Chapter 4: Colt

One week later

Damn it.

I want Austin to hate the ranch life so badly that I’m showing him the worst of it, and yet he was, well, thriving. I saw glimpses of that sexy fifteen-year-old boy. The boy who loved the ranch and the horses.

“Colt.” Oh fuck, I was starting to love him calling my name. The sound as it rolled off his tongue.

“What now, Austin?” I’m trying to keep my tone neutral. I don’t want to be his friend. Well, that’s what my brain keeps telling me.

“Can you look at this? Something isn’t right.”

We’re in the back paddock, looking at a fence that I spotted down. Every weekend I try to get a ride in. Just an hour, for myself, where I try to forget about what’s going on at the ranch. It’s time for myself, but I normally spot something that needs my attention. Like today’s fence.

“Show me?” I ask, as I stand next to him, and try my best not to breathe in his scent.

Fuck, I’m in so much trouble. For fifteen years I have hated this man. Hated what he did to me, and, in less than a week, my heart is already telling me to forget the past and ask this man if he still likes guys and if he could like me again.

“It’s this piece of wood. You asked me to straighten it, but I think it might be rotten. Maybe this is what caused the fence to come down.”

Picking up the piece of wood, I can see that he’s right. I know that I could congratulate him for spotting this, but I can’t. Him doing so well was never part of my plan. He was going to come in and hate it. He’s supposed to be going back to wherever home is now, with his tail between his legs, and yet, he is fucking excelling.

“There are some new posts in the back of the quad trailer. I’ll go get one.”

Pops had bought a four wheeler and trailer a few years back on my suggestion. It makes transporting materials around the ranch easier. Pops, of course, had still used the horses to get around. He admitted that the four wheeler was a good idea, but nothing would ever compare to the feel of a horse. Austin had actually done the same today, even though there was room for a passenger behind me.

Seeing Austin riding Rodney, he looked so much like his Pops. It had made me stop for a second. Austin’s green eyes, shining bright from the ride, his cheeks had that hint of red from the cold wind catching them, and then there was his smile. Fuck, that smile.

“I can get it,” Austin replies.

Austin makes his way over to the trailer, and I watch as he checks each of the spare posts. They are all good, I had checked them when I put them in there. There is part of me that wants Austin to fail, wants to shout over to him to hurry up. To get him flustered. But Mr. Smith’s words still roll around my mind ‘ you’re going to have to play nice.’

Austin picks up the piece of wood effortlessly, places it on his shoulder, and carries it back over to the fence. Austin had turned out to be stronger than I thought, and there had been a few times I had wanted to ask him if he worked out. But I hadn’t.

At the beginning of the week, Austin had tried to make conversation while we were out working, and I know that it had been petty of me, but I always tried to give closed answers. I didn’t want to get to know him. Austin was the person who was potentially going to be taking my home away from me. As the days progressed, I found myself wanting to talk to him. But I’m stubborn, so I wouldn't grant myself that luxury.

“We are going to need to get moving. It’s already late and we still have a lot to do before nightfall.”

Together we worked on the fence, and within a few hours, it was fixed, sturdy, and I begrudgingly had to admit that we had worked well together. His mannerisms were so much like Pops’. It was like working with him again, but somehow better. Pops had slowed down over the years, while Austin was quicker. Well, he had gotten quicker over the week.

“Is it getting colder?” Austin suddenly asks.

“There’s a cold front moving through. Temps are predicted to drop below freezing tonight. Might mean some ice breaking tomorrow.”

“Do you think it will snow?”

“The forecast isn’t saying so at the moment, but it’s something you need to be aware of. This ranch is on higher ground. All you need is one snowstorm, and we’re snowed in.”

It had been a while since we’d gotten completely snowed in. In most cases, the town rallied together, and within a couple of days, the plows would come along the outer roads to clear them off, and we were able to get out again. I never told anyone, but I liked those days. The ranch covered in this blanket of white. Yes, it was hard work. The animals couldn’t feed themselves, they still needed to be looked after.

“When you say snowed in?” Austin questions.

“It’s not a complicated answer. It means snowed in. No one is able to get out, and of course, no one is able to get in.”

This has to be the first time that I genuinely saw worry on his face. Austin has to remember what the winters were like here, and I almost go to remind him, but don’t. That would be making conversation, and I’d decided we wouldn’t do that.

“If you’ll sort the chickens out, I’ll check on the livestock.”

“On my own?” Austin asks.

“Yeah, on your own.”

“But…”

“Austin, seriously. I can’t hold your hand all the time. This is your ranch. You need to learn to work it on your own.”

“Yeah, but…”

“What are you going to do when I’m not here?” I have no idea where these words came from, or why I said them out loud. I didn’t plan on going anywhere, and yet, here I am threatening to do just that.

“Where are you going?” The sheer panic in his voice was clearly evident.

“Austin, just go handle the chickens,” I reply.

