Chapter 5: Austin

I had no idea if Colt was going to open the door for me, much less let me inside his home, but I had to try. I need to talk to him. Need to clear the air. I know what he meant when he said just like last time. I have to try and explain. Colt needs to know that the kiss we shared was, hell, is the best kiss that I have ever had.

Colt just keeps looking at me, not saying anything, before he moves aside and lets me into his home. I try my best not to stare at him. He’s removed his hat and coat and he is breathtaking. At fifteen he had this mass of dark blond hair, but now it’s cut short and it makes him hotter.

“Thank you.”

“What do you want, Austin?” Colt asks, as he walks over to the stove top, turning it off.

“I need to talk to you,” I say.

“I told you; I don’t need to talk to you. So, if you don’t mind, I was about to sit down and have something to eat,” Colt says, turning his back to me and looking at the stove top.

“Bullshit!” I shout, my anger getting the better of me. For the past week I have been trying to reconcile the man I have been working with to the boy I spent the summer with, and they feel like two very different people.

“What the fuck, Austin? Just drop it. I don’t want to talk to you about anything other than the ranch.” He pauses for a moment before turning to look at me. “I think maybe you should leave.”

“No. I’m not going anywhere. We were friends,” I start.

“Friends.” His voice is now laced with disdain. Like the word has left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Yeah. Friends,” I repeat.

“Friends don’t lie and then vanish without a trace,” Colt spits back. “Friends stay in contact.”

“Colt,” I start, because he might not have realized it, but his voice is now laced with pain. This has to be linked to me leaving. But what can I say? I did lie, and for weeks.

“Fine, you want to talk. I can talk,” he says, his eyes now ablaze, and now I’m not so sure that I want to hear what he has to say. “That summer we spent together was the best summer of my life. I thought you were my best friend. And then you were gone.”

“I tried to tell you I was leaving,” I mumble back, but the hurt I caused Colt is written all over his face. I can’t turn back the clock. I can’t change what happened. I, frankly, have no idea what to do.

“You didn’t try very hard.”

“I fucking couldn’t,” I spit back at him. “That was your best summer? Well snap. I spent the whole time crushing over you. So, yeah, tell me how the hell I was supposed to say anything?”

“By saying, Colt I need to tell you something. You don’t kiss the boy, run away, and then ghost them. That was a really shitty thing to do.”

Ghost him? I never ghosted him. But then I realize, oh fuck. Yeah, I did. He’s never going to believe this story now.

“I never ghosted you,” I start.

“You just ignored me, then. Thanks Austin. Just get out. I’m done here,” Colt spits back.

“I never ignored you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I swear,” I tell him.

“I texted you,” Colt tells me, and I had a feeling that’s what he was going to say.

“I lost my cell,” I tell him quietly. The anger I had been feeling dissipated. “Lost all my contacts. My mom and dad only got me a new phone once we were settled. I needed a whole new sim, and number. I lost contact with everyone.”

“But you never thought to ask Gran or Pops for my number? Do you know that, for the first few times they visited, when they came back, the first thing I asked them was how you were? Not once did they say, here is Austin's number. You forgot about me.”

“Colt, I never forgot about you,” I tell him.

“That kiss changed my life. Do you know that?” Colt starts. “My attraction to you confused the crap out of me. I was supposed to like girls. That’s what my grandparents told me. And yet, all I could think about was you. What your lips felt like.”

“But…”

“Let me fucking finish!” Colt snaps. “It made me realize that I like boys more than girls, and when I told you, and you kissed me? Fuck. It took me a while to accept that I was gay. You did that. Imagine having a kiss change everything you know about yourself, and then watching that person literally run away from you.”

“Colt, I was fifteen.”

“So was I,” Colt responds. “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s in the past. We just need to leave it there.”

“I can’t,” I tell him. No matter how much I have been trying to fool myself that I have been fine with Colt not being friendly, and all business. I know I haven’t. I have watched and wanted this man.

“Well, I’m sorry. I can leave the ranch if you want,” Colt says. “I know some guys, probably only take me a few weeks to train them.”

“Why the fuck would I want you to leave? You don’t really want to either. You love it here. You have always loved it here,” I tell him.

“Austin, I have no idea what the fuck it is that you want.”

“I want you, Colt. I have since the moment you walked into the kitchen last week,” I snap.

Colt just stands there staring at me. I can see that he’s breathing faster. There is nothing more I can say. I need to wait for Colt’s next move. The ball is in his court now. The one thing I know for sure is that I hurt him. More than I ever imagined.

