Chapter Nine

Jake

W hen was the last time I’d woken in bed with someone else?

Someone who wasn’t my baby girl?

After Anna left me, I’d had a few hookups, the last with a man and woman looking for a bi guy. It had been fun, but there’d been no snuggling. That had been before Cora was born, which felt like a different life.

Now? There was snuggling.

Eyes still closed, I was curled into Cam’s side with his arm around me, my cheek against his hairy chest. Was he asleep? I couldn’t tell. There’d been no time to worry about things getting awkward after our orgasms faded because Cam had immediately drawn me into bed and pulled the covers over us.

Maybe waking in his arms should have been uncomfortable—it was certainly a tight squeeze on the double mattress—but after what we’d just shared, we were loose and languid.

Though excitement fizzed through me now as I replayed it. God , watching Cam like that—so powerful yet somehow vulnerable.

Raw.

He’d been beautiful. And the sight of him dropping to his knees and sucking my cock like a starving man would live rent-free in my head until the end of time.

I stirred, rubbing my stubble against his nipple. His low chuckle under my ear was beyond sexy.

You know what wasn’t? Crying. I cringed as I remembered that part.

Cam caressed my spine. “What?” His voice was low. “She’s still sleeping. You weren’t out long. Maybe twenty minutes.”

Guilt twisted through me as I realized Cora hadn’t been my first thought. Well, I’d thought about her—but I hadn’t checked on her. I was still warm and sleepy in Cam’s arms with my eyes closed and drops of his cum dried in my chest hair.

And it was exactly where I wanted to be.

Still, I murmured, “We should…”

“Mm. Not yet.”

Opening my eyes, I shifted enough to look up at him. In the afterglow, his grim, stony expression had softened into the sweetest smile. My belly flip-flopped with a warm rush of excitement and affection. Cam had always worn his heart on his sleeve.

Immediately, a voice in my head warned me not to get my hopes up. I wasn’t even sure about what. God, couldn’t I just enjoy a few minutes feeling warm and safe and comforted? I wanted to just share this moment with Cam. We’d have to go back to the real world soon enough.

“When did you know you were bi?” Cam asked.

I lowered my head to his chest, and he ran his big hand up and down my back as I reminisced.

“Second year of university. I saw two men at the gym one night. It was late, and I finished my reps just under the wire. Hustled into the locker room and figured I didn’t have time for a shower since the staff at the front desk wanted to go home. But I stank, so I decided they’d have to wait a few more minutes.”

I chuckled. “It took me an embarrassingly long time to understand what the noises were. For a second, I was afraid someone was having a heart attack or something. I went to investigate to make sure someone didn’t need help.”

“Mm.” Cam leaned down and kissed the top of my head. He traced the curve of my ear with his fingertips.

“They were in the last stall, and the curtain was only half drawn. They were fucking. Two of the big guys I always saw around, lifting heavy and grunting. Spotting each other. They were definitely doing more grunting. One of them was braced on the tile wall with his arms and legs spread, being fucked.”

“What did you do?”

“Watched. My brain was shouting at me to back away, but I couldn’t take my eyes off them. I’d seen guys kissing or whatever on TV. Never thought too much about it. I was fine with it. But this was so… real . They were groaning, their muscles flexing with so much power. I’d admired their bodies before out on the floor. They were ripped.” I looked up. “Like you.”

Cam’s breath punched out in a rush, his voice hoarse. “Did it make you hard?”

I nodded, still watching Cam under my lashes. “I stood there, rock hard, spying on them. They could have seen me if they’d looked back, but they were totally focused on each other. The one behind, he was kissing the other guy’s neck and reaching around to jerk his dick while he pounded him. It was like I’d walked into a porno.”

“It does sound a lot like one.”

I laughed. “It does.” I ran my hand over Cam’s chest, my thumb catching on his nipple. I explored Cam’s chest and belly, making him squirm and laugh when my fingers skimmed his ribs. “Ticklish, huh?”

“No,” he said, even as I proved him wrong, his belly quivering under my feather-light touch. “Okay, okay. Yes.”

I relented, resting my hand on his stomach, light fur under my palm.

“Did you jerk off?” he asked.

For a second, I was puzzled and going to reply that no, I hadn’t, because he’d just sucked me off, before remembering what we’d been talking about. My brain was mush, but in the best way instead of my usual sleep-deprived haze.

“Oh, yeah. I stumbled away as soon as they came. Forgot the shower and shoved my hard dick in my jeans. It was a good thing it was winter and I had a long coat. Practically ran back to res. My roommate was on his way out, and I didn’t even make it to my bed. Just leaned back against the door, spit on my hand, and made myself come. Started looking at guys in a whole new light after that.”

“Mm. I bet.” Cam drew my head up and kissed me slow and deep.

Even after sucking me, I could still taste a hint of the mint Chapstick I’d seen him slip into his pocket…yesterday? What even was time? Kissing him felt so right . How was that possible? I’d never put stock in the idea of fate, but kissing Cam Walsh all these years later might have made me a believer.

Over the faint hum of white noise in the bathroom, Cora coughed and grunted. Cam and I froze, waiting. The seconds ticked by, but she settled again, and so did we.

There were things I should have been doing, like getting formula ready to go so she wouldn’t have time to get cranky when she woke. But it was so warm and comfy smushed under the covers with Cam.

He held me close, and I circled his belly button with my fingertip. Cam asked quietly, “When did you decide to keep Cora? You said an adoption had been arranged.”

I actually shuddered to think of it, and Cam rubbed my back gently. I figured I’d start at the beginning. “Anna’s water broke at thirty-six weeks.”

“What’s the normal number of weeks? I know it’s nine months, but… Don’t make me do math.”