“No!” Austin snaps, and reaches out, grabbing hold of my arm. This is the first time we have touched in fifteen years. It’s like a spark of electricity hits me, and I snatch my arm out of his grasp. I try to ignore how fast my heart is beating. “Answer me. Where the fuck are you going?” His voice now angry.

“I have no fucking idea,” I snap back, anger filling me. “You will sell this ranch, kick me out of my home, and just leave. Just like you did last time.”

Fuck. I did not mean for that to come out. Why the hell did I just say all that? I need to get away. Racing over to the quad, I quickly turn on the ignition and drive off. I thought I might have heard Austin shout my name, but that was all wishful thinking.

I shouldn’t have said that to him. I wanted to leave the past in the past. I didn’t want him to know the pain he had caused, and yet, I just gave him a glimpse of it. I am such an idiot. Hopefully, he will forget about it. Not push me for answers. But I doubt that’s going to happen.

Getting back to the stable, I quickly saddle up Brody and am leaving the stable just as Austin comes into the courtyard. I had pushed the quad, needed to get back here. Austin’s confidence on the horse is growing, but there’s still that hesitation, and he hasn’t really braved a full gallop yet.

“Colt!” Austin definitely shouts my name, but I ignore him, not looking at him as I ride past.

I take a lot longer than is necessary to sort out the livestock. Making sure that the water buckets are full, making sure all their feed is right, and getting them into the cattle shed overnight. In fact, I probably could have done it in half the time, and by the time I was finished, night time had fully taken hold. I could see my breath hanging in cloudy mists as I made my way back to the stable. Austin would have finished the chickens long ago, and hopefully, was in the ranch house away from me.

Looking around the courtyard, I can see the lights on in the ranch house and breathe a sigh of relief. I get to avoid him for the night. Tomorrow he might have forgotten the outburst, and we can just get on with working the ranch. Jumping down from Brody, I take his reins and walk in front of him, guiding him into the stable.

“Colt,” Austin’s voice sounds.

Fuck.

Looking around, I see him standing in the corner, just in the shadows so that I didn’t see him when I first walked in.

“You need me for anything?” I ask, trying to keep my voice as normal as possible as I lead Brody over to his stall and take off his saddle.

“Can we talk?” Austin asks.

“About?”

“What you said?”

“There is nothing to say. It’s getting late,” I say over to him, as I walk to the back of the stable, retrieve some brushes and start to brush down Brody. Not looking in Austin’s direction at all.

“You said I left?”

“I was stating a fact.” I’m not lying. Austin did in fact leave, and then forgot all about me.

“But…”

“Austin, I don’t want to talk to you,” I snap. “Mr. Smith said that you have to stay for a year, so let’s just keep it business. I don’t need you to be my friend.”

Walking Brody into his stall, I remove his headstall, hang it on a peg by his stall door and turn to leave the stable. My heart is beating so fast, it feels like I’m going to have a heart attack any moment, or die of a broken heart.

I wondered if Austin was going to follow me, but the courtyard remains eerily quiet as I make my way to my home. Glancing over to the ranch house, I see the kitchen light still on, and I feel the tears start to run down my face. On these cold nights Gran would invite me over. She would make Pops and I hot chocolate. Pops would light a fire in the living room, and we would sit around and talk. Pops and I would discuss the ranch and changes we wanted to make. Gran would ask me when I was going to meet a nice young man to set up home with. She was always trying to set me up with someone. By the end of the night, she always made me stay over. Said she hated me being on my own, even though they encouraged me to build the house. I missed them so much. Probably missed them more than my own grandparents.

But Gran and Pops are no longer here. There is never going to be hot chocolate by the fire, and I was going to have to get used to that. Times have changed, and I really needed to move on. I need to realize that this is Austin’s home now. It’s a home that I no longer have any say over. I used to be family, now I’m just the ranch hand.

Walking into my house, you walk straight into the kitchen. It might be a strange little set up, but it works for me. The kitchen is the warmest room in the house, and I can kick off my work boots, leaving them right by the door. I like to walk around the place with just my socks on, anyway.

Going over to the stove, I turn on the gas under a saucepan. I had a chunky vegetable soup with some beef left in the refrigerator. It was a great meal to have on these cold nights, with bread. Going over to the kitchen table, I pull out a chair and look at the papers I had left there from the night before. It’s my plan for the festival and the list of things that I needed to handle.

Very little money was spent on the festival, it was all built on donations, but it was time consuming work, getting those donations. Most of the town donated the same thing every year – trees, food, presents for Santa to give out. But with teaching Austin, I was beginning to wonder how I was going to do it all. I told Mr. Smith that I would get Austin involved, but I kept finding myself keeping it a secret. This was my thing with Gran and Pops, and I wanted to keep it that way.

A knock on my kitchen door makes me jump. There is only one person that could be knocking on my door. I should ignore it. Maybe pretend that I have gone to bed, but the kitchen light is still on.

Getting up from my seat, I open the door to see Austin standing there.

“Can I come in?” Austin starts. “Please?”