Nothing feels right. Everything feels wrong. It’s like he’s sitting right there, chatting with me and rejecting me at the same time, like he’s torturing me with his presence. I don’t know what to do to make this right, and as I chew, hot tears slip from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. “Aggie? You okay? Are you hurting?”

“Yes. No. I mean, I’m okay. I’m not hurting.”

“Why are you crying? Are you not having a good time?”

“No!” I didn’t mean to shout, and a couple of people turn to look. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. No. I’m not having a good time. I feel like… I feel like…”

He stands and reaches for my hand. “Come here.” He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I’m out of my seat in a heartbeat and letting him lead me to the dance floor.

As soon as his arm slips around my waist, I start to sob. With my forehead pressed to his shoulder, I cry onto his shirt, big, fat, brokenhearted tears. And in one split second, my whole world is right again.

“Baby girl, I love you. I never stopped loving you. Not for one second.”

I’m crying so hard that it’s almost impossible to stand there, but his grip around my waist is firm, and I know I won’t fall. “Oh, god, Darius,” I whisper, “I’ve been so scared. I was so afraid you didn’t love me anymore and we’d never, never find our way back to each other. I didn’t know―”

“Shhhh, girl. It’s okay. I asked you once if you were mine, and you said yes. And I told you that I’m yours. That’s how it is. I just needed some time to forget the pain, but it’s okay. But I need to know that the lessons you learned will stay with you, because the ones I learned will most certainly stay with me.”

“If one of them was the lesson that I don’t love you like you love me, you can unlearn that one. It’s not true anymore. I’m not devoted to you. I’m devoted to us, and I’m going to prove to you every day that us is more important to me than you or me.”

“Good girl. Now, I want you to calm down and take a deep breath. Let’s go sit back down and eat our dinner, okay?” Words won’t come out, so I nod against his shoulder and let him take me back to our seats.

The next thirty minutes is amazing. It’s like nothing ever happened between us, none of the ugliness and pain, and we laugh and talk. The server has brought the ticket and taken his card when his phone rings, and when he pulls it out, he holds up a finger and smiles. “Hey. Yeah. Okay. We’ll be there in just a few. I’ve gotta finish paying and get my card and we’ll be on the road. Yeah. Okay. Tell her we love her and we’ll see you guys in a few minutes.” He slips his phone back in his pocket and looks at me, his whole face one huge smile. “We’ve gotta go.”

“What’s happening?”

“We’re having a baby.”