I had to smile. “Thirty-nine or forty weeks is considered full term.”

“How big was Cora when she was born?”

“Five pounds, twelve ounces.”

“Whoa.”

“Yeah. She was tiny. Smaller than I could have imagined. Not that I’d really pictured it. I hadn’t thought about whether I’d be there for the delivery. It was a weird time. I was trying not to think about any of it. Totally in denial. I figured if Anna wanted adoption, that was that. It wasn’t like I was going to be a single father and raise a baby all by myself. It seemed absurd.”

Cam squeezed my bare hip, and I swallowed thickly. Thinking back to that time before Cora was born, I barely recognized myself.

“Anna’s boss boyfriend didn’t want to go into the room. He waited down the hall even though she was screaming in pain. I guess he was in his own denial. Her family back in Poland didn’t even know she was pregnant. Anna hurt me, but I couldn’t leave her alone. I held her hand and told her to push and all that stuff. Her friends came, but the hospital only allowed one person in the room. She was squeezing my hand so tightly. I couldn’t let go.”

As I breathed in and out, Cam nuzzled my head.

“Cora was barely breathing when she was born. They took her to the NICU right away, and one of the nurses grabbed me and told me to follow. I was there all night. She was so small compared to the machines. There were wires all over her. It’s still amazing to be able to hold her without any machines attached. I knew before I left to shower and sleep for a few hours that I was keeping her.”

“I can imagine.”

“When I got back to the NICU, one of the nurses said, ‘Hi, daddy!’ They’d call the parents mom or mommy and dad or daddy—they had too many patients in and out to know our names. Every time they called me ‘dad,’ it stoked this new fire inside me. I’ve never had purpose like this. Love like this.”

Caressing my back and hip with slow sweeps, Cam murmured, “Mm.”

“I went to Anna’s room. She was being discharged. I told her I was keeping the baby with or without her. She didn’t argue.”

“You’re not worried she might change her mind?”

I shrugged. “Boss man got his lawyer to draw up the papers. She gave up her parental rights. If she changes her mind, I’ll deal with it. But I don’t think she will. She never wanted kids. I respect that. It’s not easy.” I had to laugh. “Understatement of the century.”

“How long did you say Cora in the NICU?”

“Nine days. She had trouble eating. She couldn’t suck, swallow, and breathe at the same time. She’d start turning blue, and it was…” I shuddered again.

“Jesus. I can only imagine.” Cam held me tighter.

“Yeah. Since she wasn’t delivered at term, she had an immature digestive and respiratory system. She’d suck on the tiny bottle and start choking. She’d only get a bit of donated breast milk and formula down. It took practice for her to be able to eat normally. I’d be there every morning, go home and have lunch, then go back. I read books to her for hours. Hoped my voice would block out the constant beeping. There was so much noise. Some beeps were fine and regular, but some were scary. The nurses would rush over to that baby, and my heart would pound, hoping they were okay. Relieved it wasn’t Cora’s machines.”

“It’s okay. She’s safe. You’ve taken such good care of her.”

I realized I was trembling, and I blinked away tears. I turned my face into Cam’s warm, solid chest and mumbled, “Thank you,” against his skin.

Cora was going to wake, and it was time to get up…in just a few more minutes.

Later that night after bath time, I dressed Cora in her last clean onesie. Cam and I had eaten a dinner of frozen meals together standing in the kitchen talking about yaks versus cattle. I loved listening to him, his low baritone rising when he was excited.

Fuuu dge , he was gorgeous.

When it was time for bed, the cabin lit only by the fire’s glow, Cam unfurled the bedroll at the foot of the bed again. Toby had settled on the hearth, and Cora was snug in the drawer on the mattress. I stood there, wearing Cam’s baggy sweats again.

“I want to sleep with you,” I blurted. Real smooth.

Cam’s blue eyes darkened. “Right now?”

“Yes. I mean, yes, of course I do. What I mean at the moment is just sleeping. But I don’t think there’s enough room.”

He smiled. “It’s okay. I’m good on the floor.”

I bit my lip. “It’s just that I’ve never spent a night without her next to me since she came home from the hospital.”

“I understand.” In his PJ bottoms and T-shirt, Cam stretched out on the floor and tugged up his blankets. “Sleep well.”

I tried. I really did!

It felt like an eternity but was probably only fifteen minutes later when I slipped out of bed and crawled over Cam. His eyes popped open, and he stifled a laugh as we kissed. He tugged the blankets over me, and I straddled his hips, both of us hard already.

As I burrowed my hands under his T-shirt and spread my fingers through his chest hair, Cam whispered, “What do you want?”

Leaning low, I put my lips to his ear. “Will you tell me what to do?”

Cam inhaled sharply and kissed me, his fingers tightening in my hair. I moaned into his kiss, rocking my hips. His mouth was hot and wet, his tongue stroking mine—

And then another tongue licked my ear.

Squirming, I slapped a hand over my mouth to muffle a laugh as Toby squeezed between us, licking our faces enthusiastically. Cam’s chest rumbled with laughter, and he tried to order Toby back to the hearth.

It was no use. We couldn’t stop laughing, which only encouraged Toby. I wheezed. “As much as I want you, I’m not up for a threesome.”

Cam sighed and pushed away Toby’s snout. “I could shut him in the bathroom, but he’s not used to it.”

“No, no. I don’t want him to be alone.” Petting Toby with one hand, I kissed Cam and nuzzled against his beard. “We can wait.”

“Mm-hmm. Waited a long time already. I can wait more.”

I had to kiss him, sliding my tongue into his mouth, breathing him in. Until Toby tried to join in again, and I retreated to Cam’s bed. Cora was fast asleep, one arm up over her head, and I ghosted a kiss over her head before drifting away with a smile on my lips.