Suddenly, Colt is striding across the distance between us, and before I can comprehend what’s happening, I feel his hands on either side of my neck, and I’m being pushed backwards till I’m flush against the wall behind me. Then his lips are on mine. It takes a moment for my brain to register what’s happening, but then Colt is kissing me.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders, to keep him in place, and deepen the kiss. I run my tongue along the seam of his lips. He parts his lips, and I slip my tongue inside his mouth. Our tongues twisting around each other. I had thought our kiss at fifteen had been good. Oh, how wrong I was. This kiss, it's everything.

Then, just as suddenly as the kiss started, Colt is stepping back. Both of us are breathing fast.

“Please leave,” Colt whispers.

“No.” There is no way that I’m going to leave after that.

“Austin. I can’t do this.”

“Colt, I never meant to hurt you, and I can see that I did. Please, let us start over again. We’re not those kids anymore,” I try.

“You are just going to leave again. I need to protect myself,” Colt mumbles back.

I have no intention of leaving. This past week has reminded me of why I loved the ranch. I should’ve never stayed away as long as I did. It might only have been a week, and my body might be aching in places I never thought possible, but at the moment, I had no intention of leaving.

Sidestepping around Colt, I take a look around the kitchen for the first time. It reminds me of the kitchen at the ranch house. My guess is that Pops and Gran had something to do with it.

“Austin. It’s getting late, and I still have a lot to do this evening,” Colt says.

“With ranch stuff? Maybe I can help.” As I spot the table covered in papers and make my way over to it.

“No, not ranch stuff,” Colt says, rushing over to me, but I am closer to the table than him, and snatch up a piece of paper, and see the words Rustic Valley Ranch Christmas Festival.

“This says Rustic Valley Ranch, care to explain how this isn’t ranch stuff?” I ask.

“It’s nothing,” Colt says, taking the paper out of my hand.

“I know it’s the festival Gran and Pops put on every year,” I start. From the look on Colt’s face, I don’t think he expected me to know about the festival. I had been waiting for him to bring it up. Ask for help, but it looks like this was something he was trying to keep secret.

“How?” Colt asks.

“Gran and Pops told us. Remember how they always used to come to us for Christmas? Well, one year they asked if they could travel to us on the twenty-sixth. When my parents asked why, they explained about the fundraiser.”

“Oh,” Colt replies. “They never told me that you knew.”

“They loved this festival so much. I’m glad that you’re still doing it.”

“I had to. This is their legacy, and the town loves it, too,” Colt replies.

“Can I help?”

“I think I’ve got everything covered,” Colt replies, but I think that he's lying.

“Really? This,” and I point to the table, “looks like a lot of paperwork for someone who has everything covered. Please let me help.”

“I can do this on my own, Austin,” Colt tells me.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Colt. I’m not going anywhere, so you’re just going to have to pull your head out of your ass and let me help you. This is my ranch now, and this was my grandparents’ festival. So, you know what, I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. I’m helping with this festival.”

Pulling out a chair from the table, I sit down and fold my arms across my chest in an act of defiance. Colt may say he doesn’t want me here, but he’s lying to himself. I have no idea how I’m going to do it, but I’m not going to let Colt push me away. There was no mistaking the emotion behind that kiss. The feelings that we had for each other are still there. I just need to get Colt’s trust back somehow. If that means pretending not to care, and being all business, then I can do that…maybe.

Colt still hasn’t said anything, and he hasn’t grabbed me by my shirt collar and escorted me out of his home, so I’m going to take that as a good sign.

“If you want to keep this just business between us, Colt. I can do that.” No, I can’t, but at the moment, I’m not going to tell him that, “but the festival comes under that. The town knows I’m back. They are going to expect me to be there. So, you really don’t have an option,” I tell him.

Colt opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it again, before he takes a big sigh and mutters, “fine.”

“Good,” I say and look down at the papers. “Care to bring me up to date on everything?”

“Have you eaten?” Colt asks, ignoring my statement.

“No. I can get something when we’re done,” I tell him, and turn my attention back to the papers. It looks like Colt has organized everything into groups – decorations, food, and donations. I had to admit it was impressive. He had done so much already on his own.

A bowl of soup appears in front of me. The smell of meat and vegetables invading my senses makes my mouth water. God, this smells good, and my stomach growls loudly in agreement.

“Thank you,” I say as Colt hands me a spoon, and I take a mouthful. A groan falling from my mouth, unaided. This is so good. So much better than the sandwich I planned to make. They had become my staple this week. At lunchtime they’re quick to make, and in the evening, I don’t have the energy. I need to see if Colt will give me the recipe.

“No problem,” Colt replies. “It’s easy to make. Gran gave me the recipe; I’ll dig it out for you. She always said it was great for these cold nights. I always make too much, never did figure out how to do the amount for one.

Colt is trying to make small talk, though I can tell he isn’t happy with the situation, but right now, I don’t care. Operation get Colt to forgive me and to kiss me again is full steam ahead.